Shamrock Open- Where's me Lucky Charms? (1188 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.56 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-03-01 20:40:27 EST
As the door swung shut behind him and he shuffled across the room towards the console Rabbit knew he had trouble.
He'd never seen L.C. this mad before. The term livid with anger took on real meaning as he looked at the red face, veins throbbing in the side of the neck.
"Holy shit boss, what the hell happened?" Rabbit questioned as he bustled in, grabbing things, trying his hardest to look productive.
He'd decided to take a different approach when dealing with him. No more cowering before the anger, the rage that would so easily refocus on any weakness or indecision that had the misfortune to fall before it. Maybe if he was direct, assertive, the wellspring of violence wouldn't erupt on him again.
As the little man leveled his malevolent gaze on Rabbit the creature unwittingly ran his hand down the bruises that ran all up and down his ribcage.
A mistake and he instantly realized it.
L.C. glanced down and saw the hand rapidly retreating from the fur covered ribs, it just didn't retreat fast enough.
As the cold smile that Rabbit knew so well stretched the little mans lips into an evil caricature of good will, the bunny started babbling rapidly. Pleading for mercy for what offense he knew not.
"Boss I've been doing my part, running the game, I let the kids win, they always take the bait...I swear to God...no more slip ups...I swear....."
The little man held up his hand to stop the verbal torrent.
As he continued to appraise the trembling creature his eyes lost some of their steel. They softened as much as they ever did.
"So they ate today, yes?"
The high pitched brogue always seemed to be in such sharp contrast to the nature of the man. His questions were always presented more as demands for consent, they were never really questions.
"Yes, yes of course, L.C. they sure did, no more slip ups..."
He continued the cold dead stare at Rabbit as he interrupted the answer.
"You know why we call them 'Trix' don't you? It's because you're the resident whore. That's your place here Rabbit, you just turn ass over and give them what they want, because I tell you to. You're my bitch, Rabbit, and you like it, don't you?"
Rabbit turned his eyes down and answered with a single, soft, "Yes."
L.C. laughed and pushed the button under his desk.
As he sat and reveled in the creatures misery the door softly opened at the back of the chamber. A large figure stepped in behind Rabbit and shut the door as silently as he had opened it.
The enormous beast stepped forward at a slight nod of the head from the leprechaun.
"I've grown tired of you Rabbit, you know that? You're getting one today just because I feel like it.
Tony?"
Rabbits nose started pitching up and down as his tail drooped down in terror.
"Please, NO, please, Lucky I'm begging you...."
"DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL ME THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT...
That's their name for me, the god damn kids. Only my boys can call me that you fucker, you just crossed a line bitch.
Tony, bring me his foot when you're done. I could use another 'Lucky Charm.' After they let you eat your shit those two times I should have killed you Rabbit. You set me back years with that bullshit.
I thought you knew, stupid Rabbit, TRIX ARE FOR KIDS.
Tony, I expect the foot when you're done."
He stayed to watch the beating begin and only left the room with a smile once the screams began.
Had he stayed a little longer, he would have witnessed the tiger whispering in Rabbit's ear.
"I'm sorry, my love, so sorry. Our time is coming soon..."
=============
As he entered the high sanctuary the nude leprechaun looked at his boys with unadulterated lust.
"Come here Crackle. Kneel."
As the naked elf eagerly dropped to his knees, licking his lips in anticipation, his two brothers started in with questions.
"Is it completed?" Snap asked.
"Are we ready to proceed, Lucky?" Pop wanted to know.
He only nodded with a smile as he guided Crackle's face to his quivering, rock hard lepre-cock.
Before his lips closed around the bright red member Crackle whispered, "I'm the one they should call Lucky!"
The wave of laughter that followed greeted the tiger as he walked in and threw the severed foot on the high altar.
"I won't be doing this for you anymore L.C." he declared as he immediately turned to leave."
"If I tell you you will, then you will. But it's no matter either way, lad. I move tomorrow night. Your lovers paw completes the puzzle for us. Your area of expertise won't be needed any longer.
Tony winced at the mention of Rabbit. They had both believed the affair to be a secret from him still. He paused.
"Either way, Tony, you did your part admirably. Feel free to leave."
