Ten Things I've Learned By Age Thirty (3335 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.41 on 112 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Razor <Jeremy_21117.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-03-31 14:26:08 EST
1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
2. The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
3. Married people actually do get more sex than single people no matter what the rumors and jokes say. People with little kids, however, are shit outta luck.
4. Winston Churchill, in point of fact, never made the comment "If you are not a liberal at twenty-five, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative by thirty-five you have no brains." A simple examination of his records shows that the exact opposite is true! He was a conservative at a young age, and had switched to the liberal party by the time he was thirty five.
5. There really is nothing more important in the world than your children, unless you're a jackass.
6. The fact that marijuana is illegal and cigarettes and alcohol seems just as stupid now as it did when I was young. The real reason pot is illegal, ladies and gentlemen, is that your elected representatives are afraid to touch the issue.
7. History will look back at how we treat gay people the same way we look back at the Jim Crow laws of the South in the early part of the 20th century, and they will shake their heads.
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
9. It is an absolute crime that high schools will let people graduate without a full understanding of economic topics like balancing a checkbook, managing your credit score, and saving money. Home Economics needs to get rid of the "Betty Bakesale" reputation and become a required course.
10. Saying "If I knew then what I knew now" is completely useless unless you have a time machine.
User Reviews
Submitted by knowledge13 (user info) at 2008-01-28 13:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"10. Saying "If I knew then what I knew now" is completely useless unless you have a time machine."
classic, i liked that... +2
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2006-04-16 22:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+jew
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-04-04 02:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
u forgot one thing
U ARE A JEW
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-04-04 02:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:35:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:44:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags."
+2 for that alone.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:44:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags."
+2 for that alone.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for everything except the 22 remark. Say it next week and I'll agree with all ten
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-04-03 10:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags."
+2 for that alone.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-04-03 03:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-04-01 01:49:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:33:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:24:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
OMG! CAUL JUST CALLED SOMETHING ELETIST! BUT HE'S FRENCH!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!!!
<kiss, kiss>
===
I'M FRENCH-CANADIAN, YOU AMERICAN RETARD! THAT'S LIKE SAYING BRAZILIANS ARE SPANIARDS.
GO READ WIKIPEDIA OR SOMETHING! `:~(
__________________________________________________
That's about enough out of you Frenchie.
But it fills my heart with woe that you did not go off on the "pot calling the kettle black" analogy as I had hoped. I know how much you love that one. I set it up just for you. =(
===
I had noticed that fucking analogy. It's so inane and overused, it makes me nauseous. The english language is great for imagery, this is crap.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-02 22:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coulda been better.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Iccy, that was fucking hilarious.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-04-02 21:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Boom Shakalaka!"
-NBA Jam Announcer
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-04-02 20:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
>>I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?<<
Okay, I agree with you on the flame decals, and the heated seats and the ultra-expensive air fresheners.
But c'mon, they NEED subwoofers.
See, the heavy bass augment reality by deading those portions of the brain resposible for self-conciousness. No, really it's a healthy thing. See that way, by the time they're 40-something mulleteers with beer guts, receding hairlines, meaningless jobs, child support payments, they'll actually feel okay about their place in the world. Think about it; if it weren't for subwoofers think of all the grocery and retail chain store managers that would have killed themselves long ago. Who would the rest of us have to yell at when we go to return a toaster oven? Jimmy the stockboy?
Okay, so most of you are probably saying "yeah, but liquor does the same thing." Pfft. Subwoofers are a victimless crime. When's the last time you heard about someone getting in an accident over heavy bass? Okay, there was that one time in Sweden, but that's like the accident that proves the rule.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-04-02 19:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where were you when I was 18? I've already figured all this shit out by now, but it would have been MUCH MORE USEFUL THEN!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-04-02 18:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you can believe anything on the web, try this...
http://blogs.salon.com/0002762/stories/2003/12/22/whyIsMarijuanaIllegal.html
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-02 18:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was fully legal up until not too long ago. ironically, it was illegalized not because of it's altering qualities at all but rather because hemp paper was a huge competitive threat to the wood-pulp paper business.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-02 18:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought pot was criminalized for racial reasons during prohibition.
