FUPA - First Uber Poetry extrAvaganza (and Fistfuck Blues) (4541 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: fupa
Rating: 1.34 on 328 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-03-06 11:42:38 EST
In the frenzied grip of my bullshit grandstanding the other day I made mention of throwing a poetry competition of sorts or, at the very least, a slam or whatever the hepcats, hipsters and beat poets are calling their wank sessions these days.
I won't linkwhore the post, but you'd be good to look for the letters APW. Seriously, check it out - I really indulge my ego and come off looking like an absolute ass. Good times.
So, since apparently I'm the only asshole who can get away with meter and rhyme 'round these parts, I figured it best to use my powers for good and share the love with the masses. With that in mind, I bring you the as of yet formless and undefined FUPA - First Uber Poetry extrAvaganza.
I will be the All Father for people to blame if this isn't met with blowjobs and cupcakes. In other words, don't not participate just because you're scurrrred of some -2s and a poor reception. In the end, it'll be my fault. Bring me your emo, your heartbreak, your sappy lovesongs...
I wish I could say the following was just an excuse to hitwhore, but I'm really at a loss for how people want this to go. As such, please provide any and all feedback on the following:
- Would you rather this be a competition or an exhibition? Do you want rounds or merely a day of the week set aside - like FUPA Fridays - where submissions could be made?
- I'm thinking that poetry's a little easier to write when you have a theme and not a title to work from. I'm inclined, regardless of rounds or weekly rotations, to simply assign an emotion or subject to the participants and let them create whatever they want from there. I know that 'titles' are preferred around here, so if there's enough clamoring that can always be changed. Happy writers are good writers. Unless they're surly drunks, then they're great writers.
- Hopefully people would take this seriously and submit something with substance, but I'm not about to refuse anyone the chance to take a filthier turn. This does raise the issue of style, however. I'm all about having everyone do as they please, but would anyone be interested in working with a certain form each round or week? A rondeau here, a sonnet there, here blank verse, there blank verse, everywhere sestinas. It'd be like Iron Chef America, only with structures instead of secret ingredients. Mmm...Battle Andouille Sausage.
Let me know your thoughts on this, and if you're up for participating. Whatever form this takes, I'm thinking of having it start up at the end of next week, after the St. Patrick's Day competition is over and everyo.....well, maybe I'll wait until the 20th or so, to let everyone nurse their hangovers and wash the vomit and semen out of their hair and pubes.
Oh, and Lisa's not allowed to join in the reindeer games because having one Richard Marx in this world is enough.
===
Fistfuck Blues
Woke up this mornin'
Was all alone
No note on the pillow
No ringin' phone
My baby left me
She ran real fast
And now I'm cryin' on my bed
With my loose, floppin' ass
Cause I got the blues
Yeah, yeah those fistfuck blues
I got those fisfuck blues pretty darlin'
Lord, Lord, I got 'em bad
I stood and I stumbled
Across the floor
From out my colon
My waste it poured
The muscles weary
From last night's love
I can't forget the snap and slide
Of her two latex gloves
Cause I got the blues
Yeah, yeah those fistfuck blues
I held your lovin' hands inside me, little girl
Yeah, yeah, you done me wrong
*harmonica break*
Can't find no staples
To squeeze me shut
No glue or spackle
To close my butt
I knew the danger
But much too late
Your second hand slipped up inside
And milked my poor prostate
And gave me those fistfuck blues
Yeah, yeah those fistfuck blues
I might need to poop in a bag now, sweet lil' girl
You stretched my cornhole like a rubber band
A rubber band
A rubber band
A fuckin' rubber bayeeyaand
And I can't believe
I miss you so
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
..." And I helped!"...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Take a bow, dipshit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
PS. This turned out to be a real piece of shit.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-14 00:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm your hucklebery. . . . . . . .
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 13:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...not serious in the least, Hark.
After all: YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE!
Really, though, if you took it as serious you have my apologies. T'was not meant to be read as such.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 01:21:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, oh Bubba, the checks that you're writing
I fear will not cash 'pon the morrow,
They'll bounce and you'll find yourself drafted and dry,
Three choices, then: beg, steal or borrow.
A fourth option you will elect to pursue
One to keep you afloat, on your feet,
For a throw or a blow you'll trade ass for some cash
Paid to sell yourself out on the street.
Your boasts keep a-silent, for they'll make you poor,
And one day you'll wind up a loose and used whore.
_________________________________________________________
You sound serious. I hope you realize I was not.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85248
Stupid reposting/resizing didn't help me much.
FEAST ON THE ROUND ONE INFORMATION, YOU HOUNDS.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The various uber secrets I know are held under lock and key as tightly as the sexual preferences in Heidi Fleiss's little black book.
