supa goes to hell (359 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scupa (View user info) at 2006-03-16 22:54:35 EST
Well, I guess that it's not too surprising. After laughing at all the retard jokes, making fun of midgets and being a general ass where else would I have gone? Going to hell isn't as bad as you would think. I know a lot of people think there would be an immense amount of pain involved or even some terrifying drop for miles through the earth's crust to some awful netherworld.
I was kinda looking forward to the drop part, who doesn't like a good rollercoaster ride?
None of that happened, I just woke up. In hell.
I know what you're thinking, "but supa, I wake up in hell everyday! My life sucks, my job sucks, I can't wait to die and go to hell 'cause it has to be better than this shithole."
Well you're right and wrong. Hell is definitely a cool place, but it does have some disadvantages. You gotta be savvy to make it through this place and still have fun.
Where was I...? Oh yeah, I woke up. In hell. I looked around, I was standing in the middle of a road leading nowhere in a desert wasteland. There was nothing for miles except for a sign that said "Welcome to Hell: The Suffering and Smoking Afterlife!" and a small building that looked like a 7-11 behind it. Satan better rethink his plan for the suffering if he's gonna put the best convenience store bar none here!
Inside was a shopping paradise! It was just like the Japanese 7-11's they had everything from those tasty cream puff pastries to the nifty S&M toys the school girls like so much. I figured that if I was going to be spending the rest of my life in a desert wasteland I might as well start smoking. And drinking. I picked up a few cans of beer and got a pack of smokes and made my way to the clerk.
clerk: That's 760 dollars sir.
supa: Look man, I left my wallet upstairs. Can we make some kind of deal?
clerk: No deals! This is hell! We don't make deals!
supa: It's just three cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes, don't you think 760 dollars is a little steep?
clerk: Duh! This is hell, dumbass!
I punched him in the head and ran out of the store with my goodies, no fuckin' 15 year old pimply clerkshit is gonna talk to me like that. And what was he going to do? Call the police? Fuck no. I popped open a can of beer and started getting drunk when I realized I forgot to get a lighter. I guessed I was gonna have to knock that little shit out again.
booming voice: Whoa, buddy, where do you think you're going?
supa: Wha...? Who the hell are you?
large red guy: Who do you think, smart guy? I'm your new landlord.
supa: I thought you would be, you know, scary looking.
satan: Yeah, well why do you think I'm down here? I didn't do anything wrong, I'm just being punished for my devilish good looks. Hahaha, get it? Devilish good looks! I kill me!
supa: This really is hell...
satan: Look, I don't get a lot of company, you're the first guy that's been here since that kid in the 7-11.
supa: Yeah, well I can tell why he's here. I'm a saint compared to that fucker. What did he do anyway?
satan: I don't know, something about beating off to pictures of the virgin Mary.
supa: I guess that explains why I'm down here...
satan: Dude, you're sick!
supa: She's a total hottie, "dude." Hey you got a light? I forgot to steal one from that fucker at the 7-11.
satan: This is hell, fucker! I ain't giving you jack shit.
supa: Don't turn your back on me! Hey! Oh, hey, this is interesting, hmmm, (puff, puff).
satan: Where did you get a lighter? I purposely didn't stock any!
Not only is Satan hot in the good looking sense, his ass was hot enough to light my cigarette! It was totally, well for lack of a better word, and since this is hell- BOSH! Whatever that means. I guess I'm waiting for the rest of you to come down here and entertain me with some funny stories because Satan refuses to get an internet connection. Fucker. What's that? How am I writing this? Lets just say this site's success isn't totally due to natural reasons...
User Reviews
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-05-16 07:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMFG PYOOR GEENEEUSS!!!
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Satan: Why do look so sad?
Me: This is the hell isn't it?
Satan: Yep it is, do like to drink? Booze?
Me: Hell yeah!
Satan: Well monday is booze day, we drink till we drop and then some, you'll like mondays.
Satan: Do you like to play and gamble?
Me: Hell yeah!!
Satan: Well tuesday is poker and gambling night, you'll like the tuesday.
Me: Any chance on some smoking too in here?
Satan: Wednesday is dope day up here, get addicted. You're in hell!! You'll love wednesdays.
Satan: Do you like to get assfucked?
Me: No not really!
Satan: Then you're gone hate thursdays....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
absolutely NO reviews whatsoever?
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no reviews is worse - there are a few Uber-posts that have that fate.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-17 05:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I would have said no reviews.
But then you off and ruined it.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-17 05:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
unfortunately i have to ruin it to draw attention to it, but whats worse:
a string of -2s and "you suck" 's
OR
absolutely NO reviews whatsoever?