10 Canadian Myths...Fact/Fiction? (4757 hits)
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Submitted by Jed Fleury <jed_fleury.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-06-09 19:54:19 EDT
Ok.
I work in tech support, and while im in my cube, (recently upgraded from 4'x4' to 5'x5.5'...all that overtime is paying off!) I fuck the dog alot and don't really listen to what the customer's problem is. I exclusively tech US citizens, US corporations, US military personnel yadda yadda...Even though i try to say as little as possible, they always seem to pick out my 'Canadian accent.' Most notably, Texans (who of course are the only people who don't have accents!). Anyways, after they find out my true origin of birth, the mood of the call changes dramatically. Now I'm being talked down to with the well-intended "I'll teach this sno-cone lover a thing or two about the American Way before he's off the phone."
Now usually i just press this cool little button we have called "release." However, when I'm bored, I just let them rant. I keep calling them 'sir' so that they will talk longer. Some of the things they say about Canada or Canadians is the funniest shit! Hell, sometimes i put them on speaker phone so everyone around me can have a good laugh. Anyways over the course of a few years, I've heard a few Myths i thought I'd clear up:
10. MYTH: Canada is full of tree hugging hippies.
~TRUTH: Canada isn't even close to being full. (they hate it when you cheek them like that.)
9. Myth: All Canadians are Bi-Lingual.
~TRUTH: Most of us slept through French class, know as much french as is displayed on cereal boxes and beer cans, and wonder if building an unscalable wall around Quebec would be considered 'seperation'.
8. MYTH: Most people who live in British Columbia are British.
~TRUTH: Sorry, if we were British, we would have gone along with your little "plan" of "world domination."
7. MYTH: Most Canadians are lumberjacks.
~TRUTH: Actually, we tried that. What happened was the people we were trading with started bitching about losing money because we cut down trees so fast. Now half of us are in economics, so we can figure out all the new taxes for exporting to our 'neighbor'.
6. MYTH: Canadians love Celine Dion.
~TRUTH: For the love of all that is holy, no.
5. MYTH: If you are from Canada, you must know 'Glen'.
~TRUTH: I know this one has been overdone, but i have a good point to make: I don't know Bob either.
4. MYTH: Canada kisses the U.S.'s ass.
~TRUTH: No. We kiss holes in the ground and tea kettles. We thought you'd have figured that out by now. (might have to think a little for that one)
3. MYTH: Canadians love Curling.
~TRUTH: Most of us have never curled, think 'skipper' is the fat dude from Gilligan's Island, and wouldn't step on the ice without skates, a hockey stick, and a bottle of whiskey.
2. MYTH: Canadian beer has more alcohol than American beer, Canadians have nudity on TV that isn't pay-per-view, Canadians grow some of the best weed in the world.
~TRUTH: OK, you got us there.
1. MYTH: Canadians are all peace keeping Pacifists, and can't protect themselves.
~TRUTH: Well, most of us do evade unnecessary conflict, and we do prefer peace to war. We also think you did a great job rebuilding that big white house you got down there.
Let the American vs. Candian bashing begin!
User Reviews
Submitted by Nicole at 2004-04-27 18:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm canadian and i think some stuff that other canadians say is stupid. I mean, they complain about the people that dont know everything about us. Do they know the name of the Prime Minister of Ireland? or any other place overseas? I know i don't (exceot england).. i don't even know if ireland has a prime minister or president
... oh and about the hot girls, i don't know, we might have better looking girls, but the us definitly has better looking guys
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2004-04-03 23:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How can a myth not be 'fiction'?
Submitted by krazykal (user info) at 2004-01-26 18:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HaHaHa! I'm a homegrown Winnipeger and it's so true except ur missing the ones about my pet polar bear and the fact we eat whale blubber and o yeah how we live in an igloo.
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-01-21 01:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Our beer is stronger ergo our women are prettier.
Submitted by Y3D (user info) at 2003-12-18 19:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but i heard canada has loads of hot women.....
canada does in fact own everyone....
i will someday be moving there, hopefully after i graduate college and get my damn work visa....
Submitted by Sephiroth (user info) at 2003-12-18 19:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hahahaha it's sad. I'm Texan and know that we have a lot of confusion about Canada. Something I thought I would say though, most of us aren't as stupid as the raving lunatics that scream you all are hippies.
More than anything I just kinda want to apologize, I'm on your side when Texans strereotyping you like that. I've been guilty of a few of them but not quite as extreme as the ones listed.
Texans (True ones, not the gloating morons that you must talk to) will tell you about their heritage and it's history. It's something to be proud of but I will not deny that it can sometimes get out of hand.
I have nothing against Canada personally. But the idea of America's planning of "World domination" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If you're speaking of the Iraqi war then it's pretty impressive considering we're rebuilding it for them. If we wanted Iraq, or Canada, or just about any country, we could take them quicker than the gentle way we've had to take Iraq in order to keep everyone happy.
As for "Canada kisses the U.S.'s ass" I don't like it if you heard this from a Texan. During WWII, before America was involved, people from America would give up US citizenship and go to recieve Canadian citizenship so as to help the fight over in Europe. Were they beggin us? No, we came of our own free will. I don't consider that as Canada "Kissing America's ass", I see that as a hand in hand partnership and hope that that will continue further in history. Later...
Submitted by Semi_Random_Joe (user info) at 2003-09-11 08:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I absolutely LOVE Canada. It's my favourite US state.
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-28 17:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Why do they teach you Canadians that ignorant shit in school? Canada wasn't even a country back then, was it?"
To me, and correct me if I'm wrong, this seems like a derrogatory comment about the Canadian Education System and what it teaches. Why do they teach us that that 'ignorant' shit in school? Well firstly it's not ignorant, it's history; the word ignorant infers that it 'isn't true'. Second they teach it to us because it's history, and for some reason, we as humans believe it's important to analyze the past so as to make better decisions in the future.
"You completely went off target with what I was saying. I wasn't saying that you're dumb or that your schools have a poor education level, dipshit. I was pointing out the fact that many of you ignorant anti-American (or how about "USA" since you're American, too, fuckwad?)(not all Candians) are stupid and made up a fake arguement."
Ok. Who's the dipshit? Learn to spell, learn to write correct grammar before you start calling people a dipshit. Secondly, i dont think i went off target at all. (refer to paragraph 2)
"And lastly, you missed one of my excellent points: I'd like to see Canada try to burn down the White House again..."
One of your 'excellent' points; i like that. Good thing it's YOU judging your own comments, as i don't think an objective observer would be so kind, but i digress. Good point, I don't think Canadians could come down and burn your Whitehouse, nor would they want to. Thanks for clearing that up for everyone, though I am still unsure where you got the idea that I thought we could.
"As for the implied message that Americans are dumb, all I have to say is that Americans put a man on the moon, and as far as I've heard, Canada hasn't."
Well i wasn't implying that the peoples of the USA were dumb, and if you took it that way, what does that say about you? I was simply showing that, if we in Canada are a bunch of dipshits with an education system that teaches us 'ignorant' facts, then what does that say about you and your education system when it ranks lower than ours? I simply put a link to an international survey done on the integrities of education systems worlwide. I can understand why that would make you mad though, I mean i dont like it when people point out the obvious ambiguities and shortcomings of my arguments either.
"Canada depends upon USA more than we depend on you, fucktard."
Here's a tip: If you make a definitive statement, how about backing it up with facts? Yes, it makes it so much more enjoyable for the reader to know you've actually pulled your head out of your ass long enough to research your argument before wasting everyone's time. Now, Im not saying we dont depend on the people of the USA, and of course i never did in my post. It seems this is yet another 'implied' statement you pulled out your ass. Be that as it may, why dont you post a reply telling me what exactly we depend on from the USA. Please I'm curious as hell. In the meantime, you can keep drinking our clean water, using our raw lumber to build your homes, and ya, if you have more brownouts in California we'll be happy to reinforce your energy supply with our own. We just ask that you please pay a little more attention to the corporations dealing with this power.
This one's my favorite:
"And I don't want to hear any bullshit about how Canada has more allies than USA because everyone likes and loves Canada, because frankly, its a bunch of bullshit."
OMFG. I had to show this one to some of my cube mates. Jesus man, pull your head out of your ass and look around. I mean really, you stooped to a new low this time. Everything else you said in this post is now rendered useless due to pure stupidity. Do you actually believe that? Again, with fats to back these things up, you may have a runat getting your point across. But alas, i see you have included none. That's why your country incited the largest protest IN WORLD HISTORY. Ya, I'm sure you have many allies...why dont you enlighten us by providing a list of your allies and canadian allies. Last time i was in Euroope, I was treated with respect only after mentioned i was canadian. Anyways, I inparticular have nothing against USA, and i think that some countries that dislike the USA are atually just jealous of it. The others have just been bombed by you so many times its easy to hate. But maybe thats jsut it: we as Canadians provide for ourselves, and we just dont feel comfortable with killing millions of innocent peoples jsut to steal from them. We have diplomacy for that.
Anyways, hey, thanks for coming out.
(maybe i shoulve picked the 'humor' category for this post, since you obviously missed that part.
Submitted by Maleficus (user info) at 2003-06-20 15:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fleury75:
You completely went off target with what I was saying. I wasn't saying that you're dumb or that your schools have a poor education level, dipshit. I was pointing out the fact that many of you ignorant anti-American (or how about "USA" since you're American, too, fuckwad?)(not all Candians) are stupid and made up a fake arguement. As for the implied message that Americans are dumb, all I have to say is that Americans put a man on the moon, and as far as I've heard, Canada hasn't. (I know a bunch of you fucks are going to post back to me calling me stupid and saying it was all a cover-up and shit like that, but I don't care, so please don't bother.) And lastly, you missed one of my excellent points: I'd like to see Canada try to burn down the White House again. :). And I don't want to hear any bullshit about how Canada has more allies than USA because everyone likes and loves Canada, because frankly, its a bunch of bullshit. Canada depends upon USA more than we depend on you, fucktard.
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-11 13:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and no, we can't "feel the magic" so stop asking
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-11 12:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm you could be right, but then, how would you know who was or wasnt fucking goats.
i mean, you'd think people would keep it a secret if possible ( i know i do)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-06-11 12:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
think you'll find the only ovine fucking that goes on is of sheep. in wales.
nothing to do with england, or goats.
Submitted by d_d (user info) at 2003-06-11 12:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i suggest downloading, or getting your hands on, Rick Mercer's "Talking to Americans".. some of the funniest shit you will ever see. guaranteed. its him talking to americans about Canada. its hillarious!
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-06-11 11:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've heard the Aussies say that some New Zealanders are goat fuckers.
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-11 11:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think the goat fucking is strictly England/Scotland.
here we have caribou
we also make pipes out of toilet paper rolls
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2003-06-11 11:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Happens in Wales too.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-06-11 10:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I heard a lot of goat fucking takes place in Canada. Is this true?
Submitted by Agent_FUBAR (user info) at 2003-06-11 10:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you cant be Canadian, you didnt say "buddy" or "guy" once
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-06-10 04:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-06-10 03:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good man.
I'm as American as they come, and I can't say anything bad about Canada. Except the one time we trained with the Canadian Army on Pendleton and one of their truck drivers took out five utility poles rounding a corner that no tractor trailer had any right to try to make.
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2003-06-10 02:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"sno-cone lover"...HAHAHA
I lived in Washington near the border for many years, and let me tell you, I feel very fortunate to have been able to drive up north to B.C. at 19 years of age and legally drink that great beer. Molson XXX rules! You know what else kicked ass up there (besides the B.C. bud)? Those damn beer coolers you have at the liquor stores. You know, put it in the water for 5 minutes and your beer is nice and cold? Hell yeah, beeyotch!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-06-10 01:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Things people have asked me once they find out I'm Canadian:
Do you live in an igloo?(I don't even dignify this with a response)
Do you get American TV in Canada?(Yeah, but we're a couple years behind, by the way, who shot J.R.?)
Why do you sell milk in bags?(It's been years since I was back, I don't even know if this is still done)
And of course the aforementioned: 'You're Canadian? Cool, do you know ______?'
However, the prize goes to the girl who, upon finding out I was from Toronto, said "Thats really cool, I've always wanted to travel overseas."
Submitted by crisko (user info) at 2003-06-09 22:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What!?! We dont have a magical SARS barrier? Fuck.
Man your making it seem like you shit gold..well, you dont..only the Swiss do.
But you do have better beer.
Submitted by myth <fact> at 2003-06-09 21:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes
on behalf of all canadians
I would like to apologize for Nickelback
poisonyourkids:
your parents shouldve taken your advice. you know what's worse than seeing the same old crappy topics on Uber? Seeing some dumbass take to the time to type a fucking paragraph to bitch about it.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although I an certainly NOT a Canadian advocate, there are a few good tings Canadian. Beer is definitely one of them: LaBatt, Molson Canadian, and Moosehead. There are all exceptioanlly good beers and would rather drink them than Bud, Coors, or Miller anyday. Also a few other good things Canadian: Denise Richards, Natasha Henstridge, Shania Twain(not for her music, dumbass), Estella Warren, Norm MacDonald and Steppenwolf, among others. You guys are just mad because Brett Hull is like half Canadian and half American and he chooses to be American. Although, you Canadians lose points for Barenaked Ladies, Nickelback and K.D. Lang. Ugghhhh.
