Mammy Joshua’s Hoodoo Pie (1350 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Favorites Negroes
Rating: 1.91 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-03-12 00:20:51 EST
I was helping Louisa sort through a few boxes in the garage when I came across a yellowed sheet of paper in a wooden frame. At one time, there had been glass in the frame but it had shattered and fallen away long ago, and only one tiny fragment of glass remained in the lower left-hand corner.
The writing on the page was faded, and when I asked my wife what I had found she gasped and held it reverently, as if it were a document written by one of the founding fathers, an analogy that wasn't far from the truth.
"I've heard about this ever since I was little," Louisa said. "My great-grandmother wrote this down, almost a hundred years ago." With a little smile she added, "Well, she had it written for her, anyhow."
"No shit?"
Lou gave me the kind of look only a black woman can give, and I say that with utmost respect. She comes from a long line of women who never took any shit off of men, and sometimes she could shut me down harder and faster with one look than she ever could with a raised voiced.
"When you're talking about my Mammy Joshua you don't be glib, you hear?"
"Got it," I said.
Mammy Joshua. I'd been hearing about her for twenty years, ever since I first met Lou. Mammy Joshua had been a slave, born a few years before Lincoln became President. Her earliest memory, passed on to her children, was of working in a field under the hot Alabama sun. She had been three years old. The old woman could hardly read or write, but she had filled her children and grandchildren with the drive to move forward, always forward.
You'd never hear any of the Joshua's backing affirmative action. They believed that family and hard work were the keys to success.
"Hoodoo Pie, huh?" I spoke in a nasal, honking voice. "Is this what the Negroes call soul food?"
"Hush, white boy," Louisa said, giving me a slap on the arm.
Mammy Joshua had died back in the forties. What few things she had were passed down through children, through time. Lou's mom and dad had passed away a few years back. The last of the old guard, Lou's Aunt Nella, had died a month ago, and now we were going through her things.
For a moment I realized that this now made Lou and I, and her sisters and brothers, the old guard, and that freaked me out, because I still read the occasional comic book, I still chew Bazooka bubble gum (more than ever now that I had quit smoking), and I still found farts hilarious. To clear my mind of that horrific notion I looked over Lou's shoulder and read the recipe.
Mammy Joshua's Hoodoo Pie
2 cups of fresh blueberries
3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, thinly sliced
1 1/2 of cups sugar
1/2 cup of flour
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
4 drops from the river of life
2 tablespoons of butter
2 hand-rolled pie crusts
Combine all ingredients except the butter in a mixing bowl and mix gently with your own two hands. A hymn or a prayer said soft while mixing always helps. Put the bottom crusts in the pie pans and pour the mixture in. Cut butter over the mixture and cover with the top crusts. Crimp the edges and slit the crust for venting steam. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes. Serve to your man when cool.
I frowned. "Okay, what is this?"
Lou gave me a Mona Lisa look, a smile with a secret hidden inside.
"Just an old recipe, honey."
"Yeah, but... 'Serve to your man'? And what's this river of life stuff?"
"Never mind, baby. Come on, we got more boxes to go through before we're done and the kids will be home soon."
I crossed my arms and tried to look stern. Of course, Lou could just ignore me all day and there would be shit I could do about it, but every once in a while she gave a little. Besides, the kids were out doing whatever kids do on a Saturday afternoon these days, and if they showed up and started messing around with this stuff we'd never get done.
"You really want to know?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Okay," Lou said. "Mammy Joshua knew the most important thing in life was, and is, family. She knew that if you had family to come home to you could get through most anything from sunup to sundown. She also knew that most men could fend for themselves in the world and find a good woman if they had their head on straight, but sometimes women needed a little extra help. After all, a man can up and leave, but a woman who is running a home and raising babies has to do all she can to keep things... stable."
Lou looked away a moment, and in a softer voice she said, "Mammy Joshua also called this recipe 'Hook'em Pie.'
"Hey..." I thought back to when Louisa and I first met. "Your mom made that one time, didn't she? I'm pretty sure I had some when we were dating."
"Umm-hmmm," Lou replied.
"That was some damn good pie."
Lou nodded.
"So, apples and blueberries I get. The spices too. But what's this river of life business?"
Lou put a hand on my arm.
"Baby, I'll tell you, but don't wig out, okay?"
I laughed. "When do I ever wig out?"
I got another one of those looks. Lou was right, too. I usually lost my shit and went off on a rant about something stupid at least once a day.
"Okay," I said. "I'll stay calm."
"Think on it a minute," Lou said. "River of life? Women? What to rivers do?"
"They flow. But—"
Lou gave me a slow nod.
"You gotta be fuckin shitting me."
Lou shook her head.
"There was menstrual blood in that fucking pie? Yours?"
Lou got a little riled then, the south of the women who raised her coming out in her voice. "You don't seem mahnd when you dip yo dick in it."
I should have been angry, but I wasn't. I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay. That's a point for your side. But, Jesus, Lou."
"Mammy Joshua and all the women who came from her swore by that pie," Lou said. "She said it would make a man, the right man, even if he was a dorky white man, fall in love, and stay in love."
