Shamrock Open - Darby O'Gill and the Revenge of the Little People (657 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.77 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-14 10:35:49 EST
He stood on the southern shore and looked at the endless grey ocean. Somewhere out there was Antarctica, and he could feel the chill of it in the breeze on his worn and grizzled face. This was south, as far south as he could run. All that was left was ice before he started to head north again. This was it. End of the road. The rest of his life would be spent on this grey and dismal shore, watching the whales pass by and the seals swim in. And maybe, here at the end of the world, they wouldn't be able to find him.
Maybe.
Please, God, let it be so.
The long, low cavern is dark in the corners and dimlit in the centre and filled, from edge to edge, with whispering, rustling, excited little people in green. Their pointed catlike teeth shine when they smile - and they smile a LOT. They smile the way children introducing insects to the joys of a magnifying glass smile. You can tell, just by looking at them, that they're not nice. They're not the joyful capering creatures of a thousand harmless movies - they may caper, but only in the dark, and only when they've won.
They win most of the time.
And now the leader stands up at the front of the room. He doesn't need to hold his hands up for silence; the seething crowd has been waiting for him to speak for an hour. He wastes no time, and no words, and he smiles his 'the-wings-come-off-if-you-pull' smile.
"We've found him. Tried to run, didn't he? Tried to hide! From us! Foolishness. But we've found him - and we'll make him sorry."
The cheer shakes dust from the ceiling.
Darby O'Gill, who once told a story to a writer man when he was young, orders another pot of tea and rearranges his old and aching bones to catch more of the sunlight. Warm days are rare enough here that he's taking full advantage of this one. The sun is bright, the air is clear, and the tourists are scantily clad. He smiles gently and turns back to his paper and sees, out of the corner of his eye, a flash of green.
"No. No no no..." he's whispering now, to himself, and the waitress stops by his table and looks at him with some concern. "You okay, Mr O'Gill?"
"Yes! I'm fine... I'm feeling a little tired, I think I'll go home..." and he drops a twenty on the table, and walks home calmly, and enters his house calmly, and locks himself into the upstairs closet and pushes a rolled blanket against the crack at the bottom of the door and puts his hands over his face, not calm anymore, nowhere close, bcause they're here, he knows it, he feels them, they found him, he ran but they found him and oh fuck, it's over, he's trapped, and--
"Boo."
For the first time since he was three years old and his sainted mother clouted him around the head, Darby O'Gill wets himself.
Needle sharp and tiny teeth sink in behind his ankle and he screams, high and shrill, and beats at the small clinging body with both hands.
"You made us into a joke, O'Gill. We terrorised people for hundreds of years - we were feared, we were tricksters, we were fiends. And you tell some fairy story to a writer and now? Now the world thinks we're these merry little impish mischief makers!"
Small warm shapes thump into his head and shoulders, and there are teeth and cackling and he gibbers in abject terror, writhing and fighting them off, and he doesn't even realise what he's saying until he says it - "I can fix it!"
The teeth stop biting for a moment and he can feel blood running down his back.
The voice is sharp and hungry. "How?"
"I know a guy who knows a guy whose son works in TV. I'll talk to him, and I'll make something happen, I swear."
Whispers in the dark, and the feeling of a hundred kitten sized shapes moving away from him. "You have a month, Darby O'Gill. We'll be back then."
From the Sunday Times
"Reality TV takes a turn for the worse"
By Lyn Hayden
The newest arrival on the reality tv stage, "Pot of Gold", has set the entertainment world on fire with its uncensored violence and frighteningly realistic portrayals of contestants in agony.
The premise is disarmingly simple - contestants face off with each other in stunts that grow ever more bizzarre and dangerous, until only one is left standing. This finalist then takes on the Rat Pack - a group of what appear to be leprechauns - in the final challenge and, if he survives, he wins the grand prize of five million dollars.
Legally, the show is in hot water over the alarmingly frequent disappearances of guests, but according to the executive producer Darby O'Gill "Everyone signs a slew of release forms before they're even considered as a contestant. If they should.... be injured.... the studio compensates the family very handsomely."
And they can afford to. The show's brand new take on the value of life has viewers tuning in in unprecedented numbers. Sponsors are lining up and the money is rolling in.
Other networks are working on their own versions: "Yarrow the Yeti Newshour", "Unicorns Gone Wild", and "Sink or Swim - The Mermaid Challenge" are all in the pipeline for next year.
But for now, Mr O'Gill and his leprechauns have the Extreme Reality niche all to themselves.
Christian groups are calling for the cancellation of the show. Teachers and parents are deeply concerned; many children have reverted to bedwetting and sleeping with the lights on after seeing the show. Child psychologist Fiona Stanley says "It's ludicrous and cruel. Children are literally being scared out of their wits - they won't be in the dark, the refuse to be alone, and in extreme cases they need to be puton medication to cope with their fears. Why would anybody want to scare little kids like this? What's the point?"
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2006-03-16 14:16:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good one...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-15 07:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2006-03-15 03:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By my sainted mother, woo!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh crap. I don't know which of these I like better.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for the record, I liked the Antarctica bit. It's got a Frankenstein-heading-north kinda vibe.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah bejesus, dearie, yer titties would make all right with the World. . .
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Antarctica bit didn't really fit, but the rest of it rocked hardcore. I was semi-creeped out by the first chunk of the story, and then the last part made me laugh. So it was an emotional rollercoaster, all things considered.
Submitted by midwesternknight (user info) at 2006-03-14 18:41:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
kinda bounced around and all the whiney crap at the end ruined it for me
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-14 16:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's Jennifer Aniston?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-03-14 14:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-14 14:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2006-03-14 13:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sorry babe I have to bust the perfect 2
The Antarctic part in the beginning doesn't really tie in. At least it didn't for me.
I dunno, I just expected more from you... and I cant in good conscience give ya a 2
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-03-14 12:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-14 12:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-14 11:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet. Awesome job with the title.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-14 10:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-14 10:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-03-14 10:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is an awesome take on this crappy-ass title. Nice save!
Now they need to redo the Disney-fied fairy tales, and change them back to where Sleeping Beauty isn't woken by the kiss, but by labor pains, wih the Prince a healthy 9-month horseback ride away by that time...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-14 10:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahah. I honestly can't tell if I preferred this to Voltage's or not. They're both so damn good.