I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I read a few articles about it going from illegal to criminal because black speakeasies allowed it, and made them more popular.
Obviously, that's not all the facts I read and such, but I really don't want to take the few minutes to find the carticles and link them.
It's Sunday.
I'm lazy.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-02 18:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-04-02 15:41:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought that pot is still illegal because the government can't make any money off of it, like it can with ciggarettes and alcohol. That's the reason alcohol was REALLY originally prohibited - because the gov. couldn't quite figure out a way to earn money off of something that was being used everywhere, so they prohibited it, and then taxed it when they saw how big of a demand there was for it. Same with ciggs. sans prohibition."
maybe, but maybe not; marijuana wasn't illegalized because of that.
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2006-04-02 17:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They speak Portuguese in Brazil.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-04-02 15:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought that pot is still illegal because the government can't make any money off of it, like it can with ciggarettes and alcohol. That's the reason alcohol was REALLY originally prohibited - because the gov. couldn't quite figure out a way to earn money off of something that was being used everywhere, so they prohibited it, and then taxed it when they saw how big of a demand there was for it. Same with ciggs. sans prohibition.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-04-02 13:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whatever happened to titinita?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-02 12:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok well in that case i need to email you, it'll be from archon_templar.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-02 08:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to think the same way you do about #7, but after the seeing the last American election practically won by the votes of the religious, gay-fearing public, I'm going to have to sadly disagree. I think those who dislike gays are primarily religious, and I don't see religion taking a back seat to anything for the next long while.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-04-02 07:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-04-02 05:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, Mike, you're a fucking genius.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-04-02 04:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I remember her.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-01 20:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey you remember blujnbbyqn?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:29:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How's that saying go?
Youth is wasted on the young.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-01 10:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you, Wardy. That's what I was going to say.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-04-01 10:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-04-01 07:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say. This was just really, really good. I think number 8 was my favorite, and I'm under 22. Well done.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-04-01 01:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:33:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:24:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
OMG! CAUL JUST CALLED SOMETHING ELETIST! BUT HE'S FRENCH!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!!!
<kiss, kiss>
===
I'M FRENCH-CANADIAN, YOU AMERICAN RETARD! THAT'S LIKE SAYING BRAZILIANS ARE SPANIARDS.
GO READ WIKIPEDIA OR SOMETHING! `:~(
__________________________________________________
That's about enough out of you Frenchie.
But it fills my heart with woe that you did not go off on the "pot calling the kettle black" analogy as I had hoped. I know how much you love that one. I set it up just for you. =(
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2006-04-01 00:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-01 00:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:18:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
---Negative. Eagles concert.
2. The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
---What exactly is anybody supposed to accomplish in their lives? Last I checked, the only things I HAVE to do are breathing, pissing my pants, and eat plenty of watermelons and swiss rolls. I suggest you wake up and smell the asscrack of society my friend, and realize that rational thought IS something worth patting yourself on the back for.
3. Married people actually do get more sex than single people no matter what the rumors and jokes say. People with little kids, however, are shit outta luck.
---People with self-confidence tend to have sexual relations more than anyone. I can't comment on the kids, but I've watched enough movies and television to assume that this child thing would think you're wrestling. Full House? No. This is killing me......Home Alone? According To Jim? Not sure, but I would assume Jim Belushi has trodded that path of regurgitation.
4. Winston Churchill, in point of fact, never made the comment "If you are not a liberal at twenty-five, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative by thirty-five you have no brains." A simple examination of his records shows that the exact opposite is true! He was a conservative at a young age, and had switched to the liberal party by the time he was thirty five.
---NO WAY. NOT WINSTON. Get this. Fifth grade. Mrs. Boobcheck is going outside to water some plants. Winston throws me a half pound of cocaine over my sisters head for the Butterfinger I scored him the day before. Get this. Sniper shoots the bag because he thinks it's an Arabic bald eagle, coke goes into my sisters vagina. She was 27 years old.
5. There really is nothing more important in the world than your children, unless you're a jackass.
---You need to amend this to say that this includes animals, because there are some, and i'm not going to name names or anything REPTILES, or FISH, and I'm not sure about either of those, but they leave their kids like it's hot sauce cancer, and hot sauce cancer is hot as fuck.
6. The fact that marijuana is illegal and cigarettes and alcohol seems just as stupid now as it did when I was young. The real reason pot is illegal, ladies and gentlemen, is that your elected representatives are afraid to touch the issue.
---I think the real reason why is because I can't remember who wrote this, or where I am. MySpace? Today was rough. I cooked an italian bear for dinner, and I felt like I was eating his soul, his very being. I can't give it up though, can I? Jake was a dick at work today. He knows that I'm the only one except for him that eats tuna, and today he ate my pizza. I'm going to write legislation and see if it's legal to put cigarettes out on a person's face yet.
7. History will look back at how we treat gay people the same way we look back at the Jim Crow laws of the South in the early part of the 20th century, and they will shake their heads.
---History has bad eyesight and an affinity for being manipulated.
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
---I made the cut! Oh man! Do we get the big lockers with space for my shoes, bra? Can I beat down those little fuckers with my gigantic throbcock of malice? I can't argue this. It's perfection, and anyone willing to say otherwise has a twelve o'clock appointment with me, YMCA, i'm taking you full-court basketball. To the dome, baby! TO THE DOME!!!!!
9. It is an absolute crime that high schools will let people graduate without a full understanding of economic topics like balancing a checkbook, managing your credit score, and saving money. Home Economics needs to get rid of the "Betty Bakesale" reputation and become a required course.
---I'm going to go back to one of my posts, it's in my head so i'm not going to linkwhore it, so, I puked into this backpack I made for home ec class to feed my family, and my peg-legged teacher was not amused. Granted, it was seeping out slowly from a shitty patching job on the bottom, but still, I need parental love, you understand? Need it. That proves why you should take an accounting class in high school or college. Well, actually I think it's required, so... maybe people are just retarded when it comes to common sense.
10. Saying "If I knew then what I knew now" is completely useless unless you have a time machine.
---Who the fuck has a time machine? Was that some sort of attempt in your head, like "if I'm going to get this guy, it's going to be on uber, and it's going to be the last line, that line that just taunts the time machine owner into giving to me what I desire so badly." Okay, so who has it? Just fess up, because Razor wants back the shitty brown coloring and weird italic type. It took me seventeen hours to type this reply.
----------------
Best response ever. Ever.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-03-31 23:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus, I hope I know you when you are my age.
It gets worse. Trust me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
------------------
Hey, fuck you, guy.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh man it's great to see the old GLALL again
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GLALL, I don't know what to say about that reply except... wow.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
---Negative. Eagles concert.
2. The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
---What exactly is anybody supposed to accomplish in their lives? Last I checked, the only things I HAVE to do are breathing, pissing my pants, and eat plenty of watermelons and swiss rolls. I suggest you wake up and smell the asscrack of society my friend, and realize that rational thought IS something worth patting yourself on the back for.
3. Married people actually do get more sex than single people no matter what the rumors and jokes say. People with little kids, however, are shit outta luck.
---People with self-confidence tend to have sexual relations more than anyone. I can't comment on the kids, but I've watched enough movies and television to assume that this child thing would think you're wrestling. Full House? No. This is killing me......Home Alone? According To Jim? Not sure, but I would assume Jim Belushi has trodded that path of regurgitation.
4. Winston Churchill, in point of fact, never made the comment "If you are not a liberal at twenty-five, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative by thirty-five you have no brains." A simple examination of his records shows that the exact opposite is true! He was a conservative at a young age, and had switched to the liberal party by the time he was thirty five.
---NO WAY. NOT WINSTON. Get this. Fifth grade. Mrs. Boobcheck is going outside to water some plants. Winston throws me a half pound of cocaine over my sisters head for the Butterfinger I scored him the day before. Get this. Sniper shoots the bag because he thinks it's an Arabic bald eagle, coke goes into my sisters vagina. She was 27 years old.