I know things.
My lips are sealed.
I do the same for you.
(Checks can be made payable to...)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:16:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahem.
It is Monday.
I do believe we are owed further instructions, oh Father of teh Rhyme.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is a snickerdoodle?
*suspicious look*
Are you sure you're not English? I'm gonna get Licious to tell me more about you O.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85207
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh just linkwhore away, snickerdoodle.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron - stop talking about masturbation and go read my last post.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:20:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The strumpet's notes ring out
And send my kingly soul a-sighing,
The peal, the wave, the tolling tongue,
Her song alive in dying,
The fingers seek the note again,
The harpstring firmly plucked,
Brava, brava, the roses fall
Exhausted, spent and...
*BANG*
I've been shot!
*dies*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 11:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:48:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your lass lies in her bed today
To work she failed to go
For nightmares haunted her last eve
And caused her grief and woe
She'll strum away for you indeed
It's all she's apt to do
Your rhyme has filled her core with need
Her cheek with scarlet hue
---
Hot.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your lass lies in her bed today
To work she failed to go
For nightmares haunted her last eve
And caused her grief and woe
She'll strum away for you indeed
It's all she's apt to do
Your rhyme has filled her core with need
Her cheek with scarlet hue
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Soon, ye wanton, lusty lass
The post will be up soon,
Until then, diddle here for me,
And hum a diddlin' tune,
Your fingers turn to rosin'd bow
Your lips transform to strings
Now make me music from your loins
Play on, lass, for your king.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahem.
It is Monday.
I do believe we are owed further instructions, oh Father of teh Rhyme.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to say, yes.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-03-13 09:41:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I too late to sign up?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-13 01:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, oh Bubba, the checks that you're writing
I fear will not cash 'pon the morrow,
They'll bounce and you'll find yourself drafted and dry,
Three choices, then: beg, steal or borrow.
A fourth option you will elect to pursue
One to keep you afloat, on your feet,
For a throw or a blow you'll trade ass for some cash
Paid to sell yourself out on the street.
Your boasts keep a-silent, for they'll make you poor,
And one day you'll wind up a loose and used whore.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 21:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*course*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 21:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember my son when all is done
and your ass is covered in blisters,
the winner, of couse, will dismount his horse
and butt-slam you and your sisters
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 21:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck, I'm going to get my ass kicked in this thing.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:48:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. These people are in a hurry to get their asses kicked. :)
<ducks flying objects>
===
Watch it, Bubba. The Sopranos is coming on and I'm drinking.
I WILL FIGHT YOU.
(Unless Lisa has ™'d that phrase).
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:22:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 06:08:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll probably change my posting moniker to Bubba2341, just so's I
don't confuse the people who don't know who I am (or give a shit).
===
We know who you is Mr. Bob Udell.
========
Indeed we do, Bubba. But it wouldn't hurt to change for the comp, if you're so inclined.
Now Orgasmatron, bring on the matchups.
__________________________________________________________
Yeah. These people are in a hurry to get their asses kicked. :)
<ducks flying objects>
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:22:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 06:08:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll probably change my posting moniker to Bubba2341, just so's I
don't confuse the people who don't know who I am (or give a shit).
===
We know who you is Mr. Bob Udell.
========
Indeed we do, Bubba. But it wouldn't hurt to change for the comp, if you're so inclined.
Now Orgasmatron, bring on the matchups.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:22:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 06:08:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll probably change my posting moniker to Bubba2341, just so's I
don't confuse the people who don't know who I am (or give a shit).
===
We know who you is Mr. Bob Udell.
---------
Actually, I only realised yesterday. Saw his review on one of my posts, thought 'Hey, when does he post stuff?' and clicked user info.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 06:08:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll probably change my posting moniker to Bubba2341, just so's I
don't confuse the people who don't know who I am (or give a shit).
===
We know who you is Mr. Bob Udell.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-12 10:30:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome! Thanks a lot. I'll write a special thank-you poem for you:
Orgasmatron
Gives Orgasms
Like the movie Tron
Or people named Tron
What a funny name that dude has
His name is Tron
Ha ha
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 06:08:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey O-man. Mother Theresa and Elvis just called. They want in the
contest. :<)
Seriously, the more the merrier. JMG has been here since light was
created, and Rad has his own zip code. :-/
I'll probably change my posting moniker to Bubba2341, just so's I
don't confuse the people who don't know who I am (or give a shit).
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG, rad, you're in.
Because I'm a nice guy.
And, well, because I don't have much of a backbone when it comes to drawing lines in the sand for things as inconsequential as internet writing contests.
Anyway, to anyone else expecting me to bend (again), you're out of luck.
The 28...damn, 28...names have been written down, folded and cast into the Red Sox Hat of Muse Fondling, and shall be drawn upon the morrow for first round pairs.
With 28 competitors we're looking at five rounds: 28 - 14 - 8 (7 winners + highest rated loser) - 4 - 2 - victor.
Here's what the schedule for this monster will probably look like:
Rd. 1: pairings/theme posted 3.13 -- posts due by 3.20
Rd. 2: pairings/theme posted 3.23 -- posts due by 3.27
Rd. 3: pairings/theme posted 3.30 -- posts due by 4.3
Rd. 4: pairings/theme posted 4.7 -- posts due by 4.10
Rd. 5: pairings/theme posted 4.10 -- posts due by 4.13
Winner announced 4.17
I figured I'd give everyone a bit more time with the first round, and to allow for the three users who are in the Shamrock Open finals to have time to breathe before submitting something for another competition.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 23:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"eighth"
No matter how you spell it, it really is an ugly looking word if you look at it long enough.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 23:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...if you do a Yahoo search for "bracketmaster.com," this is the eigth site that comes up.
Interesting seeing the words 'fistfuck blues' up on a search engine's results page.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-11 19:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-11 12:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Drunk Aussie? Why do you repeat yourself?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-11 12:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-11 04:24:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! I get to play!
Losing NEVER gets boring
---
I'ld like to point out that you beat Orgasmatron in the Shamrock Open. Mostly just point out that you won, AND beat O-tron, Circe it dosen't get much better then that.
<Laughs at O-man for losing to a drunk Aussie>
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-11 11:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-11 11:33:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2006-03-11 10:00:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
FUPA: Fat Upper Pussy Area.
___________________________________________--
Or it could describe you: Fucking Ugly Piss-Ant...
----------
Bit of a stretch, but not bad.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-11 11:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2006-03-11 10:00:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
FUPA: Fat Upper Pussy Area.
___________________________________________--
Or it could describe you: Fucking Ugly Piss-Ant...
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2006-03-11 10:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FUPA: Fat Upper Pussy Area.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-11 08:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gagh. I meant to include, "I'd like to join up" in my comment below. If it's too late, I'll have to deal, I suppose. Normally, I deal by drinking a swig of scotch just before opening fire.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-11 08:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck this.
I had only just seen this, and now cannot be in it.
and prior to you showing up, Darko and I were the only idiots in the joint who were into poetry to any degree.
I see how it is people, rad1101 is no longer included.
*emo*
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-11 04:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo! I get to play!
Losing NEVER gets boring.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 01:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've tried forgetting
I've turned to drink
But still I remember
The fullness, the stink
You left me baby
Your loss I felt
'Cause now I'm hooked and forced
To slide my hand inside myself
Me, I got those fistfuck blues
Yeaaaaaaaah YEAH those fistfuck blues
I got them lowdown motherfuckin' ass stretchin blues, pretty girl
Yeah, yeah...and here I go
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 01:42:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd
Doodles
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
badassmofo
Circe
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 01:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are, however, the 26th person to have an interest in this.
And 25 is such a terribly odd number.
You're in, Circe, and we're officially good to go.
Not enough people chimed in on either side of the comp/exhibition debate to tilt the scales with an overwhelming majority.
So........we're sticking with the format as is. Competition style. Rounded. Raw and wriggling, just like Gollum loves it.
In the pooper.
-
More details, bracketing info, and such early next week.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-11 01:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm guessing it's too late to play.. I'm too late to sign up for EVERYTHING, it's like a curse.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-11 00:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dis here shit best be startin' purty soon. I'se gittin me a
hankerin' ta post sum shitty poetry. . .
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-10 20:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-10 17:48:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Exhibition.
Though I could go either way.
"Heh, like a bisexual."
----------
"Thank you, that WAS the joke..."
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-10 18:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
competition I'm betting I'm a wee bit late ot vote though.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-10 17:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Exhibition.
Though I could go either way.
"Heh, like a bisexual."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Masturbation.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
3 for comp, 2 for exhibition (Bayley, as a non participant, doesn't count).
If I receive no overwhelming majority over the weekend, we're sticking with the competition.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
competition
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85145. Sorry about that old boy.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-10 13:19:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
competition
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-10 11:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i vote competition. evicerating your opponent verbally is great motivation.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-10 01:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'"
Submitted by Bayley (user info) at 2006-03-10 00:42:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Exhibition!
And since you mentioned FUPA
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63617
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 23:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Exhibition.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 23:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This whole thing was thought up with other users in mind. I - of course - post poetry, if it can be called that - all the time, so something like this doesn't really mean as much to me as it may mean to others. I'll post poetry either way.
As such, given the recent request for this becoming an exhibition and not a competition, I feel it's in everyone's interest if we put it to a vote.
Not a list of your preferences and how it'd be good either way, but an actual vote. In fact, if you just want to reply with "competition" or "exhibition," all the better.
A competition allows for a set beginning and end, and pairing up with an adversary tends to bring out the best in someone.
But I can see how it makes it more of a popularity contest, and newer users might lose out simply because they're not as well established as others.
I would argue, hoever, that if their submissions were strong enough it wouldn't much matter if they were new to the show. How else are they supposed to cut their teeth?
An exhibition, of course, levels the playing field and makes everyone equal in the eyes of their god, the Uber public.
"We all float down here..." and all that noise.
However, it basically takes the concept and turns it into a fad day of sorts - Poetry Post Friday or something - and risks having interest in it peter out after a week or so.
But if that's all the interest that everyone really has, why drag it out over a few weeks?
I don't want to make up everyone's mind for them, because, again, it doesn't much matter to me how we do it given that the particulars of the exercise apply to me every time I submit something.
I just want everyone to enjoy this as much as they can, so, please, let me know which works best for you.
If wheels seem to be spinning and no votes are coming in I'll just put my foot down and we'll stick with the comp. idea.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-09 22:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:22:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd
Doodles
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron
"Grace of the Gods" final two spots, because I'm too nice to tell someone no
- badassmofo
- EMPTY
Need one more person by 5PM EST today, or else it's 25 and 25 only.
For reals, yo.
For reals.
---
Or you could not partake in this and laugh at all of our bad poems while thinking of how much better you could do, but being a gracious man, has decided to spare all of us tiny mortals from your Godly poetry wrath? I like this idea yes?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 22:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-09 20:21:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-09 14:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this idea. It would be better as an exhibition.
Oh! OH! What I say? What did I say? I wholeheartedly agree with JMG. What's the point of a competition anyway? To stroke a few egos? We should promote poetry and encourage people to post it on Uber. That's one of the reasons I left and hardly ever post on Uber.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
O-tron, I am in complete agreement with these guys. With a contest, some people (ha, me) are gonna get fucked in the first round, and never get at shot at whatever the later themes are. If it's an exhibition, everyone gets a crack at everything.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-09 20:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-09 14:34:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this idea. It would be better as an exhibition.
Oh! OH! What I say? What did I say? I wholeheartedly agree with JMG. What's the point of a competition anyway? To stroke a few egos? We should promote poetry and encourage people to post it on Uber. That's one of the reasons I left and hardly ever post on Uber.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-09 14:34:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this idea. It would be better as an exhibition.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-09 13:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to fuck up the program so if no one else steps in then you can count me out.
'cause i'm that type of guy
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 13:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call the bye.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-09 13:06:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:41:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-08 22:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stinkfist
I hate tool, but that fit.
==========
You.hate.tool?
This will not do.
=====
call the schoolmaster!!!!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd
Doodles
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron
"Grace of the Gods" final two spots, because I'm too nice to tell someone no
- badassmofo
- EMPTY
Need one more person by 5PM EST today, or else it's 25 and 25 only.
For reals, yo.
For reals.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 01:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No worries. You gonna let the typo in your Shamrock post stand, eh?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 01:15:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're learning the art of the subtle linkwhore, Stag. Brava.
If I have time tomorrow I'm going to go back and read through your posts again. I know there are some that I haven't rated yet.
I'd do it tonight, but I fear my attention isn't as focused as it should be for this undertaking.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 01:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 00:52:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
2006: the year poetry 'arrived.'
Nice take on Song of Joy, Stag.
---------
I knew you'd get it.
You missed a glaring Nick Cave reference in 'Sharpe's Crew' though, I was disappointed.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 00:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2006: the year poetry 'arrived.'
Nice take on Song of Joy, Stag.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 00:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on, O-tron, post the Shamrock...
This is number 1 on most heated, by the way.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 00:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.....it's not a rap battle, badass....
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you ever meet a slut
and she looks like a mutt
don't be to worried
'cause she'll take it in da butt
you guys should be worried
run little scamps, scurry
'cause you've never seen
my poetic fury
flex bitches
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will tell you a story
Of a man and his hitwhoring
And I swear that it is true
2 months ago I met a man named O
He was a poetry-posting thing
He had an eye for garnering hits
And the reviews these hits would bring
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-08 22:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stinkfist
I hate tool, but that fit.
==========
You.hate.tool?
This will not do.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone have any suggestions for the themes/emotions that I'll draw for each round?
I can cover the general ground - love, loss, heartache, grief, death, joy, ecstacy, etc. but if anyone has a suggestion I'll certainly add it to the pool.
----------------------
The devil, revenge, travelling songs, narrative poems.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 23:24:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do have access from home but usually do not use it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 22:48:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mofo......the sign-up's technically closed.
Find a 26th competitor, though, and you're in.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-08 22:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stinkfist
I hate tool, but that fit.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-08 20:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-08 20:35:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, can i get a little rundown on the rules that developed on this?
either way i'm in but i'd just like to know.
______________________________________
Rules? In a knifefight? OK.............
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-08 20:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, can i get a little rundown on the rules that developed on this?
either way i'm in but i'd just like to know.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-08 20:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:41:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Less review-y, more shamrock write-y.
O-man, I missed work monday so subsequently missed this post and you never dropped a link or anything. man, those round results posts and titties posts are definitely fair game for a reasonable linkwhore. I know I'll take liberties with you... I mean your posts.
I don't expect to go far in this since I pretty well suck but it should be fun.
_____________________________________________________
Now lemme git dis straight (ya put da lime in da coconut)...
You missed work Monday so you couldn't access the Net? WTF??
I can't access Uber from work because our IT folks are Nazis. You can't see it
from home? I be stumpified. . .
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:41:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Less review-y, more shamrock write-y.
O-man, I missed work monday so subsequently missed this post and you never dropped a link or anything. man, those round results posts and titties posts are definitely fair game for a reasonable linkwhore. I know I'll take liberties with you... I mean your posts.
I don't expect to go far in this since I pretty well suck but it should be fun.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Less review-y, more shamrock write-y.
I'm going to read "Choke" until you post, or I pass out. Whichever comes first. I wish uber had alert sounds like IM. I'd get so much more done around here without having to refresh the front page and see if I missed anything.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 19:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Unless my rim is tickled by the probing tongue of Laughter I'll be going serious, too.
I got another taste of legitimacy with Ubertines, and I'm kind of petered out from going all crazy because of these Shamrock Open titles. If I make it to the finals I pray that the title doesn't have the word 'fuck' or 'stroke' in it...
Of course, that means I've got to get this round's post done tonight.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, CHOKE ON THE SWEET NECTAR OF YOUR OWN PROCRASTINATION, O-MAN.
*tears hair out*
*cries*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 18:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll definitely be going serious on every post. I never post crap here.
Nothing about buttsecks or cocaine or Average_Dan or Urbanes twat.
I just had a Baldy sighting on my Shamrock post. I miss that boy, I do.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-08 17:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 17:23:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd
Doodles
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron
Oh holy shit. This is going to spawn some awesome entries and/or a bunch of damn hilarious hijinks on the part of some on the list. Either way, this is going to be GOOD.
If Shlongy actually competes I'll shit myself. I see him as being the spoiler who brings the most tears of laughter to my eyes. Not saying he couldn't write a good entry, I just suspect he might throw a monkey wrench intentionally.
____________________________________________________________
Shlongy? Nah, he'll throw in the WHOLE monkey. After he fucks it, that is...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 17:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bookended by Ubermadness. Shamone.
Yes this should, in fact, be really, really good.
I'm glad that it's as open ended as it is, because it ensures variety. It'll be interesting to see who goes serious and who goes profane each round.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 17:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brdn_Nkd
Doodles
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron
Oh holy shit. This is going to spawn some awesome entries and/or a bunch of damn hilarious hijinks on the part of some on the list. Either way, this is going to be GOOD.
If Shlongy actually competes I'll shit myself. I see him as being the spoiler who brings the most tears of laughter to my eyes. Not saying he couldn't write a good entry, I just suspect he might throw a monkey wrench intentionally.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 17:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't invite you?
It's been an open invite since Monday. You just didn't care enough to read the post and throw your hat in. :(
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 16:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
THE CIRCLE IS NOW COMPLETE
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 16:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 16:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm crying great big emo tears
confirmed now all my fears
The o-man started a contest
and didn't invite me, the best
scarred my love for him is now
I hope he dies sucking off a cow.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-08 16:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That'd be me bitch.
I will destroy you with words of beauty and grandeur (sp?) and you will bow before my terrifying prowess.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Make that 23. I forgot Doodles.
At least this gives me an excuse to give myself a bye into Round 2.
Kidding...anyone else out there want to hop in on this to make it an even 24?
First one to reply gets the spot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The final roll call:
HighVoltage900
nitty34
Shlongy
MyTeeOne
Sphagnum
Sacrilicious
scourgeoftheseas
ghola
CaptainThorns
ess-arr
Axolotl
ampersand
inion_de_trua
Susie Derkins
simple_catalyst
goferferhire
Bubba2341
Stagger Lee
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
wardy
ripple
and Jerry Mathers as the Orgasmatron.
22 peeps. Impressive.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't worry you're two dimensional. the screen has a length and width.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can see how this will only result in you thinking me a dirty old man, right?
