My Stupidity Is Hazardous To My Health (1384 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.43 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BadAssJulie (View user info) at 2006-03-17 16:50:58 EST
Jesus Christ, sometimes I can be really dense. I've done quite a number on myself this time.
It all started two weeks ago. I was running at the beach when I heard a lady yell behind me. Without thinking, I turned my head back to see why she was yelling but I didn't stop running. Clearly this wasn't a good idea because guess what? Yep, I fell in a hole. My leg snapped back as I face planted into the sand and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my knee. Now common sense might tell you to stop and go home after that. Psh, who needs common sense? I figured it didn't hurt THAT bad and I was just being a baby about it so I should just get back up and finish my run. Oh yeah, I'm a really smart girl. For two weeks I ignored the fact that I couldn't fully extend my leg or walk properly and the pain in my knee was getting worse everyday.
On Tuesday night, my stupidity came back to bite me in the ass again. I was leaning back in a chair as I was propping my feet up on my desk. I guess I leaned back a little too far because I fell backwards and smacked my head on a little table that was behind me. I didn't knock myself out but I was stunned for a minute or two. Claire, the woman I was working with, kept asking if I was alright and once I said "yes," she burst into a fit of laughter. I tried to get mad at her but I started giggling myself because she and several other people had warned me a million times not to lean back in my chair or I'd end up falling one day. At least she didn't say "I told you so."
I thought I was fine other than the awful headache I had but as the day went on, I couldn't think clearly and I became dizzy, nauseous, tired, forgetful, and overly sensitive to sound. On Wednesday, I was even worse so I finally gave in and went to the hospital. After a few hours of waiting and a variety of tests, I was able to leave. Total time spent at the hospital: SIX HOURS. Final diagnosis: I've got a hyper-extended knee, a hamstring tear, and a concussion all because I ignore the obvious and do things I shouldn't do. Hooray for me!
To top it all off, I was leaning back in the exact same chair today without even realizing what I was doing. The only reason I noticed is because Claire saw me and said "What is WRONG with you? Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?" Maybe I should start wearing a helmet and full body gear at all times to protect me from...umm....well, myself.
So people of Uber, what are some dumb things you've done that resulted in some sort of injury?
User Reviews
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-09-20 20:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when I was 14 I tried to impress a girl from my neighborhood by kicking around a soccer ball in the street in front of her house. I went to stand on the ball, fell off, and broke my shoulder on the curb. Her mom came out and brought me in and called my mom and took me to the hospital...that sucked. But I ended up banging her my senior year in highschool so it all works out...
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-20 19:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like I said, I laugh with you, not at you.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-05-01 20:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D0S, foot massage? You'd have to get a pedicure first. I'll only touch pretty feet.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-29 00:30:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto retaliation retaliation. Bitch.
----
Hahaha! I just noticed this. I gave someone an auto ETS retaliation +2 a few days ago. I guess it pissed him off.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-05-01 20:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when are you going to come over and give me a foot massage?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-29 00:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto retaliation retaliation. Bitch.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-04-15 03:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(I forgot the "2")
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-04-15 03:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit....you have "Me" syndrome.....
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drinking and cycling, too many injuries to list.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-24 20:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sprained my right wrist real bad a couple of years back. the doctor told me to take some time off from work, and use my wrist as little as possible.
so, i took 2 days off work. of course, it didn't help much. i just sat around surfing the internet, playing videogames and jerking off.
obviously, not with my left hand. fuck that lazy fuck. the right hand is king.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-03-19 15:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a runner. After 2 MONTHS of running on a painful ankle that left me unable to walk some days, I finally got it checked out. Yup, broken.
I'm a moron. It was painful.
And I was doing dumbbell press and my elbow kinda gave way, and instead of dropping the weight, I hung onto it, ripped my rotator cuff. i assure you, it is incredibly painful.
Submitted by psychodude98 (user info) at 2006-03-18 16:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, I love stupid people
Submitted by Mandamus (user info) at 2006-03-18 16:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someday I'll relate to all of you some of the horrific bicycle accidents I've had throughout my life.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-03-18 15:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I slipped on some ice and fell on my face and broke 3 of my teeth last week. That was simply delightful.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-03-18 15:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I tripped over my dog, and in an effort not to land on him, I essentially threw myself down the stairs.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-03-18 10:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shucks kid, yer a real trooper.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-03-18 09:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't feel bad. I gave myself a concussion leaning back on a chair once.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-03-18 08:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I sprained my ankle during lacrosse practice once when we were doing agilities - I miscalculated the length that I'd have to jump sideways and came down on my stick and rolled my ankle in. That was pretty dumb.
