Short Fairy Tale Theater Presents - A personal story of hustle an' flow (712 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by proofofpurchase (View user info) at 2006-03-22 13:31:34 EST
It all started when my husband and I would catch glimpses of purple darting here and there after the kids were in bed. At first we were confused and couldn't figure out what the hell it could be so we started to keep track of these 'sightings'.
Our first entry in our "what the hell IS it" dossier went something like this..."Saw flash of purple after hearing many sirens going down the street". We figured that we wouldn't jump to any conclusions regarding the purple flash/ siren incident until it happened again. In the words of Sherlock Holmes, we wanted to eliminate the impossible.
A few nights later we again heard sirens in the distance and after listening to them for about 10 seconds we witnessed a flash of purple and felt a rush of wind as it passed...rut-ro, Shaggy. We were even more troubled when we noticed that the purple flash came from our laundry room in the rear of the house.
We began to notice that we would see the purple flash when we heard dogs barking in the distance and the smell of cigarette smoke would waft about shortly thereafter. Perplexing, indeedy.
This went on for several weeks. Our phone would ring off the hook with women asking to speak to PB. Neighborhood dogs would mill around in our yard. Cigarette smoke was permeating our house and during the purple flashes we began to make out a silhouette of something very familiar.
Over the course of these several weeks the Mister and I were having trouble with our eyes. It seems that staring and not blinking for hours on end is not a good thing. We couldn't sleep for fear that we would miss our chance in identifying this mysterious phenomenon taking over our lives.
While on what-the-hell-is-it patrol one evening we both let our guard down and fell asleep. I awoke to our family dog, Pooh Bear, licking my leg. I quickly sat up and rubbed my eyes. When I looked again I noticed that Pooh Bear was wearing a sparkly purple cape with a high collar and in his left paw was a black lacquer walking stick. He told me not to be scared, that his outfit was all just for 'effect'.
I brewed some coffee and set out some scones. We sat at the kitchen table for hours, Pooh Bear and I, as he explained himself.
PB was tired of eating the same Purina day in and day out. Chasing the same squirrels in the back yard and barking at the same neighbors as they made their way out of their house. He craved adventure.
It was at that time he told me of his story. How he was sent, along with his mother, from another planet and how after his spacecraft crashed into Florida he was taken and put into the local pound. It is then that we adopted him.
He always knew he had special powers and decided he would put them to good use helping and saving people around the neighborhood. He felt useful and satisfied - at first. PB then decided to use his discovered powers, and his love of humping anything that moved, on screen to earn some spending cash. He explained that he did not intend to do it for very long but the money started pouring in and he was hooked. He had it all.
Before long he couldn't dodge the womenz. They followed him home, stole his cell phone and home number - he could hide no longer. Word got out that and our Pooh Bear was all the rage...mostly among widowed white women aged 43-66, female forest mammals, domesticated female bitches and a boy named Sue.
Pooh Bear decided to ante up to the only family he had ever really known. So there we sat many empty Haagen-Dazs containers and tissue boxes later. He knew he couldn't continue living the life he created and was determined to reverse himself. He told me of the man he met who was walking the nation and selling bibles to those who needed the Good Word. Through him he found Jesus Christ and wanted to cleanse his soul.
The next day was joyous at the proofofpurchase household and once again things were back to normal. PB heads up local chapter meetings of AA to further his walk with God and help those who cannot help themselves and Mr. Proof , the brood and I don't have to worry about finding underwear in our shrubs, squirrels peaking in the windows or hookers knocking on our door.
Our dog is a super hero...and reformed porn star.
Amen
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 03:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 02:54:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr. Luger of Indiana.... Senator.....
Dear Mr. Linzy:
Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate knowing your thoughts about preserving our public lands and national parks.
President Bush has submitted his fiscal year 2007 budget to Congress and proposed the sale of federal land under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Forest Service. In conjunction with this announcement, on February 28th, the U.S. Department of Agriculture Forest Service announced the start of a public comment period on the list of forest lands that would be available for sale as a proposal to provide funding to reauthorize the Secure Rural Schools and Community Self-Determination Act of 2000. You can review this proposal on the Forest Service website at: <http://www.fs.fed.us/>.
Comments on the proposed list must be received by March 30, 2006, and may be sent by e-mail to SRS_Land_Sales.at.fs.fed.us. Written comments may be sent to: USDA Forest Service, SRS Comments, Lands 4S, 1400 Independence Ave., SW, Mailstop 1124, Washington, DC 20250-0003. Faxed comments should be sent to (202) 205-1604.
I will continue to closely follow the progress of this issue. National parklands are a treasure every American can share. Our breathtaking forests and mountains are world-renowned. As economic prosperity allows citizens and industries to expand in more rural areas, preserving national parks becomes more important than ever. Again, thank you for contacting me.
and my response???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You know what you can do with your little reply, Mr. Lugar....
You can shove it up your pompous, self-serving ASS!
That's what you can do!
You know why???
Because your ways are OVER! That's why.
The youth of America are about to SHOCK your ass with lightning so
powerful you won't know what to do with yourself/
FUCK you, and FUCK your president! He's NOT my president. You are
nothing but a little lapdog. I know you, and everyone here in
Evansville, Indiana that I come into contact with knows what you're up
to. I've looked at your voting record, and I'm passing it onto
everyone I know as we fucking speak.
You just keep up the 'good' work, Mr. Senator, and sleep well...sleep
well knowing that Hell Hounds are on your trail. We ARE WATCHING YOU.
NOW, KINDLY DIE!
You don't fucking fool me, and you don't fool anyone else wiht your
bullshit lies about trying to do ANYTHING for this country.
YOU ARE A JOKE.....AND YOU ARE A DISGRACE.
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/vote_menu_109_2.htm
Now kindly die, sir.
That's right....DIE.
Your time is over.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-03-23 00:01:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is cute and nicely done.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't eat the Brown Acid".
-Dave
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:21:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
indeed.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-22 14:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
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Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo ;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq 7uieswajnhgaqo hwg5ru9psyu,tsjp rex wau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-03-22 13:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwm neo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8q jh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg 5ru9psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaoj tp0om8qaoq5ja q lnhgowsandlfnsn gr;osmtrgo;hwmne o;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8 qpw9ju8 n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7 uieswajnhgaqoh wg5ru9psy ,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo; hwmneo;p j5w93ng[qpg eu8qpw9ju8n9o hv79opu iesgnjh5ro 7uieswajnhgaqohwg5ru9 psyu,tsjpi5rexswau8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qa oq5jaqlnhgowsan
dlfnsngr;osmtrgo;hwmneo;pj5w93ng[qpgeu8qpw9ju8n9oihv79opuiesgnjh5roq7uieswajnhgaqohwg5 ru9psyu, tsjpi5re xswa u8ioswa0[uoju5qaojtp0om8qaoq5jaqlnhgowsan
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
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