Tony started to go.
"Oh yeah. Tony? You're Grrrrrrrrreat."
Tony left without responding.
After the door shut behind him he ran, he hadn't known their time was so short.
=============
As Lucky and his boys sat at the table, the Keebler Krew marched in one by one and found seats.
The discussion was brief. Lucky announced they were proceeding the next day with the plan.
Everyone thought it was a wrap until Elmer spoke up at the end, wanting a summary of how the thing would go off.
Everyone rolled their eyes but Big Keeb spoke up first, "Lucky, just indulge him please. I know he's a fucking retard, but I gots to keep him around for that fine ass."
"Alright, as long as I get to tap that shit afterwards", Lucky laughingly responded.
All the little people joined in except Elmer.
"We've been working the process for years now.
It all started when we found the ancient tablets of the little people. They spoke of the renewal of our power once we gathered together again as one.
No more divisions among us.
Elves, leprechauns, dwarves, midgets. All as one.
They knew the coming of the Bigs would drive us underground. Forcing us to be thought of as myths or worse yet, act as entertainment for them. They understood that the superior breeding capabilities of the Bigs would let them outnumber us in just a few short years.
That's why I hate the fucking kids. The ones who ruined my people I have to entertain, act like I care about them...
The ancients wrote that with the gathering of the sacred symbols we could overcome them and rise again.
So our experiment began. The tablets were hard to translate. We tried so many times to come up with the correct formula.
The red balloon we got right from the beginning. Some of the others were harder to understand.
That's where the other experiments came into play to help us out. That damn Rabbit was supposed to let the kids get his stuff to distract them from our experiments. A number of times he failed and convinced them to let him eat them instead, they'd come rushing back to get our Lucky Charms each time that happened.
We finally had all but one Charm deduced. Today I got the last one.
With the addition of his fucking foot, we have the Key to lead us back to power."
"What about the Tiger?" Elmer asked smugly, as a comeback of sorts to the earlier insults.
More laughter surrounded him.
"The tiger fucks a bunny, what the hell is he going to do?"
=============
As Lucky stood naked at the altar the other little people surrounded the room softly whispering.
Lucky climbed up onto the altar and Snap Crackle and Pop lit the torches that ringed the space.
As each small creature put itself in front of one of the Charms Lucky would chant the name of the piece and take a bite at Rabbits bloody appendage.
"Yellow moons."
As he shouted it out the room brightened momentarily and Lucky felt a surge of energy go through his body...
"Purple horseshoes"
The temperature in the room dropped, making the air as cold as a mausoleum...
"Pink hearts."
A high pitched whining filled the air...
"Orange stars"
Small brightly lit particles appeared in the room, filling the space...
"Blue diamonds"
A wind arose blowing out the torches, the only light now illuminating the chamber came from the particles, which started spinning, slowly at first but rapidly gathering speed
"GREEN CLOVERS"
As the screamed words left his mouth the particles gathered into one whole cloud over the top of the altar and the drooling leprechaun...and then the door smashed into the wall
A flood of children entered the room with Tony in their midst.
The little brats started grabbing up marshmallows and small people left and right, popping the fruity, chalky bits into their mouths and squeezing the little people with their sticky little arms. Squealing with delight at the fun they were having all the time unaware that they were indeed winning their continued freedom by eliminating all the diminutive folk.
That's right, eliminating.
The little bastards should have been taught by their mothers to clean up after eating and before playing with their toys, but did they, OH NO, these were spoiled little brats, who wanted every damn thing they wanted and they wanted it now.
As they greedily hugged up the little people the little fuckers began to pop and explode, because that's what happens when you squeeze a midget or a leprechaun too hard.
(I swear to God it's true.)
Lucky looked around at the ruin that surrounded him and began laughing, "Too late Tony, I've almost completed it..."
He tilted his head back and opened his mouth to accept the descending cloud of bright matter.
Just as he started to swallow the cloud a form leapt from under the altar, brandishing what was left of Rabbits leg.
Lucky turned to see the figure and recognized Rabbit by his ears instantly...the bunny brought the limb down on the leprechauns head and hopped under the cloud swallowing it himself.
