The Man Test. (1787 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.89 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phallic Cymbals (View user info) at 2006-03-15 23:56:55 EST
1)) What is the best way to get cum out of the shower?
A) Grab the wad with your big toe so it sticks, then rub you toe on the drain grate like a cheese grater until it's stuck in between the drain prongs. Then turn the shower on really hard to wash the last bits down.
B) Bend over and get it all over your hands then wipe your hands with toilet paper and flush.
C) No physical contact, just wash quickly with shower before it gets sticky.
D) Yell "Mom! I just came in the shower. Clean it up!"
2)) If men could have multiple orgasms, would you jack off:
A) 30 minutes in the AM to get started then a few more before bed.
B) Before breakfast, at work, before dinner, during "Lost", then before bed.
C) All day, with short breaks for food and naps.
D) Is food and sleep really that important?
3)) The coolest possible videogame would involve:
A) Virtual reality driving through real life cities in the latest cars with complete freedom to modify your vehicle.
B) As above but you are driving between brothels and using the "RealSex" vacuum head attachment.
C) As "B)" but you are using the "MegaWeapon" virtual reality attachment to kill and eat each hooker you sleep with.
D) Pacman fighting Darth Vader in Thorpe's bedroom.
4)) My favourite color is:
A)Pink
B)Blue
C)Black
D)Punching someone in the head
5)) What is wrong with the following sentence? "My girlfreind cheated on me, but i still love her"
A) "Girlfriend" is misspelt
B) There is no period at the end of the sentence.
C) Both of the above.
D) The narrator still has feelings for the slut after she got two-fisted by Romulus the circus freak.
6)) When i get really drunk, I:
A) Like to kick around with friends and smoke some weed.
B) Turn into a sexual predator and prowl, prowl, prowl like a pedo.
C) Become such a good singer Kareoke bars everywhere no longer let me in because I show up the other patrons.
D) Jump on the internet and give semi-coherent "I'm drnuk" messages to everyone on my AIM list except for the girl I met once and thought was kind of hot. To her, I send "Yoor hott send em nudie piucxs", while trying to download a season of Family Guy and wondering if I'm shitting my life away as much as I suspect I am.
7)) If I could be anyone, I'd be:
A) Johnny Depp
B) George Clooney
C) Myself
D) Drunk
8)) The coolest pet in the world is the:
A) Purebred Shih-Tzu
B) Lion
C) Baby harp seal
D) 18 year old woman
9)) You go out for a night on the town on your own. You black out. The next morning, there is a knock on the door and a voice yells "Police!". Most likely, you are being arrested for:
A) Rape
B) Assault
C) Double murder suicide (?)
D) Shitting in your neighbor's letterbox.
10)) You are chatting up a girl at the bar when a guy bigger than you pushes in between you and her and starts shamelessly putting his moves on her. You:
A) Walk away, throwing in a pathetic "Well, it was nice to meet you then!"
B) Confront him, saying "You right there, buddy?". If he wants to start you, take it outside and put in a good show, even if he kicks your ass, to show you're not a pussy.
C) Go and find an even hotter chick to make the first girl and her new date jealous.
D) Go outside and wait in the alleyway beside the bar until the guy emerges, with the girl or not. In a girly voice, start yelling "Help! Help! Rape!" so he comes to rescue you. When he enters the alley, chloroform him and take him home. Put him in your lounge room and cut off his tongue. When he wakes up, show him a piece of cardboard with 11 doors on it (like an advent calendar), and tell him 10 of them contain instruments with which you will remove one of his fingers. The 11th contains a "get out of here" card that will let him go free. Little does he know that all 11 contain instruments for cutting off fingers. He has to pick which door to open. As he gets each one wrong, be sympathetic and say "Oh well, dude, your odds of getting it right are better each time you lose!". When he gets to the last door, say "You've got it now!" and open the door. Use the 11th instrument to cut off his dick. Take his dick and put it above your computer monitor, with one googly eye stuck to the peehole. Drink half a bottle of absinthe then go online and write a "Man Test".
_______
Results coming soon!
User Reviews
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-22 19:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING AWESOME
Submitted by FilledwithHate (user info) at 2008-07-22 19:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was about a quajillion times better than I thought it would be when I first read the title.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-22 19:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is better than it was.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-03-31 00:15:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking funny.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-30 23:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-20 18:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.D
2.C
3.C
4.C
5.D
6.C
7.C
8.D
9.D (heh)
10.D *maniacal laughing*
B @ FUCKIN W
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-20 18:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was in-fucking-brillient
Submitted by TkdMoose (user info) at 2006-03-20 18:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch, someone got some major cock-blockage at the bar....Pretty pissed no?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-03-16 14:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
humourous
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking beautiful. I agree with a 2nd B@W post for P_C.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1. D
2. D
3. D
4. D
5. D
6. D
7. D
8. D
9. D
10. D
How'd I do?