If you taunt and get sluttish poems in return, I will only be one dimensional in your eyes.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm ok with that. and the epitaph. which was i guess savage and ravage and die.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then you'll only get poems where you're savaged and ravaged.
But if that's your thing, so be it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every time i want a poem i'll just taunt you until you succumb to my whim.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Inion the Pure reclined on snowbanks, dressed in white
Stunning and immaculate and spotless in the night
Orga'tron the Dirty found her there and flashed a smile
Thinking of how he could use her for his needs so vile
Let's just say that Inion was never Pure again
She succumbed to Orga'tron and learned the ways of men
Spread and bedded, bent and whipped she found she wanted more
Now she's switched her gown for leather, Inion the Whore.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 15:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dirty. OLDer than me. man
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2.6. y.e.a.r. o.l.d. m.a.n.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have asked before I was 4/5 of the way done writing it, and I could have worked something in, you French whore.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dirty. old. man.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, it's because my stor........well, you'll see.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's cuz no matter how old you are O, you're still a dirty old man. just like i have the mind of an old french prostitute.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can totally incorporate a vibrator into mine...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, it's about a sweet little child and his happy friends. I don't think I have a way to work vibrating "marital aids" into the picture at this point.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
your shamrock post is gonna be battery operated now isn't it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes Lish, yes it is my dearest darling lover smoochie lumpkins hot buns McGee.
inion, thank you. Bring it with you on the honeymoon and we'll all put it to good use.
I really need to finish writing my Shamrock post dammit.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed, on all counts. This is going to be the hottest honeymoon evar.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:10:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:53:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
live in sin together. it's more fun.
===
You're just trying to get out of buying us a present, admit it.
---------
i have the perfect present sitting at home still in packaging for you two. and i got it for free from work. at least she'll enjoy it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 14:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:53:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
live in sin together. it's more fun.
===
You're just trying to get out of buying us a present, admit it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats fine dearest- light of my life- wind beneath my wings.
He may choose your bridal attire.
But he's NOT allowed into the matrimonial bedchamber the night of our nuptials. Maybe the second night.
He CAN come on the honeymoon though. Him and inion both.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:15:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.verawang.com/bridal/collection.2004-11-17.7478863928
Take your pick sweetheart. Remember, I like access to the collarbone, so my preference would be a strapless.
============
How.charming.is.that?
Strapless, definitely. But Orgasmatron dresses me, so really it's up to him. I know it sounds odd, but we need to trust him on this.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rock solid.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:36:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My first linkwhore, that is. Not first post.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Linkwhore? Don't mind if I do.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85038
*Wipes away a tear*
It's my first one...it'll grow up so fast.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 13:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.verawang.com/bridal/collection.2004-11-17.7478863928
Take your pick sweetheart. Remember, I like access to the collarbone, so my preference would be a strapless.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
live in sin together. it's more fun.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you buy me a Vera Wang gown, I'll convert to whatever you want. But we're both agnostics, Scourge. Problem solved.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a fucking mortal lock to win this thing.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
slate me against shlongy, please please please
If the first theme is love, Ima write about Lish. We're destined to be married. Though I'd have to convert from being an agnostic to being a Mormon or some kind of other lucky lots of wives religion. I don't know that there is actually a conversion process from agnosticism now that I think about it. Either way, everyone is invited.
Bring presents.
Expensive ones.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then you'd better hurry it on up, Harrelson.
First round entries will be due by 3/20.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You better delay the contest until AFTER my 100th post then.
Shlongy can't be having post number 100- a historic milestone - be a poetry post.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:02:16 (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm in this contest
For no other reason than
to fuck with Uber
The End.
Who wants some of this?
----------
I want it. Bad.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love that your 100th post may very well be your first round submission.
I told you I'd come up with an idea for you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-08 12:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm in this contest
For no other reason than
to fuck with Uber
The End.
Who wants some of this?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well just because a round's theme is Love it doesn't mean that everyone HAS to write something sappy and gushy like that. If that's what they feel like, though, more power to them.
I think you'll find that if everyone has to write about love that there won't be sixteen or twenty submissions that read like shakespeare or a Hallmark card.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm trying to stay general in the hopes that people would actually be inspired by a particular theme or feeling and go from there. "Love and death" could easily be done with either "love" or "death" if the writer was so inclined.
Youth, revenge, sacrifice, honor, madness...