5. There really is nothing more important in the world than your children, unless you're a jackass.
---You need to amend this to say that this includes animals, because there are some, and i'm not going to name names or anything REPTILES, or FISH, and I'm not sure about either of those, but they leave their kids like it's hot sauce cancer, and hot sauce cancer is hot as fuck.
6. The fact that marijuana is illegal and cigarettes and alcohol seems just as stupid now as it did when I was young. The real reason pot is illegal, ladies and gentlemen, is that your elected representatives are afraid to touch the issue.
---I think the real reason why is because I can't remember who wrote this, or where I am. MySpace? Today was rough. I cooked an italian bear for dinner, and I felt like I was eating his soul, his very being. I can't give it up though, can I? Jake was a dick at work today. He knows that I'm the only one except for him that eats tuna, and today he ate my pizza. I'm going to write legislation and see if it's legal to put cigarettes out on a person's face yet.
7. History will look back at how we treat gay people the same way we look back at the Jim Crow laws of the South in the early part of the 20th century, and they will shake their heads.
---History has bad eyesight and an affinity for being manipulated.
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
---I made the cut! Oh man! Do we get the big lockers with space for my shoes, bra? Can I beat down those little fuckers with my gigantic throbcock of malice? I can't argue this. It's perfection, and anyone willing to say otherwise has a twelve o'clock appointment with me, YMCA, i'm taking you full-court basketball. To the dome, baby! TO THE DOME!!!!!
9. It is an absolute crime that high schools will let people graduate without a full understanding of economic topics like balancing a checkbook, managing your credit score, and saving money. Home Economics needs to get rid of the "Betty Bakesale" reputation and become a required course.
---I'm going to go back to one of my posts, it's in my head so i'm not going to linkwhore it, so, I puked into this backpack I made for home ec class to feed my family, and my peg-legged teacher was not amused. Granted, it was seeping out slowly from a shitty patching job on the bottom, but still, I need parental love, you understand? Need it. That proves why you should take an accounting class in high school or college. Well, actually I think it's required, so... maybe people are just retarded when it comes to common sense.
10. Saying "If I knew then what I knew now" is completely useless unless you have a time machine.
---Who the fuck has a time machine? Was that some sort of attempt in your head, like "if I'm going to get this guy, it's going to be on uber, and it's going to be the last line, that line that just taunts the time machine owner into giving to me what I desire so badly." Okay, so who has it? Just fess up, because Razor wants back the shitty brown coloring and weird italic type. It took me seventeen hours to type this reply.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 22:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Just keep in mind, Fuckwad, Baby Boomers like me have always been responsible
for your existence... :<D
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-31 21:29:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good, but 7's a bit of an exaggeration, and 9 is not an accident.
Submitted by malkavian (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2. The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
+2 Kicker of all ass (baby boomer's ass)
It's astonishing how you use just the right words I was looking for. I've been thinking that for ages.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"5. There really is nothing more important in the world than your children, unless you're a jackass."
Well breathing is more important. How could I care about any kids I had if I was dead?
;)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:42:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't understand how people can not figure out how to balance a checkbook.
maybe i'm just a supergenius and difficult topics come very easily to me...but it's not a difficult topic.
subtract. subtract. subtract. add. subtract. add.
etc.
what the fu ck?
===
Because with credit, most young people and many adults can't resist the urge of buying useless crap since it's not a "real" debt that they can put off for later. Until creditors start harassing them, then it becomes real all of a sudden. "MY LIFE IS SO STRESSFUL...WHY!?!"
Also, many peole, especially teenagers which society requires them to be heavy consumers starting age 10, would rather deal with the stress of debts than the peer pressure (ex: latest clothes, latest cell phones, latest this, latest that...) I remember that when I was a teenager, looking cool was a lot more important than financial health. Turns out I wasted all my money on beer so I wasn't even cool :-|
There are even barely pubescent girls who offer sexual favors to old men in malls (a growing phenomenon) so they can buy more crap. There must be some pretty strong pressure on these kids to reach that point...combined with some stupidity of course.
