FUPA: Round 3 Matchups/Theme (3867 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fupa
Rating: 0.96 on 279 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-03-30 12:27:08 EST
Rd. 3: THEME: TIME/HISTORY -- posts due by 4.3
Rd. 4: pairings/theme posted 4.7 -- posts due by 4.10
Rd. 5: pairings/theme posted 4.13 -- posts due by 4.17
Winner announced 4.19
Some notes about this round:
Posts are due by 11:59 PM Eastern Monday, April 3.
Pairs were, once again, drawn at random - from the Peter Pan Hat of Disney Collector Bullshittery™ - which explains why the brackets don't flow logically from one to the next.
Bubba2341, as the highest rated loser, claims the final spot for Round 3.
The new pairings:
Orgasmatron - Sacrilicious
Circe - wardy
goferferhire - Axolotl
JMG114 - Bubba2341
---
Round 2 wrap:
JMG eked out a win over Stagger here in the second closest race of the round.
JMG114 - Om Mani Padme Hum: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85781
JMG's piece about a dead man reflecting on life and the afterlife.
Stagger_Lee - Jack the Cutter: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85757
Stag tells the tale of Jack the Cutter, his crimes and his eventual demise.
Sacrilicious gave CATAL a sound whupping (which he enjoyed, and later requested she do it again "with a switch") here.
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar - Death's Lament: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85823
CATAL muses on the connection between life and death, and how neither is what it seems.
Sacrilicious - Bella Blue: http://www2.ubersite.com/m/85857
Lish writes a touching tribute to her niece who died before her time.
Chicanery abounded here, with nitty bucking the round's theme entirely and wardy challenging the way that users view poetry.
nitty34 - Fupa-Loompa: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85873
nitty's Uber-friendly song with a cast of characters everyone knows.
Wardy - Do Gorillas Have Tits?: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85741
wardy goes all flash animation here and presents an exchange between Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines.
Two gladiators grappled before the public, and both walked away with their lives. The closest race of the round, with Bubs taking the final spot because of his high rating.
Bubba2341 - And When I Die: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85844
Bubba goes classical and takes us to the depths of hell.
Orgasmatron - Kingfisher: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85905
I give a look at the unhealed Fisher King here.
gofer and Susie go head to head with much different approaches to the theme, and gofer - like a man - comes out on top.
goferforhire - The Bluest Eye: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85792
Brief but full of flow and language, gofer's poem is...well, go read it.
Susie_Derkins - Need A Ride?: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85851
Susie pens a piece about a hitchhiker who learns the driver of the car she's in isn't quite who he says he is.
Circe slaps catalyst about the face and neck with her poetic funbags, and consigns him to flame and misfortune. While not the closest race, this was one of the best.
simple_catalyst - Valar Morghulis: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85856
catalyst waxes lyrical with a modern piece on pain and death.
Circe - In this sand (Villanelle) - http://www.ubersite.com/m/85866
The she-poet reflects on the ground beneath her feet and the history of death it holds.
Drama abounds in this match up, as Captain finds himself fed up with the FUPA bullshit and pulls out of the comp (only to throw his hat back in shortly thereafter), and Ax dresses up his piece with a video of an old woman getting kicked in the head.
Captain Thorns - Feng-Huang: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85761
Captain takes the road less traveled and provides lines about rebirth. Is it more of a Meatloaf song or a Bon Jovi song? You decide, America.
Axolotl - A Foot For Every Year: http://www.ubersite.com/m/85820
Ax's post concerns itself with a brother learning of, and dealing with, his brother's death.
---
To those not moving on - thanks for playing, and for writing. I dare say that this round had better entries than the last.
To those still in the mix - keep it up...you're halfway there.
Good luck.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 01:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sometimes i tickle my feet just to see if they'll kick me in the face like they do to my girlfriend when she does the same...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:18:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- you did fine, Wardy.
O won't lose sleep, but I will.
Who wants to win when they well..didn't?
Not me.
===
You DID win if you go by what Orgasmo wrote about six comments down. No other round eliminated spam ratings, to do so here would be bad acting.
Plus I, ME, scourgeoftheseas, the Shamrock Lord, said yours was better. And THAT should be all that counts in any case, no matter what other factors were at play.
There, that was an easy one to settle...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<14:26: error - have deviated from primary control master>
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one time i fucked 5 twos....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't you dare concede or forfeit, Lish.
My alter doesn't know what he's talking about.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Save all the trouble and forfeit, then, Saccy.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's sorta why i didn't want circe to forfeit... not that i cared about winning, but fuck if i was going to have two of my opponents forfeit rather than face me. i mean, i know how dominating i am in the poet game, but shit...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA- you did fine, Wardy.
O won't lose sleep, but I will.
Who wants to win when they well..didn't?
Not me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just take the win, Saccy. I doubt O-Tron will lose any sleep over it.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now you're probably all pissed at me for rating... see what happens? FUCK I HATE MY LIFE!!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT I RATED YOURS YOU BASTARD
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-06 00:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On the other hand, while it's generous for you to offer to have O's negative ratings wiped, it would be unfair to previous contestants. I believe my post attracted far more -2 spammage than JMG's, but to deny him victory because of that seems a bit weak.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm... it's tempting... but i only have two minutes!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Wardy never rated mine.
Maybe you can solve our problem, Ward.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THANK YOU for reminding me, wardy!
I was so off the wall today that I forgot to go back and rate it.
One moment...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
orgasmo and bubba and a slew of others never rated my post, should we get into that too? stop being so damn anal, it's a fucking uber poetry competition...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O would have won, if not for the spamming.
Tough call though, I'm sure he'd feel weird adjusting his own rating.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is there anyone willing to do the math? I really suck at math.
One -2 rating for each of us is a wash.
O was spammed two more times, by my count.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I noticed that too Coleslaw. So inconspicuous in his ratings, he.
Anyway, I can't justify disregarding the spamtastic nature of it all because every round until now has treated ratings at face value.
Good or bad, for better or worse, it would be wrong to take a look at this particular case simply because it's close and it involves me. Who's to say that some of the other matchups wouldn't have been closer had some of the blatantly unfavorable ratings been disregarded?
I figured that since there was so much hate and nonsense being cast about in the first round that it would all A) even itself out in every post, since almost everyone was getting flack in some way or another, and B) disappear as the competition wore on, as the haters would eventually grow tired of the whole thing.
It might be a bad decision in the end. It might not be. It's a learning experience either way.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I second Sac's extremely sportsmanlike suggestion.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree.
I didn't see much reason to bring it up earlier, it would only have stirred the pot, and/or would have been a non-issue if ratings had changed.
