this isnt for you (Aristocrats?) (577 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sketch9 (View user info) at 2006-03-14 19:18:02 EST
this isnt for you, but there's no other proper place to put it
So this guy walks into a talent agency, kicks open the agent's door, and says "I've got an act that will blow you away"
The talent agent is pissed, because he just replaced those hinges. He says "oh yeah, well what's your act about?"
The guy says "its a family act... let me show you"
and in comes your average white suburbanite family, complete with a loveable dog and a quadrapalegic grandma.
They placed themselves around the stage in mundane fashion, the pregnant wife cooking, the kids playing with the dog, grandma drooling in her wheelchair.
Just as things start to become boring, dad whips out his dick and starts rubbing it on his daughter's face. His son takes the cue and pulls out his massive penis. He's only nine, but his cock is the size of my forearm... its all veiny and pulsating, beat red up the shaft with a big purple head. He immediately begins sodomizing his mother while donkey punching her in the back of the head. grandma pisses herself and the dog begins to lick it up when suddenly the dog is picked up by the little girl, who's now getting it on doggie style with the dad, and eats out the dog. as the little boy ejaculates up his mother's ass, she takes the time to leave a steaming pile of semen-laden shit on the middle of the stage. to get his erection back, the boy starts playing with grandmas floppy leather tits as she stares blankly back at him. Mom is now face down in the middle of the stage being pissed on by her daughter as she sucks her dad off. The father anounces he's going to blow his load, so he picks up the dog and nuts in its ass. He decides to felch the dog, but turns it into a rusty trombone instead. The little girl is horrified, and pukes on the grandmother, who sucks a little of it into her throat through her tracheotomy. the boy is now fucking the mother and licking urine off of her back while defecating. the dog is now giving grandma a red bow tie, as it got all worked up from that rusty trombone, and dad decides to fist both his son and daughter at the same time. as the blood starts to pool at center stage with the semen, shit, puke, and piss, the mother miscarries from the shock of the scene, and the dog eats half the fetus' head. the males pass the dead brother-to-be around, and skull fuck it, before the daughter gives it a cleveland steamer. the family falls to the pissy, shitty, vomit and cum filled stage and begins to make out, dragging paralyzed grandma with them. They then immediately jump up, covered in all that shit piss cum vomit and sweat and stare at the agent with open hand.
"what do you call this act" he manages to choke out.
"The Aristocrats!" they declare in unison.
User Reviews
Submitted by Good (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:41:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S BEEN DONE
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a million times!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S BEEN DONE
Submitted by StewCrew (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There was a movie about this exact joke that was equally unfunny
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-14 22:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you pee in the bed again?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-14 21:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HURL !!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-14 21:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Old joke. Several centuries old in fact. Why not take your act and shove it up your ass?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-14 20:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you've done 20 fucking posts and i have absolutely no idea who you are
nor do i care
Submitted by disco_brad (user info) at 2006-03-14 20:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
waste of space, time, oxygen
please die
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-03-14 20:31:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sinner
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-03-14 20:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was even worse than the badly edited movie.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-14 20:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2006-03-14 19:28:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
no shit, i thought i came up with this all on my own. and i also came up with the terms "felch" and "rusty trombone" and "cleveland steamer". shit, what do you mean someone else has done this?
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I mean, there has already been a post, contest, etc, etc about this subject.
Now, MOVEON.ORG!