Extra Credit (765 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.95 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by r0fl (View user info) at 2006-03-23 00:42:35 EST
"It just feels wrong, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it does, but be quiet, I don't feel like getting caught."
Jocelyn took a deep breath, and relaxed all muscles except for her forearm.
"He still feels warm, don't you think?"
"It's just your nerves, shut your mouth, we're here for a reason."
They continued the examination of the 42-year old male lying on his back, in front of them, naked and exposed.
The iridescent light beat down on him, bathing him in the illumination. He looked angelic. His stubble and long toenails beckoned for acknowledgement.
No angel would have waited that long to cut his toenails or shave his face.
The heating system had somehow failed in early February, and Jocelyn's fingers tingled with a lack of sensation.
The tip of Mona's nose began to feel like it was full of pins, and she commented on the temperature. It was just like her to comment on things she couldn't fuckin' change.
"I know it's cold. It's the best we can do right now, just deal with it. Have you penetrated the visceral pleura yet?" Jocelyn asked.
Of course, she already did.
Mona was what you would call an overachiever. She was elbow deep in branching bronchioles, while Jocelyn was still reading the a textbook, lifting her glasses above the bridge of her slightly but innocently, tanned nose.
Mona's dark olive skin shined in the light, which oscilated with the breeze they have still yet to notice.
She itched her upper shoulder, fearing someone watching it. That was the last thing they needed.
They began work on Mr. Upton, whose body he so gratefully donated to science. Some medical students at Boston University held vigils upon their completion of Gross Anatomy I or II, but Mona and Jocelyn wanted to get their work done, over with, and ace their finals.
Their scalpels passed through flesh effortlessly, dividing tissues and exposing internalities not generally exposed to the Earth's atmosphere.
Their lab coats hung low, dead, like them if they didn't ace this final. Their hems teased the heals of their Steve Maddens, daring them to touch.
The course was Pass/Fail, and this final was essential. 60% of your grade. The real deal. Shape up, or ship out, that's what their Prof said. Every time he spoke he, he stroked his dove-white beard. What a bastard.
In the basement, on the corners of Rutland and Concord, they continued dissecting. They worked through the body's systems, tearing through epithelial tissue, examining the duodenum, and excising the femur and beyond. Everything they were taught and trained to do.
They were flawless.
Why did they always schedule the hardest, most neuron-demanding finals for Monday, 8 AM?
Because they were that necessary; that's why. 'Those who couldn't make it in residency after a 36-hour shift, need not apply,' they always assured themselves. 'Get through this year, Moner, and you're fine,' Jocelyn always told her.
They began prepping for a brief clean up, stitching up the body, protective glasses still resting between Jocelyn and Mona's eyes and their specimen. He smelled of body odor and perspiration, a sensation not picked up by their senses until just now.
He lay, unmoved, at peace. His body was at perfect rest, on the steel table, unaffected by the cold. Pipes somewhere above rattled, due to overuse. The skin on his legs was pale, deprived of Oxygen.
Jocelyn's heels clicked the floor.
"I think it's time to wrap up. We're ready," she spoke, her voice somewhat subdued, head slightly down. She was her own person, but she was obedient.
"I'm almost done. Help me finish the sutures," Mona demanded, her voice echoing that of two generations of physicians before her, demanding excellence, and accepting nothing less.
They sewed up their patient, to dispose of him.
Jocelyn's breath fogged up her glasses, and she removed them to rub on the corner of her sleeve.
"You don't feel guilty, do you?" she queried, anxious.
"No, Brandon and Alan did it two days ago too. If we didn't do this, we'd be at a disadvantage. And that's just not fair."
She was right. There was stiff competition. If they could do it, why couldn't they? It was their effort. Fuck, for the amount of money they (or in the case of Mona, their parents) were paying, it was ridiculous to not "utilize every resource."
They were getting a high-class education, but between work, school, and homework, there wasn't enough time for studies.
And you can only learn so much from books.
Sometimes, you need the real thing.
Brian and Alan told them of the idea. A mild sedative works, they said, in 5 times the dose.
They offered Mona and Jocelyn a prescription for ten Diazepam 10 mg tablets.
"Find a bum," they said, "Nobody'll miss a fucking bum."
So they did.
He was an older man, upwards of 60 years old. He suffered from Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease, as well as degenerative muscular disease (upon examination) probably from a lack of nutrition. He had a host of other problems not worth mentioning without proper labs and screening.
They offered him $100.
He accepted.
At first, he refused the drugs, but the dope they offered eased his mind, and he loosened up. By 12:15, he was willing to try anything.
"Shit, you kids are gunna be doctors, right?" he asked, reassuringly. They gave him all of the pills.
"Yes, Mr. Upton. This will make you relax."
He relaxed all right. He slipped into a comatose state, unresponsive to most stimuli. His heart stopped beating within 3 minutes.
When they were done, they disposed of him by driving his corpse out West past I-90, into Braintree, Jocelyn's hometown.
Jocelyn's Dodge Shadow resisted the unexpected workload, but pulled through. With a quick gas-up in Auburn, they were back in Boston before sunrise. They buried him in the acres of forest in her backyard.
Calvin Godfrey jingled his oversized mug in front of the 7-11. He sure hoped those students with the Boston University IDs showed up. Always buying Marlboro Reds and giving him the change on the dollar.
His hands traced the rubber on his wheel chair, probably almost older than he, he always joked. He hadn't been able to feel below his legs since he was 12. Sure could smell below his legs, though.
He wondered, almost aloud, the last time he legitimately bathed.
He waved to two men walking up to him, brandishing ID badges he knew all too well.
They offered Calvin two hundred dollars, just to participate in some stupid study.
He briefly imagined what he could do with two hundred dollars.
Of course, there were some fine women uptown he could become more acquainted with, but that only lasted a few minutes.
"Booze," he told himself. That'll last a couple weeks," he reassured himself.
Two young men, named Brian and Alan, stepped up to Calvin, and offered him to take part in their study. It was supposedly about nutrition in Boston's poor.
Fuck, $200? He couldn't say no.
That next week, they, as well as Mona and Jocelyn aced their anatomy final, and made it one more year in Med School.
Some day, they'd be doctors.
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-03-30 02:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really enjoyed this.
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2007-03-30 01:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best fucking story. Read it.
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2006-03-27 01:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just re-read it man.... come up with more of this shit.
I had shivers.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-03-25 23:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was unsettling, but really good.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-03-23 23:51:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought they were fucking their teacher or something...
Uber has fucked up my expectations.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 23:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-23 12:45:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
i almost didn't click on this. glad i did.
it'd be really sharp in present tense.
----------------
Oh, you ALWAYS say that.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-03-23 23:38:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, well written
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-23 23:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2006-03-23 18:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't be surprised if this happens in real life.
Great story though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-23 14:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-23 13:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-23 12:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
i almost didn't click on this. glad i did.
it'd be really sharp in present tense.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bill Frist would approve.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
COOL
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-23 08:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope this means that the Uberpendulum is swinging back from shitposts to good stories again. I quite liked this.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-23 05:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I quite liked this. It was different to most of the stuff on here.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. Nice Idea. A little over-written in places. Namely oscillating light.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 03:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 02:54:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr. Luger of Indiana.... Senator.....
Dear Mr. Linzy:
Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate knowing your thoughts about preserving our public lands and national parks.
President Bush has submitted his fiscal year 2007 budget to Congress and proposed the sale of federal land under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Forest Service. In conjunction with this announcement, on February 28th, the U.S. Department of Agriculture Forest Service announced the start of a public comment period on the list of forest lands that would be available for sale as a proposal to provide funding to reauthorize the Secure Rural Schools and Community Self-Determination Act of 2000. You can review this proposal on the Forest Service website at: <http://www.fs.fed.us/>.
Comments on the proposed list must be received by March 30, 2006, and may be sent by e-mail to SRS_Land_Sales.at.fs.fed.us. Written comments may be sent to: USDA Forest Service, SRS Comments, Lands 4S, 1400 Independence Ave., SW, Mailstop 1124, Washington, DC 20250-0003. Faxed comments should be sent to (202) 205-1604.
I will continue to closely follow the progress of this issue. National parklands are a treasure every American can share. Our breathtaking forests and mountains are world-renowned. As economic prosperity allows citizens and industries to expand in more rural areas, preserving national parks becomes more important than ever. Again, thank you for contacting me.
and my response???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You know what you can do with your little reply, Mr. Lugar....
You can shove it up your pompous, self-serving ASS!
That's what you can do!
You know why???
Because your ways are OVER! That's why.
The youth of America are about to SHOCK your ass with lightning so
powerful you won't know what to do with yourself/
FUCK you, and FUCK your president! He's NOT my president. You are
nothing but a little lapdog. I know you, and everyone here in
Evansville, Indiana that I come into contact with knows what you're up
to. I've looked at your voting record, and I'm passing it onto
everyone I know as we fucking speak.
You just keep up the 'good' work, Mr. Senator, and sleep well...sleep
well knowing that Hell Hounds are on your trail. We ARE WATCHING YOU.
NOW, KINDLY DIE!
You don't fucking fool me, and you don't fool anyone else wiht your
bullshit lies about trying to do ANYTHING for this country.
YOU ARE A JOKE.....AND YOU ARE A DISGRACE.
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/vote_menu_109_2.htm
Now kindly die, sir.
That's right....DIE.
Your time is over.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 01:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Messed. Up.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-23 01:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Score, my good man.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-03-23 01:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-23 00:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's one of those stories that I figure the night-Uber would like more, in my opinion.
Submitted by CrazyHorse (user info) at 2006-03-23 00:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn good read...I kinda expected it at the beginning but it was still a good surprise. Well written.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-03-23 00:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So uh...
Fuck you for writing this before I could.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-23 00:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My apologies for any typos, I've been drinkin' since 9.