Chevy Tahoe Man, you rock my world (789 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.46 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stin (View user info) at 2006-03-28 19:10:55 EST
There I was, sitting patiently in the left lane waiting for the Canco lights to change. You evidently were in something of a hurry; you weren't even on my radar when the lights changed, but with five seconds you were trying to merge by attempting to take off my right back corner. It wasn't even like I was holding you up - I can only move as fast as the person in front of me, dude.
Since you didn't manage to run me off the road, you sat in my trunk instead. I could see every single rust spot on your hood, but damn, you were too close for me to inspect the state of your fenders. I'm sure you had a licence plate tucked away under there too but sadly I was unable to catch it.
I thought for a minute that you were going to turn left onto Ocean. You were certainly on that side of the road, despite the oncoming traffic. It was my lucky day, I guess, because you swerving back in behind me when you realised that you really weren't able to go straight on in the left lane saved me the effort of going to the gym for my cardio today.
I guess you didn't see the guy two cars up from me who wanted to turn right, all you saw was a line of traffic impeding you in your pursuit for the freedom of the open highway - because that was one AWD that'll never see a blade of grass. Trying to overtake me on a two-way road with a steady flow of traffic in both directions may not have been wise though. On a motorcycle, maybe, but a Chevy Tahoe? It's not like you're small and insignificant there.
I bet you were pissed when you finally got past me only to find that the guy in the left lane was going slower than I was. I was just thankful you weren't peering in through my rear window anymore. It's disconcerting when you want to pick your nose, having somebody scrutinizing your every move. I found the stream of profanity floating in through my window mildly more entertaining than NPR though, and given the recent immigration debates that's really saying something. Be proud of your cussing skills; they must have taken some years to perfect.
And running that red light down by I-295! I wish I had the nerve to drive like you. I'm sure the guy coming the other way who slammed his brakes on to avoid sideswiping you was in awe too; I just can't imagine it was your appalling driving which would cause his jaw to drop like that.
Oh Chevy Tahoe Man, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I haven't had occassion to call anyone a goddamn fucking moron for far too long, and today, YOU gave me that wonderful release.
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-27 11:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by trmatthe (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Baby, you rock my world. Troo.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-29 08:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-03-29 00:04:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stin! Welcome back, stranger.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-29 06:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-29 06:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I probably WOULD be Chevy Tahoe man...screaming and cussing and running people off the road...if it wasn't for my nagging desire to get better than 8mpg on the highway, and the fact that my Tercel is only 4 cylinder. It's just not that intimidating of an automobile.
BTW: Welcome back, cunt. :P
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-29 04:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alert the authorities.
A Stin sighting.
-Dave
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-03-29 02:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
they don't seem to realize it's a non-contact sport until it's too late
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-03-29 00:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually like NPR.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-03-29 00:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stin! Welcome back, stranger.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-28 23:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The hell with you, Chevy Tahoe Man.
Submitted by sheckynecky (user info) at 2006-03-28 20:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you live in my state, and now i know what city!
mwahh haa haa haa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i used to live there. i guess that's it.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, she doesn't right now. Long story, get back to you later.
I PROMISE!
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps she has 5 minutes to chat though?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry dude. All work and no play makes Stin...
...really not inclined to get round to replying to email.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Boy, someone really needs to check her email and hit a fella back, ya know?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I almost got hit by a truck going in reverse today- he considered it unimportant to look before backing up. In a parking lot. At rush hour. And he blamed me for not knowing I was supposed to "go around".
"Goddamn fucking moron"? That is MUCH nicer than the exchange I had with this guy.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Repairs to my car when he hits it next time: $500
Gas for driving out of my way to avoid him: $10
New trousers after shitting myself: $35
Recontructive surgery after I twist his balls off: $20,000
Getting to call him a goddamn fucking moron: Priceless.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(please drink responsibly)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:18:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We at Budwieser salute you - Mr. Chevy Tahoe Man!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-28 19:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bless his heart