The Dos and Don'ts of Surviving an Action Movie (2281 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The_taste_of_monkeys (View user info) at 2006-03-15 08:23:23 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88623
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-03-18 14:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:01:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure Harrison Ford killed him in Witness, but he was a bad guy in that too.
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Ah yes, Harrison Ford (aka John Book) unloaded a Remington pump-action into his gut. He must have been a sergeant.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-03-18 13:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:49:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome on at least 6 different levels.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-18 13:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:49:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome on at least 6 different levels.
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I think we're hitting seven over here
Submitted by StewCrew (user info) at 2006-03-18 13:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn you and your insanely logical analysis.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-03-18 11:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
o, and jodie foster didnt die in taxi driver even though she was a prostitute.
but then again she was a kid
shit
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-03-18 11:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice file name, and yes i can tell
Submitted by Hexavier (user info) at 2006-03-18 11:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bill Paxton never died in Twister, but then again a.) He should have cause he sucks and b.) I'm really not sure how much that really qualifies as an action movie.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-16 14:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:57:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Increase your movie catalog.
There's more to life than Alien, Predator, Saving Private Ryan and Lethal Weapon.
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y'see now youre just being foolish
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-16 01:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:57:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Increase your movie catalog.
There's more to life than Alien, Predator, Saving Private Ryan and Lethal Weapon
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THERE IS???
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Increase your movie catalog.
There's more to life than Alien, Predator, Saving Private Ryan and Lethal Weapon.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-03-15 23:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-03-15 22:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anybody up for a Danny Glover Day?
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-03-15 22:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNEW IT!
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-15 20:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:53:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:26:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Newt dies next movie thought TTOM. All that is is a cruel pause. Last memory she had, alien queen going for her - ripley saves her, then frozen - then dead. That's shit really.
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I was so glad when Newt wound up dead. I hated Newt. I wanted her to die in #2.
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Did you not want to leave 'alien goo' on her face first though?
No?
Just me I guess. I think she's a teacher now. My stalk files are out of date.
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Oh sure, I think it's a given that I want to leave my alien goo on little girls faces, but afterwards I would definitely want her dead. Or maybe she could be dead first so I could be a necrophiliac too?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-15 17:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do be Danny Glover sounds to me like words to live by.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-15 17:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping for a pic of the hot useless chick you spoke of
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-15 17:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Before everyone runs off to Be Danny Glover, keep in mind, you WILL survive the Action Movie, but you WILL NOT be able to get a cab in New York City.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-03-15 17:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh, this was hilarious...though I might have liked it better if you cited examples from more movies than just Predator, Alien(s), or Lethal Weapons. You gotta diversify, man!
Oh, and I love the person who typed "GAME OVER MAN!" as their review. That's old school goodness, right there.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-15 17:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good shit. and i know you've been back for a few months, but i haven't been around much what with school and the whole sex change thing... but i can't wait for tomorrow.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:46:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
look, mr. ttom, i remember when i first got here you were around a little bit, and then you vanished, and now your back again. you can't toy with my emotions like this, you hear me? seriously, either stay put or get the fuck out. i can't deal with any of this wishy-washyness, not from you and certainly not from anyone else.
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uh...kay.
but I've been back for freakin' ages, coming up for six months, and I post nearly every day.
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that being said, this bordered on a zero rating just because of it's overdone theme (i think bart used to have something similar to this up on mvm, not sure if it still is), but anything that has danny glover being the man is okay in my book. keep up the good work, hopefully b@w is in your future, as long as you can get outside the box a bit more.
toodles!
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you can't please all of the people all of the time. Tommorrows post is an SPT extravaganza. You want out of the box? YOUVE GOT IT BUDDY!
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome on at least 6 different levels.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHit, sorry.
This post was funny.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
look, mr. ttom, i remember when i first got here you were around a little bit, and then you vanished, and now your back again. you can't toy with my emotions like this, you hear me? seriously, either stay put or get the fuck out. i can't deal with any of this wishy-washyness, not from you and certainly not from anyone else.
that being said, this bordered on a zero rating just because of it's overdone theme (i think bart used to have something similar to this up on mvm, not sure if it still is), but anything that has danny glover being the man is okay in my book. keep up the good work, hopefully b@w is in your future, as long as you can get outside the box a bit more.
toodles!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and Bill "The Thrill" Paxton lived in 'TWISTER!'. He was just really upset a lot: http://www.ubersite.com/m/79851
Submitted by Mrdurden24 (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:41:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be the Old Guy: Sam Elliott's character Wade Garrett from Road House.
Don't be Black Guy (but Do be Danny Glover): Samuel L Jackson (see Jackie Brown, that M. Night Shamalamalan movie "Unbreakable", EXCEPT Pulp Fiction and Shaft), Wesley Snipes (you can also pretty much be him, unless he's a bad guy)
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Zulu Dawn.
The Zulu movies do a great job of "don't be sergeant, don't be black." The sergeant is the only one who isn't a big pussy and runs away from the angry black people, he kills three or four and is stabbed to death. Then all of the black people die in a white counteroffensive led by a lieutenant who looks like Willy Wonka.
Submitted by Some_Type_Of_Super (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I', sure that there has to be at least ONE movie where Danny Glover dies, right?
Isn't there?
No?
Wow...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:12:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER
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and it so often is for poor Bill.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:04:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A post that actually made me laugh?
Submitted by agagnon (user info) at 2006-03-15 15:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Reused too many examples
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:26:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Newt dies next movie thought TTOM. All that is is a cruel pause. Last memory she had, alien queen going for her - ripley saves her, then frozen - then dead. That's shit really.
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I was so glad when Newt wound up dead. I hated Newt. I wanted her to die in #2.