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Results coming soon!"
I hope you don't get upset when I get a higher score than you.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have submitted http://www.ubersite.com/m/85392 to Bored @ Work
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank You
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8)) The coolest pet in the world is the:
C) Baby harp seal
The chance to combine pedophilia and beastiality? FUCK YEAH!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AUTO +2 for putting in more than 5 minutes worth of effort and making me laugh my ass off.
You really need to post more often.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 05:15:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who cums in the shower? Surely everyone just blasts it out the window.
.........................................
HEY! WAS THAT YOU!?!?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird. I liked all the even numbered questions, but I felt disrupted by some of the jokes, just felt like a little too much "trying to be funny" instead of just "being funny" . All the odd ones except number seven didn't really get me like the others. Still solid.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mtgn37 (user info) at 2006-03-16 09:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ohh shit this was so good i had to try hard not to laugh in front of my boss who is sitting right across from me and wondering whats all that fucking typing he is doing???? muthafucking +2!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-16 09:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
b@w!!!
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-16 08:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's that? This wasn't meant to actually be taken?
... I'm a tool, aren't I.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-16 08:56:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I originally wrote a reply to this answering every question with a humorous quip at the end. Then I got lazy and deleted it half way through to give you this.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-16 08:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1)) What is the best way to get cum out of the shower?
C) No physical contact, just wash quickly with shower before it gets sticky.
2)) If men could have multiple orgasms, would you jack off:
D) Is food and sleep really that important?
3)) The coolest possible videogame would involve:
B) As above but you are driving between brothels and using the "RealSex" vacuum head attachment.
4)) My favourite color is:
D)Punching someone in the head
5)) What is wrong with the following sentence? "My girlfreind cheated on me, but i still love her"
D) The narrator still has feelings for the slut after she got two-fisted by Romulus the circus freak.
6)) When i get really drunk, I:
A) Like to kick around with friends and smoke some weed.
7)) If I could be anyone, I'd be:
D) Drunk
8)) The coolest pet in the world is the:
D) 18 year old woman
9)) You go out for a night on the town on your own. You black out. The next morning, there is a knock on the door and a voice yells "Police!". Most likely, you are being arrested for:
A) Rape
10)) You are chatting up a girl at the bar when a guy bigger than you pushes in between you and her and starts shamelessly putting his moves on her. You:
B) Confront him, saying "You right there, buddy?". If he wants to start you, take it outside and put in a good show, even if he kicks your ass, to show you're not a pussy.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-03-16 08:50:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, I'm going to take this test.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-16 08:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 05:15:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who cums in the shower? Surely everyone just blasts it out the window.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That review was WAY funnier than anything in the actual post...ah hell, I'm in a good mood today. +2.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-16 07:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the correct answer to number one was to make her swallow.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2006-03-16 07:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-03-16 07:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-03-16 07:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The most kick ass thing I've read on here in a long time - B@W!!!!!
Submitted by Jogging_Monkey (user info) at 2006-03-16 07:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B.at.W.B@W.B@W
Still laughing
Submitted by nightshade (user info) at 2006-03-16 06:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha awesomecore
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 06:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am still laughing at this.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 05:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W You fucking genius
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-03-16 05:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooga ooga. Urgg.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 05:15:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who cums in the shower? Surely everyone just blasts it out the window.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-16 04:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bored.
At.
Fucking.
Work.
I had to stifle roaring laughter 3 times through this post, you prick.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-16 03:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
C) Double murder suicide (?)
-----------
Aahahahahahahahah!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-16 03:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4 D made me crack up
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-03-16 02:22:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I got a perfect score because the supermodel I just fucked told me so right after I printed this out, lit it on fire to light up a 4 foot long 8 inch thick doobie, and then put it out on her forehead.
Oh, then I fucked her again, because I have to live up to my nickname "Thundercock".
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-16 02:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-16 02:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:35:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
rad.
----
what
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-16 01:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3) D was pretty gay.
as for 2), it *is* possible.
Submitted by The_T_Man (user info) at 2006-03-16 01:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-03-16 01:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd pass this test.
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed like a dumbass.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:35:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rad.
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking hysterical.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA TRICK QUESTION REAL MEN DON'T TAKE QUIZZES
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um...
E?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b6b .
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-16 00:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YELLOW!!! The answer is yellow, isn't it?