A Black Eye, a Bruised Ego and a Case of Blue Balls, But I Still Managed To Pass Caluculus II (884 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.71 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S R (View user info) at 2006-03-29 10:32:22 EST
'So I hear you're really good at this stuff' a soft female voice says in my direction.
Perplexed, and wondering if she were even talking to me, I didn't bother to look up as I put my books in my bag.
'Someone told me you were rrrrreally smart in Calculus' The rolling 'r's got my attention.
'We'll I'm not sure where you heard that from' I say as I start to raise my head and finally answer her inquiries. 'Because I really didn't do that wel... uh...uh' my jaw hit the floor, Gorgeous, let's just say I shook her hand with my right hand and wiped my brow with my left and my books were still steady at waist level.
'Well I need help and I was looking for a tutor' She states while batting her sharp blue eyes at me.
'UH yeah, sure, I'll help you out'...
OH CRAP!
OK, so this really really beautiful girl just came up and ask for help from yours-truly. I'm pretty sure who ever pointed me out was actually pointing at the short guy with glasses behind me who will be rooting for the home team at the 2008 Olympics. But She asked me and I said yes...
Before I continue on let's take a brief look in ess-arr's educational history of math...
*Everything just went all wavy*
*Coming back into focus*
It's elementary school. You see a shaggy haired blonde kid. Who raced doing everything he did, from getting to school to taking tests always wanted to be the first one. On the subject of math it came naturally to him. He could add like a polar bear and subtract like an emu. Multiply like a rabbit and divide like amoebae. He was winning awards in grade 4 that were for grade 6ers. A natural mathematical genius.
*Waves
*Focus
It's High School, You see an athletic boy at the age of fifteen. His hair is shaved on the sides but lets the top grow as long as he can because he knows his mother hates it. He loved the skateboarder look but don't ask him to use one. Mathematically something happened here, he started of great with in grade 7 with a 95%, but then grade 8, 80%, Grade 9 75%, Grade 10 71% and grade 11 65%. I'm sure there is some co-relation of the breasts growth of his female peers and his percentage decline but don't ask him graph it.
*Waves
*Focus
Beginning of CEGEP (CEGEP is Quebec's answer to grade 12, 13, it's a pre-university two year college). Same guy, shorter hair, under a hat. Baggy jeans and sports jersey. He's sitting at the campus bar...
Yup, he's learned to love to drink. What's a fraction?
For some reason he decides to go into commerce meaning in 2 years he must pass Calculus I, Calculus II and linear algebra.
First semester: Cal I 54%, Second semester Cal I 39%. Third Semester he's best friend gets his license suspended for going through too many stop signs, i.e. (ess-arr becomes the designated driver for the most part of the semester) Cal I 85%.
*Waves
*Focus
Back to the start of the story...
'UH yeah, sure, I'll help you out' I say thinking I just got a 61% on the last Cal II test.
'OH that's soooo great, I need sooooo much help in Cal II. I just got an 83% on that last test but I need to improve my grade point average.' Gorrrrrgeous says.
(83%! 83%! I'd kill my mother for an 83%!)
'What's your number?' she continues while taking her hair and flipping it back with her left hand.
Ejaculates. '996-6920, uhhh... when do you want to meet?' I respond.
'How about this weekend my place' She says while bending over a desk and writing my number down on her hand.
Ejaculates. 'Ok call me we'll arrange a time.' I say, as I got it all out of my system.
So Gorrrrgeous calls me up. I almost didn't pick up because I was too busy studying; I was determined not to look like a fool that knew nothing about the subject. She asked me to bring my last test so we could go over it together. Quick on my feet, I told her another person I was tutoring was using it that day.
I head over to her house, She was not only beautiful but she was stinking rich. Her driveway was about 2 km long and her house faced into Rivière des Prairies. So she's going over her test and I'm staring at her breasts. It was a good system. I was a pretty shy guy back then so there was no way I'd make any kind of move, I was still in shock and aww of her. Man if I knew what I know now then we all used to say...
Anywhos, we finish up and I'm about to leave.