I know that there have been no adjustments made to ratings thus far due to spamming of posts, but I feel very strongly about the effect they've had on Orgasmatron's post.
My request might make people uncomfortable, but I'd like to see the obvious spamming eliminated as part of the rating. It's sometimes a difficult thing to discern which ratings are sincere, but in this case, I think they're clear.
Orgasmatron, I know this isn't something you want to have to deal with, but as your competitor, I'm going to insist they not be counted. I know the math isn't fun, and you have better things to do, but I'd rather request it now as opposed to conceding later. As ratings stand, yours were better, minus the spamming. I think everyone in the comp would tend to agree with me in this case, and if not, well..they weren't up against you in this round. Please consider my request, I think it's most fair.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-05 23:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The classic case of rating the poster rather than the post. I already rated both posts,
so there's nothing further I can do. Sorry, Saccy, but I think O-man outdid you. The
haters will prevail in this instance........... :-(
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-04-05 22:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only deciding difference in the Orgasmatron/Sacrilicious battle was Sphagnum's bogus ratings. That sucks.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-05 22:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The poet fools have shot their wads
In our collective faces
The rating's done, we've had our fun
Of love there are no traces...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasmatron: Ticking - http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86220
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Circe: Spoils of war - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86253
wardy: If I wasn't dead inside, I'd have already killed myself - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86255
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think i should've just let circe forfeit.... damn me and my being super awesome and nice... FUCK!
ah well, it's been real...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks, scourge. MRR CHEATED ME AND O.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 17:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All done voting
Now go look at pictures of midgets and ugly naked people:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86313
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a good laugh out of it, but I figured since I was replying anyway I'd give an explanation.
Listen to the woman below, Vote Monkeys: 11:59 Eastern too-nyte.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:44:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
He wouldn't have that problem if he'd quit blowing questionable individuals. I mean, if it's green, at least don't swallow.
Sheesh you dooofus.
------------------
haha! if i had a nickel...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can actually HEAR me?
Holy fuck...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:56:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Clearly the green is from all the dick I sucked while losing the Shamrock Open.
===
All the dick you sucked? When did that happen?
Once you were out of the running you disappeared, never to rate a Shamrock entry again. Fookin sore loser I say.
---
I figured I'd done enough by torturing you all with that title.
Actually I read all three entries and couldn't very well decide which one I enjoyed more. So I figured that by giving them all +2s I'd be doing the same amount of good as if I'd not rated them at all. Bad form, I know, but it wasn't done out of spite.
And I don't know where the dick sucking comment came from. It was a stretch at trying to make a connection between 'green' and 'something in my mouth.' Blah. Bleh. Whatever.
Trip-ta-tee, trip-ta-tah, potatoes.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I assume everything that anyone ever says about anything within earshot is about me.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, who says I was making fun of you with that comment? Hmmm?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 16:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only had time to read maybe two/three posts yesterday and wasn't really in front of the monitor for any length of time until this afternoon.
I wanted to post my APW before I started reading and reviewing FUPA, that's all.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course I noticed, scourgey. You SAID you wouldn't be back until Tuesday, and you WERE, you just didn't visit us.
I notice.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm getting to them sweetcheeks. Just watch the MRR. I've been mostly gone since Friday early afternoon.
And YOU didn't even notice....
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
All the dick you sucked? When did that happen?
Once you were out of the running you disappeared, never to rate a Shamrock entry again. Fookin sore loser I say.
The above comment is a joke, though the disappearing part of it IS true. Some people here have no ability to discern when smartassery is present and so I feel I must include this disclaimer.
Hope you feel better soon, man.
=======
Less making fun of sacrilicious, more rating FUPA.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 15:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:56:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Clearly the green is from all the dick I sucked while losing the Shamrock Open.
===
All the dick you sucked? When did that happen?
Once you were out of the running you disappeared, never to rate a Shamrock entry again. Fookin sore loser I say.
The above comment is a joke, though the disappearing part of it IS true. Some people here have no ability to discern when smartassery is present and so I feel I must include this disclaimer.
Hope you feel better soon, man.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-05 14:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
At least you're now being honest...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clearly the green is from all the dick I sucked while losing the Shamrock Open.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasmatron: Ticking - http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86220
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Circe: Spoils of war - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86253
wardy: If I wasn't dead inside, I'd have already killed myself - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86255
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Voting ends tonight at midnight Eastern, kiddies.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-05 13:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He wouldn't have that problem if he'd quit blowing questionable individuals. I mean, if it's green, at least don't swallow.
Sheesh you dooofus.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 12:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious wishes Orgasmo wasn't hocking up and spitting out thick green globs right about now.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 12:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orgasmo wishes he wasn't hocking up and spitting out thick green globs right about now.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-05 11:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHHAHAHA... ograsmo only wishes he was as tight as me...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So he did.
I CLEARLY need more cold medication in my system, because the doses I've got going are doing wonders for my vision.
Sorry for the repost. Sigh.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wardy beat you to that below, O.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh sure. NOW the reviews start going through.
Fuck you, Uber.
In other news:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1110AP_Paperweight_Explosion.html
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-05 10:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I keep getting told that my reviews are written in all caps, my head's gonna asplode.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-05 09:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We've taken on a climb
And it's long enough to put the best of us on our backs
Walking up a slide
And there are those we know who'd have us five miles off the track"
WOO!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i get my new prescription tomorrow! hooray for me!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:35:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm..recreational use of adderall..
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah, well nevermind then...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-04 22:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've rated almost everything Shlongy said I could... Almost...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 21:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/04/04/paperweight.explosion.ap/index.html <-------- darwin
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 21:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you too, douchey...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-04 19:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Time to finish what I started; what You started, I didn't start it.."
O-man, get off your poetry-laden tookus and rate something...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 17:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasmatron: Ticking - http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86220
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Circe: Spoils of war - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86253
wardy: If I wasn't dead inside, I'd have already killed myself - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86255
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, technically i need it... but that isn't to say sometimes i don't take an extra one or two... yeah...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm..recreational use of adderall..
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i need my meds... damn them for regulating adderall so i can't get a month free every three months...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto DQ for Circe.
The REAL King of Uber has spoken and my decision stands.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86255 -- i decided to change a few words, no big deal i hope... if it is, whatever whatever whatever, do what you want dudes...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha... i want to get drunk with shlongy...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 14:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be sore, Señor Afterbirth. I gave you the chance to repost after the deadline with your own work, but you didn't have anything to show for it.
You're really reaching for things to make a stink over.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-04 13:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Too late.
Automatic DQ.