Submitted by poisonyourkids (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Myth : People still give a shit about the canada vs USA argument...
Fact: Shut the fuck up, this was old the second somone started it
Myth: That celine dion crack was funny
Fact: Anyone who actually said that all you cannucks love celine dion is fucking moron in the first place, (i dont believe it ever happened), so it pretty much was a waste of a line
Myth: Canadian beer rules...YEAH!
Fact: beer is beer, i dont care where it comes from, and i dont care how many i hafta drink, and i sure as fuck dont care about the alchohol content cause im gonna drink till im ruined anyways, give me 2 40's of old english and ill piss molson for you...
So yeah...dont try to bring up this canada vs USA shit, its old, played out, and not funny at all anymore. why not direct your efforts to curing SARS, or building me an igloo that will not melt in the summer...
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
santonio spur
you're right. with millions dying of sars we just coudn't fit in terrorizing another country, stealing their resources, and buying a stanley cup this year. maybe next year
you must be joking about the beer
Submitted by Fleury75 (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well well,
Your assumptions are ungrounded. you assumed by 'Canada' I meant the 'country' of Canada. Little one, the reason why we attacked was because General Hull (not to be confused with Brett Hull, who we also dislike) tried (and failed) to take over Upper and Lower Canada, now called Ontario and Quebec respectively.
Before i give you a brief lesson on your own country, let me point out:
"Why do they teach you Canadians that ignorant shit in school?"
Canadians have one of the highest literacy rates and education levels in the world, rivalling Japan and Finland. http://www.hrdc-drhc.gc.ca/sp-ps/arb-dgra/publications/books/adult_lit.shtml
The general's name was British Major General Robert Ross. After General Hull was unsuccessful in attacking the provinces of Canada for the third time, and after he surrendered Detroit 34 days later, the Canadian provinces joined Ross's forces to make a combined force of 4,000 men. After tricking General William H Winder and his 6,000 troops into defending Baltimore, they continued on to Washington where it lay under siege for 2 days.
Actually General Ross died 18 days later at North Point, east of Baltimore.
United States is not protected by a magical SARS barrier.
Don't make us turn off your fresh water.
Maleficus: try a little harder not to embarass your fellow countrymen,
Clearing up Myth 11: All Canadians hate Americans
Canadians know better than to name themselves after two whole continents made up of several countries besides themselves. We live in 'America' too, and quite frankly we love ourselves. Further, we just like to watch you get riled up.
My preferred beer is Kokanee.
Submitted by SantonioSpur (user info) at 2003-06-09 21:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good beer
MYTH
Good hockey
MYTH, look who's in the playoff's, biotches. Where's your Quebec hockey team now, sluts? America, yeah, that's right, Quebec Nordiques is our team now! (Colorado Avalache)
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-06-09 20:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Celine Dion crack you get a +2
BLAME CANADA! BLAME CANADA! (South Park the Movie song...)
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-06-09 20:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-06-09 20:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hoser.
Submitted by Insanethemind at 2003-06-09 20:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Which is your preferred Canadian beer Jed Fleury?
Submitted by Maleficus (user info) at 2003-06-09 20:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The White House, huh? Why do they teach you Canadians that ignorant shit in school? Canada wasn't even a country back then, was it? It was the British that did it. As far as I know, the BRITISH General that ordered the attack died in battle after that ( I don't remember which ) and was burried in Brittain. Man, besides, that was almost 200 years ago. I'd like to see Canada try it again :). Could you clear up this myth:
11: All Canadians hate Americans for no real reason at all.
?
Submitted by crisko (user info) at 2003-06-09 20:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a Texan...and you do have good weed.
You were not invited to our "take over the world" campaign. Sorry.
Are Canadians Pussies?? I am not to sure about that. Ever see a Canadian whup a Mexicans ass?? I have.
Dude, your Canada..your just there. I am not sure what you are doing there...but your there.
SARS.
Yeah..Canada rules.
Submitted by poop at 2003-06-09 19:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and heres another one
Submitted by poop at 2003-06-09 19:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go fellow canadian!
Submitted by poop at 2003-06-09 19:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6. MYTH: Canadians love Celine Dion.
~TRUTH: For the love of all that is holy, no.
ok, you get a couple of +2s for that.