What else - I was once knocked completely off my skates during the third period of a hockey game and came down so hard that my bottom teeth bit into my tongue, which I had a habit of sticking out between my teeth during my shifts (lucky for my mouthguard or I might have bitten through it.). Did i tell the trainer? No. I just chose to keep swallowing blood for the rest of the period and went out on two more shifts with a bleeding mouth. THAT was stupid.
Last summer I was high at my friend Brian's house, and I was sitting on his bed with a few other people. When it came time to go home, another friend was going to drive me so I had to leave with her. I got up off the bed, tripped on a shoe that was on the floor, stumbled into the doorframe of Brian's closet (by this point my balance completely gone), reeled back and slammed the top of my bare foot on the very exposed metal corner of his bed. My dad told me the next morning (I had him look at it when I got home) that he thought I'd either broken it or would need stitches - luckily I didn't. I still have a two-inch scar on my foot to show for it, though.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-03-18 07:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Girls with helmets on are hott, especially if they are the ones that use a walker and drool.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-03-18 07:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The running thing is remarkably dumb. You don't 'run off' a leg injury, you only make it worse.
Silly girl. But you're only REALLY stupid if you don't learn from these little things...
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-18 06:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what the hell
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-03-18 06:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once sewed through my finger with a sewing machine.
Little bastard went straight through the finger nail and out the the other side before snapping off.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-18 01:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The title says it all.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-03-17 23:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The first time I ever got drunk I was a stupid little teenager and got completely plastered, fell off a stool onto a concrete floor. I landed face-first and broke all my front teeth and my nose.
The next time I got drunk, I broke my ankle.
I'm not much of a drinker now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-17 19:14:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, but if you can get both of my balls into your mouth at the same time, we can overlook your stupidity.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-03-17 19:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-17 18:02:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
mockidol- Why were you cutting through denim with a pocket knife?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
the scissors wern't sharp enough.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2006-03-17 19:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I did the Pete Townsend thing and nearly impaled my wrist on a Strat trem bar. It would have been at least a little bit cool if I had done it on stage, but <godawful embarassment> I did it in my Mom's basement </godawful embarassment>.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-03-17 18:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
having a concussion before recovering from a previous one can make your brain swell so much that it actually herniates out through the foramen magnum, and that = death
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-17 18:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mockidol- Why were you cutting through denim with a pocket knife?
O'tron- Were they able to sew it back on?
Jeanneee- Yeah, that's why I try to avoid cliffs. I have totalled a car because I was a dumbass though. There weren't even any other cars or people around me at all. Was I drunk? No. High? No. Was it at least dark? No. I crashed into a curb and broke the axle in half, cracked the transmission, and messed up a few other major things. Who knew a curb could do so much damage?
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i came close to cutting my finger off while trying to slice through denim with a four inch serrated swat issue pocet knife.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woman.... thou shalt dig into my list of postings and find the one about all of my massive head injuries. And the time I dropped a box full of books on my face and was accosted by a woman from the battered women's shelter at the grocery store as a result. You'll feel better.
Allow me to link you for easy ridicule:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73086
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62875
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59291
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58177
have fun.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One time I laughed so hard that my vagina fell off.
True story.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, but do you put out on the first date?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
I once managed to cut myself on using a watermelon. I poorly documented it in my atrocious first post
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your life is quite a fine demonstration of Darwinian principles - good luck not driving off a cliff while simultaneously talking on your cell phone and putting on mascara in the rearview!
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where do I start?
Sliced my finger open, cutting cauliflower......safe to say, if I had put it on, oh, say, a
CUTTING BOARD, that wouldnt have happened.
Sprained knee from being incapapable of walking down TWO stairs without slipping
Tetnus shot from stepping on a rusty nail ** note to self, do not volunteer to assist a friend
in cleaning up torn up sheet rock from a remodel project while wearing SANDALS **
Tripping over......nothing.......and doing a full face plant on the sidewalk in front of my
apartment......
and those are the one's that just popped into mind. I am sure there are dozens more I have
blocked out......
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-17 17:06:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Julie, am I going to have to drive up there and baby-sit you?
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for clumsiness. I've done many stupid unintentional things to hurt myself. The most recent was falling down the stairs. How was it my fault?
I had thrown a sweater on the stairs in hopes that either myself or my bf would bring it upstairs and hang it up. I should have taken into account our astounding laziness. A week later, I was coming down the stairs in the dark to go to work. My heel caught the sweater and down the stairs I went on my back.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, a friend of mine was drunk and playing twister, and a fat guy fell on her thumb and broke it. True story. It wasn't me though. I don't have any of these crazy injuries thank goodness.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2006-03-17 16:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har Dumbass