I fear this may be where things get sticky.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:44:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok understood. but i'd like to avoid "how do i love thee let me count the ways" gushy love crap. at least make it interesting love and not just gagging on the gooey sweetness of it all. i withdraw all comedic suggestions.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If we really have to use themes, then I don't think you should make using a theme harder by making it as specific as 'love on the rag'. For a start, that would HAVE to be a humourous post, and my writing is simply not funny.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-08 11:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i say no love theme unless it's something like love and sex, love and death, love and animals, love sex and animals, love and prison, love on the rag, that sort of thing. love and comedy only, no love alone as a theme. i'm gonna get that suggestion shot down quick.
we could also all have to pick a song and rewrite it at something else. or we all get the same song and rewrite it in a theme.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-08 10:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-08 09:36:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
post titties today, yes?
---
I've got to get my Shamrock Open thing (written and) posted today, so today's out.
I'm thinking I'll get the bracket together and all that at the end of the week. Originally I was thinking about having the first round submissions due on 3/17 but I defintely don't want people posting on a Friday when everyone's thinking about the weekend or not around to rate.
So we're going with a 3/20 due date, which means that I may just wait until next Monday to post the matchups and theme assignment.
If the Shamrock Open wasn't finishing up next week I'd have the first round end next Tues. or Wed., but as it stands I don't want to double any of the competitors up with deadlines if they're participating in both events.
Anyone have any suggestions for the themes/emotions that I'll draw for each round?
I can cover the general ground - love, loss, heartache, grief, death, joy, ecstacy, etc. but if anyone has a suggestion I'll certainly add it to the pool.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-08 10:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO COFFEE?!?!
=> DEATH!!!!
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-08 09:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah sounds good. thanks.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-08 09:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sacrilicious dear
departed too soon did I
scourgeoftheseas weeps
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-08 09:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nine-o'clock meeting
I forgot about, I'm late
No coffee, this blows
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-08 09:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
post titties today, yes?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chill, then, ghola, I would never hurt my puppy.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-08 01:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
of course i was only worried about the dog.
and if i still thought you guys were the same person, i'd have to be a bit neurotic. or at least think you were.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, not really.
The *harmonica break* made my brother look at me funny as I crack up every time I read it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...and the song didn't?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read the filename on that picture, and it made me sad in my special place.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, the thoughts are real. If you mean "am I upset" then the answer is of course not - though I can see how it'd come off soundignthat way.
Now take your shirt off and all will be well.
Unless you're worried about Stag's dog, in which case disregard the first two sentences of my reply.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
just kidding?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, O-Tron, if you don't go read my latest post, I'm gonna hurt my dog. You don't wanna be responsible for that, do you?
</self promotion via threatening animals>
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Honorable monday wife -
Again, I do not have an alter/second account/whatever.
I imagine this means that I've 'arrived,' if this sort of drama is following me around like stink on an unwashed dangle.
I a) don't need to give myself +2s with another account, b) would prefer to have all of my accolades come to me, directly to me, not pass 'Go' and not collect $200 (see also: ego), and c) there is no "c."
Orgasma-san
Giblets are tasty
Taste of poultry on cornbread
Cold wet and chewy
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check your email, then.
I'm a real boy, dammit!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Linkwhore away, my good man.
You're right...I do. But there's nothing wrong with a little self-promotion.
SOMEONE'S got to do it. I mean...I have a Herald and all, but he spends a lot of his time writing lines about hairy vaginas.
Does that get me airtime? Not as much as you'd think.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are too the same person O. Quit lying.
Elaborate ruse, really.
(Did I spell ruse wrong?)
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it's free, I guess I'm in, if for nothing else than getting my name out there and recruiting for the religion.
Now I'm debating linkwhoring here,it is an Orgasmatron post and you fucking link whore everywhere... Ehh I'll do it later after I kick your ass in poetry*
*Kick your ass = stealing your poem and claiming it as my own.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 23:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of all the NC/BS songs you had to pick, you went and picked one of my favorites.
Drop me a line at some point, man: orgasmatron2029.at.yahoo.com
I really need to confirm that we're not the same person.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:04:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
I just wrote this:
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a far better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for eachother: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
No, I'm kidding.
