Fat People Are Wonderful. (1064 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2006-03-27 10:17:09 EST
So fat people put you off. Obese people disgust you. It makes you ill when you see "Jowley McGiggles" buying twinkies at the grocery store.
Well say what you like about Fatso McGee over in accounting, my friend. That lard-ass is going to save MY ass someday and this is why.
1. If my Northwest Airlines flight over the Andes goes down, the more fat people on board the better. When things get rough, I could kill them, have food and water, grease, soap, heating material, and enough gunk left over to make a nice coat or blanket! Of course, they won't like it much, but they're fat! They can hardly breath and/or even move! I could take them out easy.
2. Fat people make my sorry, 38 year old, tired, 140 pound ass look like a beautiful, radiant teen-ager, and I love them for that.
3. The more fat people there are, the better jobs there are for me. If it came down to a fat chick with a degree and me competing for a job, who do you think has a better chance? Fatty McFatass or me?
4. I always pray for at least one fat person to be seated next to me in car trips. Seriously. If we're gonna crash, I'm gonna hug lardass all the way through it. That way, if we get thrown through the windshield, or the car is crunched up and they can't get me out except with the jaws of life, at least El Gordo there absorbed most of the shock.
5. I'm a big fan of fruits, veggies, seafood and salads. Most fat people I'm aware of abhore that kind of food. As the world becomes increasingly populated, as people live longer, and as America continues it's economic decline, food is going to become more and more scarce. Soon we'll be fighting rats for a snickers bar in an alleyway somewhere. I WANT there to be fat people leaving the good stuff for me as they continue on with their donuts, cakes, twinkies and pringles.
6. I love to fuck. I also love to drink. Now of course, I want to fuck hot chicks and I've been pretty fortunate in my life in that I HAVE sweated on a fair amount of attractive women. But I'm a man, and being a man, I don't get it nearly enough. So to hell with it. When I get drunk, I can go to any bar, EASILY pick up a fat chick, take her home, and hump away on any number of skin folds until I puke on her and pass out.
The great thing about that is that in the morning, I can wake up, not remember who she is and be really rude to her and kick her out of the house. She's not going to do a damn thing about, either, because being the butterball that she is, her self-esteem is already at rock bottom. You think that hot red-head over there with the fine ass is gonna put up with that?
7. After the United States has destroyed itself through bad management and war, and China invades us, I'm going to surround myself with fat fuckers. I'll be harder to spot amid all that flesh, and being wider, broader and fatter, they'll likely catch bullets LONG before I will. Fat people make great shields!
8. Fat people are excellent phone stalkers. Feel like creeping your ex-girlfriend out? Go over to your fat friend's house. The one none of your "normal" friends really know. Have him call her up and breathe normally. She'll be terrified.
Those are just a few reasons fat people rule. I could go on but I have to go meet my fat attorney. He's going to save me from jail by sitting on the judge.
User Reviews
Submitted by WantageJamie (user info) at 2008-08-10 15:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scinut (user info) at 2008-08-08 17:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 18:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Valo (user info) at 2006-03-27 18:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, but what about the mobility cart fatties? They may make you look thin, but get in your way in crowded stores, and go on disability for being fat.
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Good point, but they're still edible in a plane crash, and even EASIER to kill.
Submitted by Valo (user info) at 2006-03-27 18:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, but what about the mobility cart fatties? They may make you look thin, but get in your way in crowded stores, and go on disability for being fat.
Submitted by Hash_brownie_supreme (user info) at 2006-03-27 17:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HELLZ YEAH!!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-27 15:42:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-03-27 15:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nICE.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I TOOK BACK UBER
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85873
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't really, I just wish it was an error.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That's my Faggy Sphaggy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah- I did. Here's proof:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85878
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, I gave this a +2 in ERROR!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did anybody take back Ubersite yet?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 13:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry about that.
Thanks for calling that to my attention. I'm glad I went back and read this and by golly, you are correct!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd hate to meet your bad friends.
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Same group of people
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat people = funny
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:32:05 (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many anti-fat people rants lately on Uber.
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Shlongy you idiot! This is a PRO fat people post. Goddamn. You're stupid.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You may be terribly disappointed Shlongy.
I may not have to go to jail after all.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG Fhagnum gave me a +2!!!
ROLFLOLCOPTERZZZ!!!?!?!?!?!??!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:07:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
One of my good friends hangs out with me for all of these reasons, and then some.
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I'd hate to meet your bad friends.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-27 12:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One of my good friends hangs out with me for all of these reasons, and then some.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-27 11:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Caulaincourt PWN3S this post.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-27 11:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-03-27 11:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:21:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fat people" is an oxymoron
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HAHAHAHA
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-03-27 11:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PMITA prison...I hear that they serve a mean Tossed Salad...you're gonna love it!
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a sick bastard, but this was funny.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:29:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
v=Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:21:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fat people" is an oxymoron
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many anti-fat people rants lately on Uber.
I'm surprised you haven't noticed that, seeing that you seemingly spend about 14 hours a day on this site.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
v=Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:21:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fat people" is an oxymoron
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds?! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good
things so tasty?
-- Homer Simpson
Brush With Greatness
Submitted by scornednornery (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I grinned.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:25:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The idea had alot of potential, but it was only marginally better than meh.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fat people" is an oxymoron
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was phat
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-03-27 10:19:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They still disgust me.