I dare you... (880 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.07 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Alex DeWitt <alex.dewitt.at.ntlworld.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-09 07:57:48 EST
If you are bored at work, try out the following challenges. See how many of these things you can do before your own entertainment is exceeded by the pissed-off-ness / worriedness of those around you:
1. When in a lift, breathe really really fast through only your nostrils.
2. When in a meeting, make heartbeat sounds with your throat continually, and do not react, even when it is obvious the noises are coming from you.
3. When your manager is standing over you, reading something from your screen, take a stapler and clamp it over the bit of skin on your elbow, and squeeze in a staple. Shed a tear then carry on like nothing happened.
4. Pout your lips then stick the tip of your tongue through, turn your head sideways and squash your lips on the photocopier glass, make a copy and leave it in the tray.
5. When sitting at your office desk, every now and then knock on the underside of your desk, and say "let me out" in a squeaky ventriloquist voice.
6. Print out this and leave it in the printer tray:
a. Banana -yes
b. Courgette - yes
c. Potato - maybe
d. Grapes - yes
e. Apple - no
f. Cucumber - yes
g. Cherry - yes
h. Aubergine - no
i. Carrots - yes
j. Corn on cob - small size only
k. Chilli - maybe??
7. When in the filing room alone, talk to yourself like Gollum "it was the fat one... the fat hobbit ruined it. Don't worry, It'll be ours soon precious. Yes!" As soon as someone else comes in, quickly stop and act normal.
8. Whenever you go to the water cooler, gargle the water then spit it in the bin.
9. Take a jug, mug or any container into the toilet with you, preferably two jugs. Fill them with water then wait in one of the cubicles. When someone else comes into the toilet, start pouring the water very slowly from a great height into the pan, keep up the trickling noise for as long as possible.
10. Take in some brown plastecine and a star shaped mould. Push a long piece of the clay through the mould and drop it into the toilet to leave a star shaped prism turd.
11. When on your pc listen to music through headphones and sing every 5th word out loud. Hum the rest.
12. When in the canteen, speak to your friend in a made up language. It is best if one of you uses a really fast, high pitched, Chinese sounding language, and the other one replies in clicks and deep African sounding words.
User Reviews
Submitted by Drawstring (user info) at 2006-03-10 06:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have tried the throat heart beat in my chest, it was my favourite
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:21:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
it's not the done thing to retaliate xander you fucking tit.
man up andrew, have a wank or summit.
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I'm allowed to do it though, because I don't care.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:21:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
it's not the done thing to retaliate xander you fucking tit.
man up andrew, have a wank or summit.
---
He's right you know.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-09 10:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-09 09:41:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-03-09 09:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
CHAPPIE! READ MY STORIES AND SMILE FOR I AM TE LOUDEST MAN IN THE WORLLLDDDD!!!!
DIIIIIVVVVEEEE
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 09:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:46:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Re-reading it, this is a 0 post. But I never know how it will be received, I thought my insane workmate post would flop, but it didn't, and Ive seen worse e-mails than this post ciruclate like crazy.
It's just the hypocracy that pisses me - there are spammers here with negative average ratings who then slate others posts for being spam!
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I don't have a negative rating, and I have never posted anything that I didn't come up with.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 09:15:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:14:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
youre saying on Shit Post Thursday, this bit of fun rates lower than absolute turd fodder like: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85075 , http://www.ubersite.com/m/85069 and about 80% of the other messages on here?
jeez...
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And I rated yours better than that garbage.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-09 09:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
LOOK! IN THE SKY! Is it a bitd?! is its a plane?!
NO! ITS:
meh
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude, it just wasn't funny. There was a lot of wasted potential here. Don't get all pissy about it. People are entitled to their opinions. What you find hilarious, others may just shrug off. I have a theory, though: If you'd labelled the title as SPT, you'd have gotten a higher average rating.
If you're going to take the ratings on a joke post seriously, maybe you need to step away from the keyboard for awhile.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:46:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Re-reading it, this is a 0 post. But I never know how it will be received, I thought my insane workmate post would flop, but it didn't, and Ive seen worse e-mails than this post ciruclate like crazy.
It's just the hypocracy that pisses me - there are spammers here with negative average ratings who then slate others posts for being spam!
---
Uber is fickle and a lot can affect your ratings. For me, your -2 was because I know you can do far better than this. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed in you.
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Re-reading it, this is a 0 post. But I never know how it will be received, I thought my insane workmate post would flop, but it didn't, and Ive seen worse e-mails than this post ciruclate like crazy.
It's just the hypocracy that pisses me - there are spammers here with negative average ratings who then slate others posts for being spam!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This doesn't deserve a negative rating.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You were doing pretty well on your last post, too.
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
youre saying on Shit Post Thursday, this bit of fun rates lower than absolute turd fodder like: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85075 , http://www.ubersite.com/m/85069 and about 80% of the other messages on here?
jeez...
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
swing and a miss
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not -2 worthy, but still just spam.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
One would have to be VERY bored.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Better stuff than this gets rejected by my spam filter every day.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2006-03-09 08:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-09 07:59:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
Not funny I'm afraid. Sorry.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-09 07:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not funny I'm afraid. Sorry.