My Review of "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" or "I Blew 12 Ringets on this??" (Warning: Spoilers Ho!) (1007 hits)
Category: Movies & TVLabels: I hate babies
Rating: 1.55 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus1987 (View user info) at 2006-03-03 13:47:02 EST
WORST. MOVIE. EVER.
First off, Captain Picard is supposed to be in a spaceship up in the clouds. Not some pirate ship out on the ocean. Who does he think he is, Johnny Depp? Newsflash, Picard, you don't HAVE HAIR! Not even a RUG like Kirk! Don't you know you are completely defenseless from all the sea spray and piranhas and stuff?!
Second, where is Picard's crew? Where's the cleavage lady, and the dude with the blinky sunglasses? I bet if they were around, he he would have found that whale in like five minutes, beamed it on board with tractor beams and teleported it into the sun. Damned whitey trying to keep me down.
Next, since I was sort of addressing Picard in this rambling rant, what is it with hunting whales? Don't you know they're going extinct? Don't you know how bad that sounds at dinner parties?
Some Guy: I'm an investment banker. What do you do?
Picard: I kill whales!
Some Guy: I used to be a die-hard abortion-doctor-shooting Republican, but now I have to spill red paint on you.
Don't you have anything better to do? Isn't there like a klingon somewhere who missed the millennium falcon bus and needs a ride to space school? Oh, but you're so snippy because he bit your leg off. BOO-FUCKING-HOO. Do you think the Crocodile Hunter or Bob Villa would bear a grudge if they got THEIR legs bit off by a wild animal? Do you think THEY'D go chasing it halfway around the planet?? I can tell you, with some level of certainty, that they would laugh it off, look into the camera and say "crickey he sure is a naughty boy! Now let's go build a walk-in closet for this endangered marsupial!"
Anyways, I never saw a single lion, witch, or wardrobe in the entire fucking movie, and everyone dies in the end except this guy who keeps trying to call Ishmael. Hello! He should have just used his beepy triscanner thing. Nice kids movie.
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-15 23:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:09:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Jumped the Shark Idiot
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Death Seat for Chachi.
Tootsie Roll Bean Bag.
Woo! Capitalizing is fun! Especially if your name means "ass".
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jumped the Shark Idiot
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-06 10:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking Malaysians.
Too much mobok.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-06 08:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-06 07:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-04 02:36:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:19:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was worth my time to log in to rate
LGF
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And comments like this are how it starts . . .
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-06 07:35:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I watched that film. Herman Melville would have kicked them all in the head for the insult to his name. I bet he wishes he'd named that whale 'Mother Fucker' or something. Gotta be better than Moby Dick. Wtf Melville?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-03-06 07:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing in your post made any sense until I got to the picture at the end -- at which point, all became good.
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2006-03-04 14:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-04 02:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:19:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was worth my time to log in to rate
LGF
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-04 02:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess it's like 3 am in America.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just scrapes in at a +2.
Pesky Asians.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Attn false advertising.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was worth my time to log in to rate.
LGF
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-03 16:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SNACK ATTACK MOTHER FUCKA!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-03 15:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA HA!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-03 15:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CrazyHorse (user info) at 2006-03-03 15:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On the same note...I just saw House of Wax..
It is bad that the intellectual apex of a movie is Paris Hilton
Getting speared through the forehead?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-03 14:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is he mad? Anyway there's something on his mind, as sure as there must be something on a deck when it cracks.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-03 14:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-03 14:00:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa. I never knew you had it in you.
==
I learned from the master.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-03 14:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa. I never knew you had it in you.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-03 13:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking hate finding typos in my own posts.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-03-03 13:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Let's get on Yahoo Maps and find the dopest route.
I prefer Map Quest!
That's a good one too.
Google Maps is the best!
True dat!
DOUBLE TRUE!
68th and Broadway.
Step on it, sucka!
Whatchu wanna do, Parn?
SNACK ATTACK MOTHER FUCKA!
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-03-03 13:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-03-03 13:48:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
THE CHRONIC - WHAT? - CLES OF NARNIA!!
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couldn't have said it better myself.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-03-03 13:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
THE CHRONIC - WHAT? - CLES OF NARNIA!!