How To Fuck Up Your Life Beyond Repair. (1609 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: -0.44 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2006-04-02 00:20:44 EST
Anyone who is remotely internet savvy knows that there is a fortune to be made these days by writing a quality E-book and/or correctly marketing any given product using Google Adwords, Ebay, Clickbank.com and what have you.
If you're smart, literate and have the time, you CAN make yourself independantly wealthy. This is an avenue, however, that is not for everyone. I have many friends who are aware of this but prefer the structure and security of their 9 to 5 job with health insurance, friends, and the rest of the bullshit that is Corporate World.
For me, however, after spending all my youth working for peanuts for some random asshole who through better education and seniority have basically had complete control over my life, I have choosen the risky path of internet marketing and am currently writing an E-book. I've stumbled upon something all writers endure: writer's block. Even though I have a topic that through research, I KNOW will make serious money when it's completed, it's a topic that I am unfamiliar with and not very interested in, so it's becoming tedious, and the research is just plain goddamned boring.
Therefore I've decided to write an E-book on a topic I am MOST familiar with, and publish it right here for your benefit: How To Fuck Up Your Life Beyond Repair.
Chapter 1
This is the most important step to fucking up your life, so if you read nothing else in this book, pay attention to this chapter.
Start drinking.
Slowly at first. Then gradually more and more and more. Argue with your wife. Become arrogant and beligerant. When people suggest you may have a drinking problem, tell them what a jackass they are and treat them disdainfully. Be selfish and cruel.
It's very important to develop an extremely high tolerance to alchol. As this will take a fair amount of time it's imperative that you begin right away. Seriously, go to the 7-11 right now and by a case.
At first you will just be irritated by those pesky jerks that say they "care," when what they REALLY want is for you to stop enjoying yourself. Then you'll become angrier at them as they continue their inccesent whining.
When this happens, congratulations! You are now WELL on your way to fucking up your life beyond repair.
Chapter 2
Take people for granted. This is a great suppliment to drinking and will help speed up the process of fucking up your life forever.
That wife you have that works hard, cooks every night, does the laundry, and even cleans the bathrooms? Fuck her. Stupid bitch. She just doesn't understand that you work HARD and when you get home, you just want to relax with a brew or two. Fucking women.
Your mom who worries that you may drink too much? Well Jesus. She's always been a worry-wart where you're concerned anyway. Christ. Can't these people see that you're in complete control?
That boss who mentioned that you smelled like alcohol yesterday morning that perhaps you'd better be more careful in the future; that jerk. How dare he mention something about your private life! Forget the fact that he could have just fired you on the spot, that asshole is sticking his nose where it just doesn't belong.
Chapter 3.
Get so fed up with it all that you leave your wife. Since you're a smart guy and a survivor, and to prove to the world that you're right and she's wrong, just give her everything; the house, the furniture...the computers, the appliances...everything. Just walk out. That way, people will KNOW that she must have been awful, and plus you'll have great stories to tell...to...uh...somebody.
Also, quit your job. You've got the experience, the knowledge, the looks and the education to find another, better job anyway, right?
RIGHT.
Chapter 4.
Under NO circumstances let guilt get the better of you. Instead, drink more to kill the guilt. That's the only logical solution. Get so drunk that you run out of booze, and drive to the store to get some more.
Get pulled over. Get tested for DUI. Get arrested. Get thrown in Jail.
Chapter 5.
TA-DA! You did it! You've totally fucked up your life beyond repair! Now you're homeless, alone, broke, growing old, paying alimony, AND your a criminal! Your life is FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL REPAIR!
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There you have it. My first completed E-book. Since I'm not charging you for this one I would appreciate your feedback; did you find this book helpful? If you had paid for it, would you want your money back? Did you find the formatting easy to follow? Were you able to fuck up your life beyond repair by following the author's suggestions?
User Reviews
Submitted by Astra (user info) at 2008-05-18 10:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus! you were a fucking boring cunt back in these days too.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-04-03 19:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
make it part of the ....For Dummies series, and make some coin
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-04-02 12:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You've written this same post like 47 times.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-04-02 11:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your life was fucked up the minute you were born, fag.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-04-02 09:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great ! Good job
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-04-02 08:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice job!
The life, not the book.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-04-02 07:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Chapter two, three, four and five were superflous.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-04-02 05:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a little :[ but whatever
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-04-02 00:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
EMO?!?!?
EMO?!?!?!
FUCK YOU HABEEB, AND YOUR WHITE SOX TOO!
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-04-02 00:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shut up emo
GO WHITE SOX WOO!!!