I'd like to stab your beady eye out. (900 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: work
Rating: 1.46 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-04-01 11:50:10 EST
All I can hear is that tapping. Even without looking, I know where the noise is coming from. It's coming from the fat man sitting on my left. He's rattling his pen against the table, tap tap tap tap
Suddenly he stops the incessant tapping, and then all I can hear is the air rushing in and out of his nose every time he takes a breath. Fuck man, open your mouth to breathe if it's so hard to get your oxygen intake through your nose!
Fuck man.
I glance over in his direction, my gaze stopping at his wrist. The gold chain that sits against his pink skin is tempting. I'm tempted to reach over, grab it and yank it off. But it probably wouldn't even break. It'd just make his arm jerk over towards me. Even the thought of his porky arm coming any closer is too much to stomach.
I hate this dude. When we're at work, he likes to lean in close and mumble things in my ear. I like to pretend my ear is leaking a odorless gas that will slowly but surely kill him.
He asks the same question, time and again. Fuck man, think! Think! Don't glare at me when I lose my patience, you pink-skinned idiot!
It's impossible for me to talk to him. I just can't. I can't even think about him without feeling the anger surge through my veins. He laughs too loud, and for too long. Usually when he says something 'funny'.
He talks about all of his 'black friends'. He says he picks up chicks at the bar with his phone... because it's that cool. 'Where's the party at tonight, guys?! Ha HA HA HA!'
Motherfucker, I'm not interested in hanging out at the Applebees bar with you, and no, you're not coming over this weekend when we bbq in the back yard.
And while we're at it, I hate when you stand too close to me. I feel sick when I think about your skin flakes settling on your shoulders. Also, when you have to take a shit, and you fart, it stinks pretty damn bad, dude.
The End
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-05-04 11:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like stories that end with "the end."
I've been saying this lately, aloud. People look at me strangely.
I hate people.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2006-04-03 14:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...sounds to me like somebody has a crush...
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-04-02 19:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-01 15:48:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus Christ, I'm SORRY, ok!?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-04-02 03:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-04-02 03:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I MISS CORN NUGGET!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-04-01 22:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about bart
User id: 1
Registered on or around: 1999-11-30 02:06:04
# Messages posted: 125
# Reviews written: 5416
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 5736
# Hits: 1000249
Average rating of all messages: 0.96
ONE MILLION HITS
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-01 16:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I think I already did.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-04-01 15:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to fuck your ass inside out.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-01 15:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus Christ, I'm SORRY, ok!?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-04-01 14:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:13:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
These broads who come into Uber to bitch about their co-workers, their family, their friends...it's getting old.
Most of youse are no fucking prizes, either.
=============
Well, I guess that squelches my rant I was planning.
meh, I might just do it anyway.
It'll be entertaining because hospital workers are insane.
Hell, just look at me!
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-04-01 13:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Gross but interesting.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-01 13:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:13:25 (#)
Ranking: -1
These broads who come into Uber to bitch about their co-workers, their family, their friends...it's getting old.
Most of youse are no fucking prizes, either.
---
He doesn't mean me. Or you corn.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know a few people this describes perfectly.
They are now rotting under my bed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
These broads who come into Uber to bitch about their co-workers, their family, their friends...it's getting old.
Most of youse are no fucking prizes, either.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-04-01 12:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahhaha
Why do you never hear girls saying that they can pick up blokes with phones or other electrical applainces?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-04-01 11:57:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written, but this didn't go anywhere.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-04-01 11:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It takes a rare breed to hate so utterly without so little reason.
I really fucking hate people that laugh too long and too loud, especially at their own ignorance, it really makes me want to fucking stab them in the throat.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-04-01 11:51:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge: Homer, remember you promised you'd try to limit pork to six
servings a week?
Homer: Marge, I'm only human.
Principal Charming