Redemption (618 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.15 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-03-24 16:37:09 EST
For McCallum's "90 Minute" to-do.
The idea -
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-24 14:31:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got one for you - write a story about the concept of redemption that's neither cheesy nor predictable.
That's a challenge.
---
I sit, a man of thirty three, upon a throne of money,
My working days behind me and retirement on its way,
I guess I beat the system - a redemption game I played,
So now my cloudy days are gone, the future's looking sunny.
I used to work at Kroger as a paper-pushing man
While there beyond my office shoppers walked the well-stocked aisles
Employees, not a one, were wary of my wicked wiles
Though now I bet they wished they'd shown an interest in my plan.
I used to make the lunchroom laugh and say "I'll show 'em all,
I'll make a fortune using all these coupons that we print,"
But I made not a fortune, no, I made a bloody mint
For even millions can be drawn from savings, big and small.
For years and years I'd horde the clippings from the local paper
And stash slips from the circulars kept just inside the store
My closest friends and family did the same, which brought me more
In time I was the coupon king, and so began my caper:
My method was quite simple - I abused my one advantage:
At work I'd validate the coupons, hundreds at a time
Tally up the quarters saved, the nickels and the dimes,
I'd bank 'bout ninety bucks a day, or more if I could manage.
And so it went, day in, day out, this constant validation,
The packaging of coupons mailed to redemption centers,
Once there the magic happened: discounts changed to legal tender,
The checks were mailed back to me and brought much celebration.
No one gave a second thought to paper-pushing me,
My tallying, unquestioned, and my workspace uninspected
My bosses thought me diligent: "you work more than expected,"
But little did they know about my money making scheme.
Checks rolled in for months and I had earned my pretty pennies
And yet I'd made but thousands and I wanted thousands more
So that's when I pulled overtime and stayed late at the store
Which changed my daily take from 90 dollars to $620.
Twelve years I spent doing this and then I called it quits
The money's stashed away in Cayman banks and in my stocks
I've bought a house in Curacao, I'll soon live by the docks
A castle in the sand, a refuge from these grocery pits.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-27 12:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Original
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-27 08:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
To quote Stagger_Lee:
Har Har Smartass
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-25 14:17:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Poetry is awesome
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-24 21:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har Smartass.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
really easy read.
i liked.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:59:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did this turn into a contest? Is Jack passing out Nerf footballs to the winner? I thought it was a witty way of saying that perspective can be askewed, that's it.
--
ETS was just tellng me that if you squeeze a Nerf football real small and quickly stick it up your ass, the sensation as it expands and fills your rectum is quite plesant.
What the hell is with that kid?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:59:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did this turn into a contest? Is Jack passing out Nerf footballs to the winner? I thought it was a witty way of saying that perspective can be askewed, that's it.
---
Exactly. Not a contest.
Thus my 'just busting balls' comment, snuggles.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:03:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
---
Nice to see you again, Chauncy.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Paul Blakeford!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 17:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Then again, if Jack is really passing out Nerf footballs, I retract my previous statement.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:59:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did this turn into a contest? Is Jack passing out Nerf footballs to the winner? I thought it was a witty way of saying that perspective can be askewed, that's it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:42:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
You fucked up. This is predictable in the sense that I knew it would be a poem.
-------
hmm, Perry Mason's got you in a corner there
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Which of course is a nonsense comment all together...as ratings don't mean sheeyit for this, our daily bread.
Just busting balls is all.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:56:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You guessed it!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:51:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
Dock who for what? I hate poetry and haven't rated anyone's beyond yours, because it slightly amuses me from time to time.
---
I just meant the other submissions for this "90 minute/tale of redemption that's not predictable or cheezy" thing. Since it'd be as predictable for them to use prose as it is for me to use verse.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You bastard. May I have persmission to hate your guts?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dock who for what? I hate poetry and haven't rated anyone's beyond yours, because it slightly amuses me from time to time.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I DID RATE YOURS SO SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN, WE'LL BE AT DISNEYWORLD BY NIGHTFALL, STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF AND SIT DOWN. FUCK, DISNEY ISN'T OPEN AT NIGHT, IS IT?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:42:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
You fucked up. This is predictable in the sense that I knew it would be a poem.
---
Ha. Fair enough.
I assume you're going to dock everyone else a point for writing in prose, as expected?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:42:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
You fucked up. This is predictable in the sense that I knew it would be a poem.
Rate mine rate mine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85775
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool rhyme scheme you had going there.
This was silly, but the good kind.
Can you get me a deal on something? I don't care what it is; I just want to get over on the man.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You fucked up. This is predictable in the sense that I knew it would be a poem.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! You clever little monkey.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-24 16:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uberboard leilani has a headache, please send whiskey.