The transformation was instantaneous. With his newly made body Rabbit swung the leg again, the crushing blow demolishing the little mans chest.
As he lay breathing his final breaths, the leprechaun squeezed out his last words "Wheres me Lucky Charms?..."
Rabbit looked down on the still form and answered with only two words...
Ha Ha
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and +0ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by Levity (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:42:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:35:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop using oathmeal to +2 yourself
===
Stop telling people what to do.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:35:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop using oathmeal to +2 yourself
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-22 20:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spelled plagarism wrong.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-22 20:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwhwhahaha yes I am a bastard face.
And the series isn't even done yet!
I have yet more to plagerize...not really.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-07-19 19:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90632
Sorry scourge I didn't know this was done before?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No one gets credit for outing DBA until I feel more read, damnit!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 10:58:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-08 10:50:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 10:41:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gyah! This title was hard, and both you and Voltage came up with the goods. I like this one slightly better, though.
*If Voltage had any idea who I was, he'd hurt me*.
Just as well.
----
Oh great. I have to do ANOTHER alter hunt?
====
ANOTHER alter hunt? Shit sonny, I told you who drivebyasshole was. All you had to do was ask me and I could have figured it out in seconds. Which I did.
-----
Uh yeah WHATEVER! It took me asking all those questions to give you the clues. And before I read your reply saying "DBA is AshK" I was already saying "Oh shnap it's AshK I hope no one else calls it first....*reading reading* DAMN IT! SCOUGE YOU BASTARD!"
In closing. Fuck you bitch.
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84935#1871269
You handle sarcasm better than 80% of the people here.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-04 00:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-01 23:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Um...............
.................I think I just came in my mouth a little.
-------------------------------------
Sweet Zombie Jesus.....
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-03-04 00:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NO FUCKING COMMENT
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sory again
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But I'm saying it again.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I know I said as much earlier.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is a kicker of all ass.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No worries JonnyX, the ratings on the contest have been tallied already. My opponent forfeited on this round anyway.
AshK- this post was a departure for me. This is not in the usual style of what I write, but this is what th eUber public wanted. I didn't think this would do as well as it did...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck me, I clicked too fast and fucked up your rating, sorry my man!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
here
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83600
here's some good stuff to read
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 17:15:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, here, here is a list of my 'content-filled' posts, as it were
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76509
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-03-03 15:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-02 18:16:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy SPT!
HV, Ash, you are a couple of sick degenerates. Can I play too?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're sick?! Did you READ this post before you hit submit?
Bah!
*evil grin*
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-03-02 15:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure fucking gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-02 11:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always knew Lucky was evil with his wee beady eyes...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-03-02 11:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rock hard lepre-cock.
Nuff said.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-02 10:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post man.
too bad your competitor dropped out.
you would've won though.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-03-02 08:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I only got about half-way thru, but +2 cuz I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-02 08:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"lepre-cock"....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This was gold.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-02 06:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha indeed.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2006-03-02 00:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-01 23:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
see?...that wasn't so hard now, was it.
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-01 23:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um...............
.................I think I just came in my mouth a little.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-03-01 23:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny...and fucked up.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-01 22:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still would have rathered Circe or ghola getting this so we could see their lucky 'charms'.
Now I only have images of gay cereal mascots for tonight.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-01 22:24:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...Rabbit?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-01 22:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA FILE NAME!! They escape me with Mozilla sometimes.
Well, look at that. I can see our little ADD-riddled, sugar-spastic rugrats now. The world will be so much more beautiful and interesting once populated by our uber offspring. That is sweeter than the most delicious cereal ANY DAY, I say. And let it be known that I fucking LOVE cereal. And Scourge.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is so utterly, magically, deliciously fucked up.
Ho.
ly.
shit.
Scourge.
I love you, man.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"you know I got you motherfuckers, no shame in admitting it. Sacrilicious, I want to have Uber babies with you."
What the fuck is wrong with you? You wrote a paragraph in your fucking filename.
You need to get out more scourge.
Funny though.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment needed
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can rape my kids anyday.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-01 21:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass indeed.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-01 20:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This, sir, was intensely fucked up.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-01 20:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it now I'm hungry