I know, this isn't exactly news BUT BOY DO I LIKE TYPING. TEEPEETAP TAP TAP TEEEP A;SKDFJ;ASJDF;IASJ;DKFJAL;SKDFJ SDF YAAAAAAAAA!
____________________________________________________________
Caul's brain was ripped by all the beer. That, or the buttsecks with Jack...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't understand how people can not figure out how to balance a checkbook.
maybe i'm just a supergenius and difficult topics come very easily to me...but it's not a difficult topic.
subtract. subtract. subtract. add. subtract. add.
etc.
what the fu ck?
_______________________________________
What? I have checks left; I must have money......
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:29:02 (#)
Ranking: -1
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags"
^_^
____________________________________________________
People under the age of fifty are simple-minde......... What was I saying??
:(
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-31 20:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey wardy... your obsession with me knows no bounds.
In other news:
I'M FRENCH-CANADIAN, YOU AMERICAN RETARD! THAT'S LIKE SAYING BRAZILIANS ARE SPANIARDS.
GO READ WIKIPEDIA OR SOMETHING! `:~(
is just about the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen all things considered.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey, how does it feel to be an unoriginal homo?
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can kiss my douchebag ass.
I gotta go get my '02 Neon fitted for some spinners, nigga.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I slao learned how to smoke cocaine before I was thirty but sadly, I had to give that up to go "corporate" and earn my first cool mill.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While I don't agree with all of it, I find your ideas interesting, and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 19:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:50:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
brazilians would be portuguese you schmuck.
==
Ahem...yeah...pls ignore that brain fart.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
brazilians would be portuguese you schmuck.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:24:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
OMG! CAUL JUST CALLED SOMETHING ELETIST! BUT HE'S FRENCH!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!!!
<kiss, kiss>
===
I'M FRENCH-CANADIAN, YOU AMERICAN RETARD! THAT'S LIKE SAYING BRAZILIANS ARE SPANIARDS.
GO READ WIKIPEDIA OR SOMETHING! `:~(
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
--------------
This is so true. I'm almost 22 and I hate everyone my age. I don't really care if they blow their money but they're fucking stupid and irresponsible for many other reasons.
In other news, there's a kid outside trying to play "Frère Jacques" on his trumpet. He's been doing this all week and he's still horrible. I can't wait until I get off but it looks like I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the night again either way.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:24:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AND I JUST SPELLED ELITIST INCORRECTLY!!!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OMG! CAUL JUST CALLED SOMETHING ELETIST! BUT HE'S FRENCH!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!!!
<kiss, kiss>
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:05:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:29:02 (#)
Ranking: -1
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags"
^_^
_____________
you're only 21?
===
I'm 24. I just think that statement was elitist or just plain dumb.
Submitted by Brendon (user info) at 2006-03-31 18:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:29:02 (#)
Ranking: -1
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags"
^_^
_____________
you're only 21?
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-03-31 17:30:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought. "
As an 18 year old the world becomes clearer... note I would have tricked out my car at 17... but I drive a Ford Tempo. Yes, everyone under 22 is a burden on to society.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-03-31 17:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the part where you rip on the baby boomers, but I don't like the part about the homersexuals.
Not because my religious or political persuasions dictate otherwise, I just don't know how you can have a post dealing with "things you've learned (<---past tense) that then goes on to predict future events.
Sure, sure, there's that whole "those who weren't history majors are doomed to do stupid things over and over again" or however that goes, but I still see an egregious breach of format here.
Basically, it looks to me like you sacrificed everything this post was supposed to represent in order to make a political point. Face it. You can't have learned something that hasn't happened yet.
Also, your wife +2ed you on a post where you talk about the concentration of MILFs in a particular geographic area. Is that weird to anyone but me?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
9 was an especially good point. I graduated high school knowing about differential equations, Samuel Coleridge, Alexander the Great, particle physics and Florentine art, but I really don't know know dick about the real world.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't understand how people can not figure out how to balance a checkbook.
maybe i'm just a supergenius and difficult topics come very easily to me...but it's not a difficult topic.
subtract. subtract. subtract. add. subtract. add.
etc.
what the fu ck?
===
Because with credit, most young people and many adults can't resist the urge of buying useless crap since it's not a "real" debt that they can put off for later. Until creditors start harassing them, then it becomes real all of a sudden. "MY LIFE IS SO STRESSFUL...WHY!?!"
Also, many peole, especially teenagers which society requires them to be heavy consumers starting age 10, would rather deal with the stress of debts than the peer pressure (ex: latest clothes, latest cell phones, latest this, latest that...) I remember that when I was a teenager, looking cool was a lot more important than financial health. Turns out I wasted all my money on beer so I wasn't even cool :-|
There are even barely pubescent girls who offer sexual favors to old men in malls (a growing phenomenon) so they can buy more crap. There must be some pretty strong pressure on these kids to reach that point...combined with some stupidity of course.
I know, this isn't exactly news BUT BOY DO I LIKE TYPING. TEEPEETAP TAP TAP TEEEP A;SKDFJ;ASJDF;IASJ;DKFJAL;SKDFJ SDF YAAAAAAAAA!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:35:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think he means "balance a checkbook" as a catch all phrase that means, "overall financial savvy".
I thought I was pretty good at personal finance until we bought a house. We wanted a fence so we could get dogs and since we were tapped out buying the house, financed it through the fence company. We really just needed to float the fence thing until a work bonus came through so we didn't pay that much attention to the interest rate because we knew we were going to pay it off. When we went to pay it off, we found out that it was structured under a deal called the rule of 72.
bottom line: paying it off early did nothing NOTHING to reduce the interest charges because this rule of 72 thing allowed them to front load the interest
I'm still not 100% convinced that it was legal.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:42:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
.......
--
Quint damage control.
Where's a hungry great white when you need one?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marijuana was originally made illegal because it would create a monopoly on the cotton industry (hemp is better in every way). The narcotic aspect was a cop-out.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:02:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I needed rotator cuff surgery from patting myself on the back so much.
Now I just pat myself on the front, or more specifically, in my nutsac region.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
____________________
I don't know, man, I've seen some beastly moms there. That's why I opt for their offspring instead.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-03-31 16:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I learned all this shit by now and I'm just 20.
Oh wait, was that too douchey of me?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
======================
i love this
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tim's right.
Though he needed to throw a few more subtracts in there to make it more lifelike.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i don't understand how people can not figure out how to balance a checkbook.
maybe i'm just a supergenius and difficult topics come very easily to me...but it's not a difficult topic.
subtract. subtract. subtract. add. subtract. add.
etc.
what the fu ck?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
+
fuck you for that comment.
everything else was nice:
"You can't trust anyone over thirty"
*sighs*
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How dare you besmirk my generation! We are all beautiful, intelligent, confident and unique. Every single one of us.
Although nobody reads our blogs as much as we'd like :-(.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In high school it was called 'Consumer Math' and it taught the things you speak of.
I've used what I learned in that class more than any other math class I've taken.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
.......
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 30 in May. You made me feel a bit better about it.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#9 is soooooo true. Most kids know the fucking date the Magna Carta was signed (1215!) and all about the periodic table and other bullshit they will probably never need. But ask them to balance a checkbook or do any of the other simple things you do day to day and you will get a blank stare and a "Huh?"
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:29:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags"
^_^
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
But that's how movies say I get the ladies!!!
Little cocks with hard ons for plastic need to be shot.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I turn 30 in about 2 months and I couldn't agree more. One of my favorite quotes (and I don't remember who said it) is "What have I learned most in my thirties? That people in their twenties don't know dick."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember the day wardy became crazy. Here we thought he was an interesting guy with a professional athlete for a brother, and then he want al GLALL on us. Though now he is just as crazy, if not more so, than GLALL.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you're right, i just can't get enough... ehhhhhhhhhhh....
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:17:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
that or i think you're a tool... you were close, though...
-----
If you really didn't like me, you'd ignore my stuff and move on. Note how rarely I review your posts.
You, however, are sickly obsessed. Look at you! You claim to have hated the post, but you certainly came back to see if I responded to you.
