I Guess My Job Now Requires That I Baby-sit a Little Punjabi Whore (2414 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.22 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2006-03-29 12:25:48 EST
You know the saying, "Good help is hard to find?"
It's true, especially when it comes in the form of a student working through the school's financial aid program.
When I was in college, I did the same thing. It was easy and convenient. I just needed a couple bucks to get by, so I worked on campus. The pay was shit, but whatever. My boss was pretty lenient, and I learned pretty quickly what I could and could not do.
Just recently, our office acquired a workstudy, which made me happy because our secretary had quit and the college decided they weren't going to replace her. Since I'm a researcher, my job has a lot of time-consuming work, like compiling lists, setting up spreadsheets and other little things that seem to take up a great part of my day.
I decided to use my old boss as a guide for how I should treat this student. I got paid for a 30 minute lunch; if my cell phone rang, I could take the call outside in the hallway; I was allowed two ten minute breaks; and other such little perks that made it a nice place for me to work.
The first day she came in to work, I was surprised at how quickly she picked up on things. I only needed to explain how to do something to her once. It was pretty damned awesome. I mean, yes, she did make the place reek of curry because she's Indian, but I just sprayed some Febreeze when she left and called it a day.
She showed up on time. She stayed late. She made no mistakes in any work she did.
Then she fell in love.
I noticed that he had walked into the office because the smell of curry became stronger. When I looked into the outer alcove, I saw the goofiest looking motherfucker on the planet. I heard giggling and Indian (that is what they speak, right?) spoken at an incredibly high rate of speed.
I instantaneously became pissed. Poking my head out of the door, I asked her, "Can you come into my office for a minute?"
"Yes," she said as he began to laugh heartily.
After she walked into my office, I closed the door behind her.
"It's very unprofessional for you to have your friend here. This is a business environment and we're not allowed to have our friends here for more than a few minutes," I said.
"He isn't doing anything," she said.
"He's distracting you from your work, so he's definitely doing something. Tell him to leave or I will," I said.
She got up from the chair with a pretty pissed off look on her face. I quickly sprayed the chair with Lysol and went back to work, but only after making sure that she was at her desk.
I thought to myself, "Problem solved."
How wrong I was.
If there's two things a person shouldn't do to me, they are 1) sneak around behind my back and 2) treat me like I'm a fucking moron.
I got up to go to the ladies' room, and when I came back to the office, I noticed she wasn't at her desk. When I looked through the window into the next hallway, I saw her and that little shit cuddling.
"What an asshole," I said to myself.
I sat down at my desk.
When she came back into the office, she was surprised that I was sitting at my desk. "I didn't think you'd be back so fast," she said.
"Obviously not, bitch," I muttered to myself.
Since she realized that I was sort of on to her, she started giving me shit excuses, like, "I'm too tired, I need to go for a walk," or, "I have a test, I need to study for fifteen minutes outside," or my personal favorite, "Someone pushed a bum into my car and dented my door, so I have to go outside and look at it from the inside while I lay my head in my boyfriend's lap and probably suck that nasty cock of his."
What-fucking-ever.
Yesterday, I left my book in the staff lounge, which is located right off of the cafeteria. After about two-thirty in the afternoon, the place is like a ghost town. Hardly ever do I see students sitting around up there, so I usually wait until later on in the afternoon to take my break.
I was close to the end, so I stopped by on my way out of the building to grab the book I had left on the couch.
I went to push the door open, but it was locked. This wasn't really uncommon. Since I've been working there for a while, I know that sliding a credit card into the lock will cause the door to pop right open.
Slowly, I placed a credit card into the lock and slid it in. I heard a little click and then pushed the door open.
I immediately wished that I hadn't.
On the couch sat my workstudy, legs wide open. Her boyfriend was feverishly eating her out. Clothes were tossed all over the room and the blind had been drawn. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and I didn't know if it was because she was brought to orgasm or if she had noticed I was there. The scent of curry gagged me as I staggered over toward the door.
In a panic, I ran out to the parking lot where I jumped into my jar and drove home, nauseous nearly the entire time. I was one of the most horrendous things I had ever seen, and something I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
This morning, I thought about the whole situation. Maybe it was a good thing that I had caught them. She probably wasn't going to be back and I'd be able to find someone who wouldn't fuck around so much.
About an hour ago, I heard a knock on my door. I said, "Come in."
There, in the doorway stood my workstudy.
"I'm here. What do you need me to do today?" she asked.
Hmmm. The wheels in my head were turning so quickly and thoughts were following together so closely that I blurted out the first thing that came to my tongue, which was, "Why don't you try to keep your legs closed?"
Her jaw fell to the floor, and for a moment she looked as though she was going to cry. With that, she turned around and walked away.
Guess I don't have to deal with her after all, huh?
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-12-06 15:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still a great post.
SKYYYYYYYYYYROCKETS IN FLIGHT
AFTERNOON DELIGHT
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read a batch of these during my smoke breaks. Excellent.
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-14 08:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-13 10:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-30 04:31:39 (#)
Ranking: -1
Bringing her boyfriend into the office for a few minutes is all it took for you to hate this girl? That's just...... wrong.
******************************
Pentameter, you do seem to have a short fuse sometimes. From the very, VERY little I know about you. Some people are too quick to jump into aggressive confrontation.
The curry thing...it freaks me out that someone can smell exactly like what they eat. I would never cook with curry, just for that reason.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-04-11 20:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Punjabi Whore" Auto +2
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-04-11 19:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:56:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd - Really, that's what this post is...just a little slice of life. Honestly, I didn't like her from the start. She gave me a very bad feeling, like I knew she was going to give me trouble. Thing is, I can't "fire" her because we aren't allowed to do that. So, I have to put up with her.
If any of these people claim that they've never met a person they didn't like instantly, they are fucking liars. If any of these people didn't claim that they had a racist thought toward a person they didn't know, they are fucking liars. The world is rife with stereotypes that we all fall prey to from time to time.
As far as this being about jealousy, think the fuck again. See how you deal with having dead weight fucking tied to you for help. I need someone reliable to help me, not a little lying, sniveling bitch who has taken advantage of every loophole that she can.
-------
Nail on head
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
99.57% of Uberusers are completely retarded.
The other 17% are Method's alters.
And the remaining 2.17% smell like pig feces.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait, did they accuse people(me) of rating negative for racism?
Fuck that, Racism was the best part of this post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-31 11:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:00:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
And like I said before, I threw it together to see what kind of response it would get after Razor's post.
Hahahaha...I find it almost funny that the people who think it sucked keep coming back to it though. Makes me wonder if you all really did think it sucked or just like giving it a -2.
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They just enjoy tarring you with the brush of racism.
mmmmm... Pentameter covered in tar...
(If I had a girl who smelt of curry I would be both permanently turned on and hungry)
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought them injuns were hard workers. oh wait, dot not feather.
i thought those indians from india were hard workers.
note to self: do not hire foreigners, except for asians.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:00:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And like I said before, I threw it together to see what kind of response it would get after Razor's post.
Hahahaha...I find it almost funny that the people who think it sucked keep coming back to it though. Makes me wonder if you all really did think it sucked or just like giving it a -2.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:22:21 (#)
Ranking: -1
WTF? I didn't like it because it sucked. Not because it was politically incorrect.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd - Really, that's what this post is...just a little slice of life. Honestly, I didn't like her from the start. She gave me a very bad feeling, like I knew she was going to give me trouble. Thing is, I can't "fire" her because we aren't allowed to do that. So, I have to put up with her.
If any of these people claim that they've never met a person they didn't like instantly, they are fucking liars. If any of these people didn't claim that they had a racist thought toward a person they didn't know, they are fucking liars. The world is rife with stereotypes that we all fall prey to from time to time.
