How To Get Alot Of Money Which Will Land The Hot Girl (Hopefully) (993 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by moneyshot (View user info) at 2006-03-30 23:20:26 EST
Gather round kids. It's storytime. I figured it's time someone sat you down and told you the cold hard truth about love and relationships. You see, boys and girls, it's all a fairytale. From the earliest ages we are taught that one day a man will meet a woman, or perhaps another man, and fall in love with their personality and stunning good looks. Kids, this simply isn't true. First off, anyone who is described as someone with a good personality is ugly. You don't want to date ugly people do you? Good. Secondly, I want you to think about every romantic comedy you've ever seen and think about how ridiculous all of them were. Believe me, I know first hand. I once held up a boombox above my head and blasted Nine Inch Nails "Closer" into my super hot crush's room one night. Apparently, she wasn't impressed because she called the cops and I ended up in jail. Lloyd Dobbler I am not. You see, boys and girls, this type of behavior can land you in jail. But... as long as we're discussing possible jail time for love I can tell you exactly how to land the girl of your dreams if your willing to take a few small risks. Ready?
The first thing you want to do is find yourself a nice pimp and start making that "scrilla." You know what "scrilla" is kids? That's right! It's cold hard cash. So save your pennies until you have enough money to buy a gun and a getaway van. Everyone needs a getaway van. Even grownups. Okay? Got all that? Next you want to draw up escape plans. This should be easy. The last thing you want to do is buy ten thousand dollars worth of expensive state of the art computer technology and hire a sophisticated yet attractive Angelina Jolie look-alike to hack into a security system somewhere. This should be easy! She should always wear a headset and say things like "I need ten more minutes." or "I'm not getting through. Let me see if I can re-route this somehow." After all that you should be ready to rob your first bank boys and girls. Well, go ahead.
Alright, now you should have like a bizillion dollars in cold hard cash. Isn't that great boys and girls? Let's celebrate! Drinks for everybod... what? Oh, right. I was talking about the cold hard truth about love and relationships. Well now that you're super rich and hanging out with Bill Gates and Hugh Hefner you will probably meet alot of ladies. The first thing you want to do is walk in front of the lady you like and drop a huge wad of cash (It can be all one's even!) and then bend over to pick it up. Then say "Oops. I accidently dropped a million dollars on the ground." Then, and this is important kids, light a cigarette with a hundred dollar bill in front of her. It shows that you don't care about money and also that you're very classy. Now, one of two things should happen. She'll either walk over to you an introduce herself or she'll play hard to get. If she does the first thing you're good. The second is a little harder. Boys and girls, sometimes adults do the opposite of what they really mean because we're silly. For instance, women will sometimes ignore you when they really like you. How can you tell the difference you ask? Well, you can't just walk up and ask them "Do you like me or are you ignoring me?" because they probably won't give you the right answer. A good way to tell is to fake choking on some food right in front of them and pass out. If they like you secretly they might want to do the heimlich manuver. If they don't they'll probably just let you choke.
Well, I hope that cleared up some things for you kiddies. If you followed my advice right now you should be kicking back in a fat pad with a beautiful honey on a bed made of money. That's the good life kids. Ahhhhh. And remember if you ever need to talk about anything just come down to the county jail between the hours of three and five p.m. and tell me through the glass silly! You know where to find me. Bye kids!
User Reviews
Submitted by DoctorPhil (user info) at 2006-06-26 06:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
502 hits bugger all (5) reviews this piece of genuine crap should be taken out the back and shot.........
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
needs more BOSH
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-03-31 02:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That's all fine and dandy, but You still need a dick.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 01:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
94 hits and 3 reviews.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2006-03-31 00:59:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
51 hits and 2 reviews ...
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-03-31 00:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't bad, too bad I'm not in the mood for superficial.. so +0 to even that out