FUPA- Coat Hanger lovin' (809 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.69 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2006-03-18 23:06:50 EST
I open the door to let you in,
You walk by me and go inside.
You turn to me, you smile and grin,
The love in your eyes, you can't hide.
You lead me to our place of rest,
We both can't help but smile.
I know you've done your very best,
The day has gone on for a while.
You lay down in our bed,
And pull the covers up tight.
Resting your precious head,
'Goodnight' you say, "Goodnight".
I watch as you drift into sleep,
The doctor's appointment is through.
Counting off your little sheep,
The night is over for you.
My smile fades from my face,
No more words I have to say.
I stand beside you in my place,
A baby is on its way.
And I can't help but wonder,
What else there is to do.
I don't want to blunder,
This thing, I must see through.
Our love has grown by plenty a leap,
And this is just one more.
Now you won't hear me make a peep,
But this leap I'm not ready for.
What can I do to be ready?
To make sure we both aren't sad.
If I make sure to be steady,
This will not be so bad.
I could ...
I could kick you as hard as I could ,
Right now you'd be unaware.
You can tell your friends what you would,
That I had pushed you down that stair.
I could lace your coffee with many a' pill,
A slurry of drink and drug.
So when the baby came out still,
I wouldn't (outwardly) seem like a thug.
I could wait a little while,
Let the damn thing grow some more.
Then as it popped out of you,
I'd just leave it on the floor.
I could put it in a plastic bag,
And throw it away without care.
Or just give it to some other hag,
As long as I'm not there.
I don't want this fucking kid,
I'm really quite unprepared.
I might do what my father did,
Run away saying I was scared.
I love you dear I really do,
You have been the one I adore.
But I have my priorities too,
My two-seater car comes before.
And even while you sleep and dream,
Inside your fatigued mind.
This child born from my love cream,
Is something I don't want to find.
One day when I awake to see another morn',
And I see that special twinkle in your eyes.
That stupid child is about to be born,
And that's why the coat-hanger is between your thighs.
User Reviews
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-22 18:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
0.5
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-22 18:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Creative ending.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
weird
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-20 09:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I promised you I'd rate this if you posted. I'm not going to explain since you already know, all I'll say is that we're having the same problem. Poetry is a lot harder than we all expected, E for effort!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-20 08:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gah!
Not a fan of abortion posts but the perspective was interesting..."worth reading."
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
scourge: I'm not saying he is the best writer on here. A few names pop to mind pretty readily. But when you are in the arena of poetry, I would say he is far better than me. That's all.
And Licious I just realized you might have thought my comment was one made in a sarcastic, biting tone which it wasn't. I knew as I was writing this it wasn't that great but I really wanted to write something like this so I did.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Facing Orgasmatron isn't like facing a firing squad. Jesus Christ. He and I had a draw in the Ubertines comp, with him taking a win on review count only. I must be SUPER AWeSOME AS HELL TOO!!!!
WWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOt!1
He writes poems. Many of them are very good. He works people over really well in reviews to drive them up the Uber heat ladder. That about sums it up.
No offense to the man, and God knows you people act like he's the bastard love child of e.e. cummings and Shakespeare with a bit of Larry Flint thrown in to make it saucy, so I'm probably committing a sin here by saying this, but
HE JUST WRITES POEMS. THAT IS ALL.
And they aren't always the be all and end all works of radiant brilliance that SOME users make them out to be.
He will bash some of them himself, and STILL they get treated like pearls of wisdom from the mouth of a Buddha.
Jesus.
H.
Christ.
There are a lot of talented people here. He's just one among them. Please all remove yourselves from his nuts for a few minutes. Just do it for me, OK?
No offense Orgasmatron. I DO respect your talent, but god damn it...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-19 20:15:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-19 19:44:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Believe me, I know ALL the things that are wrong with this.
No need to elaborate, unless you want to push my face in it, then by all means go ahead.
Besides I'm up against ORGASMATRON in a POETRY contest. I decided to just have fun while I was still in.
==========
Push your face in it? No way. You do know you're one of my favorite writers here, don't you?
As long as you believe I rated fairly, that's what matters to me.
And I hear you on the facing of the O. If I'm ever matched against him I'm going to commit a heinous crime that gets my face plastered across every channel and paper in the country so when I'm forced to forfeit at least I will have gone out with style.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-19 20:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Toss a few dozen more verses in there. I was just starting to enjoy it when it ended.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-19 19:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:24:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
With all due respect, Voltage, I'm unable to rate this favorably.
I don't like the content and the rhythm needs work. If you want me to elaborate, I will.
Your stuff is always worth reading, so that's how I'm going to rate this.
-----
Believe me, I know ALL the things that are wrong with this.
No need to elaborate, unless you want to push my face in it, then by all means go ahead.
Besides I'm up against ORGASMATRON in a POETRY contest. I decided to just have fun while I was still in.
This was loosely based off of a song I heard once.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-19 19:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was up against Circe, who had the best post in the competition.
So I took the easy road and posted a hairless black guy fucking the hell out of an inflatable purple penguin, and based a poem around it.
W00
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
With all due respect, Voltage, I'm unable to rate this favorably.
I don't like the content and the rhythm needs work. If you want me to elaborate, I will.
Your stuff is always worth reading, so that's how I'm going to rate this.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 17:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'll change it to a one and give you an even 0, because i'm trying to write my entry and having a really hard time with it.
glah.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-19 15:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked the poem, just now how you said it.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-03-19 13:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Little to no rhythm, passable humour with a reasonably interesting premise. +1 for sure.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-19 12:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:30:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
Repost with your best work now or else why fucking bother?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 11:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
funny idea, but actually reading it was painful.
+1 because i support coat hanger abortions
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-19 01:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-19 00:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wooden coat-hangers
"Feel the luxury"
Made in the U.S.A
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another just for the fucking hell of it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Got it and replied to it. I'm going to kill some hobos now.
Fuck off Uber.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i never loved you and i never will
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sent.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No IM for me, I'm too damn lazy to set it up and don't particularly want to talk to most people.
But you can email me at *** uberscourge.at.gmail.com *** if you need something. I check it fairly often. I'm only going to be in my office for about another half hour or so, so make it snappy if you want a response tonight.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey dude are you online? Do you have AIM or MSN or anything like that?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do whatever the fuck you want to do. It doesn't matter a fucking bit. This whole thing, contest, site, each and every user, mean jackshit.
Repost with your best work now or else why fucking bother?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't want to post any of my serious poetry material, since even though it is a contest people seem to be gunning down anything that is posted.
And I am against Orgasmatron in the first round so... I figured I'd just make one piece that might do OK and then have him rape me.
Then I can fade off into oblivion.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't sweat it. A new Uber day has dawned anyway.
Your one of the good ones kid, one of the good ones......
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:20:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't write rhymed poetry anyway.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-18 23:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't flow all that well. Sorry HV. I'd call it a 1 at best.