As far as this being about jealousy, think the fuck again. See how you deal with having dead weight fucking tied to you for help. I need someone reliable to help me, not a little lying, sniveling bitch who has taken advantage of every loophole that she can.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, thats the perception people give with their 'rape post whateverday', but to be honest, when confronted with what is genuine bias on the basis of culture and possibly race, they turn cold, because it passes from the humourable into something they have to deal with in a real sense. pentameter hasnt tried to play to any audience with her comments about curry smells and the grossness of how she percieved it all, she has just written what she genuinely thought. i love this because it is a grsat piece of anecdotal writing, and gives a real perception of what an average, everyday person thinks about shit. its not always nice, its sometimes racist/culturalist, but its real.
the 'out there' shit that gets posted here isnt actually that avant garde, because its written with this unspoken, underlying truth that its not really real.
if you got up in the people who get all comedic about, for example, rape, here's face about the reality of it, you would watch them shut the fuck up about it and treat it with the horror and respect it deserves. and no matter how hard any cunt thinks they are on this site, i challenge any of them to say their shit out loud to people with their 'outrageous' rape calls. because i know without a shadow of a doubt i would not be the only one fucking their shit up about it.
the things pentameter has said here is real shit. its shit people genuinely think and shit that people genuinely say, and i would back her up on it, as would many others.
aside from that, its an as well-written anecdote as anything on this site, anyone giving this less than a +2 and giving anything sideburns (to draw an oft-maligned name at random) writes more than a +1 has no fucking idea of what they are talking about.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"its an honest portrayal of your day, with your thoughts and biases thrown in, in an interesting and absorbing manner. the people that dont like this are fuckwits that listen too much to political correctness and shit like that and cant appreciate honesty"
-------------------------
WTF? I didn't like it because it sucked. Not because it was politically incorrect.
Uber fucking loves politically incorrect posts iddqd. The more offensive the better.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck the haters, this is rad.
its an honest portrayal of your day, with your thoughts and biases thrown in, in an interesting and absorbing manner. the people that dont like this are fuckwits that listen too much to political correctness and shit like that and cant appreciate honesty.
fucking hilarious.
whatever 'style' you usually employ or whatever the fuck these dumb cunts think is irrelevant. this is as much you as anything youve written.
rad.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-30 10:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, I decided to write a shitty post after Razor's post to see if I got a backlash.
That is all.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-30 04:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Pentameter,
This was not up to your usual standards. It was like a Loki post with really bad PMT.
Bringing her boyfriend into the office for a few minutes is all it took for you to hate this girl? That's just...... wrong.
To be brutally honest (as I always am), it sounded like because you have a small amount of authority over this girl, you're a power trip.
Either that or you're jealous of the guy who got to eat her greasy dinner box.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-30 03:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:27:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Disclaimer: I don't hate Indians. I hate this girl, and I hate her completely.
---------
Why? It's like you took an instant dislike to her. I wonder if she felt the same way about you?
Uber has inspired me to come up with a planned response in the event of walking in on a couple going at it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-30 03:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:56:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Racism gets -2s from me.
==================
pick my cotton, you dirty chink.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-29 21:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is shit.
you've written so much better.
this was shit.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 18:36:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I cannot debate the fact that I am new. Good job, now get a life.
__________________
Lighten up a tad.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scy_fy_junkie (user info) at 2006-03-29 20:09:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it if you are hot and give good head you can call me a nigger till the sun goes down.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-03-29 19:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-03-29 18:47:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a woman aren't you?
This post reeks of jealousy.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 18:36:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:48:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:56:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Racism gets -2s from me.
Everything you ever wanted to know about TheCrystalShip
User id: 22737
Registered on or around: 2005-10-20 14:47:58
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 6
___________________________________
Holy shit Pentameter, you heard it from the authority itself.
I cannot debate the fact that I am new. Good job, now get a life.