Classic obsessive behavior.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
that or i think you're a tool... you were close, though...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
-------
actually, I beg to differ - I went to State PTA Convention last year, and THAT was amazing...however, you do get a lot of heifers, too.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not exactly life-altering, but still pretty true.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh... Jack... I'm not my wife, if that's what the caps lock induced frenzy was about.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-31 15:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:52:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
provacative and enlightening, as usual.
-----
On my nuts, as usual. You so want me for man love it's pathetic.
WE WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WARDY!
Submitted by ripopotmus (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"9. It is an absolute crime that high schools will let people graduate without a full understanding of economic topics like balancing a checkbook, managing your credit score, and saving money. Home Economics needs to get rid of the "Betty Bakesale" reputation and become a required course.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I totally agree. I felt like I had been cheated when I went to apply for my first loan, or get a credit card that doesn't suck dicks and I had no idea where to begin or what to look for. Kids need to be taught in high school (when MANY kids start working) how to manage their money and make it work FOR them instead or against them.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love how I saw my first lojope sighting in forever when she reviewed a post, and the people were right on top of uberboarding her.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Probably all true.
I wouldn't know, I'm only 14 years old.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
provacative and enlightening, as usual.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
YOU SHOULD BE WRITING STORIES11111111111
TO TAEK BACK UBER1111111111111111
YOU ARE FUNKING WASTEING TIME WITH THIS DRIVEL11111111111
BASTARD I HAD TO INTERRUPT MY STORY TO YELL AT YOU AND TELL YOU TO GET WRITING WHEN I SHOULD BE WRITING YOU BASTARD1111111111111
I BROKE MY FUCKING CAPS LOCK BUTTON YOU FUCKING COBSUCKERJESUSCHRISTFUCK NOW HOW CAN I WRITE MY STORY YOU FUCKING BASTARD I HATE YOU FUK111111111111111111111
"7. History will look back at how we treat gay people the same way we look back at the Jim Crow laws of the South in the early part of the 20th century, and they will shake their heads."
AHAHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHA111
NO THEY WON'T BECAUSE THE NEGROES WEREN'T SODOMITES1111111
WELL MAYBE A FEW OF THEM WERE BUT THEN THAT MAKES THEM WORSE THAN BLACKS OR GAYS111111
A DOUBLE-WHAMMY (BUT THEY'RE NICE TO THEIR MAMMY. AND KNOW HOW TO GO HAT SHOPPING WITH THEM AND WILL PAY FOR THEIR HAIR APPOINTMENTS AND STUFF SO THEY CAN SOCIALIZE WITH THEIR FRIENDS AT THE SALON AND TALK ABOUT THE KIND OF STUFF BLACK PEOPLE TALK ABOUT).
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and i don't care what anyone says, i was fucking cool when i was 17
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:30:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, but a good meh.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO BECAUSE I'M 22! According to this, I'm no longer a douche-bag!
I'm going to sit on the front lawn and yell at the kids walking by...until they pull out their guns. Then I'll run away. Run far, far away.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:47 (#)
Ranking: 1
that's right scoureg, I called you a 21 year old douchebag, wanna fight about it?
===
My 29th is coming up pretty quickly, douchebag is debatable, AND, I don't internet fight anymore.
Sorry.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
3. Married people actually do get more sex than single people no matter what the rumors and jokes say. .
--------------------------------------------
Let's review: People with little kids, however, are shit outta luck
Picture in your mind, a man, as a metaphor for married sex-life. Your first child is like kicking him in the balls. Your second child is like two in the back of the head mafia style.
The moral: no need to be in a huge hurry to procreate
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
AND I called you scoureg, what you gonna do about it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
that's right scoureg, I called you a 21 year old douchebag, wanna fight about it?
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
number 9 is the only one i agree with strongly.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
21 year old douchebag
|
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v
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1. true
2. true
3. true
4. huh
5. true
6. true, when combined with the influence of the alcohol industry
7. true
8. there are SOME exceptions
9. true
10. true
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you old man!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh, but a good meh.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TIME MACHINE
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-31 14:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I must be a jackass because I regularly toss my kids into a tissue and throw them away.