Between Sunrises (1886 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Truth
Rating: 1.97 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2006-02-28 15:11:27 EST
"Thank You."
"For what?"
"For loving me."
"You don't have to thank me for that. I'm not doing you any favors."
"Yes you are. You're saving my life."
And that's how the conversation goes, and the horrible thing is, she's right.
On a very superficial level, I'm the lucky one not her. She's younger than me and far more beautiful than any woman I've ever been with.
On a deeper level, I'm still lucky. She's got this smile that makes bullshit catch in my throat and sets fireworks off in my chest. She's bursting with love, kindness, and the need to receive the same, and it's been too long since she had her fair share of either.
She deserves the best, but life doesn't care about deserve. Life doesn't care about good and bad. It just does as it pleases.
Her father died last year of cancer. Her mother is dying of the same thing right now. It's spread into her lungs and her blood. It's bloating her body and numbing her mind.
I met her yesterday. She reached her hand up slowly and shook mine, and I almost pulled away when I saw her pale balloon like fingers. She said 'Hello' and looked up at me with eyes full of worry and pain, because she knows how frail her daughter is. She know's Beth has spent too much time learning about the evil that men do, and she's scared I'm gonna drag her back into the shit she's clawed her way out of.
I smiled the best I could then found something else to look at because I don't know what to say or do in situations like that. I don't know how to reassure the dying, and she's so close to death that she reminds me of my father.
Beth calls her mom her 'Raspberry'
Things are going to get bad when she passes. Beth has been through too much already, she's got a lifetime of ghosts to deal with and she's got the medication to prove it.
She won't tell me everything, but I know enough.
I know about the beatings and some of the rapes. I know about the ways she's been used and the mistakes she's made in the search for something she's never really known until now.
I know about the last time in the park near the Camby pub, and about how - when they were done with her - they drowned her in the fountain.
They fucked up. They didn't hold her under long enough.
Luckily, accomplished rapists sometimes make shitty murderers.
I know about some shocking shit, and I should run, but the miracle of her smile, and an unspoken connection holds me in place. The wonder that someone who's been through what she has, can still shed warmth from her eyes like the sun sheds rays, makes it impossible for me to be anywhere except with her.
She should be hard and bitter. She should despise men and the world they've created but she doesn't, she just presses tight against me when we sleep, and kisses me when we wake.
I'm scared and in love.
I'm afraid I'm going to lose her to something other than the usual bullshit that ends a relationship. I'm scared I'm going to lose her to herself.
She's been taught that she's nothing, that she serves no purpose to anyone except to be used and beaten. She's been taught it hard, over and over again, until her guts felt like they were full of red hot razor blades and the blood flowed freely down her thighs.
She knows the lesson is a lie and she keeps the beast down, but it fights its way to the surface sometimes. It rears its ugly head like it did Friday night, and takes over, and there's nothing I can do but hold her and tell her I love her, while she cries and chants "I want to die." over and over again like a mantra.
She doesn't hear what I say. She just knows that there's no use trying to end it all because there's someone nearby who'll stop her.
Nothing I can say will rip the beast from her. It is all consuming. It's been beat too deep into her. It lets her know things that no woman should know.
She knows that some men are full of hate, lust, and rape, and the ones who aren't like to joke about it.
She knows it with everything that she is and then she falls asleep in my arms and wakes me with a kiss in the morning, and I wake up thanking God for her, because the good times are so good that they make the bad times fade fast, as night terrors should.
I'm not a wise man. I'm just saying what is. It's just a glimpse, a snapshot at a part of life. Idunno, maybe it's about what circumstance and choice does to good people.
This woman isn't just my lover. She's your friend, your sister, your mother. She's everything that's good and wrong with us all.
She's a part of life, and I think that if there is a lesson here it's that; Maybe the downfall of Man can be staved off by the smile of a battered woman.
Maybe our redemption lies in the struggle for hers.
Part of me wants to think that we're too far gone, you and I, but then I think of Beth and I know she still has faith in us.
I got up in time to watch the sunrise this morning.
It looked different.
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-09-05 09:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Incredible...
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2009-09-05 02:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say. I'm a little afraid for you and a lot happy for you.
-----
Hope all still goes well
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-09-04 22:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truly outstanding.
I'm glad to know you.