Or is Orgasmomo changing the rules once again to fit his finely crafted plan of dictorial world domination?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 13:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw you mention something in a review that you "hadn't gotten the movie done" so I figured that's what you meant for your update, wards.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-04 13:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86253
Done.
Thanks so much, both of you.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 13:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not going to change anything, if those are the restrictions, orgasmo. but i have no problem with circe posting...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wardy can edit his presentation, but not his content, if you're fine with him doing so.
Provided the text of his poem stays the same, I'm cool with a double repost.
Regardless...you, my dear, are more than welcome to submit since wards is down.
Better to have you participate and battle than drop out completely because of life getting in the way.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-04 11:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron - Wardy has kindly offered for both of us to post (an edit and repost in his case) our entries at the same time. If I promise this will be sometime in the next two hours, would that be okay?
Please please please?
Please?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-04 10:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasmatron: Ticking - http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86220
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Circe: DNP
wardy: If I wasn't dead inside, I'd have already killed myself - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86229
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-04-04 08:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:55:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:50:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Thorns is down.
--------------------------
WHAT?!?!?
---
You sayin' you don't want no mustache ride, sailor?
===================
I shall have to politely decline the offer, O-Man. I've been laid up all weekend and yesterday with a nasty cold. You wouldn't want that up in ya, now, would you?
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-04 00:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86229
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dammit circe, i just read the review... i wouldn't mind it if we had an extension, as long as i could go back to my entry, i didn't realize it was eastern time... i still love you, and hope all is well and all that jabber...
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for eastern time...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
30 minutes until deadline, Stag.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, what time is it where the entries are due?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Double forfeit? OH NOES!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit. Shit. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! IMO KEEL MAHSELF!!!!
Circe, I hope everthing turns out OK, whatever the crisis. :)
Wardy, yer shit better be awesome. Imo pretend Circe is there, if
if only in spirit. <cranks up -2nami...> Heh, :-D
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, HELL no. Please say it isn't so, Circe.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With regret, "the poetess" (you're a sweetie, Bubba) is going to have to forfeit. I'd planned to write my entry this morning, but we're currently having something of a crisis and I won't be able to get it done before the deadline.
Congrats, wardy.
Sphagnum, I'm sorry as hell to ruin your prediction.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well she said she'd stick around until the bandages came off
But these mama's boys just don't know when to quit
And Mathilda asks the sailors are those dreams or are those prayers?
So close your eyes, son, and this won't hurt a bit
Oh it's time time time, and it's time time time
And it's time time time that you love
And it's time time time"
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-03 21:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Less than 3 hours for Wardmeister and Circe. Who shall post what?
Will the Poetess blast the cumstained boxers off of the child, or will
the Kid pull something good out of his ass? Film at 11:00. . . . .
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 20:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgasmatron: Ticking - http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86220
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 16:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*drops pants again*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:34:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
So it's true? You're with internetchild?
Man my boys swim fast.
=========
Not yet- I suspect we'll need to increase our efforts. A LOT. I'm just saying, I know he'll be on the way soon.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:31:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still pissed that I'm not in this.
And I got no pie.
I hate you all.
Also, I swear I'm going to rate everyone's entry. I hate how little my posts get rated during these contests.
================
Tell me why you were gossiping about me, and then send me your address.
Then I shall send you pie.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So it's true? You're with internetchild?
Man my boys swim fast.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still pissed that I'm not in this.
And I got no pie.
I hate you all.
Also, I swear I'm going to rate everyone's entry. I hate how little my posts get rated during these contests.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Used? Never. I have the utmost respect for the father of UberBaby™. Even if we've ™'d him. Just didn't want to interrupt baseball, is all.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*feels used*
*goes back to watching the Red Sox*
*wonders if an Uber Baby™ will come from this quick, rough union*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Smiles*
*blushes*
*makes proposition*
*begs*
*receives*
*thanks you kindly*
*struts away*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 15:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*takes off pants*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 13:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pissy and cantankerous. Someone do something amusing for my entertainment, please. Monkeys.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 13:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sacrilicious: Mother Night - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
goferferhire: The Horror - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
Axolotl: A Chink of Light Between Eternities - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
JMG114: Cosmicosm - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Bubba2341: A Jumble of Time - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The loo is a bit girly.
Depending, it can be the Crapper (Thomas Crapper), Shitter (for moments of coarseness), Toilet (most of the time) and sometimes I'll use a little rhyme. Such as "Off for a Donald Trump"
But it depends on my mood really.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And then I click on TTOM's post and see Shlongy peenering me again, in the form of Freddy Kreuger.
In light of this, let me present http://www.ubersite.com/m/82828
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was tied with Goferforhire, but then Shlongy peenered me.
"Peenered..."
Now that's a fun verb.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-03 12:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And yet, you felt the need to join the contest anyway, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Round 3 efforts are really stacking up the hits.
My first marriage didn't last as long as this fucking contest is. Has.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The loo, m'lad. You call it a loo, right?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:07:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:56:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Rubbing.
Minge.
I need to go and have a cold shower and a brisk run.
=========
Why fight it, darling?
Just do the American thing and steal off to a bathroom stall for a few. It's much more satisfying.
---
We have dirty toilets. I couldn't concentrate, and then I'd be all grumpy.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 11:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:56:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Rubbing.
Minge.
I need to go and have a cold shower and a brisk run.
=========
Why fight it, darling?
Just do the American thing and steal off to a bathroom stall for a few. It's much more satisfying.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:50:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:49:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:39:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
orange : sponge
====
orange: minge
Mine's better.
---
I didn't think americans used that word?
===========
You Brits are rubbing off on me, and I use your culture when it suits me.
I use minge all the time. I just don't CALL it that.
---
Rubbing.
Minge.
I need to go and have a cold shower and a brisk run.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:49:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:39:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
orange : sponge
====
orange: minge
Mine's better.
---
I didn't think americans used that word?
===========
You Brits are rubbing off on me, and I use your culture when it suits me.
I use minge all the time. I just don't CALL it that.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:47:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:39:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
orange : sponge
====
orange: minge
Mine's better.
---
I didn't think americans used that word?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:39:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
orange : sponge
====
orange: minge
Mine's better.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 17:30:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Post your rhymes here. Post your rhymes here, free of charge."
"Have them reviewed by one and all. No extra charge for -2s and/or
idiotic comments. Post your rhymes here."
+
orange : sponge
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-03 08:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86189
--------
A Chink of Light Between Eternities
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-04-03 08:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My entry: http://www.ubersite.com/m/86188
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-03 07:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:06:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
I know you do.
Take it.
---
I am so turned on now.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And it's not a joke
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-04-02 23:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86171
It's about the holocaust
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:17:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
i hope you all realize what is coming tomorrow...