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2006-03-29 18:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh, could have been alot better.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2006-03-29 16:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Curry...
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
FUNNY!!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:56:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Racism gets -2s from me.
Everything you ever wanted to know about TheCrystalShip
User id: 22737
Registered on or around: 2005-10-20 14:47:58
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 6
___________________________________
Holy shit Pentameter, you heard it from the authority itself.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I jumped into my jar and drove home"
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gee, thanks, Pentameter. Now I'll never be able to look at any of the Indians in my office again without stifling a puke-laugh.
From what I hear, most of them don't shave or wax their pubes. EVER.
*gags*
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-03-29 15:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Racism gets -2s from me.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:47:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically, if you have sex while you are on the clock and therefore getting paid, does that make you a pro?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:37:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM HIGH ON TEH DOPAMINE LOLOLOROLLLLLZZZZZ11111!!!!!!!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phels97 (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dated an Indian girl for 2 years, that curry smell is potent. but it is worth it
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:31:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Razor's list showed that I have only given you +2's.
So why should I ruin a good streak?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Definitely not sniffing dopamine.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-29 14:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:58:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So much +2 goodness
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
always a treat
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kates!
How is life?
check your email
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:36:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
If there's two things a person shouldn't do to me, they are 1) sneak around behind my back and 2) treat me like I'm a fucking moron.
-------------------------------------
So putting a sign on your back that reads 'kick me' is out of the question?
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If there's two things a person shouldn't do to me, they are 1) sneak around behind my back and 2) treat me like I'm a fucking moron.
Don't forget No. 3) Grab Lucie's ass while in the customer service line at Walmart.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RACIST
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my bad! +2 forever
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for being somewhat funny...I almost -2d this because I'm Indian...but I hate Indian women, so +2 it is.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Razor's list showed that I have only given you +2's.
So why should I ruin a good streak?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought they old saying was "A hard man is good to find"..
Anyhoo, when is getting head at work an OK thing to do? I mean, at least wait until the holiday
party.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haaaaa.
NARC.
Goddamn curry.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant. Brilliant and hilarious. I do sense though, that if she had cut you in on that curry peener action, you might've had a different outlook. You know what they say ... once you have curry, you uh...smell. Or something.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You want to see your boyfriend? Fine, tell me that's what you're doing.
Don't fucking tell me that you're doing something school related only to have everyone on the campus tell me that they saw you and your boyfriend making out in the courtyard while you were supposedly studying for your math test.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-03-29 13:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sky rockets in flight Afternoon delight"
*ahem* I'm sorry. What a little slut.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are just jealous because YOU wanted the curry peener! Admit it!
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as the work is still getting done, I don't see anything wrong in a little oral break. Think compensation for all the coming in early and staying late.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Razor's list showed that I have only given you +2's.
So why should I ruin a good streak?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What, like you've never had "fun" on the job?
Good read.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this is funny?
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:48:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://bareknucklepolitics.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=157&page=1#pid520
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because I laughed doesn't make me a racist.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Speaks Urdu or Gudjurati most likely.
I can't not correct people.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously, you're a bitchy boss.
you should relax a little, open your legs...
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a +2 because now I think it was his friend Wally instead.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, Razor's list showed that I have only given you +2's.
So why should I ruin a good streak?
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:27:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Disclaimer: I don't hate Indians. I hate this girl, and I hate her completely.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like her boyfriend ate her completely, so... there's a consolation prize in there somewhere.
Good job, as usual.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should be bitter. She's more trouble than she's worth. Or was worth.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This part made me smile
"I jumped into my jar and drove home"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sound kind of bitter...maybe if you suck on this for a while you will relax and find inner peace...and the strength to go on.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:33:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What if that guy was comicbookguy and he reads this post and decides to never come to uber again?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-29 12:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Disclaimer: I don't hate Indians. I hate this girl, and I hate her completely.