The Story of the People on the Bus (1013 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: storyof...
Rating: 1.35 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spencer Thompson (View user info) at 2006-03-30 15:08:20 EST
Mrs. Sanford was the meanest person ever. She walked down the street and gave a mean look at a baby. The baby cried. She snubbed a poor homeless man asking for spare change. Or, alternately, she gave money to a deadbeat homeless man begging for working folk to support his lazy lifestyle. Whichever seems more evil to you. That's the one she did.
Then she got run over by a bus.
Nobody was surprised, it had been on the bus schedule that day. "9:15 - Twentieth St." "9:17 - Run over Mrs. Sanford."
That's why so many people were riding the bus that day, because they wanted to share the experience of running over Mrs. Sanford. Everyone on the bus bonded and agreed they had joined together for a very special moment in time.
I should mention that Mrs. Sanford was surprised though, or else she wouldn't have gone out that day. She would have seen it on the schedule and not left her home. But she never checked the bus schedule. Everyone knew that. If she were known to check the bus schedule more often, they wouldn't have put it on the bus schedule, because then she would have seen it and their opportunity to run her over would have disappeared.
The people riding the bus were of greatly different backgrounds. Some of the people were very poor and had saved for months to run over Mrs. Sanford. Some of them were very rich and didn't need to save at all. One person had won a local radio contest (a radio station Mrs. Sanford was not known to listen to, as once again, she would have found out about the plan to run her over).
The government was in on it. As with all things involving the government, it's too complicated to explain.
Years later, the baby would be told by her mother that she was the last baby Mrs. Sanford scowled at before being run over, and that made her feel special. But that and ten cents will get her a cup of coffee.
All in all, it was a very complex and well thought out plan with little or no consequences.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Short yet good.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now 1.33 is a much more representative rating. Good show, folks.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a +1 simply for the WTF factor.
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dont get it
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You've done better, mate.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yummy, yummy, yummy I got love in my tummy!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cyrus makes great points, and they're all pretty much true.
I'm surprised this is anything over 1.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:50:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why does this have a positive rating?
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An excellent question FatT, there are many answers, here are a few of the most obvious:
1) there is a natural tendency to rate the poster and not the post
2) if something is so odd you can't understand it, maybe it's because it's really deep man, no one wants to appear ignorant by saying they didn't understand it, so they give it a positive rating and call it a gem. This one didn't do anything for me. Take a look at Nerfherder's "George and his sandbox buddies" from earlier today, which is a far better example of this type of thing, i.e. obscure but interesting or thought-pprovoking.
3) there is so much crap on here, that those of us without the time or inclination to camp here all day and review everything, don't bother giving the crap bad reviews, but instead concentrate on giving the good stuff positive reviews.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How do you mean, darko? In that I can post anything I want and get +2's?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:50:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why does this have a positive rating?
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It's because I'm a faggot and benefit from affirmative action on ratings and stuff.
It's true.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Spooner, are you now the Tom of this site?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You deserve five million cheesecakes.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-30 17:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:44:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't see the amazingness of this story...
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If it's done by spooner, it must be good!
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why does this have a positive rating?
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:54:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
The Story of Mr. Sanford.
....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! (<--- unnecessary exclamation points)
Nice 15 minute response time on THAT. Plus, taking it to an even more unexpected place.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:39:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you ever listen to King Missile?
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Never heard of him.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't see the amazingness of this story...
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy Medium Binder Clips (Moyennes Pinces de Reliure).
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you ever listen to King Missile?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
Submitted by deadgy6 (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy stories about busses running over things
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-03-30 16:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know what the hell I just read but there were two of them in the same post so what the fuck.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:54:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Story of Mr. Sanford.
Mr. Sanford was Mrs. Sanford's cat. Mrs. Sanford had never legally married and stole dildoes from the local dildo shop. She stole so many dildoes that the the dildo shop went out of business, and nobody else could buy them. Mrs. Sanford could have loaned out some of hers, but she was just that mean. Wouldn't share her dildoes.
Mrs. Sanford was so close to Mr. Sanford, that she eventually began calling herself Mrs. and clamining to be married to him. She thought Mr. Sanford loved her. She was wrong, he just relied on her for food. It was a learned response in the cat. When he rubs against her leg, he got treats. He thought Mrs. Sanford was an inanimate object, and was in love with one of the larger, more novel, dildoes that Mrs. Sanford owned.
Mr. Sanford was imperceptible of how mean Mrs. Sanford was, just as how we are inperceptible to how mean a specific chair might be. For all we know, the chair you're sitting on right now might be known throughout chairdom as the biggest dickhead of a chair in all of existence. Ever wonder why socks go missing? Other socks kill them for being dickheads. But these occur in their own little chair and sock worlds, ourselves oblivious to them.
Mr. Sanford wasn't sad Mrs. Sanford died. He thought she'd needed to be reupholstered, anyway, so he moved on to live with a small child that had been molested. The child had deep psychological problems, but the companionship provided by Mr. Sanford cured him immediately and forever. So it worked out well for everyone.
Mr. Sanford's new name became Buttons, because small children like buttons. Twenty years later that same child would develop an extreme bondage fetish, and "buttons" would be his safety word. But this is both unrelated to Mr. Sanford/Buttons and irrelevant.
Mr. Sanford was a grey tabby, and I probably should told you that earlier.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was on that bus...it was glorious
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, Mr. Sanford was married to the meanest person ever? What was (he like)/(his fate)?
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:37:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
Strange, but fun.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Strange, but fun.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're an odd kid Spence
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Speak more of this wonderful place with 10 cent coffee!!!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*checks bus schedule*
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of Sepsis. That fucker could write one pointless little story, that'd rock your world.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Years later, the baby would be told by her mother that she was the last baby Mrs. Sanford scowled at before being run over, and that made her feel special. But that and ten cents will get her a cup of coffee.
...............................
Short and sweet.
Should have read 'that and two bucks will get her a ride on a bus'.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love a noneventful ending.