FUPA - Death's Lament (death/rebirth) (652 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CATAL (View user info) at 2006-03-26 01:21:23 EST
Every night and every morn
Some are dead and some are born
Some are born to sweet delight
Some are born to endless night
But when I look back
And when I look on
I can't tell the dusk from dawn
There's no difference, I suppose
Someone on the other side knows
When we're born and when we die
There's no difference, I surmise
Everything is self-similar
Because everything is the same
All are one in everything
And all that's come has came
Nothing does not exist
As long as time persists
When we dream, are we alive?
And when we awake, do we die?
So what happens then,
When life stops living
And death is born again?
-LONG LIVE LIFE!
BECAUSE NO ONE REALLY DIES.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-27 14:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't care much for how this flowed. It started off strong with those first four lines but then it sort of floundered a bit, lyrically (I thought that before I found out where the first four lines came from, by the way).
The feelings behind this - the thoughts this pointed to and hinted at - were worth it, though.
Were those last two lines part of the poem, or your own commentary after it was done?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-27 07:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew the beginning sounded familiar...
Had trouble engaging in this poem, for no obvious reason...if I can figure out what's bothering me about it I'll come back and let you know.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Would have been better as free verse- the rhythm is quite awkward at the beginning and the rhyme is more so. It's not bad, though.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-26 20:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Co nomment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-26 12:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is so deep...like your anus.
Submitted by midwesternknight (user info) at 2006-03-26 02:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Read well, but felt kinda meh to me
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:43:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To be honest, I didn't really get into this at all. Not really worth a negative rating, though.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and i guess this will rectify it?
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I reread this and it grew on me
Sorry for the -1, you'll live
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude I'm not gonna lie, this was pretty bad.
I didn't like this at all, even though I sorta want to..
Sorry cupcakes.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so everyone knows the first stanza is from William Blake's "Auguries of Innocence" though I changed four words.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-26 01:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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