FUPA - Poetry is Really NOT My Thing (612 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -0.96 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sphagnum (View user info) at 2006-03-20 11:51:32 EST
The competition :- http://www.ubersite.com/m/85248
CaptainThorns :- http://www.ubersite.com/m/85303
Too late we knew our hearts were one,
We'd convinced ourselves it was wrong.
To transform our trysts of harmless fun,
Into something more stable and strong.
I used to think back to when we were at school,
And you would come round after class.
I'll always remember that I was the fool
Who didn't believe it would last.
We'd smoke on the bus, and drink in the park,
I was warm whenever you were near.
I'd call you up daily, well after dark,
To hear your sweet voice in my ear.
To think that it happened all in one day,
Is enough to reduce me to tears.
You agreed to meet up on a weekend away,
To unknowingly validate my fears.
For little did I know, that it would be our last,
Our finale, our coup de grace.
It started the same as it had in the past,
With a twist I would soon discover.
Your motives were sound, your execution not so,
It was like we'd not been separated.
We talked about life and the world we did know,
And discussed why we had never dated.
"You'd never commit", she said with some sadness,
"I always maintained you'd get over it".
"I can't read your mind", I retorted with madness,
Knowing full well it was ended.
She told me of change, how her life was aslant,
And I felt my heart break in a breath.
She talked of a slip and expected dependant,
But all I could think of was "death".
A part of my died as we lay there together,
For what would become the last time.
My love and my loss, remembered forever,
In a hollow, competitive rhyme.
User Reviews
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-22 12:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-22 11:57:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
not completely horrible not good either.
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It fucking sucks which invalidates any future opinion you have on anything.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-22 11:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not completely horrible not good either.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-21 13:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I were retaliating against your -1, I would have given you a -1. I respect your opinion on this post, as you should respect mine on yours.
Go away now.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-21 12:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:38:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
"...
This poem is crap, I spent 10 minutes writing it. That doesn't exempt it from being judged by all entrants.
..."
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The 10 minutes comment? Either way, I judged it accordingly: the meter was inconsistent, the words were cliché, and you referenced the competition at the end (which made me groan). So, -1, I've seen better.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not so much Sunni, but Shiite.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Point taken. That said, Orgasmatron has camwhored here several times, and everything seems to check out, with me. I consider him a friend, so if he is an alter, he has me fooled too. Not sure why it sounds like you're taking this out on him, though. Either way, your entry was respectable, so I hope it gets more ratings.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:18:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
This doesn't deserve a rating as low as it has. That said, I'm curious why you entered a contest with people you find so pretentious? It doesn't look like any of those who slammed this were contestants.
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Case in point.
I have rated every single entry, except the Shlongy and nitty one.
You and Shlongy are the only two who have rated this.
If you are going to create and/or enter a comp. You must be prepared to cast judgement on all the fellow competitors.
This poem is crap, I spent 10 minutes writing it. That doesn't exempt it from being judged by all entrants.
p.s I have this niggling suspiscion that Orgasmatron is somebody's alter. His posts, reviews and attitude suggest to me that he is someone whose identity I will keep to myself at this stage.
(Enter the circle-jerk fraternity to tell me that they have seen pictures of Orgasmatron in their inbox and that makes him a real person.)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-21 11:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This doesn't deserve a rating as low as it has. That said, I'm curious why you entered a contest with people you find so pretentious? It doesn't look like any of those who slammed this were contestants.
Anyway, I liked the theme behind it, and it had some good lines.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-21 10:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Some_Type_Of_Super (user info) at 2006-03-21 03:17:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
Good lord, you are retarded.
And not in the "aw isn't that sweet" Corky kind of way.
I mean in the "God damnit, someone get the rags he just shit himself again" way.
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Oh know, some alter is calling me names...
I'm gonna go make a sandwich.
Submitted by Some_Type_Of_Super (user info) at 2006-03-21 03:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Good lord, you are retarded.
And not in the "aw isn't that sweet" Corky kind of way.
I mean in the "God damnit, someone get the rags he just shit himself again" way.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-20 20:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'M STILL TRYING TO HELP!!!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-20 19:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Just so this doesn't get near worst ever.
You don't deserve the noteriety
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 15:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I managed to trick JonnyX into breaking his "-2s for life" policy....AGAIN. That's three times I've done it now. What a n00b retard.
Far too easy to manipulate. Maybe you should stop playing with the big boys, princess.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-20 14:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
but definately -1.75 worthy
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-20 14:51:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
not quite -2 worthy
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're obviously not trying hard enough.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-20 13:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I TRIED to make it worse!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 12:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe the rating has ended up as high as it is. I thought it would be worse than this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-20 12:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm rooting for you!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-20 12:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Odds of worst ever = 25/1
Started at 200/1
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-20 11:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Really shit. Sorry.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-20 11:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
While I am worried for your country and the safety of your citizens, this post still sucks giraffe anus.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-20 11:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think JohnnyX probably pretty much said it all...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-20 11:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2