Suburban legends (743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by erosion_rules (View user info) at 2006-03-11 13:38:33 EST
Every school and every small town has had their legends. My town, in northern NY, in the Thousand Islands region, was no different.
The haunted house - This one is a staple of small town life. It was directly across the street from the general store, and next to the tiny accountant's office. It was abandoned for years, and the only reason it was still standing was because it was so close to everything else, so the volunteer fire department couldn't use it for practice with a controlled burn. None of us ever went inside, of course. It was much more frightening to imagine seeing things in the windows. One day I ended up on the porch, looking through the warped glass of the kitchen window. What I saw amazed me: Absolutely fuckin' nothing. So I looked in the next few windows, and still nothing. As I was about o leave the porch, the plank I was walking on collapsed, and I scraped up my leg pretty badly. I should have been watching where I was going, and that rite of passage made me realize that the legend must live on. So I claimed to see things in the windows, and then the spirits of the house became angry with me, and caused my injury. Kids need that irrational crap sometimes.
The evil teacher - Every school has one of these. Kids think he or she is an alien, a murderer, other various things. Ours was the P.E. coach, who was also coach of the girls' soccer and basketball teams. He was known as the molester. Rumors had been circulating about how he had been let go from the last school where he taught, for boning a student. We thought it was just a funny rumor until kids started complaining. And before gym class, he spent an awful lot of time in the girls' locker room. Then, one fateful day, I found him in his office...and my cousin sucking his dick. Well, now I know why she was one of FIVE captains of the varsity girls' soccer team. And the other captains as well, most likely. Now as for the five captains...there were only twenty or so girls on the team at all, and five captains?
Flash - There was a guy in my school, let's just call him Flash. At a basketball game, he whipped out his peener and waggled it at twin seven year old girls, sisters of the team's center. Then he started getting caught beating off in Spanish class, staring at the nasty teacher that looked like Barbara Streisand on meth. He ended up segregated from the rest of the school, taking his classes alone, in a tiny room. He graduated early, went to Texas, and joined the army. When he walked out of the recruiter's office, we tried to cross the street...and was flattened by a semi...But he recieved a military funeral for his seconds of service.
The Phantom Whacker - I think there were a few people trying to keep this one alive. It all started when someone tried to throw someone else in the showers after gym, and the guy almost landed in a pool of jism. The spooge appeared frequently in the locker room, until we caught David, the quiet spooky kid, rubbing one out. He was suspended for a week, but during that week, the cum kept coming. The whacker was never found.
The debunked Dead House - This was also known as MY house. I lived right in front of a graveyard, which was next to another...graveyard... Anyway, I had a nice enough house, big pool, huge yard, go kart, every reason for kids to want to hang out with me. But that damned cemetary... It was a well kept boneyard, always freshly mowed, all of that. It was also fairly new, compared to the one next to it, about a quarter of a mile through the field. There was a watering hole in the pasture right behind the fence, and every night, there would be sort of a rumble in the ground, like a pulsing, and every beat of this sound, bubbles would rise from the water. It happened for years, and the rumors began. They started calling my house the Dead House, and saying that the people that built it killed themselves in the basement for no reason. Bullshit, of course. I met the people who built it, because the built it in the '70's, and we bought the house from them in the '80's. They just moved to Cortland.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-13 18:33:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
vaguely entertaining post for a change...
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 05:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The evil teacher paragraph made me laugh. Rest was decent too.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-03-12 04:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I rated this.
There's a house by my school my friend found in the paper which supposedly was the home of a murder who buried his victims in a basement he dug beneath his house and about 80 feet back into the forest. The house is still there and the entire basement has been excavated. My friend and I broke in and looked around. There were still pictures and shit on his dresser. It was like what you would imagine it would be like. Pretty cool and wierd at the same time.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-03-11 22:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for cortland, the town sucks but the skiing is great
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-11 19:32:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool man.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-03-11 17:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"we tried to cross the street"
I should really sober up before I hit submit. Jesus, how does one fuck up the "h" and the "w"?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-11 14:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting read
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-03-11 14:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-11 13:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know that if you go into a betting shop in Britain and make a bet that Elvis will crash land a flying saucer onto the Loch Ness Monster you've actually got better odds of getting cash from that than winning the jackpot on our lottery?
Strange but true.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-11 13:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First review!