_________________________________________________________
A hurricane? A Typhoon? Your wanger?
Now STFU and rate the FUPA posts already out there.. :-P
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i hope you all realize what is coming tomorrow...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86167
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
I know you do.
Take it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 18:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jump on it....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86164
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 17:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Post your rhymes here. Post your rhymes here, free of charge."
"Have them reviewed by one and all. No extra charge for -2s and/or
idiotic comments. Post your rhymes here."
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 14:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least we aren't DISQUALIFIED pussy's who lurk in the
orchestra pit and put down what we can't do.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-02 12:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 10:47:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
"You post first."
"Fuck dat. You post first."
"Eat shit. I ain't gonna post first."
"Fuckin' whiner..."
-------
It seems we are at an impasse.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-02 12:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're ALL pussies.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 10:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You post first."
"Fuck dat. You post first."
"Eat shit. I ain't gonna post first."
"Fuckin' whiner..."
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-04-02 04:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:14:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would've made it...if not for you-know-what-who-and-why...
*longing sigh*
=================================================================
WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING QUEER?
You would have made it IF:
1. You were not such a little rule-fellating bitch
2. You would not have quit and come crawling back a few HOURS later.
3. You would not have created fucking alters to boost your score.
But moreso than anything...if you would not have been such a crying, whiny, faggoty little fairy throughout this whole thing. Blame whoever you want for not makin the cut, Dorn.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-04-01 23:55:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatshisname, huh?
To that, I have only one thing to say:
"shitfuck is a legend..."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-01 23:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My drafts are fucked,
I'll need some luck,
History sucks,
I suck,
I'll need some time
To find a rhyme
for "suffering crushing defeat at the hands of that fucking uberpoet whathisname."
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Step right up, Ladies and Germs, see the Fabulous FUPA Phantasmagoria!
Eight dipweeds trying their filthy, grime-covered hands at rhyming and timing.
Will the Sac kick Gasmo's sack?
Will Bubba from Hell make it back?
Will Wardy be wordy? Will Circe do worsey?
JMG, it's you or me.
Will the Axe whack the Gofer, or vicey versey?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-01 10:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All is now clear.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-01 09:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:05:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Saccy dear, what ARE you talking about?
==============
Just last night's drunken shenanigans, Stag. I was honing my metaphorical skills by comparing this then-quiet post to an American style slumber party. I was LONELY, OK?
"Huh? What? No, no.. I was talkin' to Kim..no, I-- we were just goofin' around.. no, no, it didn't have anything to do with anything... she said 'anybody touches my stuff', and I said 'you fuckin' die!', like that. I was finishing her part for her."
"Know what I mean?"
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-01 09:45:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:47:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Circle-jerk
==========
Always good to see you, tiger.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Circle-jerk
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-01 08:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Saccy dear, what ARE you talking about?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-01 02:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm always the last one left awake at the party.
*freezes boxers, scrounges for half-full cigarette packs, drinks floaters while no one's looking*
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 23:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Argh, now I feel so dirty.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someday, somewhere, I will Linkwhore. Nah!!!! Why bother?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya see this? This is a linkwhore. Why? Because I am a whore, obviously: http://www.ubersite.com/m/86073
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All the Muses are out at the strip joints tonight, dancing for men and earing their weekend mon-nay.
Though I hear that Polyhymnia and Erato are totally into each other. They're probably acting like Jacksonville Jaguars cheerleaders right now and going down on each other in a restroom stall.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 21:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. Piss. Hell. Snot. Puke. Damn. Fuck. Rats. Retch. Upchuck.
Regurgitate. Hurl. Vomit. Crap. Darn. Shucks.
"Oh Muse, mighty Muse, wherethefuckartthou?
I'M TRYING TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT TIME/HISTORY AND NOTHING IS
TICKLING MY TINY BRAIN!!!!
I will most gladly pay you on Tuesday for a Muse-fucking today. . . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:08:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
What manner of gheyetry is going on over here?
I've been bored out of my skull, doing actual WORK. WORK damnit! I DON'T COME TO MY OFFICE TO WORK, I COME TO MY OFFICE TO LOOK AT FREE PORN AND UBER AND THROW DARTS AT THE DART BOARD.
..and I come back. Back here to my safe place. My special happy place where I feel safe and all that other horseshit.
And what the hell do you know? This explosion of homoerotic suggestions has just ruined it for me.
RUINED IT I TELL YOU.
I need a fucking drink.
A drink and a hooker.
A drink and a hooker and a mountain of drugs.
Two hookers.
That might take care of it. I don't know.
I don't even use drugs.
I just got two bullseyes in a row.
Awesome.
__________________________________________________
ANYONE can get two, candyass. . .
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I'm really going home.
Damn phone has jingled FIVE times since I decided to leave. My happy mood is starting to wear thin.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Favorite Valerie and favorite Uberer.
Though there WAS one Valerie who did naughty things with me when I was a teenager...
Oh well, she's number two now.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm your favorite Valerie of all, or I'm simply your favorite?
So sweet, either way. I'm sleepy and cold and that was a warm fuzzy. Thanks, scourgey.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're my favorite Val.
Love,
Matt
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(whoops) I'll be there in spirit. But you could send me some cake, too, if you wanted. I'm just sayin'.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My car won't make it dear. I'd end up stranded somewhere and molestered by landlocked hillbillies or something. You know
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spurned.
Again.
I'm heartbroken really. I mean, come on, it's ONLY a thirteen hour drive.
I guess I'll just go home and not come back until Tuesday.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could, scourgey. I could use some home cookin', for reals.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:18:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is a grand and glorious thing O.
I like to entertain my coworkers with what they consider 'bizarre' musical selections at work. Sonic Youth always flies really nicely here at work as does a little band known as Fucking German Shepherds. Wesley Willis is a big hit too.
Playing really bad gangster rap (i.e., all of it) is also fun, except I have to wear earplugs so I don't have to hear it along with them.
I'm 'that guy' in the office. It's a good role for me. The impression they have gives me leeway to walk about in sock feet with shirt unbuttoned mumbling nonsense to myself and throwing darts into the office wall. Cursing loudly as I type things into serious writers forums on the internet.
If I wasn't good at what I did, I'd probably be fired long ago.
These people are so damn boring that I actually seem interesting in comparison to them. Sad really....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:04:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
MINIMUM WAGE
HYAAA
---
This song plays every morning when I start my computer. Honest ta Gaad.
Sometimes I forget to turn the sound down a bit, and everyone gets to share the love.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you coming to the party or not peaches? I must know if I'm to set out an extra place at the table.
