Part 2: Paranoid Android (831 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: OKComputer
Rating: 0 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Redskieslookfake (View user info) at 2006-03-12 18:18:03 EST
Part 2: Paranoid Android
Two days later, and the computer's female voice was no longer comforting me. That sweet sympathetic voice kept presenting me with facts that I really did not want to face. 61 days to go before I could get off this heap, and the blasted ship was leaking!
Not oxygen, no that would be far too easy to check. The computer smugly informs me she can spot a pressure drop of one millibar of good old 02, but the radiation streaming out of the ship was impossible to detect. I stared out of one of the micro-asteroid pockmarked windows at the rainbow hue of the energy reacting in the drive contrail and sighed heavily.
Increasing the powerplant output would solve the problem for a while, but like pouring water into a plastic bag, the more you poured, the bigger those holes would rip.
I did not have the necessary equipment to check all of the reactor and the manifolds, and so I was left with the awkward task of working out how I could best conserve power so that I could get to the repair base.
So I am left with the unappealing prospect of shutting as much equipment down as possible, starting with the heating.
Space is cold. We use kelvin, but it does not begin to explain it. The ache in your bones, the feeling that you'll never be warm again, the icy agony that reaches inside you and makes you tired. Tired of staying warm. That is what the cold of space is, a place so cold you get tired of living.
I am huddled in my survival blanket, gloves making my numb fingers even more clumsy, a few chattering commands to the computer to let me know what the temperature was, and how long before we were in the path of the sun again. Too cold, too long she kept saying. That bitch's voice was as cold as the bulkhead I leaned against before which had taken off the top layers of my freshly pinked skin when the moisture had frozen.
It was only when the computer started ignoring my voice that I started getting irate. At least it heated me up a little. As a rough rule of thumb microchips work better when they are cooler, but when the air filters are clogged up with the sealant the ship used to patch the micro holes caused by the impact, and they stop taking the moisture out of the air, then you get problems.
Excess water from the tanks and plumbing. Even my very presence worked against me. Each humid breath, proved to the world I was alive, but slowly, ever so slowly, worked its way into the electronics. Those tiny particles of water had got into the mind of the computer. That is not so bad really. The problems started when this water froze and began to unseat the chips.
I tried to see the amusement in having a computer which refused to believe I was the captain, calling me 'unidentified intruder' and demanding to see my clearance to be on the ship. You can not reason with this woman, she had no record of my presence, ergo I was not entitled to order her around.
I shuffled to engineering, to where the computer banks resided and spent a thoughtful fifteen minutes with the micro screwdriver set and turned off the security and personality. She was a lot more compliant after that.
59 days until base fall.
The sunlight heated the ship up nicely - I sat by the nearest window to the star and let the sunlight stream over me and watched as the ice cracked and fell off my blanket. That warmed my heart almost as much as the computer reporting (smugly I thought) that it had identified the cause of the power drain, and was ready to send out maintenance drones to repair it. No argument from me. Your first space walk is amazing. Your second is still good. Sooner or later you watch another spacer take a high speed impact from an orbiting granule of dust that punches through the helmet and frappes their head. The novelty wears off then I can tell you.
I watch the drones work. It is comforting knowing that they are there, working away. A roughly tin can shaped object with a tiny cutting torch and a pair of pincers, floating past on gusts of air. They busily work away, sniping off damaged struts and welding so finely you can barely see it with the native eye. The computer thinks it will be a few more days before everything is up and running enough to restore full power.
Thirty years back they experimented with humanoid repairers but they abandoned that after an initial blaze of publicity. The unions (what was left of them) had kicked up a huge stink about the loss of labour, and the fact of the matter was that a small compressed air jet and a tiny robot was a far more efficient way of doing things in space than a clumsy complex mannequin.
I went to shave for the first time in days and looked in the mirror. The thawing process had left my eyes bloodshot as always, but they were no longer the scarlet they had been minutes after my fifteen minute defrost cycle.
The heating up of the ship had returned almost normal operations on board, albeit with one annoying addition. The water vapour had got into the speakers and now everything buzzed. It is strange to think about all the technology that went into this ship, and how a little water made everything squeak and rattle. The smell of new leather in the bridge had been tainted by the mustiness, a taint the damaged scrubber units could erase. Sealant gloop stinks just like the glue that kids use to fix their spaceship models together, it catches in your throat and makes you long to open a window to get some fresh air in. There is no fresh air here people. Whatever fascinating aromas you bring into your ship stays there.
