A Reunion of Man, Weapon and Faith (1002 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: zombie
Rating: 1.66 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nath (w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m) (View user info) at 2006-03-29 07:04:31 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82578
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82892
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82945
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82996
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/83134
Part 6: http://www.ubersite.com/m/83196
Part 7: http://www.ubersite.com/m/83306
Part 8: http://www.ubersite.com/m/84278 <- Dream intermission
Part 9: http://www.ubersite.com/m/84453
Part 10: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85871
---
"Why the hell did they have to kick us out?" Maria asked between chewing on one of the burgers that we had cooked. "They could have just separated and still shared the building."
"Because they're dickheads, that's why." I said, ignoring the food that Jo had cooked for all of us.
"I second that." Said Ed. "And they didn't need to kill the kitten."
Since we had driven off in the van, about four hours earlier, Ed had done the most speaking. I'm sure he was trying to usurp my position as leader. I was thinking about how to re-establish my position without challenging him to clawplach.
The only real thing I could think of was to deputise them all into my Certified Zombie Hunter organisation. Either that or make a badge with Boss written on it.
Both required a level of effort I wasn't really comfortable with, so I just waited. If needs be, I would become a loner. Go out on the streets, stalking zombies, hunting them down, destroying them all. I figured I was good enough.
But I wanted to test it before going for certain. I was sure that Jo would come with me at least, as well as Andy and Maria, possible Greg and Emma. They would follow me. They were the ones who were most impressed with me for creating my own business and building it from scratch.
My thoughts were broken by, guess who, Ed.
"It's getting dark. We should really go somewhere a bit warmer to get some rest and get some energy up."
'Great idea, gobshite.' I said to myself.
Since we had left the university housing, we had driven for a while, just around London streets, looking for somewhere relatively safe. Then Emma suggested the London Eye.
Since then we had been sat inside of the mid-way up pods, eating food that was cooked on a small gas cooker and just watching the sun fade away behind the London skyline.
The area must have been deserted of people for a long time, as there didn't seem to be that many zombies in the area, and we managed to get there without alerting too many to us, so it was as safe as anywhere we could imagine. Especially as there was only one way to our pod, and it was almost impossible for a zombie to make it up there, especially unnoticed.
But Ed did have a point, the bastard, as it was getting a bit cold.
"You guys stay here for a while longer." I said, moving towards the hatch so I could go down to ground level. "I'll go look for somewhere better for us."
"Be safer if we go in a group," Ed said. "I'll come with you."
"I'd rather be alone." I said. "Got a lot of aggression I want to get rid of."
"I still think it would be safer..."
"FUCK OFF, ED!"
Everyone in the pod just stopped and stared. I think a tumbleweed blew past behind me, but it could have been cellophane from the burger wrappers.
Ed and I just stared at each other. I was getting use to staring people out like this. In the end Susan just reached up and held Ed back, and he seemed to relax a bit.
I turned and carried on to the hatch. On the way I saw Jo, who just looked at me, understanding. She knew what I was going to do, and why I was going to do it, and had no intentions of stopping me. One of the many reasons I was with.
I pulled my bag over my shoulder and lifted myself out of the hatch and made my way down the slanted ladder to the ground below.
It had been a while since I was out on my own; doing what I decided a few weeks ago is what I do best. I was going hunting.
---
On the platform that was behind the barrier I reached into my bag and pulled out the main things I would need.
Firstly I had an MP3 player I had found on one of the dead zombies. Originally it was full of crap, but I wiped the entire 50 Cent back catalogue off and filled it up with everything from my laptop. Setting the play list I had created, called 'Hunting' I started it up. Coheed and Cambria came on, which was good enough for me. It had been so long I could barely remember anything that was on there.
Secondly I pulled out a few of the weapons that we had. Because I had opted to have the very close range ones, I also had a pair of thick, leather gloves to protect my hands. With knifes and hammers sticking into my belt, I pulled out the last thing I would need.
A back-up set of business cards. There was one special one left in there, which I was saving for a special occasion, and I knew that would be coming soon, so I didn't want to waste it out on the riverside.
I ran towards the barrier and went to jump over it.
Some bastard had unlocked it however (probably Ed) and the gate swung as I jumped on to it. Instead of landing neatly on the other side, waving a knife at the nearest zombie, I landed with a heavy thump.
As luck/skill would have it, the edge of the gate slammed into the side of the zombie's knee, taking the knee cap clean off. It was very cool to watch, as the thigh of the zombie collapsed onto the top of the shin, and then it toppled.
It was much like watching a controlled detonation of a building. Except this one helped save the world. I picked myself up and went back inside the gate, closing and locking it.
This time I gave it a shake before leaping over, landing nimbly on the other side, driving the knife blade clean down through the skull of the zombie.
