FUPA Round Two--And when I die..... (832 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.41 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (View user info) at 2006-03-26 16:34:57 EST
"I am the God of Hellfire..."
-The Crazy World of Arthur Brown-
The river Styx is mighty, life or death on either side,
The current's strong, the journey long, the destination bleak,
The punishment of evil lives the boarders must abide
They shall not find in any kind the respite they do seek
The Frenchman, Jew, the Englishman, the unassuming Greek,
Will meet the fate their deeds have earned, upon the distant shore,
Decisions made in haste and pain will haunt them evermore.
The belching maw of Hades waits for Charon's wretched crew,
Damned for all eternity, through portals they must pass,
The fetid slime of evil reeks of Satan's lonely brew
Their souls are charred before they reach the Devil's fiery blast
Upon the sea of molten fire their sinful beings cast,
Baelzebub is grinning, but his joy is yet untold,
He shakes his head and welcomes them into his hellish fold.
"Charon, what are these you bring, are evildoers they?"
"Their crimes are naught, they hold no sway with any minion mine,
Your booty does decrease, old man, it worsens by the day,
For sinners in my realm must bear their evil with a shine."
The Poleman held his council then, for he was wont to dine
Upon the Devil's anger for a group of Souls so weak,
The Lord of Hell could not refuse to take the wicked meek.
The Death of man is storied well in history and Myth,
The Sage's words, decried by some, have told the fearful tale
Of afterlife beyond the grave, far past the monolith
The tomb shall be the poignant start, a wind become a gale
To blow the seeds of conscience through the ever-swirling swale
Man's life is short, his sentence long, he scarce has time for love,
He ends his stay in burning Hell, or, hopefully, Above.
User Reviews
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-07-17 23:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By agreement
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-14 19:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:21:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would say something wittly and impressive, but unless poetry has a black man a jew and music and a token spic, I just can't get into it.
But +2 because making fun of the Lefty guy for a few hours made my day worth living.
===================================================
James Brown and Levi Finklestien sat out to write a song
Pancho Cruz, who swept the floors, said it wouldn't be long
A jigaboo, a heeb, a spic, collaborated there,
They wrote a tune 'bout F'ing girl, and her pubic hair.
Greening got his wanger hard, because he liked the style
He said I'll see ya later, guys, go back here for a while
He pulled his pud, that manly stud, until he shot his wad,
He blew his goo inside his shoe, and said I was a God.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
</insertwittycommentconcerningpisshere>
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:02:28 (#)
Ranking: -1
because it will suck ass if you beat orgasmatron.
and because i didn't like your poem.
and because if you don't beat o-man then you win the by.
which pisses me off.
so yeah.
plus i disliked your poem (x2redux!)
_________________________________________________
Plus, being pissed off is better than being pissed in. . .
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yea.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
don't want to fuck your rating though.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
because it will suck ass if you beat orgasmatron.
and because i didn't like your poem.
and because if you don't beat o-man then you win the by.
which pisses me off.
so yeah.
plus i disliked your poem (x2redux!)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-29 22:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you people all ignorant, blind, stupid, or D, all of the above?
O-man is a much better poet than I could ever pretend to be, so
WHAT THE FUCK, ASSHOLES? STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-29 21:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Oh, I suck!"
-Homer Simpson-
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-29 21:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:18:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
this is good, but missing something.
i can't quite nail it down.
_________________________________________________
My name is wrong... :-/
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bubba- I read this first thing when it went up, and am just now coming back to rate it. I think it's fantastic. Both language and flow were beautiful. I'm truly impressed.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this is good, but missing something.
i can't quite nail it down.
Submitted by Hot_For_Teacher (user info) at 2006-03-29 09:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dark and deep, just how i like it!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-27 21:23:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Of course I know the meaning for booty you intended. Loot and so forth. I just felt some lines were a bit awkward and didn't mesh.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-27 19:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:41:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know exactly how to put this, but I just feel there's something off in the tone, if there is such a thing. Something about reading this is awkward, as if the style isn't quite nailed down. Words like 'booty' just don't seem to mesh with the rest of the piece.
________________________________________________________________________________
Do you understand there is more than one meaning for the word "Booty?"
The style isn't nailed down? Just once, try reading "The Rape of Lucrece"
by Billy Shakespeare. . .
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 08:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate Mr. Roboto.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-27 08:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your choice of form.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know exactly how to put this, but I just feel there's something off in the tone, if there is such a thing. Something about reading this is awkward, as if the style isn't quite nailed down. Words like 'booty' just don't seem to mesh with the rest of the piece.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 20:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus that sucks. the worst grade i got on a paper ever was a D and that was this semester because it was written in twenty minutes and in chalk. it's no big deal, i got my grade back up, but other than that one slight mis-step i've never gotten anything lower than a B on a paper in my entire life. i guess that's why i'm a writing-intensive english major...