I lay back on my couch and tried to get some rest, my gloves falling to the ground. The first time in three days I had not wanted their protection.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-10-11 19:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-10-11 18:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fight the... whatever the hell is going on here.
Submitted by psikosismc (user info) at 2008-10-11 17:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by aquagirl (user info) at 2008-09-08 16:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck. Off.
Submitted by Naplander (user info) at 2008-08-30 17:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shagabah_Jones (user info) at 2008-08-26 17:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great post Jake. Dick.
Submitted by WhiteBearalicious (user info) at 2008-08-25 17:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't cry JakeyBoy.
Submitted by Timberwolves_At_New_York (user info) at 2008-08-24 17:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
thisis trooly awfull riting.
Submitted by Titan_lad (user info) at 2008-08-24 17:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bricekrispy (user info) at 2008-08-24 16:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bubba69 (user info) at 2008-08-24 15:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stewie_GO_SAINTS (user info) at 2008-08-21 04:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2008-07-29 16:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I shouldn't bother
This series is crap/
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-13 08:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:58:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be too negative. This post was good and well deserving of the kind comments it attracted.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be too negative. This post was good and well deserving of the kind comments it attracted.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:45:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
The lifeboat scenario is quite common, but there is certainly no intentional plagiarism. I shall endeavour to move away from the formulaic writing in future.
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You're trapped mate. Either you do the boring formulaic stuff and you get accused of copying crap stuff or you make it funny and get accused of copying Doug Naylor (or Ed Grant, I get them mixed up). I don't care though as long as it's good.
I liked the bit with the tin cans particularly. The part with the 'maintenece' on the computer and the removing of the personality chip was particularly poigniant as well.
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I'm a product of my background I guess. When writing this I kept feeling bits of things I've read creeping in. I've deliberately set a tone to try and move away from that. No contractions and precise language. Everytime I feel Alien, Doug Adams, Red Dwarf, Asimov or Timothy Zahn breaking through I try and step away.
Personality chips now feels cliched. Who got an emotion chip? aww fuck - Data from Star Trek.
Must try harder.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The lifeboat scenario is quite common, but there is certainly no intentional plagiarism. I shall endeavour to move away from the formulaic writing in future.
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You're trapped mate. Either you do the boring formulaic stuff and you get accused of copying crap stuff or you make it funny and get accused of copying Doug Naylor (or Ed Grant, I get them mixed up). I don't care though as long as it's good.
I liked the bit with the tin cans particularly. The part with the 'maintenece' on the computer and the removing of the personality chip was particularly poigniant as well.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:29:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:24:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Still liking this, but the subtle sarcastic humour seemed to be lacking in this one. (Or maybe it is too subtle for me in my current delicate state).
-Dave
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I was also going to mention that it appeared to have been plagerised from several of the dozens of short stories about 'the man alone in space' that can be found on any fan forum of space based computer games. I didn't though cause you're a mate, like.
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The lifeboat scenario is quite common, but there is certainly no intentional plagiarism. I shall endeavour to move away from the formulaic writing in future.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:24:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Still liking this, but the subtle sarcastic humour seemed to be lacking in this one. (Or maybe it is too subtle for me in my current delicate state).
-Dave
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I was also going to mention that it appeared to have been plagerised from several of the dozens of short stories about 'the man alone in space' that can be found on any fan forum of space based computer games. I didn't though cause you're a mate, like.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:26:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I promise the next piece will have more attempts at humour Dave. I've got a few ideas for it in mind.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still liking this, but the subtle sarcastic humour seemed to be lacking in this one. (Or maybe it is too subtle for me in my current delicate state).
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I shall have to drink with you and make my own judgement. Last time I was in Birmingham was new years eve a few years back. It was a bit poo if truth be told. I can't remember exactly where I was, but it was a bit more upmarket - erm there were Yates and a big sports bar. Does that make sense? Anyway - there wasn't anything that made me fall of my chair in complete awe.
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I know exactly where you were. Now, you want to come too Birmingham on Friday and I'll take you to some lovely establishments. We'll listen to mambo music then we'll eat Italian food and then we'll have run out of things to do because there are no good night clubs in Birmingham. So we'll probably go back to the place with the mambo music. Or my mates place in Shirly were we shall sit in abject squaller and smoke marijuana and argue with one another.