<drums fingers impatiently while waiting for response>
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MINIMUM WAGE
HYAAA
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss babies. Annd cake and ice cream. My nephew is now reading, so no need to depend on Aunt Valerie for stories anymore. This saddens me. I'm always the one who buys musical presents for the kiddies. Just got my nephew his first boombox and a They Might Be Giants CD for Christmas. My family has always made music a priority. I figured it was time to instill some indie rock in the kid. Someone has to.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm emailing you my address right now.
Party is Sunday at around 1. There will be cake, ice cream, some sandwich making stuff, beer (for me), and maybe a nice green salad. And tea. And other stuff. What do you like to eat? I'm a chef, remember? I'll make up whatever you want.
The boy likes music, so something along those lines might be nice.
I've already gotten him a guitar, which he has yet to learn to play, lazy little bastard, and some drums, which he makes some admirable noises with.
He also likes being read to an awful lot. I actually wrote him a book of stories in the months leading up to his birth and have added to it considerably since then. So, a book might be nice.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:42:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brownies can be hardcore, in the sense that they are insidious and I never know what I'm getting. But of course, for the greater good of your household, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. And bring a present for the little man. And hit it off with your wife.
===
This can only lead to good things.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Full disclosure: scourge did not say that last comment, I did. I just forgot to cut his name out. I blame drugs.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:27:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brownies can be hardcore, in the sense that they are insidious and I never know what I'm getting. But of course, for the greater good of your household, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. And bring a present for the little man. And hit it off with your wife.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Ooh, *EDIT*. Last 2 lines:
To speak in my ear, not bite,
To say!
That the Gank's lim'ricks, are tight,
Okay?
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did that last limerick make you smile, Captain?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have drug stories too, but the statute of limitations may not have run out on the ones that involved blood and violence, and some of the others are just embarassing.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend, from this post < http://www.ubersite.com/m/82652 > gave me a huge brownie the last time I was at his house picking up some 'items' for someone I love.
The fucking thing is about 8 inches square. Huge. About an inch and a half thick too. I don't really know what to do with it so I threw it in the freezer. I can't eat the thing and still be expected to function normally. Especially with the boy in the house.
(His first birthday is this Sunday! Hooray for my boy for continuing to exist!)
You come visit me and mrs. scourge and it's all yours sweetcheeks. Maybe you and mrs. scourge will hit it off. In the lesbian but we like to share sense of the term 'hit it off'
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could regale you with exciting tales of my drug use, that would be hipper and awesomer than yours, or anyone else's drug use, in the history of drugs.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My lim'ricks need work, you say?
Okay!
Just go fuck yourself, okay?
Get Gay!
You prolly should leave your wife,
Today!
'Cause once she finds out you're gay,
She'll stray,
And come to my house, today,
To play!
And I'll fuck her good, all night?
I may!
Until she screams out, all right!
Hooray!
And falls to the floor, in dis-
array!
To speak in my ear, not bite,
She may!
Tell me my lim'ricks, are tight,
Okay?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really?
I don't anymore.
But I could bore people with my tales of drug use that are remarkably similar to everyone elses tales of their drug use.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:18:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I use drugs.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.cilfone.com/songs/bartemian.mp3
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What manner of gheyetry is going on over here?
I've been bored out of my skull, doing actual WORK. WORK damnit! I DON'T COME TO MY OFFICE TO WORK, I COME TO MY OFFICE TO LOOK AT FREE PORN AND UBER AND THROW DARTS AT THE DART BOARD.
..and I come back. Back here to my safe place. My special happy place where I feel safe and all that other horseshit.
And what the hell do you know? This explosion of homoerotic suggestions has just ruined it for me.
RUINED IT I TELL YOU.
I need a fucking drink.
A drink and a hooker.
A drink and a hooker and a mountain of drugs.
Two hookers.
That might take care of it. I don't know.
I don't even use drugs.
I just got two bullseyes in a row.
Awesome.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:50:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Thorns is down.
--------------------------
WHAT?!?!?
---
You sayin' you don't want no mustache ride, sailor?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gank - your limericks need some work. But still made me smile.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Thorns is down.
--------------------------
WHAT?!?!?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
So who wants a mustache ride?
============
*raises hand, waves it around, squeals "me, me!"*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good on ya, gank.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There once was a man name Sphagnum
Pissed at his poem's rejection
He started to cry
"FUPA is awry!"
And kept on beating on that bad drum
There once was a man named Shlongy
Embittered that he got DQ'd
He put up a front
Cause he was a cunt
He really just thought, "You guys wronged me!"
There once was a man named nitty
Dude thought he could make up the rules
No doubt he was wrong
With too tight a thong
The O-man refused to take pity
There once was a man named Captain
Thorns, he held out his hand
He called for a truce
But it was no use
His haters just used it to slap him
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Thorns is down.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 13:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So who wants a mustache ride?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 11:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:50:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd definitely smell my hand if I was you, Stag.
And I am you, so you're going to do it.
-----------
We are Legion.
We are many.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I kick every goddamn splinter into all the living eyes in the world...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can click your heels all you want, Lish.
You're still going to wake up with a loin full'a Almost Babies™.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm. So this wasn't all a dream?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd definitely smell my hand if I was you, Stag.
And I am you, so you're going to do it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:28:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good round, JMG, *handshake*.
----------------------------------------------
Back at ya, bro.
---
He was rubbing his jub jub just before he offered you that handshake. That's disgusting Stagger.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-03-31 09:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good round, JMG, *handshake*.
----------------------------------------------
Back at ya, bro.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic. I live to give.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somone has nicked one of my chewing gum packets. I will fucking rend them.
==========
This are easily two of my favorite sentences of the day.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honk.
Somone has nicked one of my chewing gum packets. I will fucking rend them.
Good round, JMG, *handshake*.
Because I just LOVE when my overall rating comes down, I may keep on writing "exhibition" pieces for the remaining themes. Maybe I can divert some of the -2 bombs away from the rest of you poor suckers.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:34:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I pulled my braod once. Hurt like hell. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, Shlong, and when you're 65 I'll be 76.
<checks pulse, smiles>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What's kind of sad, for you, is that even when I'm 65, I'll STILL be pulling more braods than you...and having a grand ol' time doing that, and a bunch of other immature stuff.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AARP member fight!!!!!
Grab the Polydent and Geritol!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:58:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
i care shlongy, i care.... BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!! YOU ARE ALL FUCKED!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHIT I'M GONNA COME UP WITH NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
suckers.
____________________________________________________________
I'll shit in your bonnet if you don't write a sonnett. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:31:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
This shit CAN'T still be going on.
No one cares anymore, bubby.