'So what do you charge? $20 bucks an hour? Here's forty.' She says handing me some cash.
'No, no don't worry about it' I insist, hoping my generosity will be rewarded in more of an exchange of favors kind of way.
'I insist, here's $50' she stuffs the bill deep into my pocket, I think she touched it... and now I get a rocket.
'No I think you helped me more than you' I place the money on the counter and turn quickly so she doesn't notice my raging hard-on. 'I'll catch you next week' I add heading towards the door referring to our already planned rendezvous.
*Ding Dong*
Since I'm pretty much at the door I answer it.
'Who are you?' I'm asked by some dude that clearly pumped more iron than that uh... iron pumping machine...?
'I'm just leaving' I say as I try to find an opening between him and the doorframe.
'He's my personal calculus tutor, Garybaby' Gorrrrgeous says as she comes up by the door.
'How personal did it get? This guy almost poked my eye out with that thing.' Garybaby says pointing down to my groin. 'You getting off on my Girl, boy?' he asks me, taking steps towards me and all I could do was back up towards the kitchen. Each step he asked another question, each step I tried to back further away as it apparent seemed that he just came from BALCO meeting and had some rage issues. 'You think she's hot, don't ya? You want to do my girlfriend don't ya? You'd like me out of the picture, eh?
The answer to each one of these questions was clearly, yes.
'Answer me boy!' Raging Garybaby yelled.
'Garrrrrry!' is all I heard as I see a blur of a fist come and knock me down to the floor. Ahh those rolling Rrrrrrrr's.
Now this is the point where it makes the difference in Uber what kind of ending will it be. I could make something up and tell you that she dumped him and she slept with me out of pity, or that I did get that exchange program going. But it was pretty much status quo, She kept dating that jerk, but she would sneak around and still let me tutor her.
That's how I got thinking maybe I still had a chance; there was no chance to be had. And by tutoring her I mean she pretty much tutored me I ended up with an 81% in that class, women they can make you do anything, like pass.
I could also tell you that I came back with 8 of my friends and kicked the shit of that guy. But no one wanted to fight him because they might get back zit puss on them.
I could also tell you I took that 450 after and got paid for the tutoring, but I'm an idiot and didn't.
I could also tell you that she nursed me in her bed until I was good to leave again, but I pretty much just got up and left.
She convinced to keep tutoring her in secret by wearing a low V-neck sweater one day to class and apologizing for her Garybaby's actions. Ahh to be young and in love or lust or just horny. Damn you vile women.
But she's definitely on my bench, for those private ess-arr moments.
User Reviews
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-31 08:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Psychophage (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:37:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because we live in the same region
What CEGEP you go to?
----
john abbott
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-30 08:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 01:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Everything just went all wavy*
*Coming back into focus*
-------
Hehehe.
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2006-03-29 22:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zero comment.
Submitted by Psychophage (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because we live in the same region
What CEGEP you go to?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yup. I failed chemistry on purpose so I could be tutored by this girl. I still failed, but I had a lot more fun studying.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:50:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very good.
i also had some testicularscrotal vasoconstriction and wrote about it:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62863
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63042
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I could also tell you I took that 450 after and got paid for the tutoring, but I'm an idiot and didn't.
-
that's supposed to be $50 not 450.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The key question is, is did you get the 50 bucks?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The things we will do for a woman.
I think Calculus would be pushing it a little far for me, but each to their own.
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Math always brings a man low, in one way or another.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:15:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love Munkey sightings!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:05:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should stick it in her pooper.
Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Had just about the same thing happen to me in college, only it was econ, no fight, and she broke up w/her boyfriend after finals week...we did alot of "studying" that week...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
heh
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
for:
damn you vile women.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quebec is Da Bomb...Anyone who has visited knows why.
Submitted by renz0r (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meant to add reference to Quebec -1 :D
Submitted by renz0r (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dood I feel your pain regarding calc - the rest of the post not so much. I thought highschool math was tough.. then college hit me like a hairy nutsack :| Still scraped through tho.
Calc=+2