Submitted by AngelsGateEvictionist (user info) at 2009-09-04 21:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Average my ass.
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-06-19 18:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this a while ago and just came across it again.
Submitted by freakishdemon (user info) at 2006-06-03 11:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very thoughtful.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-03 11:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-04-05 11:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#speachless#
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
snark writes a decent piece.
snark recieves mild to good reviews.
snark is happy.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very good.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-03-08 00:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I sometimes wonder whether we are worse than previous generations of men or whether we are just made more aware of our evil by the creation of mass media.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-07 04:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have already rated this +2 - but somehow the rating has not appeared. I will rectify this immediately.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-04 21:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-03-02 07:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved, LOVED the last line.
Knowing this is a true story makes me very sad.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-02-28 22:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So glad you are happy!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-02-28 21:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gave me shivers up and down my spine, beautifully written, almost brought me to tears. amazing the amount of messed up women out there due to the abuse of something thats supposed to be so loving. thanks for understanding, there are many who dont.
Submitted by CrazyHorse (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What can I say?
Plus
Fucking
2
Submitted by kclovebliss (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a touching short story you're brilliant! ~bliss
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:24:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs less rape.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And, have another +2 for the writing. You should be used to that by now, but I feel like you should get extra recognition for calling a post "Between Sunrises" and NOT having it mean the same thing at all as "From Dusk til Dawn", and still making it a good read.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-02-28 19:00:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for being more human than 99.9996% of the users here, and by extension of the general populaion. It's good to be reminded that there's some real people out there among the terminally juvenile and asinine.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-28 17:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You have this funny ability to make me yawn. Thanks.
Submitted by Rocktsrgn (user info) at 2006-02-28 17:15:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have this funny ability to make me cry. Thanks.
Submitted by Pervy (user info) at 2006-02-28 17:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooah!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say. I'm a little afraid for you and a lot happy for you.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:40:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I wish you could have more than +2. Like +2000.
Awesome
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I just point out that in this "needs more rape" "fuck you and the bitch of a mother who shat in a toilet and you fell out" world of Uber, Snark is one of the quietest, and most elequent users here. And his stories flourish!
Bravo my good man. Bravo.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"moderately fucked up, sometimes trying but completely worth it"
That describes us all in a way.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that i know this is non-fiction, Snark-
From the heart of a now-motherless, moderately fucked up, sometimes trying but completely worth it woman- thank you for being there for one of us. I wish I could communicate how much I relate.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes, somehow, even in this rotting shit-heap of a world, beauty and love have a way of persevering.
======================
Thank you for that.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got the story... but not the words. Or, not the words that would do the story justice at any rate.
It would be like trying to describe a great work of art.
Or the meaning of life.
Words wouldn't do the job.
I'll say this though... if I possessed your eloquence, I might have written an astonishingly similar post.
And my story has a happy ending.
Sometimes, somehow, even in this rotting shit-heap of a world, beauty and love have a way of persevering.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how...sweet
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:38:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:24:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:23:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
It'll eat you too, in the end. But it'll be so sweet right up to the point when the jaws snap shut.
===========================
Yeah, I know.
---------------------------
Not always.
Definitely not always.
======================
Sounds like you got a story to tell Wookie.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:38:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:24:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:23:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
It'll eat you too, in the end. But it'll be so sweet right up to the point when the jaws snap shut.
===========================
Yeah, I know.
---------------------------
Not always.
Definitely not always.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:17:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
This woman isn't just my lover. She's your friend, your sister, your mother. She's everything that's good and wrong with us all.
-----------
Beautiful.
======
*sighs*
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck dude....
This is exactly like my relationship...
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:23:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
It'll eat you too, in the end. But it'll be so sweet right up to the point when the jaws snap shut.
===========================
Yeah, I know.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It'll eat you too, in the end. But it'll be so sweet right up to the point when the jaws snap shut.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing writing ability. This cut.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is entirely real and ongoing.
I post this with her permission.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This woman isn't just my lover. She's your friend, your sister, your mother. She's everything that's good and wrong with us all.
-----------
Beautiful.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow this is kickass. a series with the other one i assume? is it someone real?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:15:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sicknote (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. A bit close to home.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is this?
Decent, consise, character-driven writing?
What the fuck is wrong with you?