Paintballing in Prague (689 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Alex DeWitt <alex.dewitt.at.ntlworld.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-01 12:08:49 EST
Continuing the story about my trip to Prague (http://www.ubersite.com/m/84637)...
Myself and seven mates were in Prague, and we had been out from 1pm the previous afternoon, until 7am that morning, with some Dutch people in a 7 storey Czech nightclub that was playing 50's American Rock 'n' Roll. We were being picked up for our paintballing excursion at 10am, and to say we were sleep deprived would be an understatement. I was woken several times by people vomiting in the night, but by far the 'best' vomit was done by Pete, all over himself in the shower, rock star style. Hearing it through the bathroom door was legendary. The mush in the holes of the washing machine drum also reminded me that I had put in a banana on a 40 degree cycle before I went to bed.
Bleary eyed, we ventured out into the harsh sunlight to greet our mini-bus driver, who apparently hardly speak a word of English. We bundled into the van and he set off. We started leaving the familiar city centre and the scenery was getting progressively more like a housing estate back home. We were twisting and turning down hilly residential roads for at least half an hour, wondering where this outdoor paintballing facility could be hiding, all the while the driver had been ignoring our attempts to converse with him.
Suddenly, the driver pulled over in a street which looked like a Czech version of Ramsay Street in Neighbours. He pointed at his phone, and said something in Czech, then got out of the van and walked off, with no explanation. Do we get out, do we wait? What the hell is going on? The driver was walking down the road then went into one of the houses there. I joked that he was going to detonate the van any second now, and I received nervous laughs. He left us for ages wondering what the hell was going on, then he suddenly appeared and got back in, and we figured it must have been his house and he stopped off to get something.
The remainder of our journey suddenly got a lot more rural, and as we were driving down bumpy dirt tracks I looked at my watch and noticed that this wasn't the 'short drive' the brochure had promised. We then started going down tracks so narrow that the wing mirrors were barely forcing their way through the bracken hedges either side. It then dawned on me that we never actually confirmed with this guy that we were the paintballing group. We didn't show him our booking confirmation, tell him our names, even mention the word paintballing, we just fell into this waiting van in a drunken stupor. "We're being fucking kidnapped!" was a thought that crossed all of our minds, especially as we were now literally driving through woodland, the oversize vehicle being thrown into the air as it bounced over fallen trees and logs.
Before this thought could gain any momentum however, the van abruptly stopped, and the driver hurriedly got out, slid open the door and commanded us out, before speeding immediately off leaving us standing in the middle of the woods, in front of a compound made of tin sheeting. We were all thinking 'what the fuck' for a few minutes, when with a squeak, a large metal sheet door swung open and a huge man hurried us inside. He apologised for the delay, and his friendliness put us at ease, but the look of the place was not at all as I had imagined. There were three levels of height, a ditch, level ground and a hill, and paint splattered objects everywhere, in an enclosed metal arena. I had anticipated a safety briefing of some sort but what we got was along the lines of "guns here, safety zone here, always wear your helmet, no helmet, no eyes. Off you go".
We were then left wandering around alone and bewildered wondering what exactly to do. It didn't take long for us to get the hang of it and start shooting the shit out of each other though.
One of my friends John, did seem to rile up the instructor a bit when he got paint over his eye shield, so he took of his helmet. He was wandering around the battlefield with no protective headgear on, and holding his gun pointing at his own face! God knows why, he has no common sense. We were all shouting at him to get the fuck inside before he got blinded, and miraculously he made it unhurt.
We stopped for lunch, and I was waiting curiously, as I had made a special point of telling them that I don't eat meat, but I do eat fish. Everyone got a hilariously huge and crude looking sandwich made from a barbecued pigs leg in doorstop bread, and two bottles of beer. The sandwich was about 6 inches high and impossible to bite, and there was no cutlery. Then guy appeared with my meal, and I'm not kidding when I say it was served in a dog bowl. One of those shiny metal dog bowls, so deep I could hardly get my cutlery in to poke the strange mass at the bottom. "What is it?" I asked. "Fish" came the reply. My hunger overruled my scepticism and I tucked in. I must also not that as a 'vegetarian' I also received a tomato. None of the other group members were given a tomato, but I guess my special dietary requirements made them feel sorry for me.
The journey back to the apartment was much more relaxed, and we compared bruises on our nad sacks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Drawstring (user info) at 2006-03-10 06:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i could of died? bit like the gun store incident
Submitted by Smooth_Shoes (user info) at 2006-03-02 04:47:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"We're being fucking kidnapped!" +1
camwhore +1
Sweet!!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-01 17:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for paintball
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-01 17:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Budvar lager is excellent.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-01 16:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
was it Budvar beer?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-01 12:47:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It would have been funnier if you had been abducted, and then forced to use real guns until only the strongest survive. AND THEN the winner must mate with the sister of the Czech bus driver while he and his friends leap around shouting at you to impregnate the she-boy!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-01 12:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Vegetarian fag.
The inclusion of a stripper may have negated that point.