Pulling it out the blade flowed off the end of the blade and back inside the freshest of the many wounds. I stood up and turned around, trying to look stern and tough, before screaming like a witch, as the next nearest zombie was right next to me.
In a panic I head-butted it.
The decay of the zombies had been pretty much consistent, with many of them becoming more and more brittle and squishy. That's how I knew this one had recently turned, as it felt like I was head-butting a lion.
But the result was what I wanted, as the zombie staggered backwards, seemingly dizzied by my attack. Then an interesting thought came to me and I kicked it in the crotch. Hard.
It did nothing, except move it slightly further backwards.
Getting bored with the fancy stuff I sliced the throat. Instantly a gloppy flow of blood began to trickle from the wound. This still didn't drop the zombie.
I was getting sick of them having inconsistent levels of death and requiring different actions to kill them.
As the zombie went for me again, I ducked and spun, tripping over the first one I had killed. The zombie missed and hit the railing.
Before it had time to turn I dived at its waist and lifted, tipping it over the barrier and into the Thames.
This time, before going for the look, I did a quick check. None were nearby. So I turned around, slowly, sternly. I would almost say menacingly, but that would make me sound like a bad guy.
The light was almost completely gone, but a few of the street lights had managed to escape the short burst of rioting I understand happened, especially those that lined the green between the London Eye and Waterloo station.
So I walked down there slowly.
I kept the knife in one hand and drew a hammer from my belt with the other. I was sure if I was in the middle of the well lit park, zombies would flock.
Unless my reputation preceded me.
On the way past I dropped a business card down on one of the benches, and then stood in the centre. There were a few dead bodies lying around, none of them moving.
---
Five minutes later I was still stood in the middle of the field, waiting for zombies to show up. I had already got through two of my favourite fighting songs, so I was pretty pissed.
As I waited patiently I looked from side to side. When I noticed a zombie nearby. It was making its way slowly along the path towards me.
I was so excited to finally get some action that I sprinted down the path to meet it.
As it was fairly quiet I thought I'd try something smooth out. I threw the knife I was holding in my right hand ahead of me, but carried on running.
It nearly gave me a heart attack when the blade went into the chest of the zombie, moments before I was at it. Spinning with my run, I grabbed the knife blade, carried on the spin and smashed the hammer into the zombies head.
The zombie flew backwards, as I landed where it had been stood, the blade leaving the chest cleanly. It landed a few feet away, unmoving.
I was so impressed with myself I wasn't sure what to do next. So I checked up at the pod on the London Eye to make sure everyone was watching, but it was too dark to make out.
Just in case I gave them a thumbs up.
Manly thumbs up.
I have manly thumbs.
Pausing the MP3 player for a few seconds I listened out for any more movement in the area. There was only the very slight hum of electricity from the few lights, and the slapping of the Thames against the concrete bank.
Then there came a dull thud from somewhere nearby, in the shadow.
"SHIT!" An unfamiliar voice screamed. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"
This was followed by a sickening crunch and the sound of chewing, like someone eating an undercooked steak and more screaming.
I ran as fast as I could towards the source of the noise, stopping momentarily to restart the MP3 player, keeping just one ear phone in so I could hear the outside world a bit better.
Sprinting through the shadows I saw the silhouette of the zombie crouched over the man who had screamed, who was desperately trying to crawl away.
I carried on sprinting, desperate to try my trick again, I threw the knife. This time it sailed through the air and hit the man in the back.
It was only inches away from the zombie's temple, so I called it a practice shot.
As the tip of the blade dug into his flesh the man screamed like a woman again. I carried on sprinting, kicking the zombie hard in the side. I nearly threw up as my foot went clean through, separating the body into two halves.
There was a gushing noise, as the insides from both ends flowed out over the pathway. Hanging over the end of my foot was an intestine that looked like a giant earthworm with cancer.
Then the smell hit my nose and I threw up.
Looking back on it, I guess I added insult to injury. After having to contend with getting bitten by a zombie, the poor guy then had me vomiting over him.
But that was the least of his worries and he knew it.
As I wiped away the dribbles of vomit from my mouth, I tried to help the man to his feet, but he was going nowhere. A lot of his side was missing, probably working its way through the top half of the zombie.
"Mother fucker." The man panted.
"Hey, bitch. I tried to save you!"
"Not you." He said, trying to roll over. A strange noise came from under him. "Ah fuck!" He suddenly screamed.
I looked down, my eyes slowly adjusting to the lack of light. When he had been taken out he had fallen on the crossbow he had been carrying. In rolling over he had managed to fire it through his foot.
"Not your day, is it?" Was all I could think to say. And all I can say is it was lucky he was dying, or he would have probably killed me, based on the look he gave me.
"No, it fucking isn't."
"This might not be the best time to ask," I kind of shuffled my feet, feeling awkward. "But can I have your crossbow?"
