FUPA-Rd 1: Watch out for ess-arr, He just raised the bar (596 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.23 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S R (View user info) at 2006-03-15 09:28:01 EST
Hit that Beat...
OK... OK...
You know poetry ain't really my style
Haven't done this shit in a long while
But this isn't gonna be one of your boring FUPA exiles
You'll love it, hit print and keep this poem on file
Of course it's about loss and love but I'll make you smile
As JMG is Clarence and I'm that Har Har Rabbit from 8 Mile
Jared told us about his love life in Ubersite form
That is how the famous J-Date series was born
Entanglement, Charade, Debacle and Trickery
Armageddon, Chicanery, Misadventure and Fakery
All tales of how he could never score
With a two-bit money-grabbing crazy Jewish whore
Whether is was Janice, Kara or Jenna
Roberta, Sami, Beth or Dina
Don't worry all names have been changed for their protection
Doesn't matter, cause these girls never solved his erection
He was never able to get them on their knees
Even after a Thai dinner and a pretty please
His sorrows led him to wear a Carebear suit
Which actually won him a lady to boot
Miranda is what you called her, another fake name
Suddenly his circumcised penis had got some game
But after his quick stint and 15 seconds of fame
JMG Junior went all limp, he went all lame
He went months using all sorts of pills and tools
He even responded to those revitalizing emails, what a fool.
Now his inbox keeps filling up with junk
And with a soft Wang he can't get out of this funk
Then finally he saw a picture, what a work of art
He got a raging hard on, once he saw that pic of Bart
Now they live happily together on the MVA
Bart always on top, Jared likes it that way
Then Bart asked: hey Baby, where's your Yacht?
Jared responded: I'm the only ride here, I'm all you got.
What a happy union these two uberers make
Their only problem is Jared always seems to fake
I may not be Orgasmatron reborn
But my rhymes are nothing to scorn
'But ess-arr you were nice and never put on the rubber glove,
Where was the loss all you talked about was love?'
Don't fret dear Uber, this is only round one
Vote for me and I'll get those gloves and start the fun
JMG you're my bitch and I'm your boss
Chalk this under your column L, it stands for loss
-Shizzzz-Nit...
User Reviews
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-22 18:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:37:41 (#)
Ranking: -1
not feelin this at all.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-21 18:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This rap of your is somewhere between
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-21 18:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"worth reading", and "teh funny."
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-20 09:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Jared, indian food makes my bum burn
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-20 08:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hahahahahahaha... I can't remember anyone ever writing a poem in my "honor" before. It's flattering. I think.
On a sort of unrelated note, want to go out? I know a great Indian place...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
not feelin this at all.
i did sort of start to hear kid and play after the first stanza, but then i stabbed myself in the head and it went away.
on another note, i've been honestly rating everyone's entry today. i'm normally a bit afraid to do so.
ya know, the whole contest thing.
o well.
Submitted by Waxinmyeye (user info) at 2006-03-16 19:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
making fun of people is funny
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-16 19:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*sighs*
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-16 19:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
and this, this made baby jesus bleed blood from his anus.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You get a point for going all ridiculous in your content.
You lose a point because I can't reconcile your rhyming with your lack of meter. If each line'd had the same number of beats, this could have been pretty good (despite being about Uber, which, on a personal level, I don't agree with in competitions like this...but that's neither here nor there).
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-15 19:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when did GLALL turn into a little bitch?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-15 19:13:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This doesnt quite deserve a +2, but I'm giving it one.
Nicely done.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-15 16:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, I laughed
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:52:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
*weeps*
i would've expected much funnier out of you sir...
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Apologies dear Wardy... but with the St. Patty's weekend already starting for me, I did kinda of rush this to get it to deadline...4/20 is out of the question
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
black by popular demand.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-15 11:01:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus christ. Okay. I would find another hobby, like racquetball or something of equal interest. This isn't even poetry, which is why I love it. You are truly the only black person on ubersite.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How To Write A Good Rap: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85228
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*weeps*
i would've expected much funnier out of you sir... at least give us a picture of the platypuss, that would've gotten you a +2 from me alone.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:44:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe I'm signed up in this contest...Why God...oh why?
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I had the same reaction
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who's biz markie?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-15 10:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:50:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
You sound like Ross Perot immitating Biz Markie.
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hahahaha
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sound like Ross Perot immitating Biz Markie.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe I'm signed up in this contest...Why God...oh why?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:29:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading.
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Yeah, pretty much, man.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-15 09:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading.