Fuck the IRS and Debbie (Part 2) (2654 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grimm <grimmjuice.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-28 10:10:00 EST
I was planning on another "Dude Upstairs" update for today, but I just got two phone calls at work that I must share, as it relates to a past post.
Read Part 1 here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/84176
As it turned out, the meeting with the IRS was postponed indefinitely once my tax attorney brought up the whole "unfair practice" thing to them. They promised to investigate our claims, thus giving us a 30 day reprieve from a possible audit, which wouldn't have been too bad for me anyway. (Attorney figured I'd owe about $400 max)
Last night, the attorney left a message on my machine with "good news" and I finally got around to calling him back earlier today.
"Hey (Grimm), I got great news for you - the audit is cancelled."
"Really? That's great - but what about the money?"
"They've decided that since the information was brought to their attention fraudulently, they wouldn't stand a fair chance should you fight the payment order in court, so in essence they just give you a pass."
"Wow. O.K. That sounds good. But won't this mean that they'll pay more attention to my taxes in the future?"
"Well, they might or might not. They wouldn't have looked this time unless it was pointed out to them, they usually concentrate on people who make more, because they can cheat more."
"Makes sense. What about Debbie?"
"Well, they said that their internal employee procedures are "confidential" but the guy I talked to on the phone lead me to believe that she would be disciplined. At the very least they'll add a flag to her file that she'll never be allowed to access your records again, and they'll probably go over her list of people she's connected to in some way again."
"O.K....and that other issue won't have to come up, right?"
"What other issue?"
"The um...well, the uh- golden shower-"
"Oh, yes! No, don't worry about that, I didn't tell anyone at the IRS, I was saving that in case they tried to play games."
"O.K., good. I know she tried to fuck me over, but I still wouldn't want her embarrassed like that."
"You're concerned about her being embarrassed at work, but yet you told all of her friends back in the day?"
"Um...yeah - listen I have to go - but thanks a lot for your help, send me a bill" etc. etc.
So I celebrate with a nice cigarette, and then come back upstairs and start trolling the web for a current email address for Debbie. I find two, one of which is her work email. So I write a little email and send it to both.
Debbie:
As you may or may not know, your little attempt to have me audited has failed. I understand that you will be disciplined at work, and while that wasn't my intent, you reap what you sow.
Since I hate looking behind my back, I hope that we can consider the matter closed. However, if I get even the slightest hint that you are trying to disparage my character or affect my life in the future, I shall turn my full attention towards retribution.
Sincerely,
(Grimm)
A few minutes goes by, and I get a "Mail Delivery Failure" notice from her IRS account. Hmmm...
An hour goes by, and the phone rings.
"Good Morning, (Name of my office and my name)" I say.
"(Grimm)?"
"Yes?"
"It's Debbie."
"What do you want?" I ask.
"I just got your email."
"O.K."
"I see you sent it to my IRS account too."
"Yes, I wasn't sure which one to use."
"Well, I just wanted to let you know that I got fired over this - so that email will probably come back, you fucking bastard."
"I don't see why you're angry at me."
"WHAT??!!" she screams. "How can you not fucking see it? First you ruin my life and embarrass me all those years ago and now you cause me to get fired! I lost my government benefits too!" (as a government employee, I understand why this bothers her)
"Well, then I guess you shouldn't have done what you did."
"Oh fuck you! Always so high and mighty, you fucking dipshit bastard" (Curses slightly changed - she used so many I can't really remember them)
"Debbie, I'm sorry that you lost your job. If there's nothing else I'm going to hang up."
"Do you know all the friends you cost me back then? My fucking parents found out! My goddamned mother had to ask me what a golden shower is!"
At this point, understandably I think, I lose it a little and start chuckling.
"Haha-snort-what'd you tell her?"
"Are you fucking laughing at me asshole? I'm gonna fucking kill you, I'm gonna get every person I know to come after you, I know where you live now and you better keep fucking eyes in the back of your fucking head."
"Debbie, if I see you near my home, I will not hesitate to call the police. My lawyer knows about the circumstances here, and it really will not go well for you if you try anything."
"I'm not gonna do shit myself! I'm gonna get my boyfriend to kick your ass when you least expect it!"
"I don't think I have much to worry about, he'll probably be too busy peeing on you to help."
A moment of stunned silence.
"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING-"
CLICK, as I hang up.
I feel bad for about two minutes, then I try imagining explaining a golden shower to one's parents.
As I write this, I'm still laughing.
User Reviews
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-14 14:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So bored I'm re-reading old posts. This one is a favorite, so I'm giving it +2. Not that it matters.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-04-01 10:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-28 20:27:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
MY EVIL PLAN IS SUCCEEDING!!!
Pretty soon all the woman of the world will be twirling their hair and they men will bow at our feet AND COWER AT OUR SUPERIOR POWER!!!!!!
*cough*
I mean... guess what I'm doing
*hums*
---------
just as long as I get to be your personal servant, okay?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-03-29 00:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a hero.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 23:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrifyingly funny.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-28 20:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
MY EVIL PLAN IS SUCCEEDING!!!
Pretty soon all the woman of the world will be twirling their hair and they men will bow at our feet AND COWER AT OUR SUPERIOR POWER!!!!!!
*cough*
I mean... guess what I'm doing
*hums*
Submitted by malbin (user info) at 2006-03-28 20:14:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-28 18:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this by any chance the same Debbie that did Dallas?
darn you Peon - I just caught myself twirling my hair....
Submitted by disco_brad (user info) at 2006-03-28 17:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hell hath no fury like a woman that likes to get peed on
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love stories like this. I use the word "cunt" sparingly now, but Goddamn do I love hearing about a cunt who gets hers in the end.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-03-28 14:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by Scy_fy_junkie (user info) at 2006-03-28 13:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this Debbie bitch available? I hear the crazy ones give the best head.
It's either that or the fat ones I forget which
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-03-28 12:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-03-28 12:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what goes around comes around
Submitted by karates_badboy (user info) at 2006-03-28 12:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
grimm always managing to make everyone laugh with the crazy shit that happens to him, kickass shit dude :)
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-28 11:44:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grimm I have to twirl my hair when I think.
It's like my brain works on a crank.
No twirly - No thinky
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-28 11:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahah
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-03-28 11:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just to be safe I would send your attorney an email and let him know that she threatened you on the phone. That way he can print it and put it in your file in case you suddenly dissapear one day.
+2 for knowing how to pick 'em.
P.S if you really like crazy chicks *giggle* I've recently become single *twirls hair*
Peon - you really need to stop twirling your hair at people...it sends the wrong message. But if you're really crazy, then send me an email by all means :-)
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-28 11:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-28 11:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
move
The IRS really should do some sort of psychological testing to make sure they don't hire people who are unstable.
The good news is that now that you've posted this, if you should happen to disappear, it will give the po-lice a starting point in the investigation.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just to be safe I would send your attorney an email and let him know that she threatened you on the phone. That way he can print it and put it in your file in case you suddenly dissapear one day.
+2 for knowing how to pick 'em.
P.S if you really like crazy chicks *giggle* I've recently become single *twirls hair*
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:50:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:35:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm also happy to note that if you enter "Fuck the IRS" into google, this is the first hit
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
------------------------
I have a feeling she is going to find this, how true is it?
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking hilarious.
What a crazy whore.
Classic.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm also happy to note that if you enter "Fuck the IRS" into google, this is the first hit
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!!! Classic!
"I don't think I have much to worry about, he'll probably be too busy peeing on you to help."
Submitted by mikeedapikey (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality!
Submitted by trmatthe (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:17:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm almost afraid to rate this, as there's a chance I might slip and not give you the well deserved +2.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2006-03-28 10:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a fan.