Lou looked away again, and when she raised her eyes and looked at me she spoke with a strength that was both spooky and thrilling.
"And I wanted you to love me, forever and ever."
I leaned forward and gave her a kiss. "You didn't need any magic pie for that, Lou. You got the magic built-in."
She returned the kiss, one of those Louisa specials that still made my mouth water after all these years.
"Oh my God." I looked over my shoulder and saw Lucy standing in the sun, a look of horror on her face. "If you guys are going to do that, close the garage door. God!"
My daughter was fourteen, and full of advice for Lou and me.
"Let's finish up with the rest of these boxes," Lou said.
"Sure," I replied.
I thought of Lucy. One of these days she might want to settle down with the right guy, and most guys these days were walking scum. "And when I get the chance, I'll put that recipe in a nice new frame."
User Reviews
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nasty, but good.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful story. I know a woman much like Lou, Gris-Gris: she's the local mamba, the real thing, btw, although she detests that title. +++
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-13 16:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JD, I just moved into a new building at work. No AM radio reception. That means no right-wing talk radio. Of course, on FM I can get NPR, Mexicans screaming that everything is 'sabroso!' and some Arab stirring up the sleeper cells.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-13 16:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE PLACENTA
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-03-13 16:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lower left-hand corner?...lower LEFT-hand corner!?
jack, please tell daddy you haven't gone over to the dark side
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:23:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like shiny things
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you had five minutes to edxit your rating for just these types of circumstances.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really am a dumbass.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Jack.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-13 12:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:34:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice little story. Sort of saw the ending coming, but that didn't really take away from it.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn...just...damn
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:01:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmm delicious!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 17:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, if you seriously produce children's books, let me know.
I have grandkids from the ages of 4 all the way up to 18.
<read: old fucker>
Good reading for kids is hard to find these days.
My e-mail address shows up on all my posts.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-12 17:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 17:16:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
I go to the used book store about three times per week; maybe I'll
stumble across a copy of Made In The USA... :)
--
Dude, if I ever make a sale (working on the next thing I'll try to sell, a children's book... a series, actually. We'll see...) I'll hand out copies of MITU to the faithful bruthas and sistahs in celebration.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 17:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I go to the used book store about three times per week; maybe I'll
stumble across a copy of Made In The USA... :)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-12 17:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-12 14:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-03-12 13:30:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
You've gotten quite a bit better over the years.
I know this because I'm about halfway through Made In The USA.
--
Thanks for reading. And remember...
-1st novel, so I threw everything in there. I'm bad at editing myself for length and over-the-top stuff... as anyone who read this monstrosity (http://www.ubersite.com/m/53153) can attest to...
-As I said, with no editor, I proofed it myself. I think there are very few holes in the story (and way too much conspiracy stuff), but the trademark Jack typos are there, and I ask your indulgence in overlooking them.
-I'm working on a decades-spanning prequel (only Will from MITU will appear in it, briefly) and a few sequels, one reuniting all who survive MITU (see how I avoided any bummer spoilers?) and more clones, and one featuring Al Johnson, last seen here http://www.ubersite.com/m/77500. I like Al, and he has a lot ahead of him... although I have notes on how he will meet his demise, and it ain't pretty.
-I'm still playing with the short story format, and Uber is a great testing ground for that.
-Once again, thanks for reading, and I hope you are enjoying it.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-03-12 13:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've gotten quite a bit better over the years.
I know this because I'm about halfway through Made In The USA.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-12 13:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like pie...but then since I'll eat a Scotch pie which is mainly wood shavings and anything the pie-maker could stun for long enough I'm hardly a judge of a good pie.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-12 12:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jejune_Jesuit (user info) at 2006-03-12 12:08:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you ever had any?
. . .Is it good?
--
I smell a French Canadian...
Submitted by Jejune_Jesuit (user info) at 2006-03-12 12:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have you ever had any?
. . .Is it good?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-12 09:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:48:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:46:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well look who returns upon a fortnight...
==========
It's been a while. I noticed.
---------
yup.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 07:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good for a dorky white man....
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-03-12 05:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-03-12 03:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. The end kinda let me down a little bit - I was expecting some mad old spectral bitch with an axe to come in - but I suspect that's my problem more than it is yours.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-12 02:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by turkishblend (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:18:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:02:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:00:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. That is christ fucking gross. Who puts apples in their blueberry pie?
--------
Ahahahaha!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-12 02:43:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cute.
would have germs though I rekon.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2006-03-12 02:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well-written and interesting.
Submitted by turkishblend (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:02:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:00:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. That is christ fucking gross. Who puts apples in their blueberry pie?
--------
Ahahahaha!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:00:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. That is christ fucking gross. Who puts apples in their blueberry pie?
--------
Ahahahaha!
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 01:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. That is christ fucking gross. Who puts apples in their blueberry pie?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That was AWESOME!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if it works the same way with the Mayonnaise of Life.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is THAT what I've been missing?
Good to know..
Now, to find the man
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:46:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well look who returns upon a fortnight...
==========
It's been a while. I noticed.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well look who returns upon a fortnight...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's kinda, uhm, eww.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 00:34:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice little story. Sort of saw the ending coming, but that didn't really take away from it.