Road Tax Can Kiss My Ass... A Letter From The DVLA (1029 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dervel: Lord Protector (View user info) at 2006-03-16 10:00:12 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85401
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Paul Hibbert
C/O The Coat Hanger Dept'
B & Q Derby
Up North
16/03/06
Dear Paul Hibbert (Miss),
I write to acknowledge receipt of your cheque and letter dated 16/03/06.
May I be the first to congratulate you on your rather splendid signature, I can honestly say it is the first time I have seen potato prints used in such a way.
We are currently unsure whether we should cash it or send it to Tony Hart for display on his gallery.
That and it also appears to be written on the back of an off-cut of linoleum bearing a rather crude logo declaring itself to be from "Ther Bank Of Inglund."
In response to your letter, my colleagues and I at the DVLA would like to remind you that we are a caring organisation and we pride ourselves on our spotless track record in customer service, road safety and employing the Welsh.
As such we take all complaints from our customers very seriously.
I would like, if I may, to first offer some advice regarding your planned communication with your MP.
The ridiculously stupid such as you, are denied the right to representation on the grounds of being, well, so ludicrously dim-witted.
You may find that your time would be far better utilised collecting and exchanging discarded drinks cans for milk rations at your local branch of Tesco's.
For further information on this subject, please speak to Shelly at the Post Office, you know that nice woman who gives you your benefit money and doesn't look at you with quite so much disgust as those other ladies.
Moving on to the legality of the initial fine, we would again like to remind you that disability wagons, or "spaz-chariots" as they are known in the business, are only permitted on a public highway if it is displaying a flashing orange beacon.
We don't consider that screaming "woooo woogah woooo" whilst whirling a dead pigeon around your head, places you in full compliance of this legislation.
Nor do we consider our decision to prosecute, an exploitation of any "loop-hole" or as illegal withholding of information.
It would be, in our opinion, an affront to the intelligence of the general public and an unnecessary use of our already limited resources to include "Pigeons Are Not Beacons" in the Highway Code.
Thats not mention the financial outlay that would be required purely for the manufacture of new road signs.
Please rest assured that "You are a filthy disgusting government organisation and don't you forget it" has been dully noted.
Now kindly shut the fuck up or we'll crush your car.
Lots of love,
Clive,
Ps. Can we once again please request that you refrain your mother from line dancing at the Salvation Army disco, the M6 is yet again showing signs of subsidence and the Brian Clough Way can only be described as "distressed."
User Reviews
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-06-06 07:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
DVLA sucks buckets of smelly vaginal liquid.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just like old times. I say something witty and you retort cross eyed and dribbling.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jolly good idea.
They're bound to have lots of spare boxes and packing materials at your work.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes ass hole!!!
I've had an idea... I'm going to selotape 40 1 pound coins to the the inside of a large box filled with styrofoam and send it to them so that they can spend 10 minutes digging styrofoam around the office to find the coins taped to the inside of the box.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:12:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't work at B&Q you rabscallion!
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So, you parade yourself round Derby in a red pinny for fun?
Pervert.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-03-17 11:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't work at B&Q you rabscallion! I work for a highly regarded Business ISP!
This post reminded me of that time I stepped in dog shit and then used my shoes as kitchen utensils.
Oh wait- that didn't happen, but had it happened this post would have reminded me of it.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-03-16 17:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where's B&Q in relation to the main train station? I work on the plotters at Midland Mainline HQ sometimes... Might buy you a pint for lunch.
Good joshing!
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-03-16 16:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A look it's a couple.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-16 16:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
:)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-16 16:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, there's a whole bunch of words here, but they don't seem to make any type of sense - I'm guessing you just randomly typed a metric ton of stuff onto your keyboard.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-16 15:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:41:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both brilliant.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:14:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While being a sweet post in itself, this post also contained some of the better reviews going. Brain Clough Way, indeed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They sure wrote back quickly.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-16 11:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
some things are universal
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:49:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
He's still struggling to work his pc out I reckon.
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Either that or he's practising for his part as Fiver in Watership Down: The Musical.
<kick and spin>
"Theres a dog loose in the woods"
<twirl, twirl, kick>
"It's not exactly danger, it's, oh, I don't know. Something oppressive, like thunder"
<point toe, spin, backflip>
Etc.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We are not amused!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"spaz-chariots"
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Why? Has someone asked you for directions?
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:43:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a terrible feeling of dread. Something awful is going to happen.
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He's still struggling to work his pc out I reckon.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why? Has someone asked you for directions?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a terrible feeling of dread. Something awful is going to happen.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm going to pee on my boss's tires and rims today on my lunch break.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dervel: Lord Protector.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:13:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I should like to point out that the "Brian Clough Way" is the main dual carriageway running between Derby and Nottingham.
This initially caused me some confusion, as I expect it will others, as I was hitherto under the impression that the Brian Clough way was wearing green jumpers and being pissed all the time.
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The Brian Clough Way, also whenever you stop at a layby some bloke slaps you on the head, then later on, kisses you and apologises while the press take pictures.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should like to point out that the "Brian Clough Way" is the main dual carriageway running between Derby and Nottingham.
This initially caused me some confusion, as I expect it will others, as I was hitherto under the impression that the Brian Clough way was wearing green jumpers and being pissed all the time.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:05:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please rest assured that "You are a filthy disgusting government organisation and don't you forget it" has been dully noted.
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Hooray for Dervel! Either the 'dully' was the best typo ever, or an amusing joke. Either way, HOORAY!
You still come from a place which is suspiciously like Holland - except without the good football.
Kind Regards
Red
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-03-16 10:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment