Random story bollocks (545 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.46 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by hannah dixon (View user info) at 2006-03-03 07:54:04 EST
She awoke in a dark room, feeling a sharp pain surrounding her feet. 'Stay still and quite' were the words she repeated in her head, trying to calm herself in order to assess the situation constructively. As her eyes began to adjust to the black, parts of the room began to appear, getting clearer. Moving nothing but her eyes, she assessed her surroundings. The room was tiled and shabby, only about 20ft by 30. There was a bricked up window to her left and a chair to her right. It seemed the only light she could see was coming from underneath the door directly infront of her. An overwhelming sense of solitude and fear gripped her. What was the last thing she remembered? Nothing. Not even her own name.
Hearing only the sound of a motorway in the distance, she deemed it safe to move. At first, her body was reluctant but eventually she began to gently slide a few inches to the left. Then to the right. She placed her arms beside her, as supports to hoist her body off the floor and upright. An intense feeling of excrutiating pain crippled her as she tried to support her body via her feet. She fell.
Waking up, after realising she had passed out, the sound of the traffic outside had died down. Hours had probably gone by. Rocking onto her front, she pulled herself towards the door and tried to find the handle. There was nothing. Not even a key hole. Slumping back down, she sat with her back against the door for what seemed like an age until a sound came from the other side of the door. Panicked, she flung herself towards her original spot, waiting and listening.
User Reviews
Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-03-06 06:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i dont think i have seen the prisoner...
and i didnt copy this out of a book.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-04 20:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This needed more.
More plot, more characters, more story, and more of you shutting the fuck up.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Check this out, Hannah
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84834
Let's see who does better...
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-03-03 15:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:54:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was pretty good but in my opinion you should have.
SEE!? That's the way I felt after reading that.
======
GEEZ!!!
I'm imagination deprived today... please finish this!!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-03 10:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
On the other side of the door....he waited.
His heart sounded absurdly loud in his chest, he was sure she could hear him, feel him.
He took a breath, gulping it down, swallowing it like water. He could taste the iron in his mouth.
Had she awoken? Was she in?
He knocked on the door....
"Pizza delivery!"
Submitted by KingDowdy (user info) at 2006-03-03 09:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now i'm no expert as everyone that has read my post's will tell you.
And thats probably why i'm giving you a +2
But i quite enjoyed this little segment of a book that you took it out of.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-03 09:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
improvements have been made...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-03 09:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I would have prefered if this post was about a pair of testicles that told strange tales.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was pretty good but in my opinion you should have.
SEE!? That's the way I felt after reading that.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This had so much potential! Finish the fucking story!
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:20:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hannah - can I call you Hannah? This didn't have great descriptive writing or that interesting a story. If you'd fleshed it out, and perhaps taken it a bit further it may have been more interesting. It is somewhat more difficult to tell a story with one person as you can't really have debate - unless you run an internal dialogue. If you'd added a gaoler, or some memories, this would have been better.
Have you seen The Prisoner?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What is it with the sheer volume of 'bound and gagged' references in people's work? I think it's just the sheer quantity of rape fantasies.
This proves that rape, just like paedophilia, is not only far more widespread than we think but also just as socially acceptable. After all, cat's propogate soley through rape and people love cats.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-03 07:56:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHHAHHHAHA>.......DICKS ON!
Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-03-03 07:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, seeing as my other 2 'rants' had been slated, i thought i would try and challenge you all with a kiddies story. sorry i had no pictures for you :(
ha ha
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-03 07:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, the moon looked exhausted, like something you should pity
Spent an age spotted above the sizzinling wires of the city
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-03-03 07:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
THIS WAS EXCELLENT, YOU SHOULD BE WRITING FOR 'HIGHLIGHTS' FOR KIDS