Saran Wrap, Duct Tape, and Almost 30 Dead (1656 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2006-03-07 14:26:16 EST
One of our favorite past-times in the dorms was stealing anything and everything from the cafeteria.
By the end of the first semester we'd acquired:
15 full dinnerware sets
1000 Napkins
30 glasses
10 industrial sized reems of Saran wrap
Saran wrap is used to seal in the freshness. However, it can also be used to seal in the freshman. (Zing!)
Since the only fresh thing in our room was a pile of vomit behind the fridge, it was decided freshman it was.
We made sure it was the quietest night of the week, Tuesday, and set all our alarms for 5am the next morning.
We'd also bought about ten rolls of duct tape to get the saran wrap to stick to the walls.
We started down the hallway, as a five man team, going door to door. We did 7 layers per door.
By the fifth door we had such a quick system down that we could finish a door in under three minutes. By the time we got to the last door, the RA's, we had only gone through four rolls. We used the remainder of the fifth roll on his door to give him a good 15 thick layer. He would be the freshest of them all.
By this time it was about 6:30 am so we decided to hide in our dorm room... the only room without saran wrap...
Before we got to the door we ditched the rest of the saran wrap in the janitor's closet, leaving it unopened.
After everyone was asleep we were awoken to a loud screaming noise... it was the fire alarm.
It took a few seconds for the severity of the situation to register...
I quickly ran to our "kitchen corner" and grabbed several steak knives. By this time everyone was up, and looked a little pale.
In the hall, we could see people punching at the saran wrap. One kid had his face pressed up against it and he was crying. I looked up and saw that there was indeed a thin layer of smoke developing across the ceiling.
I could only think one thing, "I'm going to jail."
We ran door to door and cut long, vertical vaginas into every sealed entryway.
People thanked us and ran for the door.
The smoke was thickening and we were starting to hear sirens outside. It was getting hard to breathe and see...
We got to the RA's door. Through the saran wrap I could see, he'd wet himself.
I cut him a gaping prostitute's vagina and he scurried down the hall whimpering, like a newborn baby spidermonkey.
I saw as the last of my roomates went through the door and I finally followed. Outside everyone was standing in the cold December snow, and smoke was billowing out of the cafeteria.
We watched in awe and amazement as the firefighters fought a losing battle. We could now see billowing smoke and flames coming out of the windows of our hall. Taking with it... evidence.
I spoke softly to my roomates, "admit nothing, we all used our keys and a couple knives from the hall kitchenette to cut the plastic, that's it. No words were spoken, we just did what had to be done."
They all glanced at me in agreement.
Seconds later we were approached by a cop, "you boys want to tell me what exactly happened up there?"
I opened my eyes in shock and spoke hurriedly, "there was saran wrap all over the doors! We had to cut open every single one!"
"Saran wrap..." he'd obviously already heard about this from others, and remained suspicious of us.
"Duct tape! There was duct tape all around the outside. Nobody could get out!" I sputtered.
My roomates nodded excitedly with wide eyes.
He carefully eyed every one of us. It was his look that makes people crack. The fact that if we were caught meant jailtime, kept us wired and unable to even think straight. He took this to be shock from the whole situation.
"Well, you boys may very well have saved some lives tonight. That takes a lot of courage. Here's my card. I'll be in touch." He handed us all a card and walked to a nearby firetruck.
By this time our hallway had completely collapsed, taking with it the evidence of what we'd just done.
We decided to never speak of it again, but that didn't keep us sane. For the next 4 months as the investigation dragged on I lived in constant fear. Every time my phone rang, my stomach turned. We were regarded as heroes on campus, and our pictures were in every paper in the state the day after.
By the day the investigation was completed I had found God and was ready to pay my dues to society. Two of my other roomates had had only 3 days of sobriety since the accident and the fourth roomate, didn't show any emotion. He was the one I was most worried about...
I watched on the news as they revealed the reason for the fire. A short in an electric stove caught fire in the dorm's cafateria. The stove was by a basket of paper towels and boom. The newscaster then took a serious tone, "sounds pretty straightforward right? WRONG, a very peculiar and unsolved part of this case involves the fact that an entire hallway in this dormatory had their doors sealed off with SARAN WRAP!" he paused for effect, "now we've come across an even MORE interesting fact, stay tuned for new developments... after the break."
I calmly excused myself to the bathroom and spewed my dinner into the toilet. I was at my parents' house, bracing for the worst.
As I came back into the room I was feeling hot and dizzy. The news started again...
"Before the break we told you the reason behind the fire starting at a local University. Now, we're going to tell you something you may just find more bizarre than a hallway of students saran wrapped into their rooms. Tonight, we've learned that someone had torn a small box off the wall in the cafeteria, that little box was the main console for the fire detection system. This one box disabled the whole cafeteria's smoke alarm system, letting the fire build to an uncontrollable intensity before it spread to the rest of the building."
Fuck me running. I knew exactly where that box was when the building burned down. We'd thrown it at a street sign a few towns over after a party.
The newscaster continued, "another investigation has been opened as to the whereabouts of this missing box, we will keep you informed as new developments arise."
At that moment my phone rang, and my stomach rolled.
It was going to be a long year.
User Reviews
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-03-12 04:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
vertical vaginas
thats a vivid adjective ya got there
I loved this story and bookmarked for future reference why yes
Banga
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-03-12 04:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I showed up on campus, the front doors of my building had locks on them. I invited a friend down to visit about two weeks into the school year. He calls me up from outside the building at 3 a.m. and asks me, "What's the deal with these front doors being locked?" I tell him that's how most dorms are. He grabs a screwdriver from my room and "fixes" the door, if by that I mean he removed our front door and destroyed the locks. The maintenance team tried repairing them, but a year and a half later, they are still "fixed".
That's the best I can do.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-12 02:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
he
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-08 06:47:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Top drawer.
Submitted by comrad (user info) at 2006-03-08 06:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well done, most impressive
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-08 06:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-03-07 21:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-07 21:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember that time we beat this one pledge to death, then pinned it on local colored kids.
Ahhh, good times.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-03-07 20:38:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:23:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, the worst thing we used to do in the dorms was pennylock people in their rooms.
-----
So it was YOU????
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-07 20:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Jesus,
I don't bother you and you don't bother me, that's the deal right? Well, it's like this...just let this story be true, I'll go to church just once, and we can get back to glaring at each other.
Love
Stagger Lee.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-07 20:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome start for a series.
Bookmarked? Why, yes, but of course.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, I really enjoyed this.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-07 17:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you crazy kids
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I CALL SHENANIGANS! YOU DIDN'T LIST 'A RANDOM BOX FROM A WALL' AS ONE OF THE THINGS YOU STOLE!!!!12!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, I really enjoyed this.
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, the worst thing we used to do in the dorms was pennylock people in their rooms.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for Grand Larceny, second degree.
Submitted by mtgn37 (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
soups on biotches
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-07 16:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed this.
oh the things we did.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for dorm shenanigans.
We used t break into the cafeteria, and bribe the security guards to look the other way with payment of giant boxes of Froot Loops...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was the one who showed no emotion. He did it.
He'll keeeeellll you alll.
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've stolen so much more from my cafeteria. Good story though, what if something like this actually happened?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont believe it but i like it anyway
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And there I was thinking this was a true story.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:48:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
This one time, in college, this dude took a dump in a pringles can and rolled it down my hallway.
______________________________
That.... is awesome.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This one time, in college, this dude took a dump in a pringles can and rolled it down my hallway.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-07 14:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, I'm hooked.