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I'm trying to impregnate a dwarf on Friday I'm afraid.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 05:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:51:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:44:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Our women are horrible though. I have decided that brummy women are the worst in England. The best women in England can be found in Hertfordshire.
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I shall have to drink with you and make my own judgement. Last time I was in Birmingham was new years eve a few years back. It was a bit poo if truth be told. I can't remember exactly where I was, but it was a bit more upmarket - erm there were Yates and a big sports bar. Does that make sense? Anyway - there wasn't anything that made me fall of my chair in complete awe.
--------
I know exactly where you were. Now, you want to come too Birmingham on Friday and I'll take you to some lovely establishments. We'll listen to mambo music then we'll eat Italian food and then we'll have run out of things to do because there are no good night clubs in Birmingham. So we'll probably go back to the place with the mambo music. Or my mates place in Shirly were we shall sit in abject squaller and smoke marijuana and argue with one another.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:51:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:44:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Our women are horrible though. I have decided that brummy women are the worst in England. The best women in England can be found in Hertfordshire.
---
I shall have to drink with you and make my own judgement. Last time I was in Birmingham was new years eve a few years back. It was a bit poo if truth be told. I can't remember exactly where I was, but it was a bit more upmarket - erm there were Yates and a big sports bar. Does that make sense? Anyway - there wasn't anything that made me fall of my chair in complete awe.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Our women are horrible though. I have decided that brummy women are the worst in England. The best women in England can be found in Hertfordshire.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come live in Birmingham Red, it's the land of oppurtunity and our streets are paved with kebab meat.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:32:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Space is cold. We use kelvin, but it does not begin to explain it. The ache in your bones, the feeling that you'll never be warm again, the icy agony that reaches inside you and makes you tired. Tired of staying warm. That is what the cold of space is, a place so cold you get tired of living.
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For a minute there I thought you were talking about Durham.
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I have no answer to that accusation. It is so cold here I am miserable.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Space is cold. We use kelvin, but it does not begin to explain it. The ache in your bones, the feeling that you'll never be warm again, the icy agony that reaches inside you and makes you tired. Tired of staying warm. That is what the cold of space is, a place so cold you get tired of living.
---------------
For a minute there I thought you were talking about Durham.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-13 04:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
... Titling your posts after the tracks on Ok Computer is a bit of an abomination, like a rape farm.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-12 23:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ampersand might be referring to me adapting Pearl Jam's Ten to prose. He does get pissy like that.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 20:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's good, especially considering you don't normally write fiction.
Let me just be the first to point out that it's 'O2', not '02'.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-12 19:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:55:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
This has got to be the worst trend ever. Stop rewriting other peoples shit and come up with your own for gods sake.
=======
Since when was inspiration plagiarism? Did you even read this?
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children, God loves his children, yeah
I'm impressed with you right now, Jake. Keep writing.
Submitted by Waxinmyeye (user info) at 2006-03-12 19:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not my cup of tea, but not shitty
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-12 19:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both parts of the story were excellent. The comment about rewriting other
peoples stuff was uncalled for in this instance. Much science fiction, as well
as other types of writing, will remind one of something else. This is original.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:55:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
This has got to be the worst trend ever. Stop rewriting other peoples shit and come up with your own for gods sake.
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Other people's shit? I don't know what you're talking about.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:29:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
radiation streaming out of the ship
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Surely into would be more of a worry unless ive missed summit
>>Supposed to be the fuel source. I should have explained it better.
The ache in your bones, the feeling that you'll never be warm again
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nice, nice. I can see why you were worried about your overuse of pretty sentances. i liked that.
>>I shall moderate them in future.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This has got to be the worst trend ever. Stop rewriting other peoples shit and come up with your own for gods sake.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
radiation streaming out of the ship
-------
Surely into would be more of a worry unless ive missed summit
Thirty years back they experimented with humanoid repairers but they abandoned that after an initial blaze of publicity. The unions (what was left of them) had kicked up a huge stink about the loss of labour, and the fact of the matter was that a small compressed air jet and a tiny robot was a far more efficient way of doing things in space than a clumsy complex mannequin.
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There will NEVER be Humanoid robots. Too inneficient.(i just realised I cant spell that word)
The ache in your bones, the feeling that you'll never be warm again
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nice, nice. I can see why you were worried about your overuse of pretty sentances. i liked that.