"One on condition," He coughed, a bit of blood flicking out and onto his cheek. I got quite excited. It would be good to have a crossbow again.
"Sure, anything."
"I know it might be hard. Shit, I know it's hard. I've already done it several times myself since all this shit started. But you have to promise me,"
"You want me to kill you?"
"If you can bring yourself to do it."
"Shit yeah for a crossbow, no problem."
"I just don't want to turn into one of those things."
"I said yeah, just hand it over. How do you want to die?"
"I'm not sure I'm happy with how easy you think this is going to be."
"Face it, dude. You're fucked anyway. Better I do it than some Christian virgin who's guaranteed a spot in heaven fucking up the big man's plans for them. Now hand it over. Please?"
"Compelling argument. Are you..."
At that point I got pretty pissed off and pulled the crossbow from his hands.
"Crossbow through the head?"
"I guess that would be..."
I assume he was going to say 'best' and I remembered Of Mice and Men film, where Gary Sinise shot the fat retard quickly because it was best. And anyone who disagrees with anything that Gary Sinise does is just a fucking Nazi.
On the man's belt was a holder, with dozens of arrows sticking out. When he was properly dead I pulled the holder off and attached it to my own belt. I also took his tie from around his neck, just in case.
Just before turning away I carefully placed one of my business cards on the zombie's top half.
I felt a slight pang of guilt, but then for some reason 'I Believe in Father Christmas' came on the MP3 player. I quickly flicked to the next track.
In the brief moment of silence I heard a standard zombie groan from nearby. Followed by another, and another.
Slowly I walked over to the edge of the park. Walking down the centre of the path, basked in street light, were zombies. Dozens, possibly hundreds.
I ducked down by the café cabin that was always parked opposite the London Eye.
There I loaded the crossbow, switched to Avenged Sevenfold on the MP3 player, tied the man's tie around my forehead and then picked up one of the many dinner trays that was lying around.
It felt good to be holding a crossbow again. And I had a lot of pent up aggression and a lot of zombies to take it out on.
It was going to be a good night.
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bosh...i mean nath...
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS TWO
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-03-30 03:03:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-29 21:26:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, Merlina is Sexy as hell!!
Glad you guys had a good time.
Even you Nath....I guess.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would say thanks, but that would indicate I give a shit about your feelings and opinions
-----------------
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Good show...........dick!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-30 10:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
youre wrong ghola. its not from a grammatical sense as such, but from a structural sense. this is written poorly, outside of the subect material.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-30 03:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-03-29 08:29:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:20:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish they (them) would somehow combine an MP3 with an MP5.
=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--==-
http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/weapons/ak47-mp3-player-036012.php
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
<engorge>
Submitted by Dacin (user info) at 2006-03-29 23:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, you brits get all the cool jobs
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-29 22:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Story's funny enough to negate the grammatical errors. I barely noticed them.
But I just realised that this wasn't a true story, so -2die, bitch.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-29 09:31:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
dont be afraid of grouping some of these lines together. paragraphs aid the reader.
---------
nath, just wanted to throw in that you appear to be one of a handful of uber posters who understand the concept of paragraphing.
bugs me sometimes...pet peeve i suppose.
one should start a new paragraph:
-whenever someone speaks
-a different person commits an action of some sort
-the same person begins a new action
anyway. good job sir.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:01:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love these. there are some problems but the story whoops the llama's ass.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love the series - it is funny as hell. The guys below mentioned errors and paragraphs and I have to say they're right on this one.
Submitted by PrevertEnabler (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this pre-City of Evil Avenged Sevenfold that our character is listening to, or is it the new crap?
He needs some Lamb of God on that play list.
And Slayer.
And The Dillinger Escape Plan. Mmmmm...Dillinger...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 10:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-29 09:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"dont be afraid of grouping some of these lines together. paragraphs aid the reader."
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-29 09:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dont be afraid of grouping some of these lines together. paragraphs aid the reader.
some of the description is a little too simple. i havent read the whole series to be honest so im not going to offer much mroe than that, anything else would require me to read the whole thing and ive got to read two novels, three plays, a bunch of poetry and a shitload of theory over the next month.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-29 09:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zombies zombies zombies zombies zombies zombies zombies.
Zombies.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-03-29 08:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:20:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish they (them) would somehow combine an MP3 with an MP5.
=--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--==-
http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/weapons/ak47-mp3-player-036012.php
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-29 08:11:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crossbow, w00ot w00t!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-29 08:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:21:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Good story but there was a fair bit of grammatical error. Sorry mate. Liked the other ones as well.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:25:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool..
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good story but there was a fair bit of grammatical error. Sorry mate. Liked the other ones as well.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-29 07:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish they (them) would somehow combine an MP3 with an MP5.