_________________________________________________
Oh yes, we care. You will read, enjoy, and drop your bombs.
Knock yerself out, before some twelve year-old does it for you. :D
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We care a lot about the army navy air force and marines
We care a lot about the SF, NY and LAPD
We care a lot about you people, about your guns
about the wars you're fighting gee that looks like fun
We care a lot about the Garbage Pail Kids, they never lie
We care a lot about Transformers cause there's more than meets the eye
We care a lot about the little things, the bigger things we top
We care a lot about you people yeah you bet we care a lot,
YEAH!
Well, its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it
(next on heated, we care)
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i care shlongy, i care.... BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!! YOU ARE ALL FUCKED!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHIT I'M GONNA COME UP WITH NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
suckers.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I Can't Believe it's not Butter™
yum.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This shit CAN'T still be going on.
No one cares anymore, bubby.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*Butters Lish's popcorn with his natural flavoring*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:15:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll start filling some right away.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:14:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I could go for some cream filled holes right about now.
=======
*Makes popcorn, waits for teh gheymenz pron*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll start filling some right away.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I could go for some cream filled holes right about now.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
SIGH. Is nothing sacred?
It's not cashmere, it's chenille. Kashmir is the song. The origami was only at your request. ghola can tell you I'm off the ramen. And I have a phobia of belly button lint. I hope this clears it up.
But the part about my voice is all true.
===
What can I say? Folded up bits of Japanese paper get me all sweaty and bothered.
Also, good for you on the ramen. Absolute crap. May as well have a couple cream filled doughnuts for dinner if you want to travel down that road.
My next sexy/absurd voicemail theme request is...........a short story about a lonely lemming named Pablo.
phone better ring tonight damnit
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks, O-man. I'm glad I am not required to write in free verse,
because I would probably suck at it. I have never tried...
<wheels of cogitation spin. hmmmm...>
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We had a well-fought battle last round, Bubs.
You brought it, and brought it hard.
Now bring it again.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:15:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
No, redskies, she has a damn sexy voice. Problem is, all she talks about is cashmere sweaters and origami and ramen noodles.
Phonesexing is like the real life equivalent of cybering with bloodninja.
You get a head of steam worked up and she references belly button lint or something.
========
SIGH. Is nothing sacred?
It's not cashmere, it's chenille. Kashmir is the song. The origami was only at your request. ghola can tell you I'm off the ramen. And I have a phobia of belly button lint. I hope this clears it up.
But the part about my voice is all true.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LET'S GO WARDY, LET'S GO! *clap* *clap*
LET'S GO WARDY, LET'S GO! *clap* *clap*
LET'S GO WARDY, LET'S GO! *clap* *clap*
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you guys can all just declare me the champion now...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:09:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
My powers indeed weaken. I have been in decline since the moment of my arrival.
The world grows weary of the Orgasmatron, and will soon see my bones splintering the ocean floor.
A sunburst become a match, I will be but smoke and ash in time.
_______________________________________________________
Forsooth, varlet! The jaded World groweth not weary of The Bard.
Mayhap His Emminence hath a fever accompanied by fits of ague,
brought forth by the night of drunken revelry, taken in fear of
his near defeat.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:15:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, redskies, she has a damn sexy voice. Problem is, all she talks about is cashmere sweaters and origami and ramen noodles.
Phonesexing is like the real life equivalent of cybering with bloodninja.
You get a head of steam worked up and she references belly button lint or something.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:02:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
O is lucky this isn't an MP3 file contest, or I'd have you ALL trembling at the mere sound of my voice.
===
I can attest to the truth of this statement.
---
Is she that scary?
Heavens.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 18:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
O is lucky this isn't an MP3 file contest, or I'd have you ALL trembling at the mere sound of my voice.
===
I can attest to the truth of this statement.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:43:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Armadillos are crunchy on the outside, soft in the middle.
They're swimming hedgehogs as Kipling shows us.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Such cruel words for your husband and sub #3.
You're the one bound to us by marriage, ghola dear.
You made your bed. Now do us in it.
Pumpkin or apple pie tonight?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:32:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you guys are strange creatures.
sort of like armadillos. i never really understood those little bastards, what with their pointy shells and all.
at least you're not road kill?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can feed off me in your time of need; enemy or not, I would rather die than live in this land of haha rabbit without you beside me. I am a source of extreme seduction and mighty fortitude. In exchange, all I ask is that you write a poem for me. Preferably one with the theme of time and/or history. Before Monday. You know the address.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF? I'm not going back and reading all that??
I lie
Yeah... I am
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:09:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
My powers indeed weaken. I have been in decline since the moment of my arrival.
The world grows weary of the Orgasmatron, and will soon see my bones splintering the ocean floor.
A sunburst become a match, I will be but smoke and ash in time.
---
That is indeed how the cookie crumbles.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:09:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My powers indeed weaken. I have been in decline since the moment of my arrival.
The world grows weary of the Orgasmatron, and will soon see my bones splintering the ocean floor.
A sunburst become a match, I will be but smoke and ash in time.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:54:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyhow, all of this is coz you want a proper English accent.
=============
The only English I want is my English muffin when it is brought to me with my FUPA victory breakfast.
And I want actual BUTTER this time.
---
Is that American slang for some dirty sexual rendez vous?
God I hope so.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyhow, all of this is coz you want a proper English accent.
=============
The only English I want is my English muffin when it is brought to me with my FUPA victory breakfast.
And I want actual BUTTER this time.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:45:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
So you've chosen a side, eh deadskies?
No more poem for you.
---
An angry poet is a fearsome foe to be sure. Poisoned stanza after stanza are hurled at the defiant enemy. Threats and bribes are mentioned and alluded to.
I will rate fairly and accurately, and I am confident that the deadly 'Licious will triumph, leaving you a shattered broken man. Your powers weaken.
I only hope that when she ascends the throne she is a kind and benevolent ruler.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So you've chosen a side, eh deadskies?
No more poem for you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think she's gone barmy. Maybe she's just rat arsed.
Either way, I don't like seeing it. It makes me feel like I have the lurgy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:38:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:36:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like *someone* thinks they've developed an English accent!
Sports entertainment? I like my sport gritty and depressing.
SUVs are poncy too.
============
What are you babbling about?
Whose side are you on here?
What does poncy mean?
American, motherfucker..DO YOU SPEAK IT?
---
I babble about many things. To compete with the sound of frantic muffled buzzing.
I am on the side of truth, honesty, justice and good music (yours Lish)
Poncy is like poofy. Effeminate. Irritatingly camp.
And as for speaking American, my dear I may tolerate the American mutilation, but the Queen's English is still the gold standard.
