FUPA - Echelon Your Dreams (700 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 0.91 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (View user info) at 2006-03-19 22:37:51 EST
My arms are wrapped around her; our hands are clasped
and rest on an ancient pine beam.
Etched into the salt-blasted rail are
two lovers' names
placed in a heart,
the complete cliché.
She asks me what I'm thinking
(she asks me all the time)
and I try to tell her about my fear, that we
-this moment and our love-
will become that horror,
some forgotten symbol,
meaningless dribble carved into foreground where the background
(the sea beats against the pier beneath us)
is living.
But my vocal cords twist the words:
"I never want to lose you."
(Apparently they're lamer.)
She turns and I'm enraptured by her eyes, golden super novas
circled by turquoise rings.
She pulls me to her, our bodies pressed
together against the ocean's chilling breeze:
"You don't remind me of any song; you are music to me."
Our lips
press together, in this way she soothes my fool imagination
(in this way we destroy stars).
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-06-21 22:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by andkon (user info) at 2007-06-21 11:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-06-21 11:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sweetkisses (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by cha-chi (user info) at 2007-06-21 09:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-22 18:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would've went with 1, but ghola said she hopes you beat her.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lovely. I have something I think you would like, but not Uber material I'm afraid. It's on pulsehead if you are so inclined.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what I think?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-20 11:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"She turns and I'm enraptured by her eyes, golden super novas
circled by turquoise rings. " <--- I did not like this line.
Otherwise good.
Submitted by Trojan (user info) at 2006-03-20 10:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In this way we destroy stars
*sigh*
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-20 09:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Posh
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-20 08:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better entries so far.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-20 01:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
were you the one who went through all my pulseHEAD stuff the other day?
i got on and like every single post i had was in the most recently viewed. what did ya think?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-20 01:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It deserved it
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-20 01:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may be unfair, but I'm giving you +2 just for quoting Sweet Jane in your linkwhore.
Now I'll actually read this.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of my very favorites.
It was sort of sweet and dreamy, but not sugary, and I liked your language. Good show, my dear indie boy.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-19 23:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A bit too over-the-top for me, I prefer simpler language. It was good, though.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
But: "meaningless dribble carved" that should be 'drivel'.
No point deduction though cause it was small and I liked this.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was good.
i hope you beat me.
(looks like you will)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-19 22:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Reinforce your literal ass -- hit it on the first or second pass
Frozen images, respected few
Type slowly"
-Malkamus