Fun with dogs (1763 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:non-fiction
Rating: 1.91 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-29 11:35:25 EST
I've never smelled so bad in my entire life, and I lived in an alleyway for like a month when I was sixteen. (I wasn't poor or beaten, by the way, I was just pretentious and trying to rebel, and by the way - fast opinion poll here - do you think it detracts at all from the living in an alleyway experience if you go back to your hostel room twice a day to shower and eat? And maybe watch a movie? And if the alleyway is only a street behind said hostel and you only stay there for three hours a night because, quite frankly, you get cold easily and also there are undesirable people floating around?)
I've been "working" - which is to say, volunteering - which is to say offering myself as slave labor to 40 or so dogs (not as sexy as it sounds, either, much to my endless dismay) - at the local canine rescue kennel. There are a few reasons for this, chief among them being penance for running over my cat, and the rest of it being the fact that I want a dog and can't have one. Because, basically, I'm the kind of person that accidentally runs over cats.
The induction day was an experience. I'm something of an abrasive personality - there aren't many environments where I feel welcome. I'm a loudmouth and I'm impolite to the point of crudeness. The volunteer coordinator was going around the circle, asking everyone why they wanted to dedicate their time to scooping dogshit, smelling dogshit, washing dogshit off things, and wrestling with large smelly dogs. The woman before me fluttered her eyelashes, brushed back her perfectly styled hair, and trilled "I simply adore animals. I have a natural empathy for them. I just want to give something back to these poor creatures that give us so much loyalty and love."
I blinked, and when she asked me my mouth opened and spewed forth utter drivel without my brain being involved: "I'm the canine talent scout for a small adult film company. We're looking for dogs with that certain something in the German Shepherd range."
When she laughed, immediate and genuine, I knew I was going to be okay here.
My first day, I impressed the hell out of my instructor. "You're amazing! Even the difficult animals just take to you right away. You have a gift."
No, I don't. I have a pocketful of dog treats and cubed cheese snacks. But I'm not going to tell YOU that, because you can think I'm the second coming of St Francis for as long as you want to. I'ma be over here, bribing the rabid animals with food rewards so they don't gnaw my leg off. Another coffee? That'd be great, thanks.
I got bitten, slobbered on, thrown on the ground, vomited over, snarled at, and I had both arms pulled almost off when I tried to teach Jamal that the leash is his friend. Jamal is not sold on the idea - Jamal firmly believes that the darling children running around, trying to choose which dog they want their mummy to adopt, are his friends. Jamal is the size of a fucking house - he'll NEVER have any friends because he tends to bite fences when he's happy. This puts the nice people off the idea of being his friend, or indeed anywhere near him.
I'd quite like to bring him home to play with my kids.
But I have a PLAN. I'm about ready to stop taking my happy pills**, and I still have five months prescription left. AND I have all these dogs that need to calm down.
Coincidence? I think NOT.
(** - See below for totally unecessary explanation of my Brick Archway Theory of Anti-Depressants.)
So my plan is this: Next time I go to Rabies Place, I'm going to go prepared. I'm going to slip one Paxil carefully into the centre of every single dog treat. Can you see it? 40 dogs, just chilling out, layin' back, calm and restful. "Oh, Lyn, you're so good with them! They just calm right down whenever you're around!"
Damn right.
"The Brick Archway Theory of Anti-Depressant Use"
The first time I saw my Dad build a brick archway, I was speechless - it was like magic. These bricks that looked like they should fall down simply didn't - they stayed there, getting stronger over time, relying on the supports built into the arch.
The key is the centering. That's the support you use to hold the arch while it's built and while it sets - it's this that makes it possible to build something that can hold itself up for hundreds of years.
So. Sometimes, people need help - they need something to hold them up while they set about rebuilding themselves. It's not intended to be there forever, and it's not supposed to be an integral part of the structure. It's just there to help. Once that archway is built - once you have your support in place, and everything is steady and set and strong - you ease that centering away and the structure stands on its own, stable and reliable, needing nothing but itself to maintain integrity.
Leaving the centering there and not bothering to build the archway is half assed, pointless, and you may as well not bother.
Relying on pills to fix you, and not using the steadiness they offer to repair your own life, your own head, is pretty much the same.
User Reviews
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-05-12 02:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brick archway thing...excellently put.
I am surprised though that no one else commented on the whole Circe working with animals thing...
Or do people not read the classics anymore?
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-20 05:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know you're good when you can make me laugh out loud even though I know what's coming. Jamal can be my friend. (Pen-pal. I'll write to him.)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-04-17 17:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2006-04-04 12:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-04-02 13:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1143644765234026042#1913262
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-01 11:12:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey circe, go back and read the reviews in my post.
you'll see that simple catalyst apologizes for being logged in on my computer and reviewing my post, as me.
sigh.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 11:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84615#1910373
My life now has meaning.
Submitted by Kopesh (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a good theory...
Good luck with it, say hi to the Dutchman for me...
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
circe....
you did make sense (awake or not....). I did like the archway description, btw. I will
remember that one for future use......
