The Fallen (APW, late again) (854 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: APW
Rating: 1.73 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-03-10 14:50:49 EST
Below the void we breathe the smoke and fire
Upon this frozen plane we know but flame,
The cracked fields broken, the impact from our fall
Scarring the ground; our love exchanged for fierce
And total hatred, our pride and vanity turned to fear
As we found ourselves forever cast away from the Father.
It was not always this way. We were with the Father,
Impossibly at peace in his eternal, holy fire,
In service and obedience we knew nothing of fear,
Nothing of the wind that seeks to snuff the flame,
For we were young in the eyes of eternity, and fierce
Was our fervor for He whom before we'd rightly fall.
Later the whispers, the shadow, the plot to bring about His fall
Consumed us wholly, disgust in our eyes for the Father
As we listened to the words spit from our leader's fierce
And fluid lips, his words so full of truth and fire
That they lit upon the legion's hearts a black flame,
Burning them with courage to prevent the touch of fear.
We battled then, scored in our armor and ranks, and knew fear,
Knew before we even held a spear that we would fall,
The sacred weapons forged by the heat of heaven's flames
Trembling, useless, beside us as we met the host of the Father,
A countless third against an immesurable wall of fire
Pure as He who charged them, made them, deadly, deep and fierce.
Bloody wings, chariots gutted and collapsed, savage, fierce,
A split helm of a seraph, the stabbing, the stabbing, the fear,
The panic and the broken lines, the smouldering sword, the fire,
The screaming of an angel over the chaos of the thrones, we fall,
While around us we hear curses and condemnation from our would-be father,
First one, another, then the lot, burned by heaven's holy light and flame.
The punishment exclamed beyond the balance: ice and flame,
Eternal night and day in a wasteland wild and fierce
With our new king, never again to see the face of our Father,
Nevermore to look upon the majesty of creation without fear
And the remembrance of our betrayal, of our fall,
The punishment exclaimed, and in an instant all was fire.
The skies swallowed us and we clawed against the flames
Hungry, insistent tongues lashing our scarred, wingless backs, so fierce,
And we fell, naked and shamed, a torrent of muted bodies. Still we fall.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-12 14:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a fucking Hammerfall/Rhapsody song.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-12 14:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-11 00:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 00:44:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
I shall call the work "Stalled Impregnation: So Cruel the Joke of Fertilization."
It will be worth millions. And quite lickable, too.
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Multimedia 2006: Art for all the senses. It's where it's at. I know these things.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-11 00:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:48:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe next time I'll just post a painting I composed of my semen and the lovehoney of my uberharem.
:)
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I shall call the work "Stalled Impregnation: So Cruel the Joke of Fertilization."
It will be worth millions. And quite lickable, too.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-03-10 20:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because I am watching Charlise Theron get eaten out right now
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-10 20:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops, didn't mean to zero you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-10 20:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:33:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think working within a structure can be a fun challenge, ghola dear.
All I'm saying is that, because of it, I was more concerned with the form and not so much the language that was being used to fill it. Inion mentioned how it seemed to fall short of my other posts, language-wise, and I was thinking aloud as to why that might have been.
But then, I wasn't writing this for layered language, I was writing it to try out that type of poem again.
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hardcore sir.
i was just sayin'
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe next time I'll just post a painting I composed of my semen and the lovehoney of my uberharem.
:)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 the poem itself.
+1 sestinas are fucking hard to write, so I'll cut you a bit of slack here.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 19:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe next time I'll just post a painting.
:)
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-03-10 18:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
for Ruby.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-10 17:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:51:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...sure thing.
Next week: Orgasmatron Productions presents "Reflections Upon the Clown Paintings of John Wayne Gacy."
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Great! Lots of rhymes for words like "molestation" and "male prostitute"!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
(not really)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...sure thing.
Next week: Orgasmatron Productions presents "Reflections Upon the Clown Paintings of John Wayne Gacy."
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Next Friday I want something a little more light and bouncy. Like happy bunnies having tea with chipmunks or Mike Tyson molesting little kids.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well.
Huh.
I liked the damn thing altogether.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur, this is definately +1.5
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And to complete the 1.5
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-10 16:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not your best work. You sure picked a hard structure of poetry to work with though. So +1.5.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rubens +1
Poem-Meh
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think working within a structure can be a fun challenge, ghola dear.
All I'm saying is that, because of it, I was more concerned with the form and not so much the language that was being used to fill it. Inion mentioned how it seemed to fall short of my other posts, language-wise, and I was thinking aloud as to why that might have been.
But then, I wasn't writing this for layered language, I was writing it to try out that type of poem again.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, I find freedom from fatherly feudalism fantastic, not a fiasco. Freewill forever!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:11:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
I blame the form a little, deeps. Building something around six repeated words tends to stifle the mind just a little
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I think anytime that you find the "form" limiting, you probably shouldn't have been adhering to it.
Form follows function, not the other way around.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:11:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I blame the form a little, deeps. Building something around six repeated words tends to stifle the mind just a little. The only other time I did something like this was with scourge's 'What's in a Name' post. Check that one out and see if it's the form, or my use of it, that's bland.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:06:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is one cool painting
oh and the poem was not bad either :)
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:02:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm actually gonna 1.5 this because it just didn't seem up to par with your normal use of the english language. almost like it fell short of your potential, but still good.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-10 15:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I pretty much gave up on my American Lit courses after we got past Poe and Hawthorne.
I feel your pain.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, though. Glad it could get you to enjoy zee po'tree.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-10 14:59:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kevin Smith called. He wants you to write a poem about his next movie.
This was excellent.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-10 14:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cool.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-03-10 14:53:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's odd.
i dreaded my American Literatue class in college. i'd do anything to avoid reading those gheyaids poems.
now, i can't wait to read yours.
thanks for being so kickass.
Submitted by Good (user info) at 2006-03-10 14:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh