Kick in the throat (1052 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.9 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Clark Normal (View user info) at 2006-03-30 22:49:09 EST
After reading this gem by shitfuck (http://www.ubersite.com/m/86050), I got to thinking...
That dude in the movies who's all tech-savvy and shit. Y'know, he's a super-cool-genius-hacker who has a computer in his backpack, in his watch, in his Game Boy (with silicon chips sticking out of the sides), and all that jazz. He doesn't even need to connect his Game Boy to anything to hack it. Hell, he's so badass, he can just point his laser pointer at something and yell "HAX!", and voila...
He has that I-don't-care-what-you-think attitude, accentuated by those AWESOME Rivers Cuomo glasses, maybe a spiked wristband or two also, just so you know that he's not like those UNCOOL hackers, like Matthew Broderick in WarGames.
His room is in some warehouse, where he's encircled by, like, 20 PCs and laptops, in a ring of tangled wires and utter fuckheadedness. He has snack foods and CDs everywhere, and he bumps his head to Prodigy as he hax0rs THE SYSTEM (fuck the system! PUNK ROCK WOO!). His hacking skills consist of clacking away at the keyboard with meth-head spider-fingers. On a word processor, it'd look a little bit like this:
KAJlasjdfakjew asfkjasdlfk;awflkasdj w fkjasflawenfa2oi3hsadjfasd (F4 F12) fn90294 (a little number pad action while the left hand FAJLDLKEJHDSLJFJAKLAJ's)...
His super-awesome hacker interface is a 3D wireframe landscape, with skulls and warning signs everywhere (because it's illegal, but he's a rebel), and column after column of fake-binary scrolling on the side of the screen. You know that he's successfully entered THE SYSTEM when he's killed the black knight and used the key on the big door. "SYSTEM successfully hacked," a female computer voice announces, while some anime character jumps up and down on the screen with joy.
"Alllll-right... WE'RE IN."
That's my cue: I'm gonna jump on that motherfucker's desk- I mean, nutsack, then kick him in the neck, and force his mouse all the way into his throat (he's not even using it). THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL...
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-03 23:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have nightmares about this stuff.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
true
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-31 07:56:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
you aren't invited to poker anymore.
---
Didn't you move to South Dakota or something?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a macro that types '1337' whenever I press it!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-31 10:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It reminds me of the dude from "Grandma's Boy."
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-31 08:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have gone with a karate chop to the throat, but whatever floats your boat...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-03-31 07:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you aren't invited to poker anymore.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-31 03:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Net with Sandra Bullock is one of the worst films I have ever had the misfortune to see. I remember every one of my orifices spasmed a little when she used ResEdit to 'delete a virus' in Wolfenstein 3D.
QUICK PUSH ESCAPE.
Now, you see that symbol? Hold shift, option, control and command and click on it twice.
WOOOOOH
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-03-31 03:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
7 kids using payphones and laptops with a 2800 BPS MODEM OMGWTF???!!1 can take down the control system for oil tankers.
They infect it with a virus.
That makes the ship sink.
The ships run on xp, yeah?
Submitted by Popple (user info) at 2006-03-31 02:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed. Not the best though.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-03-30 23:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did I mention that he also plays XBOX with one hand while doing all of this?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-30 23:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's good shit.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-30 23:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah.