Fuck your yankee blue jeans (2025 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.18 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sean fogy <seanfogy.at.msn.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-23 03:27:14 EST
I think I'm going to make a movie about a burned out cop.
There's just not enough burned out cop movies, and they're too easy to make. Just cast Bruce Willis and you're set to bring in at least a HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND!
Shit, that's nothing these days. You know how much you can get for a slip and fall in a store?
On that note, I was also thinking of inventing something. It doesn't have to be anything special. Anything would do, really.
Like, you know the tape measurer that extends from the roll with just the push of a button? That should have been mine. The guy who came up with that idea is a fucking dick. He could have called me up and been like "Hey Fogarty. Want to get in on this shit with me?" Then I'd be like "Fuck yeah man." And then it would be cool.
But no. That bastard had to come out with that shit on his own and just forget about all the times I used to come over and watch his kids while he was out being inventive and shit. Don't let me forget about al the times I had to fuck his wife while he was at work. Too busy to come home and take care of business.
You know she used to cry to me man? She'd cry and cry about being useless and ignored or something. I don't know. I do remember having to shut her up with a left hook to the nose. That usually did the trick. Usually.
See, that's why I hate people.
They never understand how much you really don't care about their problems until you have to bust them up a little.
Take the other day for example. I was minding my own business, walking out of the grocery store with some food and this fucking girl comes up to me asking me to buy some cookies off of her. She told me it was for a good cause and she was trying to go to some camp this summer or some such nonsense. I told her I didn't believe her and she should try being a productive member of society instead of trying to peddle baked goods to people who are leaving a store that already sells such items at a more competitive rate.
And get this, she had the nerve to start crying and causing a scene in the middle of a parking lot. People are walking by staring at me. I told her to stop with the crap, but she just kept on leaking from the eyeballs and making some sort of squealing noise. I didn't want people to think I was some kind of an asshole to leave a little girl crying like that, so naturally I had to choke her out.
I think psychiatry would be a really good field for me. I do believe I could change society for the better while making a ton of money in the name of good science.
Somebody comes to my office because they can't hack it in the real world. I wouldn't just give them some bullshit diagnosis and placebos. I would tell them how it is. Look, you want to kill yourself? Who the fuck am I to tell you not to? Maybe your life really does suck that much. You either need to get your shit together, get your ass into heaven or let me punch you one time in the jaw. Now give me your money and don't come back.
Why lie to somebody and tell them they have Flizenhowzer disorder which infests the left cerebro quadrant of your brain and hand them some pills when you could really do something useful with your time, like write utter nonsense at god knows what time it is anymore on a website that nobody of any signifigance is going to read anyway?
You know, if you want to make good money being a psychiatrist you can't put an office up in a black neighborhood. You know why that is? Because black people aren't stupid, that's why. Only a white person would spend 70-80 dollars to sit in a chair and talk to somebody for an hour a week. You know what black people do to get shit off their chest? They walk down the street and see Carlos. That motherfucker's got the medicine that'll make you forget about all your troubles and clear your fucking sinuses for 20 bucks. And you don't gotta talk to him either because the guy doesn't speak english. Boom - bang. In and out like that.
Yeah bitch. Just like that.
User Reviews
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-07-26 17:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-03-23 17:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They never understand how much you really don't care about their problems until you have to bust them up a little.
____
ha.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-03-23 16:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And suddenly a light shined on the pile of refuse that was spt.
And it was good.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-23 16:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so, you don't like Girl Scout cookies, eh?
Here's a -2kie for ya
Submitted by scornednornery (user info) at 2006-03-23 16:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS RULED.
*jizz*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-23 09:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:57:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
Auto 'off of' -1
I'm clamping down on terrible English.
____________________________________________
"off of'" when used instead of "from" is not terrible English.
It is a colloquialism, you dumb shit.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 08:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-03-23 08:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clerks
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-23 08:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this quite a bit.
Submitted by xanderd (user info) at 2006-03-23 06:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate this 'auto' crap in reviews. if a small grammatical error makes you ignore the rest of the post you are mising the point.
an enjoyable read, especially 'Flizenhowzer disorder'!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Auto 'off of' -1
I'm clamping down on terrible English.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He speaks some english but he cannot speak it good like we do.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-23 04:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A nice, short and fun read.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-23 03:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get over it, ETS.
No one really cares.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 03:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-23 02:54:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr. Luger of Indiana.... Senator.....
Dear Mr. Linzy:
Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate knowing your thoughts about preserving our public lands and national parks.
President Bush has submitted his fiscal year 2007 budget to Congress and proposed the sale of federal land under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Forest Service. In conjunction with this announcement, on February 28th, the U.S. Department of Agriculture Forest Service announced the start of a public comment period on the list of forest lands that would be available for sale as a proposal to provide funding to reauthorize the Secure Rural Schools and Community Self-Determination Act of 2000. You can review this proposal on the Forest Service website at: <http://www.fs.fed.us/>.
Comments on the proposed list must be received by March 30, 2006, and may be sent by e-mail to SRS_Land_Sales.at.fs.fed.us. Written comments may be sent to: USDA Forest Service, SRS Comments, Lands 4S, 1400 Independence Ave., SW, Mailstop 1124, Washington, DC 20250-0003. Faxed comments should be sent to (202) 205-1604.
I will continue to closely follow the progress of this issue. National parklands are a treasure every American can share. Our breathtaking forests and mountains are world-renowned. As economic prosperity allows citizens and industries to expand in more rural areas, preserving national parks becomes more important than ever. Again, thank you for contacting me.
and my response???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You know what you can do with your little reply, Mr. Lugar....
You can shove it up your pompous, self-serving ASS!
That's what you can do!
You know why???
Because your ways are OVER! That's why.
The youth of America are about to SHOCK your ass with lightning so
powerful you won't know what to do with yourself/
FUCK you, and FUCK your president! He's NOT my president. You are
nothing but a little lapdog. I know you, and everyone here in
Evansville, Indiana that I come into contact with knows what you're up
to. I've looked at your voting record, and I'm passing it onto
everyone I know as we fucking speak.
You just keep up the 'good' work, Mr. Senator, and sleep well...sleep
well knowing that Hell Hounds are on your trail. We ARE WATCHING YOU.
NOW, KINDLY DIE!
You don't fucking fool me, and you don't fool anyone else wiht your
bullshit lies about trying to do ANYTHING for this country.
YOU ARE A JOKE.....AND YOU ARE A DISGRACE.
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/vote_menu_109_2.htm
Now kindly die, sir.
That's right....DIE.
Your time is over.