the real shandythedog exposed! (724 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandyziehund (View user info) at 2006-03-30 20:33:21 EST
i know blogging is frowned upon (with exceptions such as my Astral Bride Loki) but as so many uberites are fascinated by the Legend that is STD i thought my new approach might help some of my starry eyed followers to understand that i am just an ordinary, mortal man:
Slept on the couch in the kitchen with gypsy last night - seemed to help with averting potential depression brought on by phone call with Stalin. it's so nice to pat and stroke her, feel her little body near mine. now and again, that is - not all the time. she is too dirty and smelly for that.
we awoke together in a slow and leisurely way, then wandered down the steps for a piss in the garden. after this she was keen to race down the corridor and leap onto isaac's bed and wake him up with a frenzy of kisses. prevented her by closing the door and retreated to the study to face the New Computer and see if the fucking patches and downloads etcetc that i had left running last night had fucking worked or not.
No sooner was i comfortably seated than Satan appeared. "My saviour!" she cried in a happy friendly voice, in stark contrast to the previous evening's sullen aggression over various of my failings on the domestic front.
My head and shoulders slumped involuntarily - I knew what she wanted bringing out an edge of hostility from Satan. The negotiation process began.
Finally, after much intense rage and anger and bellowing over malfunctioning floppy disks and missing computer cables and rearranging monitors, all done in a frantic state while the clock ticked on, and much blatant arse kissing and flattery from Satan, it was agreed I would write her assignment afresh before 9am if she ironed my Smart Casual Costume. It was actually quite easy and I had it done by 8:15 and amazingly got Isaac fed and clothed and to school just as the bell rang.
Returned home on schedule with time for a bath prior to heading off in my Smart Casual Costume to a training session for my new job and full entry into the Smart Casual World.
Computer upgrades had been a success. Mobile phone I obtained from the Cagey Abo is functioning. Last's night's depression - which was like a brief version of the usual themes of running away to asia and becoming a drugged out sex pervert, retiring to the coast on the dole or killing myself - apparently cleared.
Bath interrupted by phone call saying training is cancelled. Superb news.
Bath nterrupted by second phone call that i didn't reach in time because the fucking handset wasn't in the fucking holder.
Bath interupped by third phone call from stupid fucking brother whinging that he had been called THREE TIMES by mad sister about a sudden hike in body corporate fees. He also related again the story of the nut outside their place who had advised stevo that he better get his newspapers off the dash of his car as they would burst into flames and destroy his car. Stevo complied.
Also spoke to stevo about marine park issue. There is talk of a national marine park in eurobodella, like the one up in coff's hbr. The local council is apparently opposed. The local snr citizens, amongst whom is the human mother of gypsy, a lovely old lady, are apparently also opposed, but only because in their doddering state they think a marine park means a dolphin theme park which they regard as cruel. Must look into this. And also contact gov scientists re my discovery on beach of giant sea horse.
Called real estate agent. Uneventful apart from anal phone sex with receptionist.
Continued work on downloading shit on new computer. The cunt won't play dvds. Yet to be solved.
Smoked a bowl from the long ornamental bamboo pipe that miss ding gave me years ago, which I had discovered yesterday during the horrific tidying up of study in search of fukcing missing software disks. Note to self - must go and root miss ding. Perhaps even marry her? Actually, even the rooting might be tricky if she doesn't get that mole removed.
Now it is 12.14 pm. Perhaps another cone, then a little time to hopefully relax and feel nice, a little wander down to the shops with gypsy to buy a powerboard, hopefully obtain erection from checkout chick.
set up old computer on dining table next to satan's ridiculously expensive and unused sewing machine, extract phone number of cunt I promised to drink beer with.
Finish editing Satan's proposal.
perhaps delay suit hunting trip to vincent de pauls till saturday.
A couple of bourbon's perhaps.
Try and do some fucking tidying and housework.
Collect Isaac from school at three. Hopefully obtain erection from proximity to a certain mum with nice hair and throat and little boosies. ideally, isaac will be invited to friends house. do best to avoid looking compulsively and innappropriately at his friend's mum's generous cleavage if it is on display.
Await Satan's return.
Hopefully go out and get pissed and have some nice fun. Perhaps get satan to drop me off to eliminate temptation of drink driving later.
phone call from Satan demanding edited proposal asap - vital to her future career general hysterical gibber blah blah. cancel previous plans of walk to shop.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Under no circumstance will I risk having to change my user name, you have no idea the hassle I went through trying to get this back.
Submitted by disko (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Darko I gladly accept. It is indeed a fine gauntlet you have thrown.
This will be a classic battle of good vs evil.
I propose a dance off. The winner takes all. The loser must behead himself with a chainsaw live on the internet for winners viewing pleasure.
However there is a clause. The loser can avoid death, but must change his/her Ubersite name if they kick Maria Carey in the head within 24 hours of losing.
Accept?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
disko, you infuriate me with how much your name resembles mine. I challenge you to a battle to the death.
Submitted by disko (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
slamming a milf will cure your depression. guaranteed.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well my need for this type of thing has been met today
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-31 06:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bertram thinks you are splendid looking as well.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-31 06:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day I will grasp the exact nature of the relationship between you and Satan.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-31 06:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted to let you know you are a splendid looking man.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-03-31 02:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's great, that is.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 01:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's because gorrillas are carnivores and they'd eat the babies.
wait...
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wardy, at least i don't post about sucking gorrilas tits.
it's funny, you often hear of human baby's raised by wolves, but not by apes.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:10:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Who is Miss Ding?
Miss Ding (real name) is a very interesting character. in keeping with this real life theme, i will hopefully regale ubersite with the 'Miss Ding, Bobthetroubledtroboneplayer and the Floating Shit' anecdote.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-30 22:03:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD I FUCKING HATE YOU GET OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop drinking.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interestingly uninteresting
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo que?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-03-30 21:10:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Who is Miss Ding?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-03-30 20:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummmm.... yes?