Adoption (745 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.66 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by r0fl (View user info) at 2006-03-28 01:28:47 EST
"Quit doin' that shit with your fingers," I irked.
"I mean, it's not good for ya," I added. I should probably be nice to the kid; he's been through so much lately.
An unknown number of rooms down the hall of the hospital, his parents lay on respirators, ironic slaves to machines. It's machine's that puts 'em there, too God damnit.
They were on the way to his damn 'recital' or something. Lost control of their Ford Tempo. I brought him here hours ago. Prognosis didn't look too good.
My brother Sean was all right. He had the American Dream going over there. Wife, kid, dog, good job, had it all. Then this.
Well, he almost had it all. Him and Isabelle, they tried having a kid for like three years before they found out they was infertile. Nearly devastated him, until they found little Ray. They called him their Ray of Light, and he was their everything for the past couple of months. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but he was damn cute. That lisp melted anyone in a 15-foot radius.
I really had only seen him a few times earlier, because I wasn't invited over the house much. I might be all the kid has left, again.
I took another look at the kid, glanced him up and down. He was only eight. He was kinda tall for his age, who knows, he could be a linebacker someday for The University some day. What the kid was doin' acting was beyond me.
"How ya feelin' buddy? Want a soda-pop or somethin'?"
"No thanks Uncka Nick. I think I'm gunna go tah shweep."
I chuckled, half to myself and gave him a wry smile.
I woke him up almost two hours later, but I barely had the balls. His parents passed away a little while ago, but I didn't have the heart to wake him. We didn't get into the particulars just yet, that'd be for another day.
We stumbled into my apartment, and I dropped my keys in the porcelain dish by the door. We got him set him up in my bed, and I crashed on my couch. It was one of those pullout couches, but fuck, I'm way to lazy to pull that sucker out right now.
The sun poked his head through my Venetian blinds, reminding me that it was in fact, morning.
I began breathing heavy, and sleep came almost instantly.
I dreamt of a man leading me up a large hill, in a place I've never seen before. Maybe on some nature channel or something, I was always watchin' those late at night. He led me up to the top, and gestured toward the horizon.
It was then that I actually looked at him, noting his features. His red long-sleeved button up shirt had one of those western-dangly things where a tie would go. His shoulders of the shirt, what's that called... the yoke? Yeah, the yoke of the shirt was a brown, suede material. His belt and cowboy boots were brown, leather, and well oiled. Tapered blue jeans ran down his legs, showing the outline of muscles and power. His belt-buckle glimmered in the moonlight.
Those legs probably did a lot of walkin'.
I could hear the rustling of his hand as he rubbed it along his sandpapery chin, and he looked at me. His teeth were perfectly white, and his eyes reflected brightness into my eyes. We both looked west in tune.
"This is all for us, Nicholas."
We walked a ways more, and I noted the grass behind me being depressed, slowly flicking away the dew which rested upon the blades. The man however, made no footprints. I always attempted to initiate conversations, but I could never speak. I couldn't help but stare at the spurs on his boots, never even making an indent on the terrain.
"I'ma hungee Uncka Nick," the boy whined, tugging on my pant leg.
I looked at the clock, 9:59.
Earliest I've been up on a Sunday in years.
After we raided the fridge and consumed what must have been our body weights in spam n' eggs, we went back into the living room and watched cartoons.
I resumed my position, dozed again.
The man again. The exact same dream, except this time it was at sunrise.
I was half-awake, half asleep, watching the boy watch some crazy cartoon with talking gargoyles.
But he wasn't watching T.V. He was watching me. But he was sitting Indian-style, chest pointed at the T.V.
His head was completely turned around, 180 degrees. He sat like a statue, and a cold sweat immediately soaked my clothes. The crusty stuff on my eyes began to itch, and I rubbed my eyes and opened them wide, adjusted to the new light.
He sat there, watching the cartoon.
I was imagining things. That's the last time I eat spam and then take a nap.
The rest of the day was unfulfilling, and we basically just sat around eating and watching T.V. He was pretty much like me, only a quarter of my age.
The sun set eventually, and we both went to bed. This time I pulled out the couch, and set an alarm clock so I could bring him to school in the morning. And I laid off the spam.
"It'll all be yours soon, Nicholas," the guy said again, monotone.
His shirt was white this time, his broad shoulders covered with the suede yoke thing again. His belt and boots were black tonight, matching his hat. We walked, actually conversed. About what, I don't remember, I just remember that we did. He offered me a drink of water from this well, this creepy old well. The liquid touched my lips, feeling colder than anything I'd ever tasted. It was almost as if it was so cold, it felt hot.
I awoke almost instantly, throat completely dry and burning. I ran my faucet, cocked my head 90 degrees, and drank straight from the nozzle for what seemed like two minutes. I stumbled over my pile of clothes, back to the bed.
Up in the corner of the room, there was a red dot.
No big deal I told myself. There's a smoke alarm up there. I pulled the covers up to my chin, staring at the ceiling, wondering the quickest way to get to his school in the morning.
I kept staring over at the corner.
There were two dots.
Now three. Occasionally, two of them would blink. I threw the covers off the bed, flipping the light switch.
And there he was. Plain as day. The kid, defying gravity, staring at me. Back on his feet and palms, in some sort of crab-walk pose, stuck to the wall. I blinked.
He was gone.
I ran up the stairs, almost bursting down the door, until I remembered: I was going fuckin' nuts. No need to wake the kid, he's been through so much.
He was sleeping soundly, albeit a little snore. His tiny body was engulfed in my queen-sized bed, wrapped in tidal waves of blankets.
We ate some cereal in the morning; I wasn't up for cooking eggs again. I didn't exactly sleep well again last night. I dropped him off at school, kissed the kid on the cheek, and ole' Ray of Light trudged up the stairs of the old brick building to learn some times-tables or something.
I climbed back behind the wheel, and got back on the highway to go back home and shower before work.
Glancing in my rear view mirror, I noticed a Crown Vic gaining on my fast. I moved my thumb from dangling below the steering column to check my speed.
I wasn't speeding, what was this asshole doin?
He continued speeding up towards me, then darted in the lane right of me. I looked over, seeing a man with a stubbly beard and aviator sunglasses, chewing gum.
He had a cowboy hat on, jet black. My eyes refocused on the road, then back at the 'Vic.
He was gone, until I heard the incessant honking. He was on my left now.
Impossible.
I looked over, and saw the kid in the passenger seats, eyes aglow, hot as coals.
My speed increased, as did theirs. They both began laughing, never watching the road. Eyes all on me.
I focused ahead of me again, almost too late. I swerved right, barely avoiding a car in front of me. The car rolled, flipped, coming to rest upside down on the shoulder.
I saw his boots again, the spurs scraping the asphalt, and all I could hear was their laughter. My mouth tasted like pennies from the blood.
Sleep came almost instantly.
User Reviews
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-03-28 18:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-28 18:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this premise.
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 17:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-28 17:40:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed this, even if i am now in a state of mindfuck
I didn't sleep very well last night. And the kid I was thinking of, was the little blond kid from Big Daddy because I watched it over the weekend. I'll never look at him the same again.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-03-28 17:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed this, even if i am now in a state of mindfuck
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 17:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-28 13:32:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, the writing was a little distracting at times but I'm more concerned with the story which was quite entertaining. I'd be down for the prompt-to-post. I participated in Jack's the other day. if you wants I'll do a post for it and we can post tomorrow.
Yeah sure if you want to... it can even just be a thread for people to read and suggest the first line/sentence, and we can pick one and go. Doesn't even have to be the same line I guess. Call it Taking Back Uber.
You figure it out, you're good at that shit.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-28 13:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, the writing was a little distracting at times but I'm more concerned with the story which was quite entertaining. I'd be down for the prompt-to-post. I participated in Jack's the other day. if you wants I'll do a post for it and we can post tomorrow.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-28 13:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mo Comment
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 12:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Could be like a midnight post or something. I've got some shit to do right now, I'll be on later tonight.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 09:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Without breaking the one post a day rule, I guess. I don't know how long ago you posted this because I don't know the time difference between me and the Uber clock.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 09:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like it.
You want to do a post about it?
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 09:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 08:20:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
Do I get an Apostrophe Police badge?
You're the fuckin' Sheriff man.
I apologize again for the hurriedness of this post, seems kinda ruined to me now. I actually got excited with it, where it went and where I thought it would go.
I propose not necessarily a writing contest, but one of those shitty high school prompt type things where you're given the first sentence or paragraph, and then go with it and see how far it takes you, say in a day or so. Wanna play, Stagger_Lee?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 08:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do I get an Apostrophe Police badge?
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 07:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FA, yeah, there were some errors in this one, I probably spent the least amount of time on this one than any of my other posts.
That being said, I know it's not an excuse.
<bows head>
I was just trying to help take back Ubersite.
I'll remember that the apostrophe police will always be here.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-03-28 06:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a great idea executed marginally.
You clean this up and it's excellent. Too many writing errors to name, but some have been mentioned already. There's some really good imagery here. The part about the kid being crablike up in the corner creeped me out.
Submitted by Goneril (user info) at 2006-03-28 05:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent stuff.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-28 04:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2006-03-28 03:25:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed that! Well done.
Quick dumb fuck of a request for anyone - I can't fookin work out how to put a pic at the bottom of a post without it becoming a link. Don't wanna try it cos I know what'll happen, -2 die etc etc!
Anyone care to enlighten me?
--------------------------
Make sure you save the pic as a JPEG image. Best way to do it is save it as a paint file.
Submitted by Leonfc (user info) at 2006-03-28 03:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed that! Well done.
Quick dumb fuck of a request for anyone - I can't fookin work out how to put a pic at the bottom of a post without it becoming a link. Don't wanna try it cos I know what'll happen, -2 die etc etc!
Anyone care to enlighten me?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-03-28 02:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the craziness of this but I don't think it's very well written, particularly the first part. Couple of points:
*irked doesn't make much sense in that context
*"It's machine's that puts 'em there, too God damnit." - machines doesn't need an apostrophe and putting the comma before the "too" makes it clumsy to read
*"I woke him up almost two hours later, but I barely had the balls. His parents passed away a little while ago, but I didn't have the heart to wake him." - huh? You could do these two sentences jobs with just one, clearer sentence. Kinda seems like you rewrote this part but didn't take the original line out.
*Your shifts from past to present tense spoil the flow. e.g. "We stumbled into my apartment [....] but fuck, I'm way to lazy to pull that sucker out right now
And here ends my attempt at a constructive review.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2006-03-28 02:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I predicted that the kid was responsible for the (adoptive) parents crash from the beginning. The story wasn't any less entertaining because of that.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 02:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Now THAT'S awesome subtle self-promotion.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, geezer. If it'll make you feel better, go drop a negative rating on my FUPA entry...I think I'm gonna lose anyway.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:44:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful. This actually creeped me out. That's difficult to do.
Actually, I just tried to sleep and can't... I keep thinking about a kid in the upper corner of my room.
Thanks Stagger_Lee, for bringing me down. I did rush this one, it actually started out as a post I'll probably write later in the week. This turned out completely different though.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"machine's" should have been "machines". There wasn't anything possessive in that sentence, it was still a plural.
If there was something else going on here, like in your last story, I didn't get it this time. Perhaps I'm just being dense.
The last section felt a bit rushed, but more as if you wrote it quickly rather than actually conveying a sense of urgency. "Eyes aglow, hot as coals" was a bit awkward and bordering on a cliche.
Still, it was pretty cool. Is there more to come? If this was just an introduction, I may increase the rating. Also, if it was, you should've put Part 1 or something in there.
I like to see people writing on here, though, and you're good at it and getting better.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful. This actually creeped me out. That's difficult to do.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My, what a witty filename!