------------------
On this note, I wrote this:
============
There's a thick-set man with frog eyes standing at the door
And a little bald man with wingnut ears waiting in the car
Well Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man as he walked into the bar
And Betty Coltrane she jumped under her table
"What's your pleasure?" asked the barman, he had a face like boiled meat
"There's a girl called Betty Coltrane that I have come to see,"
"Well I ain't seen that girl round here for more than a week,"
And Betty Coltrane she a-hid beneath the table
Well then in came a sailor with mermaids tattooed on his arms
Followed by the man with wingnut ears that was waiting in the car
Well Robert Moore sensed trouble, he'd seen it coming from afar
And Betty Coltrane she gasped beneath the table
Well the sailor said, "I'm lookin' for my wife they call her Betty Coltrane,"
And the frog-eyed man said, "That can't be, that's my wife's maiden name,"
And the man with wingnut ears said, "Hey, I married her back in Spain,"
And Betty Coltrane crossed herself beneath the table
Well Robert Moore stepped up and said, "That woman is my wife,"
And he drew a silver pistol and a wicked bowie knife,
And he shot the man with wingnut ears straight between the eyes
And Betty Coltrane she moaned under the table
Well the frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore, who stabbed him in the chest
And as Mr Frog Eyes died he said, "Betty, you're the girl that I love best,"
And the sailor pulled a razor, Robert blasted him to bits,
"And Betty, I know you're under the table"
"Well have no fear," said Robert Moore, "I do not want to hurt you,
Never a woman did I love near half as much as you,
You're the blessed sun to me, girl, and you are the sacred moon,"
And Betty shot his legs out from under the table
Well Robert Moore went down heavy with a crash upon the floor
And over to his thrashing body Betty Coltrane she did crawl
She put the gun to the back of his head and pulled the trigger once more
And blew his brains out all over the tables
Well Betty stood up, shook her head, a-waved the smoke away
Said, "I'm sorry, Mr Barman, to leave your place this way,"
And she emptied out their wallets, she said "I'll collect my severance pay,"
Then she winked and threw a dollar on the table
Yeah
=====
Hang about, that wasn't me at all.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ripple, if you want in you're in. the deadline i set was by midnight EST tonight.
I'll pencil you in as a yes, if for some reason you don't respond to this tonight.
It's yours to refuse...
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:44:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yesterday i was at home, so i missed this. oh well. if theres a S(econd)UPA, id like try to write in it
and by the way, battle andouille sausage kicked ass.
as does all iron chef.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
According to the articles on this site, http://www.ahapoetry.com/haiartjr.htm
haiku has very bendable rules. Not exactly what I learned in English class. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Latin is dead, dear
but whom killed his ass and why
all good things must die
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:08:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
please why can't i just
untangle myself from this
and do my latin
------------
Can't think of a haiku, but yeah, I should be working. I'm just not.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
please why can't i just
untangle myself from this
and do my latin
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 22:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-07 18:45:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
haikus don't need to follow the 5-7-5 format. that whole idea is due to a mistranslation.
for example:
fishtails
like explosions
halos in water
is still a haiku even though it goes 2-4-5
and even though I'm against the whole competition idea, i still want to be a part of it.
------------------
Ok, I call not going against this guy, because he seems to know his shit. And I don't.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 20:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Twelve-inch erection
savagely rammed in your chute
this can kill you too
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 20:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Knife enters the throat
Blood flows in scarlet river
Life drains away too
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cordite, powder burns
Blood pouring from center mass
This is how you die
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's your call in the end, BA Jule. Thanks for letting me know. Hope you enjoy what becomes of this.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Words are simple things
for the Man Orgasmatron
the rest of us suck
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The sky is so blue
my ass itches like a bitch
I wrote this haiku
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Baby's got a gun
Yeah my baby's on the run
The bitch is dead now
------------------
</blues haiku>
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the scourgeoftheseas
answers not his telephone
for sacrilicious
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i should be doing
homework de latin o doom
instead, i sit here
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I felt the fart come
Oh no, I shat my skivvies
I must wash them now
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
roughly pulled down
teeth bared for final battle
resistance left her
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
curtains parted slow
as the light broke in showing
her peaceful sleep
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the last cold wind blows
I open the metal door
glad winter is through
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-07 19:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Undecided:
BadAssJulie"
Sorry O-tron but I'm not going to participate. I'm horrible with poetry. I know nothing about it and I'll end up sounding like a complete dumbass if I even try. I'll leave the poetry to the pros and...umm...everyone else I guess.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-07 18:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haikus don't need to follow the 5-7-5 format. that whole idea is due to a mistranslation.
for example:
fishtails
like explosions
halos in water
is still a haiku even though it goes 2-4-5
and even though I'm against the whole competition idea, i still want to be a part of it.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 18:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
o'tron's nuts need pie?
that is the best sentence in the world.
sigh.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I taste death and pink
Vagabonds and wetness mixed
Dirty, trashy, yum
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lish is departing
she will write more lame haikus
tonight in the dark
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OTron's nuts need pie
it is the only answer
it will stop the itch
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
poor orgasmatron
cannot scratch his sack o nuts
can't do as he must
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pink pie in pieces
Served from bare plates for two
Where the boys are not
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fill my pie with death
o' the bums and vagabonds
who so taint my day
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pie for miss ghola
Sacrilicious will provide
Which sweet filling, dear?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mid-meeting haiku #93
Damnit boss, shut up
Dios mio, my nuts itch
I cannot scratch yet
Submitted by ghola (