Goodbye Über! – or – I’m leaving for good, you cunts! (1194 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Avals (View user info) at 2006-03-22 05:50:27 EST
Okay, so not really. I am, however getting drafted.
That's right - In 4 days time I will join the Israeli Tank Corps and begin my training. With any luck about 8 months later I'll be riding around in a tank and blowing shit up. Wish me luck!
What are you still reading for? That's it. There's nothing more here. Go away!
I was going to put a camwhore here, but then I thought to myself: "Fuck that! What have those cunts ever done for me?", so here's a picture of the Israeli Merkava Main Battle Tank instead.
User Reviews
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-08-14 14:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since I internet know you, I hope you're safe.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-15 16:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89232
My latest story, and you're in it.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just will, ok? And I'll expect a photo of the child in the act of flinging the rock at your tank, with you standing to one side of it with a foolish look on your face.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-24 11:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to shatter your hopes and dreams rad, but, like I said, I fully intend to not get shot.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-24 07:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thats hot
im so doing that
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-24 07:06:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I die you can wait for rigor mortis to set in and then put my cock in your mouth.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-24 04:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you die can I have your sister?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-24 04:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll look mysteriously like a grenade.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-24 04:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-23 22:03:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you a +2 if you send me a rock that gets flung at your tank by a Palestinian child.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
How would you tell between that and just a regular rock?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-23 22:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:16:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Try not to kill too many innocent Palestinian civilians.
None would be good, but that seems like a lot to ask.
I'll give you a +2 if you send me a rock that gets flung at your tank by a Palestinian child.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-23 03:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ferret (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:09:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, they tell you you're going to be blowing shit up and riding the tank; but when you get there you're going to be driving the unarmored truck full of high explosives that drives out to reload the fucking tank which full of the guys who used to drive the friggin trucks and didn't die yet. If you're lucky of course. You might start off washing the fucking truck. If you just got 'drafted' you'd be lucky to be riding on the outside of that tank in 10 months.
Not trying to crush your dreams, but that's just how it works. Of course the Israeli military might be different.
That tank is good shit though, better in some ways to the Abrams.
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Sorry to disappoint you man, but that's not how it works over here. If that's the way it is in the U.S. Army then that's just retarded.
Also, I should still come home every two weeks or so, so I'll probably still show up around here once in a while.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-03-22 23:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hope to see you again someday.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-22 22:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUX ISRALE U GUYS RNT A CUNTRY
FUK U
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-22 19:39:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:22:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone remember that guy who stole a tank in California and went on a rampage? He ran over cars and ruined a bunch of shit before they killed him. That was one of the most awesome things ever and everytime I see or hear anything about tanks I think of that.
Good luck, dude. Also, try not to drive your tank into the center divider of a freeway and get stuck like that guy did.
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That happened in San Diego - we watched it on the teevee when it happened!
He was crazy, and he wouldn't come out of the tank, so he got shot.
He ran over some cars, and some lightposts, too.
He had the chance to go to a new car dealership, which would have been AWESOME, but he decided to get on the freeway for some stupid reason.
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Yep, I watched it on t.v. too! I think I was like 10 when it happened but I still remember it very well. I always forget where he stole the tank from though. Was it Camp Pendleton?
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know a bunch of people who went through the israeli army; i have a lot of family in israel and know a bunch of random people. my brother was at gadnah, their highschool training thing. good luck, its intense as fuck.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:17:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
too bad service to your country isn't compulsory in the US
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 only 'cause you didn't voluntarily sign up for it. Good luck and don't stick your face near a land mine.
====================
what a pussy, this guy.
Submitted by ferret (user info) at 2006-03-22 20:09:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, they tell you you're going to be blowing shit up and riding the tank; but when you get there you're going to be driving the unarmored truck full of high explosives that drives out to reload the fucking tank which full of the guys who used to drive the friggin trucks and didn't die yet. If you're lucky of course. You might start off washing the fucking truck. If you just got 'drafted' you'd be lucky to be riding on the outside of that tank in 10 months.
Not trying to crush your dreams, but that's just how it works. Of course the Israeli military might be different.
That tank is good shit though, better in some ways to the Abrams.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-22 19:50:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want a tank :(. they won't let me drive one cuz i have tits. you'd think they'd go ok woman driver, runs over shit, that's a plus you're hired, but noooo....
assholes.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-22 19:39:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:22:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone remember that guy who stole a tank in California and went on a rampage? He ran over cars and ruined a bunch of shit before they killed him. That was one of the most awesome things ever and everytime I see or hear anything about tanks I think of that.
Good luck, dude. Also, try not to drive your tank into the center divider of a freeway and get stuck like that guy did.
--------
That happened in San Diego - we watched it on the teevee when it happened!
He was crazy, and he wouldn't come out of the tank, so he got shot.
He ran over some cars, and some lightposts, too.
He had the chance to go to a new car dealership, which would have been AWESOME, but he decided to get on the freeway for some stupid reason.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone remember that guy who stole a tank in California and went on a rampage? He ran over cars and ruined a bunch of shit before they killed him. That was one of the most awesome things ever and everytime I see or hear anything about tanks I think of that.
Good luck, dude. Also, try not to drive your tank into the center divider of a freeway and get stuck like that guy did.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, man, just in time for Iran to get the atomic bomb too!
That blows.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For $100, can I borrow your tank for just like, a couple of hours?
Thanks in advance.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:03:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:14:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
The Abrams M1A2 would eat that piece of shit for lunch.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Excuse me for a moment...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:14:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
The Abrams M1A2 would eat that piece of shit for lunch.
=========================
I just read up on that a bit out of curiosity... you might be surprised.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Abrams M1A2 would eat that piece of shit for lunch.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
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Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:15:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-03-22 12:42:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
only _mostly_ "stolen" by the Mossad from the M1A1 Abrams platform.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
HAR HAR TIME-WARP!
You can all rest easy. I fully intend to not get shot.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-03-22 12:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
only _mostly_ "stolen" by the Mossad from the M1A1 Abrams platform. Good luck and keep your head down, man.
Remember, arabs aren't real people.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-22 12:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DO me a favor, when you get off the bus when you report to boot camp, as you walk by the drill seargeants standing there, say "HOW'S IT GOING, MOSHE DAYAN?" and keep on walking.
They'll think its funny.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-03-22 12:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stay safe Avals
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-22 10:32:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay well and best wishes!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-03-22 10:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to check my political leanings and wish you a polite 'good luck'.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry leilani, Desmond Dekker was the first thing that popped into my head when I read this. +2 for you for agreeing
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:24:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelites Aah
Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelite
My wife and my kids, they packed up and leave me
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen
Poor me Israelite
Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone
I don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde
Poor me Israelite
After a storm there must be a calm
They catch me in the farm
You sound your alarm
Poor a-poor a-poor me Israelite" - good luck Avals
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beeyotch, you beat me to it!
ansolutely one of the best songs EVERRRRR. +2 for that ALONE
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
¡®cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
¡®cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say
Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
¡®cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
But, I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
i worked with some kid who all of a sudden had to leave and go to the israeli army. he and his friends were strippers part time and they had the funniest business cards! he died. don't die. and if you get the chance save some ones life like forrest gump, then start a business with them and when you have to leave to tend to your sick mother, your partner will invest your money with "some type of fruit company' and you'll be rich son!
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck against those stone throwing palestinians...you're gonna need it!
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelites Aah
Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir
So that every mouth can be fed
Poor me Israelite
My wife and my kids, they packed up and leave me
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen
Poor me Israelite
Shirt them a-tear up, trousers is gone
I don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde
Poor me Israelite
After a storm there must be a calm
They catch me in the farm
You sound your alarm
Poor a-poor a-poor me Israelite" - good luck Avals
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2, 4, 6, 8, WHO DO WE APPRECIATE?
ISREAL!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JEWS!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:04:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't even open that up, but I am going to go ahead and assume it was Mohommad Al-Dura.
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT. HE WAS KILLED BY PALESTENIANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Nah, it was just some Palestinian kids running away from a tank with its turret pointing vaguely in their direction.
Which raises the question: Why the fuck would you go near that in the first place?! What the fuck are they thinking? "Hey mommy, look! A tank rolling down the street! Can I go play with it?"
That was a rhetorical question. Those kids go there either to throw rocks at it because they know exactly fuck-all will happen to them, to steal stuff from the tank, or to try and blow it up with pipe-bombs. Of course, you can't see all that if you're a STUPID CUNT WHO GETS ALL THEIR INFORMATION FROM A PHOTO.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-22 09:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:41:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:27:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
You mean blowing up kids. Good luck asshole.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2003/20030824/w2.jpg
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Haha! I love it when I get castigated by uninformed cunts who base their opinions on slanted pictures and news stories on Al-Jazeera, particularly when it is for something someone else did.
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I couldn't even open that up, but I am going to go ahead and assume it was Mohommad Al-Dura.
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT. HE WAS KILLED BY PALESTENIANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:27:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
You mean blowing up kids. Good luck asshole.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2003/20030824/w2.jpg
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Haha! I love it when I get castigated by uninformed cunts who base their opinions on slanted pictures and news stories on Al-Jazeera, particularly when it is for something someone else did.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:39:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a dried towel head peenos
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the draft went way of the dodo when the 8-track did.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:31:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet! Tanks are Awesome and Isreal kicks all sorts of ass!
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:27:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You mean blowing up kids. Good luck asshole.
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2003/20030824/w2.jpg
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:16:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Recent research has shown that empirical evidence for globalization of corporate innovation is very limited and as a corollary the market for technologies is shrinking. As a world leader, it's important for America to provide systematic research grants for our scientists. I believe strongly there will always be a need for us to have a well articulated innovation policy with emphasis on human resource development. Thank you.
dugga dugga dugga dugga - Frank the Tank
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck mate.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 only 'cause you didn't voluntarily sign up for it. Good luck and don't stick your face near a land mine.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of
them incompetent boobs.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey
Stay alive, tankboy.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 08:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know about a head, but I promise to bring back some ears and shit for you guys.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god. Now when all the other Arabic countries finally piss us off enough I can say "Fine fuck you! You hate our involvement with Isreal? Well we were the ones keeping them from killing you all. Go on ahead Isreal, just roll through see if we care." knowing that you will be driving some fine piece of death machinery across the Iranian capital lawn.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When you guys invade Iran, could you bring me back a head?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:53:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. You call them innocent Palestinians, I call them targets of opportunity.
Oh but I jest, I jest.
Also:
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:15:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
"With any luck about 8 months later I'll be riding around in a tank and blowing shit up."
Yeah right. That's what its about right?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
What?
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You better not get all sappy and intraverted when you get finished killing people. Have fun!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Try not to kill too many innocent Palestinian civilians.
None would be good, but that seems like a lot to ask.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"With any luck about 8 months later I'll be riding around in a tank and blowing shit up."
Yeah right. That's what its about right?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck.
With Hamas elected and Iran getting jumpy it will be a busy few years. Although I think most anyones time in th eIsraeli army is pretty busy.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck. Be careful.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-03-22 07:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take two holy commandment tablets and lie down. And watch out for Mossad, they'll shot you and say, "What?"
There's also some chap distributing fish and unleavened bread, he sports a beard and listens to Metallica... well, prolly. Treat him with extreme predjudice. He's big on turning the other cheek, and we all know that new testament pish-posh is attn geh-hey mardi gra. Don't drink the water, I heard some biblical kiddie pee'd in it. You don't want 'a'rab-scarab, whatever the fuck that is. Oh, and remember the Golan Heights, finders keepers.
Don't get killed, and,
Don't go killing, to-ooooo try and please Heeeeeeee...
You nevar let him down a-forrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre... ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh..
*trails off..*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-22 06:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had no idea you were an Israelite.
Israelite... truly a great word.
Anyway, be sure not to exploderise any palestinian children.
I want to read stories about ordinary, plain people getting by. Why won't anyone oblige me?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-22 06:20:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish we had the draft in Britain.
No hang on....
I'm pleased we don't have the draft, but make sure you get to drive the tanks. Make damn sure. Posts about the Israeli version of Full Metal Jacket would be appreciated. erm, this is my foreskin, there are many like it, but this one is.... damn it.... fuck off Rabbi, give me my damn wrinkly back!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-03-22 06:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck.
BTW: Uber <3 wartime correspondence.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-22 06:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck in the military. Bring me back a bomb or somethin'.
Bart- "But Flanders got his kids torpedos."
Homer- "Oh yeah? Well I'll get you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!"
Marge- "Homer!"
Homer- "But only if you're good. <whispers> Even if you're not."
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-22 05:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In my country there is problem,
And that problem is transport.
It take very very long,
Because Kazakhstan is big.
Throw transport down the well
So my country can be free
So my country can be free
We must make travel easy
Then we'll have a big party
In my country there is problem
And that problem is the Jew
They take everybody money
And they never give it back
Throw the jew down the well
So my country can be free
You must grab him by his horns
Then we have a big party
If you see the Jew coming
You must be carefull of his teeth
You must grab him by his money
And I tell you what to do
Everybody!
Throw the jew down the well
So my country can be free
You must grab him by his horns
Then we have a big party
Throw the jew down the well
So my country can be free
You must grab him by his horns
Then we have a big parttttty
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-22 05:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
stay alive.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-22 05:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh good!
just in time to fight Iran!!!!