FUPA - Why? (768 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.52 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2006-03-19 18:19:35 EST
A cockeyed
one eyed girl
gazes up at him and asks,
"Why?"
He sweeps hair out of her eye
with a flick of the wrist
and doesn't answer.
She clambers into his lap
into the faded
ripped up
worn lazy boy chair
they'd rocked in for so many years.
He wraps his arms around her
small (too small)
wiry body
and she shudders,
shakes,
but doesn't ask "Why?" anymore.
Her head falls back against his chest,
they rock
and her white
bruised
toothpick legs
flail about his knees.
Child's teeth sink into
her flimsy thumbnail
and he flinches
when her head jerks back
and she spits the nail onto
dirty carpet.
Who knows why?
User Reviews
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-22 18:20:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I woulda went with 1, so I'll try and up it to 1.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-20 16:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth Reading.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-20 16:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
why indeed?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:18:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Crud
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-20 08:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Um...I think this had to do with love/loss? Not quite sure, but +1-worthy.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-20 01:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was too weird and surreal to get anything but a +2
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-03-20 00:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the young girl dying from a slow, fatal illness, or the father comforting his daughter before he had to leave for an extended time.
So for me, ghola, the beauty of the poem is in the varied circumstances that could create this vivid image.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:31:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One of our cats also recently jumped into the toilet. My wife had justed finished using it unfortunately. The poor kitty was covered in pee water. I didn't know what to do besides laugh at her, she didn't appreciate this at all. I felt a little bad laughing as she is one of the few who lets the boy slap them in the face and tolerates it as a form of petting or affection.
Those small motor skills just aren't kicking all the way in yet and his demonstrations of love are rather violent to say the least.
He jammed his thumb so far up my nose the other day it made my eyes start to water. And it bloodied my nose. He laughed at daddys funny words.
Anyway, we quickly slammed the door shut so as to trap her in the room. I didn't want her to lick herself clean, because then it would mean she was actually DRIUNKING HUMAN URINE. The thought was too much to bear, so we donned soem protective gear, raincoats and rubber gloves and slipped in the door of the bathroom.
Just as we were doing that, the sneaky cat slipped out and went running helter skelter into the dining room, slipping and sliding across the hardwood floor.
First she leapt onto the dining room table.
Then she sailed through the air onto the fireplace mantle.
From their she knew that a well placed rebound jump, said rebound beind off of my face, would get her into the living room.
Onto the couch, humans in hot pursuit.
Then to the loveseat.
Rocking chair.
Across the big old rag rug, still dripping wet, and under the other chair.
My entire house was now a contaminated area.
I was very bothered and spent many hours cleaning. I'm still paranoid that there's pee on something.
The moral of this story is of course: Don't laugh at a piss covered cat or else you'll think your visitors are sitting in your wifes wee-wee for the next week or so.
Sadly we recieve very few visitors at my home anyway. This hurts my feelings a little bit.
I don't feel bad for laughing at the little fucker at all now.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very gholaesque- I like it. I get sort of a love and (potential or inevitable) loss vibe from this. I'll try to go into more detail about it maybe. But it's definitely good.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are the best ever scourge.
cheers me up about my shitty poetry.
also, the cat jumped played in the toliet after gettting out of the litter box and left litter all over the toliet lid. that sort of pissed me off.
other than that i'm having a good night. mmm hot chocolate.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As an addendum to that last review I would like to state here that I don't dislike the young preacher daughter lady. She's OK for a heathen hater.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Girly shit huh?
My younger brother is 6'3" or 6'4", about 220 lbs. Big guy, into sports and cars and silly things like that. He drinks, well USED to drink, amaretto sours all the time.
He doesn't drink much of anything anymore. he got married to a Baptist preachers daughter. He quit before that because he was, 'courting' her. Religion ruined that boy. Dry reception and all. The horror...I got married at the county courthouse for a reason. I don't like people looking at me and having sappy odd expectations of how I'm to behave.
Like, should I have done some shit with a garter because that's what you're supposed to do? No. I would have talked about what a stupid idea it was.
And then the whole cake thing, with the face smashing and all?
I'm sorry, I can't do that sort of thing. Pretend silliness makes me angrier than most everything. Behaving in that manner is how people lose their souls. It's true, I swear.
He used to be the funniest person I knew, my younger brother. Now the humor is just so... I don't know...NICE. And nice usually equates with bad in my book.
The last funny thing he talked about was when his church had a guest preacher from Korea.
Apparently in this 'church' thing one of the things they say is 'Blessed is the Lord'
Because of his accent the guy kept saying: "Bresst is the Lord"
A tit joke.
His wife frowned at him for laughing about it when he told the story. It made me feel all unhappy inside. She's a pale redheaded thing. She laughs when I curse and generally act bad. Maybe she thinks I'm going to Christian hell and likes it? Could she be laughing because she wants my soul to burn in eternal hellfire?
I don't know.
Tonight is a night for long and rambling reviews.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
scourge- i like peach schnapps and an occasional screwdriver or amaretto sour.
girly shit i guess.
heh.
thanks for the lengthy review and honesty. i really appreciate it.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Horatio Alger knows why.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Honesty in reviewing is very refreshing isn't it?
I liked this. It made pictures in my brain that I thoroughly enjoyed. I would have known this was a ghola post even if somehow your name hadn't been on it.
Even with liking it, it just seemed a little TOO sparse for me. And the end line, I just didn't like it vey much. I think it was unnecessary. I can't really say why. Because that's how I felt after I read it is all.
Just because I guess.
Just because.
Either way. Solid +1 for me.
What do you drink if you feel like being intoxicated little ghola?
Something snazzy, like dirty vodka martinis (they're good)? Cosmopolitans? Are you a wine drinker? Red or white? Scotch? No, you're not a scotch drinker...Is it shots for you?
I couldn't stomach it if you said something horrible like Budweiser, so if that IS it, please lie to me.I hate motel room beds. They're always so hard and bleachy smelling.
I would like to know so that when I read your drunken reviews I can know what got you there. That's all.
I need to find a good post to talk about my experiences in the barrio today. Could this be the one?
Churros are good.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I kind of foresaw you writing something that, once again, I have no idea what the hell is going on.
(Kidding)
(Sort of...)
(The nail was metaphorical for her relationship with her grandfather right?)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-19 21:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
0.5
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-19 21:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading for me, but not much more. Decent.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-19 20:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck was this supposed to be?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-19 19:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
People like different styles of poetry. It's somewhat hard to rate a lot of these...Orgasmatron usually does a simple iambic pentameter rhyme scheme, but with free verse or blank or complexely metered posts, it all depends on the reveiwer.
I'll give it a 1, but it didn't grab me that much.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
poetry is such a tough call because its theoretically supposed to be personal. but there are poems that are considered world class that i think are absolutely useless (wordsworth's daffodils).
the competition was a great idea, but im not surprised that almost everything falls short on the reviews.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yea, i had a really hard time rating everyone else's stuff.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
kind of meh. i think ive read one poem in this comp. so far that i thought was really good. then again, its hard to rate.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this site i did plunder
this poem i did asunder
with a certain lack of timbre
its shite mate.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-19 18:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Hmmm. Not sold on this. 'Anymore' seemed to suggest that this was done hastily. Repetition of eye, cockeyed, then eye again jarred badly with me.
Sorry.