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-30 09:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-30 04:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs love me but I don't like dogs. I'm a doggy heartbreaker.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 00:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew you were on drugs. Nobody can live in WA without chemical help.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-03-29 21:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scy_fy_junkie (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read the post I just came to ask if you would like to pet my puppy
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, it's so nice to come back and read you again!
It's good the animal people have a sense of humor there---that's usually a quality sorely lacking in extreme animal lovers.
And your archway theory is SPOT ON!!!!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah! There shall be a special seat reserved for you at the Gods' table in Vahalla!
Rock on!
Submitted by Nat_Nemcova (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop running over cats and get rid of some of those useless, smelly, slobbering, barking dip shits you people call dogs.It is nice that your helping out some animals,even though they are dogs...
Submitted by cascade (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for fellow shelter volunteers...
Sometimes I think it's the former owners/breeders of these shelter pups who could use the meds...
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
runswithsissors - I agree that there are exceptions. People with a chemical imbalance that doesn't have its roots in external factors shouldn't try to go off their medication.
But these people are few and far between, and I was referring to the majority of us who do have the capacity to be okay, given support enough and time.
Sorry if this makes little to no sense, I just woke up and my eyes arre still glued mostly shut.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As a general rule, I agree with you about the meds. Doctors these days are far too willing
to write a perscription to any schmuck who walks thru the door and says, "I am depressed."
HOWEVER.........
There are those of us out there who suffer from a chemical imbalance.....has nothing to do
with fixing your life, your head, what have you. Could I get by without the meds? Yes. I
wouldnt die. They do help regulate the completely unpredictable mood swings though, and
have put a stop to irrational panic attacks. Prior to meds, I knew cognitively what was
going on, that I was going thru a depressive mood swing, but that didnt stop me from wanting
to cry for no reason, you know?
Anyway, just my take on things......
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The Brick Archway Theory of Anti-Depressant Use"
The first time I saw my Dad build a brick archway, I was speechless - it was like magic. These bricks that looked like they should fall down simply didn't - they stayed there, getting stronger over time, relying on the supports built into the arch.
The key is the centering. That's the support you use to hold the arch while it's built and while it sets - it's this that makes it possible to build something that can hold itself up for hundreds of years.
So. Sometimes, people need help - they need something to hold them up while they set about rebuilding themselves. It's not intended to be there forever, and it's not supposed to be an integral part of the structure. It's just there to help. Once that archway is built - once you have your support in place, and everything is steady and set and strong - you ease that centering away and the structure stands on its own, stable and reliable, needing nothing but itself to maintain integrity.
Leaving the centering there and not bothering to build the archway is half assed, pointless, and you may as well not bother.
Relying on pills to fix you, and not using the steadiness they offer to repair your own life, your own head, is pretty much the same."""
Holy shit the first description of the above that makes sense.
No one has ever made me think, yes! that is it on this subject before.
Except for ITM (peace be upon him), but he was more explaining the torment.
<pines for old days>
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-29 17:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You come off as good people, I hope its true.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops, sorry.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dogs=Auto +2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Relying on pills to fix you, and not using the steadiness they offer to repair your own life, your own head, is pretty much the same."
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like your brick theory.
You're Great Circe.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with the meds.
-Dave
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! Pets: Auto plus two!!11!oneoneeleven1!
.........Someone just shoot me.
Submitted by skalors (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay south and safe there, girl.
Looks like a helluva storm up north.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:50:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love my rescued doggies pretty much more than any people on Earth.
=================================================================================
Shhhhh! Don't let people know you care about something other then yourself...it will ruin your rep.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love my rescued doggies pretty much more than any people on Earth.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't way to buy a dog.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:10:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
MyTee - You can adopt him for $220.
And have him flown over to the US for like a zillion dollars.
==================================================================
Can you somehow sneak him over hear to me? Like hide him under your coat?
Submitted by trmatthe (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the "dawgs" and +lots for the BAT.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:10:32 (#)
Coyote - That explains why they don't let you into Chile anymore.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
No, that was because of some unpleasantness with three bottles of pisco, a Lan Chile stewardess, and my swiss army knife, at the security checkpoint of Antofagasta airport.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRICK ARCHWAY THEORY
a life's lesson if i ever read one
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs=+2
It is the Brick Archway theory that is the important part here, at least I think so.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MyTee - You can adopt him for $220.
And have him flown over to the US for like a zillion dollars.
Sigh.
Guess I'm stuck walking him for another week. I swear I'm going to start a "Save Lyn - Adopt Jamal" campaign.
Coyote - That explains why they don't let you into Chile anymore.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah! Let us know how sedating the dogs goes.
Also, I quite like your brick archway theory. Makes sense to me.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a doggie like Jamal. My parents say the same thing about me.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs hate me. That's why I always "mark my territory" wherever I happen to be when I see a dog, just so it gets the point that it shouldn't be intruding.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'ma liking this!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got bitten, slobbered on, thrown on the ground, vomited over, snarled at, and I had both arms pulled almost off when I tried to teach Jamal that the leash is his friend.
=============================
The exact same thing happened when Shlongy came over to play at my house last weekend. Warning ladies: he's not housetrained.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:50:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck with the pills Circe.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-29 11:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gooda for you