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*typo*- "wrote a pornographic storry about a monkey fucking a duck"
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:49:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wardy, when you say that you type while driving I find myself remmebering a part of my youth when I did such a thing. I remmber along time ago when I had a fifteen paper due the next day, because I had procrastinated, so I decided to carry my laptop around me all day. I type in bed, I typed in the shower, I typed while driving, and I even typed while having sex with a whore, I typed while doing laudery (which was actually more challenging then you would believe),I typed even when I was typing. Needless to say I recieved a F- on my paper, but at least I got it done. After all a 20% is better than a 0%. My teacher did express some concern about the part of my paper I had typed having sex with that whore, apperently I had basicly wrote a pornographic sorry about a money fucking a duck. I actually think he liked that part since he insisted on keeping my paper. I think maybe he liked it a little TOO much since he then place it in the door where everyone knew he kept his porn collection.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
indeed jay, brilliance is a rarity...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would say something wittly and impressive, but unless poetry has a black man a jew and music and a token spic, I just can't get into it.
But +2 because making fun of the Lefty guy for a few hours made my day worth living.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 19:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
indeed. most of my day is spent doing absolutely nothing, so i've gotten quite good at zoning out completely while i type. this skill comes in handy for other things such as my yeats class, church, and driving. of course the last part of that short list probably takes you by surprise, but fuck it, that's what i'm all about. i'm like a ninja in the dark woods stalking it's prey who just happens to be a twenty-something blonde woman with a great set of tits. of course when i say ninja i mean rapist, but the difference is slight really -- none if your a nihilist. seeing as how that apparently means i'm a rapist i need to pack up some things real quick before some fbi trawler program picks this up, traces it back to my ip, and busts down my door hollywood style. i'll be some place tropical if you ever come looking.
love,
wardy.
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-03-26 18:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what you mean wardy sometimes I get to typing and I just can't stop. Its like all of a sudden my fingers have a mind of their own and I can't convice then to stop no matter how much I stop. I will just be sitting on my sofa with my laptop on my lap pondering the question if gorillas really do have tits and all of a sudden when I was watching my fingers have typed a whole paragraph. Sometimes it will happen when I'm searching for some porn on google. While I'm whacking with my right hand (yes that is my masterbation hand, a little something you probably didn't want to know) I'm typing with my left. But I guess thats just how I roll, slap a bitch and beat a hoe, ya know?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 17:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was talking about the mythological aspect to the poem when i said style. correct me if i'm wrong, but orgasmo had a bunch of that in his first round piece...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 17:24:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, that's pretty much what i'm all about, sizzle. i try and keep things real while i lay down the business. if people don't like it, fine. they can take their flash cards elsewhere. but every now and again i touch somebody, and things get awkward and the authorities are notified and i'm no longer allowed to attend boy scout meetings after dark. which is fine by me, really, because i wasn't a big fan of their power heirarchy and mrs. pennington's oatmeal cookies sucked. i'm normally not one to critisize a woman's cooking because i don't like it when they get all uppity and tell me to do it, but for christ's sake if you're going to make oatmeal cookies for the group then at least try a little harder. her half-assed excuses that she was busy "driving the kids all over the place" is not acceptable, it's a goddamned cop-out. now i'm not one to push for capital punishment as i think getting raped anally and being confined to a five foot by eight foot cell for the better part of your life is a lot worse than getting fucked in the arm by a needle, but mrs. pennington's cookies pushed for a strong reconsideration of this sentiment.
i don't even know what just happened. whatever was just written was done while i stared at a magic eye poster.
hooray.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-26 17:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wardy, I don't understand what you mean by "this style." It's
poetry, dude, regardless of whether it's free-verse, ABAB,
AABB, or Rime Royal (which this one is).
I suspect I will lose this round, mainly because I am up against Da Massa.
That's not to say no one else in this comp could beat me; there are some
good writers in this thing. I just had a pipe-dream that had me going to
the last round before I met the Mighty Orgasmatron. Life blows AND sucks. :D
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-03-26 17:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice ramble wardy. Hahahah
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 16:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sizzle is right, always add a picture. that being said, you've made a bold decision by posting this style. you do realize that this is orgasmo's forte and he won't go down quietly. i wish you good luck, and i'll probably -2 him anyways based on principle. what principle, you ask? well none really, i'm devoid of them. but i needed something catchy to end with, and that seemed like the best option. of course now i'm stuck because i didn't end it there, so now i'm fucked. which is never good, because i had cupcakes in my pocket and they're getting wardy love stuff all over them which is just a huge damn mess. son of a bitch...
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-03-26 16:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great. But you should've added a picture <tear>, but it was still great. Not as good as that review poetry last night <laugh>, but stil great.