FUPA Round 2 - Need a Ride? (678 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.62 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Susie Derkins (View user info) at 2006-03-26 21:41:51 EST
Good evening, young lady, need a ride?
Please, get in.
You shouldn't be out this late alone
It's deserted and dark on this road
Lots of crazy and scary people out there.
Hitchhiking is a dangerous thing to do
Surely there's a better way.
Running away from home, rebelling you say?
And you have no money for a bus or train?
Well, this must be your lucky day, then.
Are you very hungry, my dear child?
Thirsty, perhaps?
Please, take this sandwich I have
My wife made it for me this morning.
But you're welcome to have it, eat.
I have a granddaughter, looks just like you.
Well, looked, I should say.
She died recently, just a few months ago.
Yes, thank you, I do miss her a lot.
Do you want water? Yes, I have more, drink.
Well, she died quite horribly, actually.
Murder, they said.
They found her in a field a few days after
A few miles away from her family home.
Drink up, there's plenty more.
She had been mutilated all over her body
Not a spot untouched.
When they found her, she was naked
Her body was all blue, white and grey
In a pool of her own blood, all gone.
I didn't mean to put you off your food
But you need to hear.
The police gathered her up and took her
Looked for clues all over that field
And asked us all kinds of questions.
Her autopsy showed she was also raped
Repeatedly, I must say.
Her hands were bound and she was gagged.
When the monster was all through with her,
He cut her up and slit her pretty throat.
Her parents, my son and his wife, were inconsolable
Her sister shut down
They had to put her in the mental hospital
It really tore the family up, this tragedy.
What's the matter, dear? Are you sleepy?
It's time that I finish my story for you
Then you can sleep
You wonder why I'm telling you this?
This is a story of warning, my child,
A warning to beware of monsters like me.
Oh, I'll stop the car soon enough
A few minutes maybe
There'll be no point in running, though.
You won't get far with all those drugs
That you've just ingested in your system.
No point in screaming, my sweet one,
No one can hear.
You should be grateful, I did you a favour.
There are those out there far worse than I.
I'll kill you quick, where others would go slow.
This really wasn't supposed to happen again
It was your face
It was your resemblance to my granddaughter
Awoke the unspeakable in me once more.
I'm sorry, child. This is the way it has to be.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-27 14:14:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your assessment is pretty accurate, SD. If given some more time and effort, and shortened it up a bit, this could have been pretty compelling.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-27 08:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stagger - right you are. I put this off all week and did it last minute, kinda like being back in school. Poetry is not my strong suit.
Shlongy - why yes it is the theme song to Green Acres. Congratulations are in order, I hear you were cast as Arnold.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 08:15:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this the theme song to "Green Acres"?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-27 07:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah...would've been better as a story.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-26 23:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a good read. I agree with your own statement about your rhythm, though. It would work as a story, too.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you rush this a little? It felt that way.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You misunderstand, mockidol. I wasn't discouraging any kind of comment, if I didn't want any, I wouldn't have posted this here. But you called me on it, I was being a smartass in a way. I guess I shouldn't post self-criticism.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-26 22:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
an angel just stabbed me in the head for reading this. thanks a lot you bastard.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-03-26 21:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and i would have just given you a zero, but i hated your smartass comment.
any self respectable artist, or wanna be artist, should welcome all comments. Even if they are good, bad, right, wrong, intelligent, stupid, etcetera.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-03-26 21:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're trying way to hard.
Poetry is about feeling, which this makes me not.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-26 21:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll save you all the trouble:
-there's no rhythm or meter
-would have worked better as a story
-poetry, which this is not, sucks
-you suck -2 die.
Thanks for reading anyway.