George and His Sandbox Buddies (648 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NerfHerder <NerfHerder.at.comic.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-30 10:56:04 EST
George raised his tiny shovel, the deadly spade illuminated in the bright, blinding heat of the sun. Down went the tool, cutting through air, air and finally skull and brain tissue.
"That'll teach you," George said as he attempted to stand up from his current sitting position and failed. George tried to stand again and succeeded and promptly buried the body with the tiny shovel that had served as the instrument of destruction.
"You're not used to the real world, George," said little Billy, who had watched the entire massacre from just a few feet away. "You don't know how things work here. This sandbox is rough. Crazy shit goes down here, man. You better get out while you can."
George stared at his adversary for a good, long time. And then George's eyes produced a salty discharge from his tear ducts. The discharge flowed quite freely, putting the Amazon River to shame.
George's wails and impending dehydration caused THE BIG PEOPLE to take notice of George's situation. THE BIG PEOPLE cradled George in their arms and told him everything would be alright. And who was George to disagree? He was only a small lad. If THE BIG PEOPLE told him things were going to be better in the future, he could believe only what they told him. After all, everything they had said before had turned out to be true, right?
"What's wrong, baby George," asked THE BIG PEOPLE.
George's finger of condemnation soared faster than a scud missile directly at the mug of poor baby Billy. This was the end for Billy. Sure, Billy could stand up to George if it was just the two of them in the sandbox. But when THE BIG PEOPLE get involved, Billy was defenseless.
"They hurt me," George's words complimented his finger, both smacking Billy directly in the tear ducts, causing a salty discharge to flow from Billy's face as well.
But no BIG PEOPLE came to Billy's aid. Billy had no BIG PEOPLE to care for him. Billy continued to cry. George continued to condemn.
"They hurt me and they'll hurt you too, BIG PEOPLE!"
"I don't think Billy can hurt us that much, George," said THE BIG PEOPLE. "He's just a small child, after all."
"Nuh uh! Look at what he did! He had that shovel and and and he hit another boy in the head with it. And the boy didn't like it. We have to avenge him."
THE BIG PEOPLE's jaw jutted forward, their eyes because slits and their tone became accusatory.
"Did you do that, Billy?"
Billy looked around. He had barely stopped crying and now THE BIG PEOPLE were on his case. Billy was looking around for someone to defend him, someone who would take up the cause. But nobody was big enough to stand against THE BIG PEOPLE. They were too BIG.
So Billy did what any child would do. He defended his own honor.
"No. I didn't do it," Billy said, "it was George! I saw him!"
And the game of he-said, she-said had begun. There, of course, is no real way to tell the truth-teller in such a game, but the victory often goes to the first accusatory rather than the defender.
"I don't believe you, Billy," said THE BIG PEOPLE, "you've done this sort of thing before and it's no surprise that you would do it again. And even if you didn't do it this time, you'll probably do it again in the future if we don't punish you now."
"B-But George..." Billy stammered.
"I don't want to hear any of it," THE BIG PEOPLE said as they put George back down in the sandbox. "Billy, I'm going to have to punish you."
"But I didn't do anything!" was the claim of young Billy, attempting to escape from a fate he already knew was lain out for him.
"If you won't let US punish you," THE BIG PEOPLE said, "then we'll just have to punish you twice as hard."
And so they did.
Billy was spanked. And spanked harder because of his defiance.
Billy put up a fair amount of resistance, even near the end of the spankings, but it did him no good in the long run.
THE BIG PEOPLE left after they were sure that Billy had learned that watching George kill a small child with a shovel and attempting to defend himself was wrong and evil.
Once THE BIG PEOPLE were out of the range in which they could look back and hear things or see things, George took out his shovel again.
THWACK CRACK went the Shovel against Billy's head and the first boy's grave became a mass grave with the addition of Billy.
But George wasn't as alone as he thought he was. There were other children in the sandbox. George had always known that they were there, but they didn't concern George at the time so he did as he pleased right in front of them.
But one of these spectators spoke up to George.
"Hey," the child known as Frank said, "you can't do that."
"Yes I can," George said. "Look at me. I did it already. I'm pretty sure I can do it again, too. I've done it twice today."
George stared at his adversary for a good, long time. And then George's eyes produced a salty discharge from his tear ducts. The discharge flowed quite freely, putting the Amazon River to shame.
George's wails and impending dehydration caused THE BIG PEOPLE to take notice of George's situation. THE BIG PEOPLE cradled George in their arms and told him everything would be alright. And who was George to disagree? He was only a small lad. If THE BIG PEOPLE told him things were going to be better in the future, he could believe only what they told him. After all, everything they had said before had turned out to be true, right?
"What's wrong, baby George," asked THE BIG PEOPLE.
George's finger of condemnation soared faster than a scud missile directly at the mug of poor baby Frank. George didn't even have to say anything. THE BIG PEOPLE could see the pain in baby George's eyes.
"Nuuuuuuh uh," Frank defended himself. "George has done this before. The exact same routine."
"Fraaaaaaank," accused THE BIG PEOPLE, "what did you do?"
"Nothing!"
"Fraaaaaaank..."
"I swear! Just because you don't see everything doesn't mean I didn't. He did the exact same thing 10 minutes ago and he's going to do it again. And if it doesn't stop with me, maybe it'll be Judy next...or Bob....or you."
"Fraaaaaaaaank," said THE BIG PEOPLE, "We don't believe you. George has provided us with false information in the past but that was a singular mistake. He'd never do that again and ruin our good reputation, would you George?"
"No, ma'am," said George with puppy dog eyes.
"Time for your spanking, Frank," said THE BIG PEOPLE.
"No," said Frank.
"What?" asked THE BIG PEOPLE in more of a surprise than an actual question.
"You heard me," Frank said. "Not today. George has to be stopped. The groundless accusations end now."
User Reviews
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually I thought I had rated this before.
So retaliatory +2.
---------------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-04-06 11:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-04-06 10:47:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is this labelled as SPT? It's clearly not a shitty post. But you labelled it. Therefore,
SPT = -2.
------------
See, I tend to believe that it should be labelled as such as there is no real content.
However, I still believe an SPT post should have some element of entertainment value, not just a random piece of shit.
Just my opinion.
-Dave
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 23:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by monsieurstabby (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow this reminds me of that beatles song... maxwell's silver hammer, was it?
Submitted by Phyllis (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a wierd person.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85432 <------------------- HOLY COW
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... yea, wow, that's all.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just got my account back yesterday, I lost my password in august and have been altering it up through various alters.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quiet, Darko, you haven't written anything since August.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking GOLD.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:19:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you would write more often.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for Frank
Submitted by jme7551 (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uhm I'm both intrigued and afraid
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:19:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you would write more often.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What? Are you serious?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-03-30 11:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this about Method?