Anyhow, all of this is coz you want a proper English accent.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:40:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:37:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
And I believe it's you females that find yourselves caught up and enraptured by things of an electronic nature. Should I hum you a tune to try and compete with the buzzing of another sort?
===========
See my prior comment about the distractions of your gender, which implies a subsequent failure to satisfy mine; it's why we're so easily enraptured by such devices.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:36:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like *someone* thinks they've developed an English accent!
Sports entertainment? I like my sport gritty and depressing.
SUVs are poncy too.
============
What are you babbling about?
Whose side are you on here?
What does poncy mean?
American, motherfucker..DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:37:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And I believe it's you females that find yourselves caught up and enraptured by things of an electronic nature. Should I hum you a tune to try and compete with the buzzing of another sort?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just you wait, Lisholot...wardy'll post an mp3 or something this round, just to push my buttons.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:26:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
So the O-Tron has turned you on? Dearest Licious, you will need to be made of sterner stuff else his charm will leave you trembling and helpless.
===========
Darling, it's 2006. You men are so distracted by your electronics and sports and SUVs and sports entertainment that we've learned to lower our standards when it comes to what gets to our collective core.
O is lucky this isn't an MP3 file contest, or I'd have you ALL trembling at the mere sound of my voice.
---
Looks like *someone* thinks they've developed an English accent!
Sports entertainment? I like my sport gritty and depressing.
SUVs are poncy too.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:26:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
So the O-Tron has turned you on? Dearest Licious, you will need to be made of sterner stuff else his charm will leave you trembling and helpless.
===========
Darling, it's 2006. You men are so distracted by your electronics and sports and SUVs and sports entertainment that we've learned to lower our standards when it comes to what gets to our collective core.
O is lucky this isn't an MP3 file contest, or I'd have you ALL trembling at the mere sound of my voice.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:23:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it is on.
ON.
---
So the O-Tron has turned you on? Dearest Licious, you will need to be made of sterner stuff else his charm will leave you trembling and helpless.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, it is on.
ON.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:37:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you consult the rule book, I think you'll find it's no fair seducing me to distract me from finding my muse.
Because you just did, and you are.
---
Prepare for an onslaught of distraction, then.
I believe you'll find your muse firmly trapped beneath my collarbones.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:32:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
So what's up with Hooters tonight O-Man?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:01:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:54:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry, Orgasmatron. You'll always be my prison bitch of love.
---
John Johnson: "Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a "bitch". And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or "shiv", and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities. (short pause) This way to the cafeteria!"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:17:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Your head will hit the headboard or wall so many times that you'll see stars.
Couple that with the hyperventilation you'll suffer and you'll likely see Jesus too.
Boom, instant conversion experience.
=========
This doesn't even rhyme.
If you consult the rule book, I think you'll find it's no fair seducing me to distract me from finding my muse.
Because you just did, and you are.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of you, stop uber loving each other. It's sworn enemies time! I just want to say that Nick Harper is a legend.
The Tyger
your burning light is not so bright tonight
you gave us all a fright
but you must remember this
there's no doubt that it can
you're the better man if you were wondering
there's only five thousand tigers left
and you must be one of them
you must be one of them
time spreads its hands
and holds us all one day
in its perfect way
but you must remember this
there's no doubt that it will
but you'll burn brighter still if you were wondering
there's only five thousand tigers left
and you must be one of them
you must be one of them
immortal eyes
have seen the gift of life for what it is
immortal hands
have framed the essence of us for all to see
there in the hearts and minds
of the honest open loving giving kind
and you must be one of them
there's only five thousand tigers left
and you must be one of them
you must be one of them
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your head will hit the headboard or wall so many times that you'll see stars.
Couple that with the hyperventilation you'll suffer and you'll likely see Jesus too.
Boom, instant conversion experience.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:50:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're sacred and profane, Miss Licious,
But, just like my dirty dishes
You will be made white and clean
By these, my coming lines.
(Get it? Coming lines?)
(Neeya)
The cards are drawn, the cross is made
The fate spread on the table,
My One of Wands will best you
While it moves below your navel.
Diddle, diddle,
Stroke stroke stroke
Scribble, scribble,
Choke, choke, choke.
A magdalene in name and fashion,
Like a pair of Calvin Klein boxers,
Or maybe even a little, individual-sized box of Florida Orange Juice,
Is only as good as the Christ that compels her,
And unfortunately, for you,
My dear,
It's hard to wash my feet with your hair
When I'm constantly slapping you on the forehead
With my penis.
========================
Do not forget the gospel, gnostic
Cease your bragging, coarse and caustic
Your feet I'll soothe in time of need
But you shall fill me with your seed
HA- JOKE'S ON YOU! I don't even believe in jebus.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:51:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Last prediction before I get my ass back to work and off Uber for a little while:
Final Round: Sacrilicious vs. Circe
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're sacred and profane, Miss Licious,
But, just like my dirty dishes
You will be made white and clean
By these, my coming lines.
(Get it? Coming lines?)
(Neeya)
The cards are drawn, the cross is made
The fate spread on the table,
My One of Wands will best you
While it moves below your navel.
Diddle, diddle,
Stroke stroke stroke
Scribble, scribble,
Choke, choke, choke.
A magdalene in name and fashion,
Like a pair of Calvin Klein boxers,
Or maybe even a little, individual-sized box of Florida Orange Juice,
Is only as good as the Christ that compels her,
And unfortunately, for you,
My dear,
It's hard to wash my feet with your hair
When I'm constantly slapping you on the forehead
With my penis.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:17:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Your vaginal blood will coat my palace walls after I paint them with it.
I will wear your nipples as decorative earrings, and your clit will stud my scepter.
Your funbags will be hollowed out and used as funnels, for baking purposes.
Such are the spoils of war.
========
Nice lyrical adaptation.
I have one, too-
So I wrote faster, but he posted before me here
yes my loyalties turned like my ankle
in the third round, running after OTron
running after the rain
These precious posts- let them bleed let them wash away
This precious O- let him break his hold over me
He said you're really a hithungry girl
but I like the way you PWN- and I asploded,
but I thanked him
can you believe that- it's sick, sick holding on to his camwhore
+2ing every day
I wanna smash the faces of those annoying alters
And that Poet O, so you can make me come that doesn't make you Jesus
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone who stays up all night-
Wondering if there's a dog.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you get when you cross-
an agnostic
a dyslexic
and an insomniac?
===
Me who can't read no good?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:13:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron- can we make out one last time before we're sworn enemies?
*bats eyelashes*
---
I didn't see this before I went all savage and whatnot on your bodyparts.
Yes, we can take one last trip around the ol' lovin' hole if ya like.
Get undressed.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:58:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:49:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
And apparently this battle will be Lish's tits vs. my fleshy, spongy dangle.
===================
Maybe you need to spank your hat for dealing you this fate.
And your battle metaphors make me tingle. We should videotape it.
---
Your vaginal blood will coat my palace walls after I paint them with it.
I will wear your nipples as decorative earrings, and your clit will stud my scepter.
Your funbags will be hollowed out and used as funnels, for baking purposes.
Such are the spoils of war.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you get when you cross-
an agnostic
a dyslexic
and an insomniac?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:13:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed- strawberry PWNS grape. I prefer strawberry preserves. You and I shall share sammiches, scourge.
Orgasmatron- can we make out one last time before we're sworn enemies?
*bats eyelashes*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Favors?
Please elaborate. Use visual aids if necessary.
NOW I'm going for a walk.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:10:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No alters? What the fuck?
Fine then.
The peanut butter sandwichs must have strawberry jam, not grape. Grape is for baboons and retarded children. Welch's Grape Jelly is poisonous. I want Bon Mamman stawberry jam. I want some tea.
I'm still bored.
Anyone heard any good jokes lately?
bah, I'm going for a walk.
Someone else, and I don't care who, keep this thread alive while I'm gone or its everybodys ass when I return.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Spongy when relaxed, mahogany when at full salute.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 14:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:38:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
SACRILICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!
BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
========================
ALL MY FAVORITE THINGS! You know me so well, scourgey.
NO ALTERS, people. I mean it. I'll concede and it will be all your fault.
But..BUT- I may offer favors for ratings.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:49:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
And apparently this battle will be Lish's tits vs. my fleshy, spongy dangle.
===================
Maybe you need to spank your hat for dealing you this fate.
And your battle metaphors make me tingle. We should videotape it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:49:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
And apparently this battle will be Lish's tits vs. my fleshy, spongy dangle.
I will need to woo the ladies properly tomorrow to ensure votes to counteract the sausage fest partygoers that have daggers in their eyes for me.
===
God damn, it took you long enough to respond. I was fixin' to bring out the big guns.
No daggers for you, Sacrilicious just knows how to work her male constituency well. Hell, we even got Uber-divorced, PUBLICLY, and I'm still rooting for her. We just Uber-tight is all.
You had your chance to stroke my ego, and did you? Well, not enough is the answer. Not enough...
I would like to take this opportunity to say that I don't think a dangle that could be described as 'spongy' is necessarily one that the ladies would care to interact with.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry, Orgasmatron. You'll always be my prison bitch of love.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And apparently this battle will be Lish's tits vs. my fleshy, spongy dangle.
I will need to woo the ladies properly tomorrow to ensure votes to counteract the sausage fest partygoers that have daggers in their eyes for me.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the continued linkwhoreage, retrospect.
Maybe that post would have come to something if you'd been a part of the comp.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honk If You Love Peanut Butter Foot Jobs From Sacrilicious!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SACRILICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!
BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm bored out of my fucking skull today. I have three half written posts that I can't bring myself to sit down and finish. I keep drumming my fingers and pacing back and forth and and drumming on my desk in time with the music that I play entirely too loud for the sole purpose of annoying my office mates and now I'm yelling about boobies on the internet.
I need something to do...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious is the people's champion.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whatever, I'm still gona post one if I have the time.
congrats Sac, great job. I'm rooting for you.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would've made it...if not for you-know-what-who-and-why...
*longing sigh*
If I get REAL bored at work, I'll submit something for the rest of these rounds anyway, just for the sake of writing and giving people something to read.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:10:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know redskies, I know. Actually the boobies were just an assumption on my part. I KNOW she's a woman, but maybe she...
never mind.
It was mostly because of the nice things she says about me.
Don't worry Lish, I'm going to rent some of Methods alters to -2NAMI O-towns post into the ground. That should guarantee you clinching the title.
You hear that Orgasmo?
Huh?
That's what I thought, punk.
---
Method is a bit like Warwick the Kingmaker. Only Greek.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know redskies, I know. Actually the boobies were just an assumption on my part. I KNOW she's a woman, but maybe she...
never mind.
It was mostly because of the nice things she says about me.
Don't worry Lish, I'm going to rent some of Methods alters to -2NAMI O-towns post into the ground. That should guarantee you clinching the title.
You hear that Orgasmo?
Huh?
That's what I thought, punk.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
muppets, with nipples, giving footjobs. Honk!
*groans* I'm probably going to keep this up. Don't ask why.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ax - make it baseballs, National League specifically, Cardinals VERY specifically, and you've got a deal.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge, I will bribe you with free women and NBA-signed basketballs.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 13:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The mood is ripe for an uprising. The time for change is coming Orgasmo. We shall have a new queen of poetry when you fall by the roadside. Nought but history.
Scourge - you're right about the boobies.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Came back to make sure I wasn't in, mercifully gofer advanced. Thanks again, O-tron. It's been a scream.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:35:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks for the recog. o-man.
now i can rate to my hearts desire:
prepared to be bombasted you lame ass
gunks.
===============
Catalyst- good matchup you had. I'd hoped you'd gone further, you know how I feel about your writing. At least I think you do.
Thanks, scourge. I'm going to need all the friends I can get. No spamming, though, please..I fear I'm going to be embarrassed enough about this as it is.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The following people will have their posts spammed by me, scourgeoftheseas, in order to help them clinch victory this round:
Sacrilicious - sorry O, she has boobies and says nice things to me.
Circe - sorry wardy, I'm still continuing in my quest to make Circe rate something I've written, AT LEAST ONE FUCKING TIME REGARDLESS OF WHAT SAID RATING MAY BE.
Bubba - I had this odd notion that someone who chose to go by the handle 'Bubba' wouldn't fare that well in a poetry competition. Plus, I'm a man of the people and couldn't bear it if some Uber elite waltzed in and stole this contest.
That's it.
Axolotl, a friendly hint to get your name included on the list ----- I can be bribed.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Winner or not, I always come out on top.
As I read that, O, fittingly, through my headphones, I heard-
"When I am king
You will be first
Against the wall..."
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85358
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sphagnum's in a very good mood today.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's too bad your name didn't come out of the hat first, Lish.
You could have been on top, in the bracket.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks for the recog. o-man.
now i can rate to my hearts desire:
prepared to be bombasted you lame ass
gunks.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH
FUCK
ME.
I demand you burn that hat.
Great round, guys.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And yet none of you bastards noted by clever word play on Orgasmo's round 2 poem.
KICK HIS ASS LICIOUS!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-30 12:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!