---
Did you not want to leave 'alien goo' on her face first though?
No?
Just me I guess. I think she's a teacher now. My stalk files are out of date.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:26:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Newt dies next movie thought TTOM. All that is is a cruel pause. Last memory she had, alien queen going for her - ripley saves her, then frozen - then dead. That's shit really.
---
I was so glad when Newt wound up dead. I hated Newt. I wanted her to die in #2.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:06:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute, but Danny Glover died in SAW. Wasn't even a cool death either, just shot. He did, however, survive getting his throat slashed in the first part of the movie.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 14:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure Harrison Ford killed him in Witness, but he was a bad guy in that too.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 12:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SteveJohnson (user info) at 2006-03-15 12:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. I would also add never uttering the words "Come get some" (or any derivation) or "I'll catch up."
Danny Glover died in Switchback, but he was a villain. And Dennis Quaid was the lead so no one saw it. He was also killed in Saw in the obsessed former detective role.
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Ah, theres your answer.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 12:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:33:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Has Danny Glover ever died in any of his movies?
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Not in any I've ever seen.
Submitted by SteveJohnson (user info) at 2006-03-15 12:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. I would also add never uttering the words "Come get some" (or any derivation) or "I'll catch up."
Danny Glover died in Switchback, but he was a villain. And Dennis Quaid was the lead so no one saw it. He was also killed in Saw in the obsessed former detective role.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Be Danny Glover.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Has Danny Glover ever died in any of his movies?
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was pissed when Gunnery Sgt Hartman ate it, he was the biggest badass evar. Proves your theory though.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:01:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. I'm going to go get a massive sunburn, cover myself in mud and pretend I'm Danny Glover.
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hahahahhaha!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. I'm going to go get a massive sunburn, cover myself in mud and pretend I'm Danny Glover.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
joker was funniest in MB
"My family has a furniture buisiness. We make furniture and sell it. You can all come work for me."
HILARIOUS.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Again...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahaha
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joker died in ER though - and he wasn't even funny in that. C'est la vie.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:52:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
worth a +2 but a little too obvious. could have done with something that hasnt been discussed a million other times.
still pretty funny though.
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Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, funny enough for the +2.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
worth a +2 but a little too obvious. could have done with something that hasnt been discussed a million other times.
still pretty funny though.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:44:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
one gripe though...joker from FMJ lived. He was a joker...duh!
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uhh...he's the exception that proves the rule..ahem...
(I just KNEW someone was gonna pull me up over that)
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it doesn't matter if he was a Corporal, he was the hero of Aliens and then BAM Alien3 starts and he's rotting in the stasis pod. and the little girl too, it ruins the whole "we'll risk our lives on this shithole alien infested planet to save the poor little colonist orphan" story to just have her DIE IN HER SLEEP a few days later.
LAME
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure if I had to stay cooped up as long as you TTOM my nerdiness would quadruple to unhealthy levels.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one gripe though...joker from FMJ lived. He was a joker...duh!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read the entire thing. this 2 is soley for categories. spot on.
Submitted by tru_dat (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 u in da )o( 8===D!!!
Seriously though, you forgot the biggest mistake of all - "I gots a sweetheart back home, shes got the deepest blue eyes.."
"you gots a picture?"
"sure right here i keeps it in ma pocket"
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:39:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:34:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Corpral Hicks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:33:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY DID PRIVATE HICKS & THE LITTLE GIRL HAVE TO DIE???
=========
Did you just correct him?
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uh...yeah. But its nothing I can help doing, so thats OK
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant, once again. You'll be B@W before Easter at this rate.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:37:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
TTOM, what's the mortality rate for ugly male sidekicks?
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Fairly low but don't expect to keep your dignity and you can probably count on recieving at least a brutal beating.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:37:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:29:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
The predator has a vagina face.
also
Soundwave is black, but he doesn't die in Transformers the movie.
Jazz is black too - he doesn't die either.
Grimlock is a quipper - does not die
HOWEVER
Wheelie is a joker- but does not die.
So many holes in your theory.
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That's because they're all CARTOONS Red, They're not real! Sheesh.
TTOM, what's the mortality rate for ugly male sidekicks?
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Neither is old minge-face, but that doesn't stop TTOM watching that, or me watching Flash Gordon last night and giggling at the obvious sexual references in it.
I note you didn't question my race assertions about various Transformers. Curious.
Ugly male sidekicks - the old dude from big trouble in little china doesn't die - both old and ugly. Another massive hole in the theory!!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:34:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Corpral Hicks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:33:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY DID PRIVATE HICKS & THE LITTLE GIRL HAVE TO DIE???
=========
Did you just correct him?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:29:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
The predator has a vagina face.
also
Soundwave is black, but he doesn't die in Transformers the movie.
Jazz is black too - he doesn't die either.
Grimlock is a quipper - does not die
HOWEVER
Wheelie is a joker- but does not die.
So many holes in your theory.
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That's because they're all CARTOONS Red, They're not real! Sheesh.
TTOM, what's the mortality rate for ugly male sidekicks?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heeheehee.
No I refuse to be Danny Glover.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Corpral Hicks.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY DID PRIVATE HICKS & THE LITTLE GIRL HAVE TO DIE???
THE MAN WHO WROTE ALIEN3 SHOULD BE SHOT
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The predator has a vagina face.
also
Soundwave is black, but he doesn't die in Transformers the movie.
Jazz is black too - he doesn't die either.
Grimlock is a quipper - does not die
HOWEVER
Wheelie is a joker- but does not die.
So many holes in your theory.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 08:26:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Newt dies next movie thought TTOM. All that is is a cruel pause. Last memory she had, alien queen going for her - ripley saves her, then frozen - then dead. That's shit really.